Ugh. Yet another day this month you've spent alone. Everyday feels the same. You wake up to no one at home, you go your whole day with barely any word from any of the guys and you go to bed having only spent a very silent and exhausted dinner with them.
All December has been that way. The latter half of November too if you're being real about it. It's like the second you got home from the mini vacation and they all got whisked away by interviews and practices.
Each week it's the same, "we promise next week we'll have some time off", but they never do, it's out of their control.
You're trying to be understanding about it. They do have jobs outside of entertaining you. But is it too much to ask to spend a little time with your men?
It certainly doesn't help your mood that for the past few weeks you've been flip flopping over whether or not you should go get a pregnancy test. And not telling a single soul about your suspicion has made it that much more difficult.
Yes, it may have just been motion sickness but it also very well could have been something else. It's still so soon you really don't want to get your hopes, or the guys hopes, up too soon.
But...
Enough is enough. You need to know. Now.
Well, not this very second, you're hungry and have a lot of things to do first, but you really should bite the bullet. The loneliness is starting to get to you, and you'd really like to know if alcohol is on the table to ease some of that stress.
After washing up and putting away your solitary plate from lunch, you throw on your boots and big puffy jacket to brave the cold wilderness of Seoul, to hunt for a pregnancy test.
The December wind proves to be bitter and chilling to the bone. Zipping your jacket even higher you step out of the small alley behind the parking garage, and onto the busy street. Luckily the drug store is not too many shop-fronts down, but you're still out in the biting cold long enough for your eyes to sting with tears.
Pushing into the small store, warm air immediately greets your burning cold ears and nose. Sniffing, you address the old woman shop clerk and pull your scarf a little more snug around your chin.
"Anything I can help you find dear?" She calls from her short stool behind the counter, with a soft smile in her eyes.
"Oh yes ma'am, well- um I'm looking for a pregnancy test, do you carry them?"
"Yes, right this way." She heaves herself up, teetering for a moment before finding proper footing. Waddling dreadfully slowly towards the back of the store she shows you a section with pads and tampons and of course the tests. "Here we are. You know-" she turns towards you slowly, her squinted eyes study your face deeply. "You remind me of me when I was young. I used to be a looker, I tell you!" She nudges you softly with an elbow, and you can't help but chuckle. "I was so nervous when I was pregnant with my first too."
"How did you know its my-"
"Of course I know it's your first, dear, you don't have crows feet yet." She pushes back her own chin length hair, pointing to the corners of her eyes. "See. I have three children, and I have many crows feet because they give me so much to smile about.." She smiles, making them crinkle softly.
"I'm sure they are wonderful children, aunty." You grab a test from the rack, and turn to make for the register hoping to get home soon, so you can test before the guys get home.
"They are pains in my ass most of the time, but I love them anyhow." She laughs and grabs two more tests, shoving them into your hands. "Here, these are free, on me, because I like you. They are never very accurate. I took 4 with my second son, and half were positive and the other half negative."
Gratefully you accept her gift and hurry home.
You really don't need to rush, Jin said they wouldn't be home until 8 tonight, but once you got that box in your hand, it was like an alarm went off in your mind. You want so badly to know for sure, right this second.
Throwing off your coat you set the bag of tests on the table and pour a very large glass of water. Chug it all down. Repeat.
Then you take the bag upstairs to your room, and flop down on your bed waiting for the need to pee to hit you.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEE-
You roll over and smack your alarm clock, awaking, to yet another day alone. Probably the worst day to be alone. Christmas.
Okay, spending a birthday alone sounds kinda bad too, but that's not the point. Point is you're completely alone on christmas. Again.
Although it does work out in your favor a bit. Because even though you'd been alone for the past month and a half, you didn't really get a chance to do anything for them for christmas.
When they are busy like this, the entire house is a disaster zone. You clean in the morning and they come through in the evening and tornado everything around again.
That may sound cynical, or like they have no regard for your hard work cleaning. But truthfully they are very busy and so tired they barely know where their own mouths are when it's time for dinner, let alone the hamper.
And as moody as you've been, you are trying to be understanding. And they are right, soon they will get a break and they'll be home to help more often than not.
Anyhow, you hadn't been able to really go out and get or do anything for Christmas like last year. Part of you was holding out hope you'd already have sonogram pictures to give them as gifts instead. But alas it's still too soon, and now you have nothing to give them, the thought had crossed your mind to give them a positive pregnancy test but..
2 out of 3 of those tests came back negative.
It was disappointing to say the least. But you remember what the woman at the shop said about them not being very reliable. So the very next day you phoned Dr.Hani.
"I'm afraid I'm out of town for the week of Christmas and I'm booked until then, but I'll be able to come see you on the 27th if you are able to wait that long. I can give you the name of my colleague if you want to see someone sooner, she is wonderful."
"No, that's perfect, I don't mind waiting. I'm surprised you're able to get me in so soon. Have a wonderful trip!"
So at the very least you want to wait until you hear from Hani, to officially get your hopes high. For now you are staying away from alcohol and trying to wean yourself down to only one cup of coffee each day.
Coffee has been much harder to give up than the alcohol, that's for certain. The withdrawal has you yawning at 3 and going to bed at 7.
Rolling out of bed you brush your teeth and hair, throw on a thick pair of socks, and wander downstairs.
You pad into the kitchen and beeline for the coffee maker. You plan on having that precious one cup of coffee for as long as you can.
The wonderful hot liquid pours into your mug and you search around for some cereal.
There isn't any in the usual cabinet, so you decide to look in the big pantry opposite the family room.
You find the sugary goodness and walk back out, only to stop dead in your tracks.
The christmas tree you hadn't bothered to put up this year, is shining at the far end of the family room. The ornaments sparkle at you through the dim lighting.
Putting the cereal box on the table obliviously, you step forward, drawn hypnotically by the beautiful tree. Reaching the threshold, you paw around the wall for the light switch, until you can find it and flick it on.
Tinsel, and lights twinkle joyfully on the big tree, surrounded in a ring of boxes and bags. And right in the middle of the tree branches sits a folded piece of paper.
Cautiously you take the paper so as not to disturb the delicate decorations.
~Sweetheart,
We are so sorry we couldn't be home for christmas, or much at all lately, we want to be there with you so badly, and soon we'll have time off, we promise.
We were going to put up the tree with you last night, but you were so sleepy, we thought it was best if you rested. And this way we got to surprise you.
The presents and things are for you, you can open them when you wake up, so you don't have to wait for us to get home.
We love you so so much~7
You smile to yourself, feeling fuzzy warm feelings in your chest.
It was so sweet of them to go through all this work even though they've been so busy.
Surveying the gifts laid out you decide to wait. Yes, they gave you permission to do it alone, but you'd really like to thank them all together as you open them.
Besides, coffee and cereal is calling, now.
The Christmas cake cools as you go to change into nicer clothes to welcome the boys home. Opting for a flouncy white dress, you do some very sweet sparkly peach makeup and sheer white thigh- high stockings.
If you planned this properly, you now have just enough time to make japchae and ice the cake before they get home. It's the least you can do after they went through all the work of getting the tree out of storage and decorating.
Now, all of that is well and good, and would have been exactly what happened, if they hadn't come home early.
You'd just come out of the pantry carrying what feels like a million blocks of glass noodles, when the garage door hums. Setting the packets down by the stove you throw a glance to the nearly boiling pot of water, before going towards the back door.
"Happy christmas baby!" Tae cheers dropping his bag right in the doorway stopping the others in their tracks. He rushes to you, picking you up into a long hug, barely letting your tiptoes reach the floor. You kiss his nose and lips and he lets you down to greet the rest.
"Happy christmas you guys," You call as the others file in, stepping over Tae's bag. "I thought you'd be home later."
"So did we, but we ran really ahead of schedule today for some reason." Jimin hums, pressing a kiss to your cheek.
"It helps that hyung made us leave an hour and a half earlier than normal." Yoongi glares at Jin who smiles sheepishly, with a shrug.
"Hey, I just wanted to make sure we got to spend some time with y/n before it was too late in the evening." Jin wraps his arms around your waist pulling you into his chest. "You've been so sleepy these days, are you feeling okay?"
"Me? Oh yeah I'm fine!" You grin trying to not act suspicious. "Just- just trying to cut back on how much caffeine I'm having... For better sleep."
They all nod with understanding, and proceed down the line of giving you hugs and kisses.
"I would have had dinner ready for you if you'd come home later, but it's almost done." You busy yourself at the stove again, chopping onions and searing off the beef in the neighboring pan.
"Can we help with anything noona?" Jungkook offers, rolling up his sleeves revealing his decorated forearm.
"I still need to ice the cake, would you mind just beating the cream and sugar for the icing?" You grab the things from the fridge, and set them with the written out recipe on the table for him. "If someone would like to cut up the fruit for the cake, it's in the fridge too."
"I'd be happy to jagiya." Jimin chimes grabbing a knife from the drawer.
"I can help ice the cake," Yoongi offers, resting his chin on your shoulder, holding your waist gently, watching you stir in the green onions and mushrooms. "I've done that stuff a few times."
It's so nice to have the kitchen buzzing with life again. It feels like it's been so long, since the eight of you cooked dinner together.
"Icing is ready!"
"Mm good, finally putting those muscles to good use, huh." Taehyung pokes a finger into the icing bowl, stealing a bit of the sweet frosting, before Jungkook can move it out of the way.
"Good timing noodles are ready too!" Ferrying the big pan full of japchae over to the table you set it down and peek into the frosting as well. "Wow you did that so quickly, I'm impressed. Just set off to the side for now, we can frost it later."
"What can I say, I'm good at creaming."
"Gross. What do you want to drink, kitten? We picked up some beers and also some nice wine on our way home." Namjoon calls over his shoulder pulling down the nice glasses from the high shelf.
"I'll just have water I think. But thank you." You brush it off casually, and thankfully they don't question it either.
"Let's open presents now Angel!" Hoseok pulls at your arm as you try to was the pan from dinner.
You start to protest but Joon weasels in, and grabs the sponge from your hand.
"Go on. I'll finish this." You peck his cheek, dry your hands, and follow Hoseok into the living room.
Gradually Jin, Jimin, Taehyung, Yoongi and Jungkook join you. Eagerly they wait to give you their gift.
"Here angel, I actually was able to get you something this year." Hobi slides a small light blue bag into your hands.
You recognize the tags right away. It seems they've made it their mission to spoil you yet again.
Reluctantly you reach in between the delicate tissue paper, and pull out a matching baby blue box. You already know whatever it is is ridiculously expensive and if you ever found out the real price you'd definitely have a heart attack.
Holding your breath you lift the top off the box...
Of course they have all gone above and beyond reasonable expectations with their gifts. You would have been more than happy with those second grade crafts with a foam snowman, with a cut out picture of their face on the head.
But they'd never hear that.
"You know what I'm going to say to you all right?" You look around at them from the pilies of tissue paper scattered around you.
"Yes but don't." Jungkook pecks your cheek.
"Yeah, you're worth it princess. The sooner you accept that, the easier future christmases and birthdays will be."
"No really, you guys. Please don't feel like you need to go all out like this. I really appreciate it and love all of these things. But maybe we should set a price limit next year. Otherwise this is going to get really out of hand."
"I suppose you're right." Joon hums. "There's only so many times we can escalate this before we put ourselves out of business, huh?"
"That's a good point hyung."
"Especially when we have kids to think about in the future too." Yoongi muses reading through the instruction on the back of one of the boxes.
"And even though money is no object for you guys, I still only have so much to spend." You whine, trying not to sound like you're asking for a handout. "I feel bad not being able to get you all the luxury things like you do for me."
They nod understanding again.
You aren't completely broke, especially after doing design work for Hybe, but the seven of them are infinitely more well off than you are still.
"Speaking of gifts for you guys." You really should have come up with a back up plan, if the negative tests are in fact, correct. "I really wanted your gifts to be here in time, but.. They haven't arrived yet. I ordered them too late to be here before the new year."
You're almost ashamed of how good you've become at lying to them, but at least it's for a good reason... this time.
"Oh that's okay jagiya, I'm sure we'll love whatever it is no matter when it gets here." Jimin sits on the arm of the couch smoothing a hand down the back of your hair.
"I know you will." You smile to yourself, fighting the urge to get too attached to the hopeful thought.
"How about cake?!" Jungkook jumps up ready to eat again so soon. "That is a gift enough for me!"
"Oh that's right, I completely forgot about the cake."
Thankful for Jungkook's change of topic, you hop though the dense underbrush of bags and boxes, towards the kitchen.
Yoongi helps you ice the cake and put the fruit all over to make it look pretty and colorful.
The men sit around the table waiting oh so patiently as you fill up your water again.
It really is so nice to see their smiles instead of bags under their eyes. Certainly they are still there, but it's not the first thing you notice tonight.
They talk excitedly, and laugh wholeheartedly. It's refreshing to be around them like this, instead of silently scarfing down their food before they pass out.
You watch your... For lack of better words... Husbands, for a while, enjoy the way they glow in the golden light from the family room. It would be very cinematic if it was in slow motion.
A cool trickle runs over your hand snapping you back into reality. Quickly you shut off the spigot and sip enough water off the top of your glass, so you can walk back over to your seat.
"The first piece for our beautiful chef." Hobi puts a piece of cake onto a plate that is passed to you.
"Big piece for me please!"
"How about we cut normal pieces for everyone and you can have the half that's left, Kook." Tae jabs at him again, earning a big laugh from the group.
"Hey! It's bulking season, don't at, me!"
Damn it's nice to hear them arguing again.
___________________________________________
Thank you so much to everyone who has gotten this far. It's with a heavy heart I must announce the inevitable.
Stylist Noona will be coming to an end in a few months.
With that being said if anyone has requests or proposals for other books you'd like me to write let me know!
I purple you all,
Avis