After the weekend at Tim's house wrapped up and I went home, it became the only thing I could think about for the rest of the day.
Even at school, I caught myself spacing out and thinking about waking up beside Tim.
Like something out of some cheesy romance novel.
"Agh," I moan, ripping my hands through my hair and startling Tai, who sits beside me absolutely destroying a ham and cheese sandwich.
"What's up with you?" He asks around his mouthful, spraying bits of crumbs all over his lap. A tiny triangle of cheese sticks to the outside of his lip. I wince.
"Nothing," I mumble. Though my eyes betray me and land on Tim, who sits quietly at his group. He has some kind of yogurt in his hands, and Ream casts nervous glances over at him occasionally as he slowly spoons it into his mouth.
Tai grunts, bringing my attention back to him.
"What'd ya do for the weekend?" He jabs me in the ribs playfully, but I push him away with a grossed-out laugh as more crumbs fall from his mouth.
"Dude, have you forgotten how to swallow?" I ask, my voice pitching up slightly. "Or are you trying to feed the earth worms?"
"Both," He grins, crumbs and ham and cheese bits spilling from between his teeth.
"Get away from me, you foul beast!"
"Rawr!"
"Aaah, no! You just spit on me!"
"Plegh!"
"Oh my god, that's disgusting! Stop! You're getting it all over the place!"
"I hate to interrupt," A different voice cuts through our banter, and my head whips around to look at the person standing a few feet away, their hands on their hips. "Because while this looks very appetizing, I have to ask you guys something."
"Oh, uh," Tai suddenly looks a lot more nervous with the new company, swallowing his bite and hastily dusting crumbs off his clothes. "How can we help you, Heather?"
Oh.
Heather Darson.
Tai's long-time crush.
Even before Heather came out as trans, I had always teased Tai about being a little gay for someone that used to be called Walter.
But, when I saw them again in my freshman year of highschool, Walter was no more, suddenly replaced with the out and proud Heather, who always wore bright colors and gave out little chocolates. Suddenly Tai was denying the teasing a lot less.
I'm tempted to mess with Tai and talk about his crush, but (like the good friend I am) I just smile and wave for Heather to sit down.
"What's up?" I ask as she carefully sits down beside me. I can practically feel Tai's disappointment radiating off him, but I ignore it.
"I know you guys are pretty close," She says. "And I'm gonna sound pretty shitty saying this right off the bat..."
"Go ahead," I prompt when she trails off, tugging on a couple strands of her long golden hair.
"Sydney," She looks at me. "You've been hanging out with Tim a lot-"
"Really?" Tai interrupts, then blushes fiercely and claps a hand over his mouth. He sends me a look that says 'we are so not done talking about this', then lifts his hand enough so he can mumble. "Sorry."
"It's okay," She shakes her head kindly, reminding me once again of her saint-like patience that I can only dream of having. "I just wanted to ask him if he could help me talk to him. I dunno, it's just that he's always hanging out with someone and I don't want to interrupt."
"Yet you could interrupt us?" I raise one brow. She laughs.
"You two are different," She shakes her head again. "I don't really feel bad for interrupting a food fight between two weirdos."
I snort. "I suppose that's a good enough reason." Then I take a sip of my water and study her over the rim of my bottle. "And while I probably could help you talk to him..."
I trail off when I start hearing myself. I sound kinda like some possessive boyfriend. And I'm definitely not dating anyone. Especially not Tim.
"Sorry-" I frown and slap myself mentally. "Yeah, I'll help you."
"Thanks," She grins and reaches out to hug me. I freeze, then pat her back awkwardly until she pulls away again. "Just call me over or something and that's all you need to do."
"Yes ma'am," I salute her, and she grins wider.
"See you later," She stands and waves as she begins to trot back to her little group. "Thanks again."
Tai waits until she's out of earshot to grab me and shake my shoulders. I yelp, then laugh when I see how red his face is.
"How- why- it's not-" He splutters. "How come you get a-" He glances over at where Heather sits back down at her group, saying something to them that makes them cheer.
"Take your time," I chuckle and pat his shoulder. "I'll wait."
"She-" He swallows and sits back, releasing me from his viselike grip. He takes a deep breath and pinches the bridge of his nose. "How come you get a hug and I don't?"
"Because I helped her," I say. "And you just sat there with a bit of cheese on your chin."
His face flushes and he quickly reaches up so he can banish the cheese. "Why didn't you tell me?" He hisses.
"Because I was thinking maybe she would think its cute and adopt you."
"Shut up."
"That way I wouldn't have to keep taking care of you."
"You definitely don't take care of me," He scoffs. "If anything, I'm the one that tells you to eat."
"Okay," I hold up a hand. That's something we don't talk about. "I get it. I'm just kidding."
"Yeah."
He doesn't meet my eyes.
---
After school ends, I meet up with Tim so we can hang out for a while like we've been doing for the past few days. We talk for maybe two minutes before I remember my promise to Heather.
"Hold on," I say, planting a hand on his chest to stop him and glancing around for a bright green tee and gold hair. Finally, I spot her, lingering near some huge bushes and looking at her phone. "Hey, Heather!"
She doesn't hear me at first, so I try again. I feel eyes on me, but I try to ignore them as I call her name again.
"Heather!"
This time, she glances up and catches my eye. I jab my thumb at Tim, who stands beside me, looking very confused.
"Why are we calling her?" He whispers, brows furrowing. I snort at the sight of the worried wrinkles that form between them.
"She wants to talk to you," I tell him, pulling my hand away as she approaches.
"Oh."
"Hey, Sydney," She greets, nodding gratefully towards me. Her gaze shifts towards Tim. "Timothy."
"That's me," He smiles politely and takes the offered hand to shake. "What's up?"
She glances at me again, doubt flashing across her features. "It's...uh, something I need to tell you privately."
"Oh," I wince, but quickly replace it with a smile and thumbs up. "Okay. I'll get going, then."
"You don't have to-" Tim starts to say, but Heather cuts him off.
"Private," She emphasizes, giving me an apologetic smile. "Sorry."
"It's fine," I wave her off, taking a step back. Tim looks torn from trying to follow me or stay with Heather, and he meets my eyes.
"I'll call you later?" He asks hopefully.
I nod. "Yeah."
Then I turn and start walking away.
But, for some reason, when I look back and see Heather whispering something into Tim's ear, I feel a twinge of an emotion I haven't felt in a while.
Jealousy.
I grit my teeth and look back away, at my feet.
I have no reason to be jealous, I tell myself. I have no rights over Tim or who he talks to. I don't even have 'yeah I'm his boyfriend so I can be jealous' because we aren't even in a relationship like that.
Still.
The bitter taste in my mouth stays with me even after I get home and go to bed.
I don't check my phone to see if he called.