RECOMMENDED SONG: BAD BY ROYAL DELUXE
*One month later.*
With a heavy feeling in his chest and a tight knot in the center of it, Kuroo looked sadly around the room in the house where so much happened over the past few months. The room where he acknowledged his feelings, the room in which he spent countless nights with Oikawa, the room in which Oikawa became his and he became Oikawa's. The room in the house that had become his home but now seemed cold and dreary without the scent of dark chocolate and peppermint. The sun was creeping shyly through the window, but nothing seemed warm to him anymore without Oikawa by his side. Everything had lost its meaning, Kuroo himself couldn't find a reason to continue. What did everything else matter when the love of his life had left his side?
The last month had been the worst of his life. Bokuto told him about his loss of control, explained him how he had become his father, and Kuroo had only cried for hours upon hearing him. They honored the dead of the battle, but Kuroo hadn't been there because he was beside himself, maddened, and calling out Oikawa's name over and over again. Kuroo didn't remember any of that, hearing Bokuto talk about him was like hearing him talk about a stranger. For Kuroo, many of the days in that last month were just mental blackouts, but despite his lack of memory, the feeling of incompleteness, agonizing pain, hopelessness, and shortness of breath was a difficult feeling to erase. Despair was now part of his bones. His few lucid moments over the past month were dominated by the memory of Oikawa dying in his arms, blood gushing from the alpha's chest as Kuroo watched the light fade in his red eyes. He'd relived that moment a hundred times, but the pain didn't seem to subside. It was as if his heart refused to forget everything that had happened, as if every inch of his skin wanted to relive the fateful moment in order to keep the memory of Oikawa fresh in his brain.
The mark on his shoulder had almost faded. The fangs were but a slight darkened patch of skin, a healed wound unlike his broken soul. When he looked in the mirror, his chest ached: it was as if Oikawa had never bitten him; as if he had never existed. There were no more traces of Oikawa with him except for the depressed state that Kuroo found himself in since his alpha left for the afterlife.
Keep something to help me remember, would admit that I can forget you, Kuroo thought silently. But still... I would still give anything to have something of yours with me, Tooru. I'd give anything to have you with me.
Kuroo wiped away the tear dangling from the edge of his lashes and looked around again. He had collected most of his belongings. There were not many, just clothes, the toothbrush and little else. Everything was tucked into the bag that rested at his feet. He only had to pick up the underwear from the nightstand, so he knelt on the floor and opened the drawer. He took out each garment and put them one by one in the bag, delaying the moment when he would really have to say goodbye. But soon the drawer was empty and he had no more excuses. Then sunlight spilled over the back of the drawer and a flash of white crossed his face.
Kuroo frowned and fumbled in the drawer until his fingers fished for something cold in the depths. He didn't know what it was at first, but when he reached out and opened his hand, his eyes filled with tears.
Oikawa's pendant that he had failed to return.
Both he and Oikawa had had too much on their minds to remember the pendant, so he never had the chance to give it to Oikawa again. Kuroo fixed the broken link long ago, so that the pendant was in perfect condition again... only it was not with its original owner. It was with him now, as if Oikawa had heard his thoughts and sent him a memory just for him.
Kuroo hung the pendant around his neck and immediately kissed the cold metal. Perhaps he expected to find the warmth of Oikawa's lips in it, but all he found was loneliness. The small jewel felt like an extra weight on his heart, like a reminder that Oikawa was gone forever and would not return to his side. And just like that, kneeling as if he had been defeated —and maybe he was—, with the pendant still on his lips and the feeling of emptiness that would never leave him in his chest, Kuroo allowed himself to cry once more.
***
All the wounded had recovered —except for two young betas who ended up dying due to the severity of their injuries— but Bokuto was looking at him as if he were the last werewolf on the face of the earth. Kuroo tried to smile, but was unable to capture little more than a grimace filled with pain.
Bokuto, after leading the battle and having achieved fewer casualties than expected, became the benchmark for the other alphas, betas and omegas, a role model. The moment in which he stopped Kuroo from killing all the hunters proved that his worth wasn't based on the killings, but on pity, something that Kuroo failed to demonstrate. While Kuroo was carried away by pain and a desire for revenge, Bokuto was firm and willing to forgive no matter how difficult it was in such a situation.
Kuroo would have been proud of Bokuto if he were able to feel anything other than desolation in his heart.
"Are you sure of this?" Bokuto asked.
Kuroo nodded wearily. Bokuto looked at him worried, doubtful, but Kuroo was sure of his decision. "I must go, you know that as well as I do."
"Why? Stay with me, you don't have to go," Bokuto pleaded.
"I can't. I have nothing left here."
"Your pack."
"No. I no longer have a pack. Not after becoming a delta. No werewolf in their right mind would let a delta lead a pack."
"You're no longer a delta," Bokuto insisted. "And even if you were, what difference does it make?"
He seemed desperate to convince him, and Kuroo felt like just another handicap. He shook his head again and adjusted the bag over his shoulder. "Maybe I have bright red eyes again, but inside me I'll always be a delta," he said, stroking his shoulder over the sweater. "Even if I wanted to, I can't stay. Also, it's not just because of that. The lycanthropes who don't disown me, fear me. I don't want to be a terror-imposing figure, I never wanted that, and you know it."
"It was a mistake, Oikawa had just..."
Kuroo bit his lip and let a tear fall from his eye. "It's not just because of Tooru. I became who I feared the most, Bokuto. I became my father," Kuroo whispered in a thin voice, fiddling with the pendant between his fingers. "But now I understand everything, and although it's hard to admit, I don't regret having lost my mind. What I most feared wasn't becoming my father and killing someone for love, but losing that love and feeling so empty that the only thing left for me to feel something again was to kill."
"You're not your father."
"Unfortunately," Kuroo added.
"What do you mean?" Bokuto asked confused.
Kuroo looked away and sighed as a new tear fell from his eyes. His fingers caressed the shiny metal of the pendant around his neck as if that gesture could bring Oikawa back. It was obviously an empty hope.
"My father was lucky," he whispered. "My mother died, and he was lucky enough to follow her. He was able to meet her again. But me? I haven't been so lucky. I think it's divine punishment, you know? For playing with the hierarchy of the packs, for being in love with another alpha."
Bokuto looked at him with tear-filled eyes. He gave him a big hug, but not even that comforted Kuroo. Still, he hugged Bokuto back, perhaps looking for a warmth that he would never find again.
"You didn't do anything wrong," Bokuto whispered with a gasping groan. "And neither did Oikawa. Neither of you did anything wrong, you didn't deserve this to happen. It's not fair."
Kuroo sobbed silently, his entire body shaking with each muffled moan on Bokuto's shoulder. The alpha hugged him tighter until Kuroo almost gasped. But he didn't complain or move.
"Despite everything, I don't regret it," Kuroo repeated. Despite the crying, his voice was firm and determined. "It's true that I long for death so I can be with Tooru. I would've liked the tables to be turned, for me to fall and Tooru to live. I would've liked to be a delta all my life, because that would've meant that Tooru would be by my side. But I don't regret it, because I continue to love him and will do so until the day I die. To carry on with my life to honor Tooru's death is a sacrifice that I have... accepted. During this last month."
Kuroo broke away from Bokuto and wiped away his tears. He adjusted the bag over his shoulder and prepared to go. But Bokuto stopped him.
"What are you going to do now?"
"I'm going to find Iwaizumi to complete Tooru's mission now that he can't fulfill it. Don't look at me like that, I'm not going to kill him. It wouldn't do any good, anyway," Kuroo whispered sadly. "But I need to find him and make him understand that it wasn't Tooru who killed his family, I have to explain what actually happened. I owe it to Tooru. He fought all his life to prove to Iwaizumi that he wasn't a murderer, he died to prove to him that he wasn't a murderer."
Bokuto nodded regretfully and swallowed hard, perhaps to hold back the sob that Kuroo knew was about to emerge from his throat.
"If you ever come back here, we'll welcome you with open arms. You already know where you have your home."
"My home is where Tooru is. Don't worry, I'll be fine. Good luck with Akaashi and his pregnancy. You'll be a good father. And a good leader."
Bokuto nodded sadly again and smiled weakly. Kuroo, unable to smile back, patted him on the shoulder and turned to leave. Getting away from there hurt, but staying hurt even more. He wiped away the tears that fell from his eyes, kissed the pendant around his neck once more, and walked into the forest.
"For you, Tooru," he whispered, looking through the trees up at the sky.
***
Suga's greatest wish was to move, but he couldn't. He couldn't because that damned animal, the Beast, left him a quadriplegic and now he was a useless bedridden man until the end of his days. Blind in one eye, paralyzed, full of rage and unable to fulfill his personal purpose of eradicating all lycanthropes, Suga was doomed to live hell on Earth.
The Hunters Guild had practically disappeared. The military squads were wiped out, not much could be done with the remaining squads: scientists, medics... They were useful, but not for a battle. The military force was erased in one fell swoop, though Suga still didn't understand how it happened. Hell, they were so much more numerous than the lycanthropes, how could those damn animals win? Were they really that strong? Had the hunters overestimated their own abilities and possibilities?
"Suga-san," someone called from the door.
Suga turned his head —the only part of his body that was still capable of moving on its own. On the threshold of the door was Kageyama, Iwaizumi's former apprentice. He survived the battle, unlike the other Captains. Most of them fell during the fight, but not him. He was a genius with a gun, of course he was still alive.
"Kageyama. I haven't seen you since the battle."
"I was hurt, I've been recovering," Kageyama said. He walked over to the bed where Suga was lying and sat on a stool. "How do you feel?"
Suga raised his eyebrows and narrowed his eyes. "Paralyzed from the neck down," he spat disdainfully.
Kageyama nodded without showing signs of having detected the irritation in the Commander's voice. "What happened to Akaashi-san?"
Suga growled angrily. Akaashi. That bastard who betrayed him. He was one of the few reasons why Suga really hated being in this state of permanent paralysis: he should have killed him first, he should have killed that fucking omega before that Kiyoko bitch. But Suga didn't know that this was going to be his destiny, he thought that he would be able to kill Akaashi after Kiyoko. He had believed that he would still be able to move on his own. Oh how wrong he was.
Kageyama looked at him with intense curiosity, but Suga didn't deign to reply. He didn't want to remember the omega again because he couldn't carry out his revenge, so he couldn't unleash the fury that was inside him. And, honestly, he didn't feel like spending the rest of his days in bed without being able to release that anger, so it was better not to think about Akaashi. For his own mental stability more than anything.
"What about Iwaizumi-san?" Kageyama asked innocently after a while in silence.
Suga gritted his teeth. He was a genius with a gun, yes, but he was an idiot. He couldn't read the mood or the circumstances or the state of mind. All that went unnoticed through his brain, Kageyama only asked the questions that first crossed his mind as if nothing, without thinking about the consequences.
"What about that asshole?" Suga snorted.
"He left. Where is he?"
"Do you think I know? No, better still: do you think I care? I don't know if he's dead or alive, and I'm not worried about knowing either. He was a coward and a weakling, like all his family."
Kageyama was silent for a few seconds. "Is what the alpha told him true? What Oikawa-san said?"
Suga looked at him with a grimace of disgust. "Don't use the honorific suffix with him, that mangy bug didn't deserve respect," he snapped. Then he smirked. "But yes, what he said is true."
"Did the hunters kill Iwaizumi-san's family?"
"The hunters?" Suga said with a snort followed by a cruel laugh. "I killed his family."
Kageyama gaped at him. "B-but... You were a child..."
"So? I had to clarify things to his parents, they were supporters of lycanthropes," Suga said nonchalantly. "At that time, my hag grandmother thought it would be a good moment for me to start my field training. I was so small, but I wanted so much to be a part of this that she allowed me to carry out the murders. I had been training with guns for a year, it was time to face a human being."
"Wouldn't it have been better to explain why it was wrong to support werewolves?"
"No," Suga said with a cold laugh. "They were doomed to die for going against the Guild. Them, and the dozens of other humans who also decided to support the lycanthropes instead of us. Did they really think they could win?" he laughed wickedly again. "They were fighting my fucking family. They must have feared us more than fucking werewolves."
Kageyama looked at him in horror, maybe scared like never before, and Suga could only laugh dreamily. Ah, he loved seeing that scared expression. He loved to spread fear around him. He felt like the Devil himself: powerful, deadly, and with the upper hand in the game. He was able to handle the rest like a puppeteer in a puppet show.
"W-why?" Kageyama muttered, his voice little more than a strangled breath. "They were human. Why did you do that?"
Suga smirked. "Why...? Because I'm bad."
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Good news: I'll post the epilogue in 5 days only so you don't have to wait that long for the end
Remember Oikawa's pendant is in the cover of this work.
See you on thursday, love you!
NAZ, OVER AND OUT!