Chapter Forty - Three,
Night came quickly and so does the time passing, as the natural black hugs the stars as a mother to her newborn you didn't even notice where you were nor where you'll head next. You were just walking, your mind bringing everything you had to do in order to find information about your parents, how hard it was to even know Kim Taewook's name and the city he lived in. You throw everything you had in London and came here, spent two years training to get into the Korean police but........... For what?
This brain of yours started to hurt the same your heart has been for the past two days, it wasn't the time to have both your organs break at the same time. The brain can heal heartache and vice versa, but what happens when both need healing, who is responsible?
You needed to know, you needed to find the answer right now or you'll lose yourself. And.......... For someone in your condition, losing yourself can lead to very bad things.
What should I do? You asked your subconscious for the millionth time but she isn't there, you can't hear her.
IF YOU AREN'T HERE, WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO? You shouted inside your mind, your whole body shaking and eyes threatening to drop their salty water.
Y-you.......... You h-have been ..........with m-me all the time, so.........p-please, please don't leave me a-alone this time............
.. J-jus this time.
You begged.
But she didn't answer.
"I w-will go crazy.........." You mumbled under your breath, too scared to keep walking you stopped in the middle of the street and looked down, the fear affecting your mental abilities making you think only of the worst that can happen.
What scares you the most is what you might become after all this. Your trust in people went down to zero, your first love broke your heart before even you could figure out your feelings, and lastly................ You lost all clues and information that you were holding on to for years.
What should I do now?
Where should I go?
S-should I call someone?
B-but who?
"J-Jin?" You asked yourself, you never thought of using someone else to help you but.......... You can't depend on anything else.
But Jin is with his girlfriend........... And I am only........someone he knows.
Yeah......... Why would he care?
"Then....... w-who?" You bite on your lips, feeling your heart shattered at the thoughts. There was no one you can call.
No one that prioritizes you, all your life you were either a co-worker or the girl they know but never............ never the person who somebody prioritizes.
M-maybe I shouldn't have stayed away?
I did.
I tried.
And that only traumatized you for life, the second time you tried again you.............. ended up with a broken heart.
You didn't know how you took your phone and when you already clicked on Jin's number only when you could hear his voice from the other side of the phone.
"Y/N? Hello?"
"Why I c-can't hear her?" You asked, voice cracking and shaking.
"Y/N? What are you saying?"
"Tell me Jin......W-why I can't hear her anymore? How am I supposed to know w-what to do?" You bite your lips and asked him again, you knew he couldn't answer but you still asked.
"What happened? Where are you? Tell me Y/N?" He asked you, voice worried.
"I CAN'T HEAR HER JIN!" You shouted. "Even ........ Even she l-left...... Everyone did !" Not able to carry on talking you throw the phone away not carry if it breaks.
"So............... I should just............" Die?
"Noona........."
Suddenly you felt a small hand holding on your sleeve, you turned and looked down at the little boy who looked around six. Before you can talk to him you looked around for his parents, a small child like him won't be walking around alone. right?
"Noona.......... here, a present!" You watched as he gave you the wildest small he probably who have while his little hands offering you some kinda paper.
Confused, you only could accept to see what it is. The little boy immediately run away when you took the paper into your hand, he didn't even give you a chance to call for him. With your eyes you watched him enter the restaurant across the street.
You kept waiting to see if he will come back but he didn't, so you slowly looked down at the paper.
'Magic Pass to Lotte World Amusement Park.'
"An amusement park ticket?" You blinked while reading what's written on the ticket. You looked at the restaurant he went into again then to the ticket in your hand. Why would he.............?
"Ah, I must look awful for a kid to give me his ticket." You sighed.
Magic Pass available from 9 AM to 11:30 PM
You read again, the date of this ticket is for today and it's 10:15 PM which means it will be useless in an hour and a half if you didn't use it.
You bite your lips and look around to the people walking right and left, different expressions on their faces with different stories inside their hearts.
Maybe I am not alone.
The little piece of paper on your hand made you want to cry, maybe it was a sign?
You looked up to the dark sky and took a deep breath. Stupid Y/N.......... You have been in worst situations.
So what?
What if someone broke your heart?
What if you are hopeless?
What if you have no purpose?
Aren't you breathing?
With this, you turned and stopped the first taxi you saw.
"We're sorry Miss, only the Ferris Wheel is still working! I believe we have technical problem!" The young man bowed and apologized when you asked to go to the horror house, you wanted to get scared for real maybe you'll be able to cry but he said it was almost time to close. "Would you like me to take you to the Ferris Wheel?"
"Yeah, whatever!" You sighed and followed the man.
There were only a few couples waiting in the line, it was late so everyone probably went home.
You were the last that enter the cabin, just when it was about to close. A very familiar man jumped in making you immediately stand up, "What the..........." But the cabin moved and started to go up almost making you lose balance.
"Sit down, Y/N ...... you don't want to fall!" Jungkook, the man who broke your heart calmly said as he sat making himself comfortable in the opposite seat of yours. Your heart skips a beat. His voice, you never thought you'd hear it again. you saw him yesterday but ........I missed it.
You swallowed, a vain attempt to stifle the waves of emotion erupting inside your chest "What are you doing here?" You glared at him pretending all strong, you were holding onto the pole and looking down at him. Your heart racing at the sight of him, why is he here? to make fun of me?
"Sit down! Y/N!" he clears his throat and his deep voice fills the cabin. And it takes all of your willpower to stop your knees from buckling. You turn away again to keep him from seeing your expression. "Unless you open the cabin and jump, you have nowhere to run..... So, sit down!" he added.
"No, thank you," You said without looking at him. Calm down Y/N, the second the cabin turns back to the ground you can leave.
"Come on, " Jungkook tried again. But you totally ignored him, Okay Okay ignore him, we're already at the top........... It suddenly stopped. "It won't be moving anytime soon. We'll be here for a while. Might as well rest."
Your eyes widened and you looked down, left and right. It totally stopped at the top and by the look of his face............ He knew it will. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You didn't give me a choice. You won't listen to me otherwise!" He shortly said, sitting there with his legs crossed.
"That's not normal, Jungkook you can't do that!" Angry you glared at him, you don't know what he wants to say but you made it clear that you don't want to see him. You were already dealing hard with everything that happened and now this?
"I actually can!"
You take a deep breath. Being angry on a side and............. You knew you won't be able to trust yourself if you're near him on the other side. For the first time in your life, you were showing the total opposite of what you really feel, and........ you don't want him to see that his presence affects you.
You sighed and turned around and slowly settled yourself back on the seat without looking at him.
You sat in silence for a few moments, but you could feel his gaze at you. You continue to stare at the glass wall of the cabin to the night view of Seoul.
"You don't look well!"
Maybe because you and your friend decided to ruin my life. is what you wanted to say. "I'm okay" is what comes out of your mouth.
He nodded.
You stayed silent, the whirlwind of emotions still wreaking havoc inside you. You didn't know how to react. Normally you'll get really angry and make a scene, even call the police but you just sit focusing your gaze on the lights of the city.
"You left early yesterday!"
You nod as an answer. You don't want to talk to him. You want to go home and sulk inside your room all night until you figure your next move. Alone again.
This day couldn't get any worse.
"Detective!"
You stiffen. Even though you didn't know him for that long you knew he address you by 'Detective' whenever he wants to get your attention.
He sighed. "Please, look at me."
You stared at the lights harder, steeling yourself, bracing your heart.
Not again. Not ever.
Suddenly you felt his hand on your shoulder. "Y/N—"
"No," You said firmly, shrugging off his hand. you turned to look at him, and as soon as you did, you realized that it's a mistake.
His eyes meet mine, and I find myself drowning in them
Everything that happened between the two of you hit you like a tsunami, which only holds questions now. The feeling of contentment that you have felt during those moments is questionable now. Were they true or just another lie?
After everything that he said yesterday, and everything you figured out, you thought you'll just forget and consider meeting him another mistake.
But as now that you are gazing into his eyes, You knew that you were wrong. Because ..................You still have the same feeling.
"Why?" The word gets out of your mouth before you can stop yourself. Jungkook holds your gaze, and you knew that he can read all of the questions there. Questions that you wanted to ask him even though you said you don't want to see him again.
Why did you lie to me?
Why you kept on lying?
Why did you use me?
And more and more............
"I'm sorry, Y/N," he said. "I really am."
You knew you shouldn't listen. You should ignore him and refuse to look at his face.
Looking at him, hearing his voice, and feeling his presence will only lead to setting yourself up for another heartbreak.
When he leaves later.............. it will be harder to move on.
It's not fair.
But................. Will it be easier if you hear your answers? Maybe, if you get to hear his reasons, you'll finally be able to start the process of moving on.
Maybe I'll finally let him go.
"Answer me, please," You demanded, your voice cracking on the last word. "Tell me why."
He looked at you, shame and guilt etched on his face. "Do you really want to know? will you hear everything?" he asked softly.
I nodded. "Yes."
He took a deep breath. Then he said the words that you were expecting he would say. Still, it doesn't make it any less painful.
"I needed you to gain the business I wanted." He sighed, "I needed to win, there was no other way I can make a decision if I didn't use you!"
You exhale the air that you didn't realize you were holding. Then you nodded, slowly. Tears are on the brink of your eyes, threatening to fall. But you refused to cry in front of him.
"The day you came to the fire station wasn't the first day I saw you!" He added, eyes down, he couldn't see the look on your face. It hurts. "I heard about you from Taehyung before and I saw you from afar once when I came to were you work ............... " He paused to take a breath. "Coincidentally I figured you couldn't tell I was lying........" He continued
"You knew even before we meet?"
He opened his mouth to speak. Closes it again. Then he nodded, once. "Yes."
A sob breaks out of your chest. Figuring it all out was one thing, but hearing him admit it, it's a different kind of pain.
You wanted to get angry. You wanted to shout at him, punch his face, but you can't. All you feel is pain. Maybe because the feelings you had for him were stronger than you thought.
Because the dark, bottomless pit of pain that you can't seem to get out of is making you drown, and he's the one who put you in this state. Knowing all along.
"Okay" You took a deep breath, willing yourself to stop crying.
"I never wanted it!" He spoke again, looking down! "I never wanted that company, I just wanted to be a firefighter with the boys.......... I wanted a simple life but............ I was the only living relative my grandfather has, the only heir." he paused, "I tried everything to get out of it, I tried to run away and ignore everything but........ He was still my mother's father, the only thing she left to me."
You finally could look up at him, what is he saying? What does this have to do with our conversation?
"I grow up with my father's parents, with Jimin not knowing anything about the other half of my family......... I went to a public school and ate and played like any other kid even though I was the heir of a rich family!" He added, a painful smile on his face. "It was hard sometimes I will admit, I couldn't buy stuff I wanted, eat food I craved, or visit places I only saw on TV but.............. It was fun!" he smiled, "I was living a not very comfortable life yet extremely calm, but............. We can't run away forever."
While speaking, Jungkook was remembering everything he did with his friends. "But when I grow up I couldn't ignore everything anymore ............... I was forced to get engaged with Yoongi's fiance.......... Yoongi was like an older brother to me, If I had Jimin back home........... Yoongi was me all the way when I had to be with my grandfather, in his house or the company, so............. When our families announced my engagement to Nari, I didn't only lose my freedom but my brother also."
"W-was he the man in the picture?" You asked, you didn't want to talk but you started to get curious. Yes, maybe if you know more.......... it won't hurt that bad.
He nodded! Smiled and started talking again, "Yes, he came to the firefighter academy many times and became good friend with the other.................... yet they don't know anything, I didn't want them to know."
"I see!" You sighed and looked toward the glass wall again.
"I had a chance Y/N!" He added, "My grandfather agreed on canceling the engagement and making me work for him if I could find the best investors for his new project, I don't have that much of experience to successfully do that............. I thought it was impossible until.........."
"Until you heard about me!"
"Yes!" he shortly said, waiting for a few seconds before speaking again, "When I heard from Taehyung about you I thought you'll be the help I wanted.................. I was going to just ask you for a favor but then ............. things happened and I couldn't!"
"Was it because of Taehyung?"
Jungkook looked up into your eyes, you watched as he nodded. "He has a story yet to tell you!" He said.
You felt him move from his seat only to kneel in front of you, "I am not asking you to forgive me, nor I am giving you excuses ............. I lied to you and kept on lying even after I realized my feeling toward you, I was wrong and I am ready to carry this pain forever but .............. I love you, this I won't regret nor give up on and........... Even if you tell me to leave, even if you said you don't want to see me and even if you run away.............. I will be with you-"
"Stop"
"I will be with you Y/N-"
"Stop I said-"
"I will never leave you alone." he looked into your glassy eyes, "Call me a stalker, psychopath whatever you want but........................ You will never be alone again, Y/N.......... Never!." He watched as you bite your lips, and was trying so hard not to cry again. He slowly held your hands.
"Because........ I will be always with you, always for you!"
To Be Continued ............