THE GREGOR
This story is essentially about Ned, who gets stood up and whisks me away from two very nice girls, Addie and Nisha. But this story also has so much more to do with what to do with me. Now that they have me, what will become of me? That's only up to Ned.
The funny thing is, Ned hoped I could tell him what to do next. No one's ever asked me where I wanted to go ever before. I started like any lawn gnome on a lawn, soaking up the sun, until a little boy who wanted to annoy his brother scooped me up and changed me forever.
Somehow, I ended up here on my way to a house party.
It's here that I learned decisions are scary. They can stop time from moving, stop you from aging, and yet, the planet will continue to spin. You can just be standing there while others started running as fast as they can. Where does that leave us?
Scary.
Glad I'm a lawn gnome.
#
NED
Everyone parked their cars tight along the neighborhood street and in Chad's driveway. Indie had to park by the neighborhood pool and Ned, with his friends, walked uphill to get to the house. The night air was cool, nipping at Ned's cheeks and he shoved his hands into his pockets. He knocked against something hard. Something he forgot he even hid there.
His chest tightened at Sam. It was a gift he'd been waiting to give Sam all Hanukah, but he knew that wasn't how it worked and Sam would've never agreed to a Christmas present... maybe Ned could wait for Sam's birthday in July, but Ned really wanted him to have it.
"You good?" Sam asked after Ned had probably been staring at him like a crazy person for way too long.
"Um, I'm good," Ned lied past his blush.
Music blared from Chad's house, making the house shiver and shake. Christmas Lights might have decked out the house, but the only "Christmas" thing about this party were the guys and girls walking around like sexy Santas and Mrs. Claus's with a few ugly sweaters sprinkled about. Some dude was even grabbing Frosty the Snowman and bobbing it up and down like he was getting a snow job.
"Was this everything you wanted a house party to be?" Sam asked, knowingly.
"Um, kind of..." Ned just said because he didn't know how to feel. This was the thing he'd been missing in high school, that one experience that always eluded him, but it felt yuckier than expected, like he was fish that just walked into a lion party.
"Sorry about this," Ned told Sam as they squeezed past the car to avoid the people having too much fun in the yard. "I know you hate this kind of thing."
Sam shrugged, but he glared at the house like it just asked for his lunch money. "Sometimes you have to live your life like 'these things happen and might as well happen to me' and move on, like when you get shit on by a bird. Oh, remember when you had braces in middle school and you ate a huge wad of caramel candy and then you glued your mouth. It feels a lot like that."
Ned attempted not to laugh because of how serious he sounded. Their fearless, Indie took the first step towards the house, escorting Lena by her arm. No knock. Didn't ring the door bell. Indie just walked right through the front door and unleashed the noise being contained by the house.
"That reminds me," Ned said, staying close to Sam while keeping his arms firmly around The Gregor. This little gnome wasn't getting away from him until Ned was good and ready. "How did your date go?"
"What?" Sam raised his voice. The music wasn't just loud. It was a full force of nature, tunneling into Ned's earlobes and drilling deep inside his brain.
"I asked: how did your date go? You had one too, right?"
This was a loaded question with only one answer that wouldn't completely devastate Ned.
"Oh, uh it was just dumb and I shouldn't have agreed to it."
"Okay, um sorry."
"Don't be sorry," Sam turned like Ned just pinched him. He begged. "Let's just not talk about it and find one of the footballers."
Ned furrowed his brow. That didn't sound right, but he wanted to fight with Sam even less. He stayed close, putting a hand on Sam's back to keep up with him through the crowd. A group of people were singing karaoke on the TV, a drunken rendition of Baby It's Cold Outside while the kitchen was stacked with people stuffing their faces. All the doors and archways were lined with twinkling holly, shining down on them as they searched the house. Eventually, they discovered the basement where some guys were playing billiards. One of those players being Chad Baldwin.
"Yo! Hayes, my guy!" Chad raised his arms in cheer. "Seeing each other two times in one day? We gotta stop meeting like this."
"Hey, Chad," Sam said with a lackluster wave.
"Heard you and your friends got kicked out. Bet Mag Pie went wild."
"You know Maggie. I think she's gonna sue everyone. Even me."
Chad had a hearty laugh and then took a huge drink of his red solo cup. "Hey, you guys want a beer or something?"
"Uh, no thanks."
"No thank you," Ned said, which echoed the rest of the group.
Chad's eyes narrowed in on Ned, confusing him for a second. Ned glanced behind his shoulder just to make sure Chad was looking at him like a football. Chad motioned at him with the solo cup. "Hey, are you Flowers's little bro?"
"Uh, yeah. I'm Ned. Ned Flowers. We're actually in biology together."
The realization hit this guy like a thunderbolt. "No shit! I thought you looked familiar. My boy, Duncan-Dunkin-Donuts, copies off you during tests. Flowers, right? Okay. You related to John Flowers? How's he doing?"
"John's good. He's actually coming home tonight from college."
"That's sick, dude. So, what's up? No drinks. No Maggie. And sorry about the date, Hayes. Thomas is all prickly on the top, but he's like so soft on the inside. Like a porcupine after a rabies shot."
"Thomas?" Ned tilted his head towards Sam. That name sounded vaguely familiar. "Who-?"
"Ned has something to give you," Sam said quickly, grabbing Ned's arm and forcing him forward onto center stage. And like that, dozens of eyes were pinned on Ned and his throat went dry.
"Uh, I have The Gregor," Ned announced and the moment he revealed the gnome, the room collectively lost their mind. Thousands of brains exploded at once and Chad got so hyped, he basically splashed his beer up into the air. Another guy shoved Sam out of the way to get closer to Ned.
"Holy shit, man! How d'you do that?" Duncan-Dunkin-Donuts himself appeared, snatching The Gregor right out of Ned's hand and then making a pass to Chad, tossing The Gregor like he was a football. Ned's team gasped and Ned just didn't breathe at all.
"I gotta get the story on this, Flowers!" Chad said, his eyes sparkling as he examined the Gregor. He was tossing it around his hands, making Ned dizzy. The Gregor would get thrown in the air and Ned would hold out his hands to catch him just in case.
A few guys from Ned's school descended, crashing into the group like a flash flood. Panicked, Ned reached back and grabbed Sam, who grabbed Lena, and she grabbed Indie. The force knocked them back to the edge of the crowd while Chad raised one hand and the Gregor in the other to garner attention.
"Alright, alright, everybody!" Chad climbed onto the billiards table, raising his hands. "Make room. Make room. Let the man of the hour through." He motioned towards Ned and he was hit by a burning spotlight, bright enough to burn his eyes. The guys parted, letting him and his friends through.
"Ned Flowers here has brought us a Christmas Present: The Gregor!" A roar of cheers exploded and so many of the footballers reached over to pat Ned's shoulders and backs while some raised their hands for a high-five or some just ruffled his hair.
"This man is a Bulldog through and through!"
Chad was the first domino in a series of the entire room barking like dogs. Chad beat his chest, shouting, "Woof! Woof! Woof!" Even the people who didn't know what was going on echoed the sentiment. Ned had never seen anything like it.
Ned slowly turned to Lena, who widened her eyes. Indie had their hands over their ears with their eyes closed, like their brains were going to spill out if he let up. Sam squeezed Ned's hand. He held up his fist, telling Ned to stay strong.
"This is really great. We got the whole team here. The vibes are right. Dare I say..." He held for effect. "It might be a Christmas Miracle." This created another cheer full of barking and hooting. "Alright, alright. How about we do this right? Take the Gregor in the back with the bonfire and smash this little dude right in the fire."
The crowd went nuts again, but Ned was dead quiet. Like an enchantment, Chad's declaration had transformed Ned into a creature of ice and steel. All his limbs went numb, like the guilt vacuum sucked his life away. "I didn't..." Ned forced the words out, "Chad didn't really say that. He didn't say that." Ned was already in the grieving process despite The Gregor staring at him, pleading at him for help.
"He definitely did!" Sam shouted over all the barking.
Ned ran to the front of the billiard table with his shaky jelly legs. He had to use the top to stay standing. "You can't be serious, Chad. You can't destroy The Gregor. He's a legend. He's probably the only magical thing in the world."
"That's why we have to!" Chad held out his hands in a mock Jesus pose. "This gnome is the reason the Chipmunks beating our asses every single year. I don't want to spend the rest of my high school career second best. You get out of life only what you expect out of it, Flowers and I'm done accepting the mediocre."
He smiled like an Abercrombie & Fitch model on the cover of the summer fun catalogue. In another world, Ned might've gotten swept away by it. In this one, he had the charm of the grim reaper. Without a second thought, Ned popped the bottom of The Gregor and he jumped into the air. For the first ever, because maybe Hell froze over, Ned actually caught something without fumbling. He whipped around the table, shouting at his friends, "RUN! GO! GO!"
Ned's spider legs carried him farther than anyone thought possible as he dashed back up the stairs. Ned ran through door after door, the lights rushing past him. Heart pounding in his ears, Ned never felt this much adrenaline outside of a fight with his parents before. Roller Coaster seemed like a breeze at this point.
"GET THAT NERD!" Chad roared, and Ned whined, pushing himself to run a little faster.
Ned never projectile vomited while running before, but this seemed to be a night of firsts.
He had run himself in a circle, unsure where to go in this crowd of strangers in a stranger's house. A bunch of seniors blocked the front door, passing around a joint. Without looking, he rounded the corner back into the living room and nearly bulldozed Lena over.
"Ned!" Lena shouted. "What are you doing?!" Sam and Indie were nowhere to be seen. He grabbed her hand and kept running, skittering to a stop when he spotted the football guys at the other end of the hall. Yanking Lena's hand, he scurried up the stairs with nowhere else to go but up. He suddenly understood the plight of the final girls in horror movies. Every decision was made in a panic.
"Why did you do that?!" Lena yelled. "I thought this was the plan! Transfer the power of the Gregor to our sports team."
"Lena, they can't destroy The Gregor! He's too special! He means too much to people in this town."
"And you."
"Hey, uncool man!" Chad shouted from the stairs. "You can't just take back a gift like that! Get back here!"
Ned turned back to Lena. He nodded. "Yeah. He means a lot to me too. Please help me."
Sighing, Lena gave a quick glance down the hall just as the footballers appeared at the top of the stairs. Taking a deep breath, Lena snatched The Gregor and busted through the next bedroom door. Ned didn't know what she was doing, but he put either hand on the door and when the footballers came to slam into him, he withstood their pressure with all his might. Lena didn't waste her borrowed time, running across the room to open the window.
She crawled through and Ned gasped. "Lena—whoa!" All the guys toppled on top of Ned, squashing him like a pancake.
"Lena! What are you doing?" He hurried to crawl out as Lena edged farther and farther out onto the roof.
"Do you really care about this? Like really?" She asked, the fear potent in her voice.
"Yes!"
"Well, okay!"
Just as Ned reached the window, Lena jumped. He gasped and threw his body over the molding to catch Lena crashing into the pool down below. The splash received a 10 out 10 from the crowd who cheered like crazy: the regular way and some barking. Lena resurfaced, breathing hard and struggling to get to the edge. Indie and Sam were there to help her out, and they started running all together.
Grinning, Ned jumped over the pile of jocks and flew down the stairs. He made it down the sidewalk to Lena, begging Barbie Caplan for a ride by the mailbox.
Barbie shrugged, tapping away on her phone. "I only have enough room for three."
"Take them," Indie said. "I have a ride."
"Great, but we need to go now," Ned insisted, pushing the others into the back of the bubblegum pink van. Moaning, delirious, and no longer happy drunks already took the front four seats up. One especially drunk and sweaty girl was having a conversation with herself about wanting to be a dentist and that she didn't want to make toys anymore.
"I'll see you at home!" Indie called after Lena. "That was super cool, by the way!"
"Thanks!" Lena said. "I'm so cold I'm gonna die! See you at home!"
"Hold on," Indie said for whatever reason and reached into the van. When they popped back up, Indie motioned them to move along. "Okay, go!"
Not questioning anything, Ned slammed the door and Barbie sped off. Buckling quickly, Ned dropped his full weight into the backseat and tried desperately to catch his breath. Lena tossed him The Gregor, and he hugged the little gnome. His body fizzled like the top of a glass of soda, the rest of his adrenaline wearing off.
He patted The Gregor dry with his sleeve and whispered, "Sorry. Sorry. Never again."
#
THE GREGOR
This story is essentially about Ned and all the trouble he gets into before Christmas Eve.
But this story is also about the night I nearly died. Fear quivered inside my pudgy porcelain body for the first time in my consciousness. All the things I still wanted to do and see were slipping from my hands. Would I ever see Paris? Would I die with sunglasses super-glued to my face? What would they tell my family?
Then, the angelica Lena Martin courageously flew into the sky and carried me to safety.
I will always be in that girl's debt.
May she spend the rest of her life a little luckier than most.
As for Ned, if he doesn't figure out what to do with me soon, I will curse him to endure constant failure... more so than usual. And I'll make it my mission, so he never gets to tell Sam Hayes how he feels. Mark my words, Ned Flowers.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
Hello friends! Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. What did you think about Chad's choice to destroy The Gregor? Would you do the same? And then, Lena came in clutch with the save! Please, let me know what you thought about the chapter.
And if you like what you're reading, don't forget to add this story to your library to keep up with updates~
Are you caught up with the story? Check out my other two books (that are completed)! They're queer, lots of fun, and full of romance.