~MAY, 2021~
~MANUELA~
After everything what happened between Ben and me, I decided to go out and this time get drunk with a reason.
This is all too much for me and when I thought the truth will help us it just fucked everything up even more. Before he even told me that he probably knows me we were normally talking but now? Now we barely say hey to each other.
I didn't want to go alone because I knew I will get drunk, and I wanted someone to be next to me when I will get emotional later so I called Sophia and she without any problem said that she will here in hour and half.
This time I decided to dress up differently than I usually do. I put on short beige dress and beige heels what was getting perfect with my freshly new hair colour which wasn't blonde anymore but light grey. Since it was second half of May it was nice weather for finally go out without cardigan or coat.
After I got ready, I sat on my couch waiting for Sophia. My mind flew back to Ben once again. Tonight, I really want to get him off my mind, but I don't know how it will go. Next week boys have first match with England national team, but Ben wasn't called up what really surprised me. Also, I have only a week left of my practice at Chelsea and I'm kind of sad but also happy it's going to finish for two weeks after everything what happened. I can't believe that I am graduating for two weeks.
Since it left about half an hour to Sophia to come I put TV on and went to YouTube putting Justin Bieber on. I know Ben likes Justin too, but I can't stop listening to him just because of Ben.
About Chelsea, for a week they have last match until July and that's Champions league finals against Manchester City. I am being enough lucky that I'm going with them and that that's going to be my last day with them. As Chelsea fan this is a dream come true.
•••••••••
"I'm coming" I shouted as I heard knocking on my front doors
"hey" I said and hugged Sophia
"Hey Els" she said smiling at me
"What?" I asked
"You look.... amazing" she said admiring me "you're all ready for flirting tonight" she added smirking what caused me to smile and playfully roll my eyes
"yeah" I said and looked at her
She had almost the same dress as me but her was black and she had black heels.
"Your hair is so cute" she whined running her fingers through my hair
"I really like it" I said
"I'm in love with your hair" she said
"thanks" I said and smiled at her
"Okay, let's go to party" she smiled and pulled me by hand
"Are you getting drunk tonight?" I asked her as we came to her car
"Hm, yes, we are graduating for two weeks hello" she said
"Then we are taking taxi" I said, and she looked at me surprised
"you're planning on getting drunk?" she asked not believing
"I have good reason for it tonight" I said, and she got even more confused
"And that's?" she asked
"I will tell you when I get drunk" I said and stopped the taxi, thanks god he was here now
"Woah, someone really fucked you up" she said as we walked to taxi
"Wait, did Ben done something to you?" she asked
"no" I said and wanted to enter the taxi, but she stopped me
"Manuela" she said, and I looked at her mad
"don't call me that, you know how much I hate it" I literally whispering screamed at her
"I'm sorry, but did he done something to you?" she asked and by her voice I can tell she feels sorry
"He didn't do anything physically to me, but kind of mentally he did" I whispered not looking at her
"Do I need to fight him?" she asked
"You will tell me when I tell you what happened" I said, and we finally got into taxi and drove to the bar when Ben was with his squad in the time as Sophia and me a month ago
"Come on, one more" I laughed and let waitress know to give me one more Goodfellas
"you're so drunk Ela" Sophia laughed a few drinks later
"And I like it" I said loud but music was too loud so no one could hear me
"Tell me why you're doing this" she said pointing to my probably 15th glass of Goodfellas in last an hour
"he's so fucking boring" I said with boring voice "He said he had a crush on me, ON ME" I said pointing to myself
"He said that I was special just because of who I was no matter that I hated myself and he said that I wasn't ugly and fat" I said and laughed at the reminder of that
Everything around me was blurred and everything was spinning but I didn't care.
"He said he would like us to stay friends no matter on the past and, listen carefully" I said pointing to her
"He is the one who ignores me, he is the one who is so fucking distanced from me, and he is the one who talks to me so fucking professional, more professional than he did first day I came there" I said leaning my head on my hand that was on bar
"And you don't want that?" she asked
"of course, I don't, I just wanted to sort everything in my head, but he got it wrong and started ignoring me" I said feeling bad
"Did you tried to talk with him and ask him why he ignores you?" she asked
"no" I said looking at her sadly
"You should have" she said taking my hand in her "You got drunk because of that?" she asked carefully as I just nodded
"That means here" she said pointing to my heart "is something you don't want to admit to yourself nor to someone else or him" she said
"I want to go home" I whispered feeling tears in my eyes
She just nodded and took me by hand taking me out of bar. The next I know I was in my bed crying and sobbing in my pillow.
••••••••
It's 5am and I still didn't asleep, I still didn't stop crying. My whole pillow was soaked in my tears as I couldn't stop sobbing and thinking about that Sophia was right when she said that something must be in my heart but that I still can't admit it to myself nor anyone else.