Tessa's POV:
I scoff at Nora's idea of arranging my birthday party for me, a non-interested look plastered across my face but then I smile at her efforts to lighten me up.
Her hands glides down from my shoulders to her sides and she tells, "It will be fun." She smiles back at me and I nod at her words, I've nothing to say really.
The word fun is not the same I used to think of when I was with him. Even if he'd do nothing, I'd just stared at him and I got genuinely fun in that. Watching his green eyeballs moving side to side, his long lashes blinking-moving up and down, always a frown on his face, his long fingers pushing his lower lip together in concentration, his gripping on his pen would be very firm and few curly hair strands would hang down from head and he pushed them when they get into his vision. These all are nothing you call it fun but his every movements was fun to me. It was fun to stare at him and do nothing but to admire.
I shake my head and my subconscious brought me back to reality. What the hell are you doing Theresa fucking Young? Why are you thinking about him! My subconscious yells at me.
I don't know why I'm thinking about him.
Maybe you want him that's why you're always dreaming about that fucker!
No! I don't want him at all.
You were also dreaming about having him beside you on your bed in this morning.
I don't have control on my stupid dreams. That was all totally unintentionally.
Like hell it was. You've to stop now, don't think anything sweet moments you've had with him, only think the bad ones and you'll move away from him. That's what you want, right?
Yeah, that's what I want.
Then do it!
I will. I have to.
"You okay?" Nora's voice startle me and I blink rapidly to get out from the conversation with my subconscious.
"Of course. J-just tensed up." I says and she shakes her head, buying my excuse. I just zoned out and that's weird of me.
We both turn our heads to the hallway when we hear a woman's voice.
"Where's the birthday girl?" The familiar voice yells. It's Kelsey, our friend from the restaurant and she's also the roommate of Robert. Which means...
"There she is!" Robert comes to my view with a small bouquet and a bottle of champagne in had. I haven't seen him after my mother's wedding, I wanted to talk with him about something but he left after eating the cake saying he can't sleep at my house with people filled in, cause that makes him paranoid so it was for the best he would just go home and talk to me later, so I agreed and since then I haven't spoke a single word with him.
"Hey!" Kelsey runs in my direction, stopping in front of me she hugs me, tight. "Happy Birthday!" She swings our body side to side before pulling herself out. "I bought wine for us, I'm broke so it's cheap but I love this one, I've had been drinking this before." She tells and we all laugh at her humor.
"Well I brought champagne, because I know you love to them," Robert butts in and tell to me. "And it's not cheap like hers bottle." He looks down at Kelsey, who elbow him at his side, gently.
"Fuck off rich boy. Some of the cheap stuff are better than the expensive ones. Don't you agree Tessa?" Kelsey asks me raising her brow.
"Actually yeah. Street foods are better than seven-star restuarant dishes." I tell her or Robert or both of them with a shrug.
"Absolutely!" She snarls at him who rolls his eyes very uninterested way.
"Whatever. By the way, Happy Birthday, Tessa." Robert gives me a side hug.
"Thanks." I tell both of them.
"Oh, the cake is ready and it look delicious," Kelsey squeals looking behind me the naked cake on the counter. "So why are we waiting, let's murder the cake!" She shouts.
"Hell yeah!" Nora shouts too. "You all go into the living room, I'll bring it there." She instructs to us and go over to the counter side.
We all move our way to the living room. I didn't even take a look at myself, I'd probably look like hell. So I rake my fingers through my hair and adjust my tank top a bit before I run my finger tips under my eyes, there was my cardigan on the arms of the couch so picking it up I put it on. Landon moves the teapoy in the middle so I could stand behind it.
"Where is it? We're dying over here!" Kelsey calls for Nora loudly in this small apartment. "Tessa will turn a year older if Nora won't come fast and we all will celebrate her twenty-one birthday instead of twenty."
Landon and I both bursts into laugh because I'm not twenty but it's written otherwise on the cake, all goes to Nora and her idea to hide my age and my dear friend, Kelsey, have no idea about that.
"Tessa is twenty-one not twenty, dumbo," Robert tells Kelsey.
"Then why is it written twenty on the cake?" She furrows her thin brows.
"Maybe it's a mistake." He shrugs.
"No, it was intentionally. Its just for fun." I tell both of them between my soft laughter.
"Oh." They both says in unison.
I stop laughing when I see Nora with the cake on hands but also have atleast fifteen small colourful lighten candles on the top. "Here it is guys." She says and comes farther into the living room.
I bend my knees and stand on them closer to the teapoy. She gently places the cake in front of me and put the knife aside on the table.
"Let's sings." She tells and all of them start singing the childish song, the classic birthday song.
"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you." Everybody growls and howls in unison, filling the small living-room with their vocals.
"Happy Birthday to you," the deep accent voice in my mind says, fading all the other voices, that particular voice gets at the focus on my hearing.
I look down at the lignite candles, my face is so close that the flames to the candles are making me glow yellow and the skin to my cheeks are heating up. The flames are flickering as I exhale from my nose and the air hits on the flames making them dance altogether.
"Happy Birthday dear, Tessa."
"Happy Birthday dear my baby."
If I go any more closer to the flames, they will burn my face and I think I should do it. I should bring my face closer to them and let the hot flame burn me out so I've to just only feel the physical pain rather than the inside-emotionally-heartaching pain and stop that particular voice once in for all and replace it with the skin sizzling on fire sounds.
What it would feel of a burning and sizzling skin? Does it going to hurt? Does it would hurt more so I couldn't feel the inside pain? Will I feel normal after that? Will the voice disappear from my head if I do?
I didn't realize when everyone stop singing, only when Kelsey's voice break through my stance. "Tessa!" Her voice brings me back in to the reality from my foolish thought of burning my face. "Why are you holding the knife like that?" She asks.
What?
I look up at her first, her eyes are on my hand, holding the knife so I look down at my hand to see what she's saying.
The way I'm holding the knife would make anyone sacred of me. My right hand is gripping up the black handle of the knife pretty hard and the blade is facing downward, like I was going to stab someone on the table in front of me. The sharp tip of the knife is dig inside the wooden table, making the cheap wood chipped around the sharp edge of the knife.
What am I doing?
The moment I realised what I'm doing I loosen my grip and hold the knife facing the front, like a normal person who cuts their cake not like a serial killer who kill peoples.
"Jeez, I told you to murder the cake and you took that quite seriously, Tessa." Kelsey mutters. "Your hold is a hold of a murderer, in this case, a cake-murderer." She adds with a lightly chuckle. Her tone is shaky like she's scared of me but hiding it with a chuckle.
I shake my head and fake a chuckle with her, so she feel comfortable not scared of me, "Yeah, let's kill the cake."
"Y-yeah." She nods and smiles. A genuine smile?
"First, blow it." Robert says
Blow it? Should I take that as an innuendo here?
"The candles and make a wish." He adds with a smile or a small smirk across his face, I don't know what's that. My mind isn't working properly to guess any sort of emotions people are to giving me.
I close my eyes and think the only wish I want in my life more than anything, at least for now. It's childish to think this custom of blowing candles will do make the wish true but I did it anyway.
Make that deep voice vanish.
I make the wish and blow out the candles. In only first attempt all the lit candles doused, all the flames vanished, just like the same that voice inside my head is starting to vanish and I feel good. Few memories are still there, just the way the grey smokes are still coming out from the candles, but they'll vanish too with the passage of time, both the smokes and the memories of him.
Everybody claps and my over enthusiastic friend, Kelsey, howls.
I cut the cake, not stab, in a small slice, I grab it with my fingers and lifting myself up from my knees to my feets, I gave the first bite to Landon and he gave me too, then Nora, Kelsey and at last Robert.
The sound of unscrewing the crock from the bottle of wine fills the room and people are waiting to get some and to loosen up a bit. But Kelsey having a very hard time to unscrew the bottle, the cork is stuck on the neck and it's just keep rotating in the same place when she's moving the corkscrew in circle.
"Oh God. She doesn't even know how to unscrew the bottle." Robert complains.
"I thought you didn't want my cheap wine, rich boy. Go drink your champagne." Kelsey growls at him.
"That champagne is for Tessa." He looks at me then continue, "And I didn't say I don't want your wine, I'm waiting now but the cheap cork in stuck and wasting our time. That's what you get from a cheap bottle." He complains again and crosses his arms against his chest with wine glass on his right hand.
"Shut the fuck up," she barks at him and her grip on the corkscrew gets strong, pulling the handle hard, the next thing I knew it the pop sound from the bottle, signalling the the cork is out and the bottle is open.
"About time," Robert mummers under his breathe and but Kelsey ignored it. She pours the wine first into Nora's glass, then to Landon, then about to pour it into Robert's glass but she brings hers instead and he glares at her, though later on she finally pours him too with an aggressive eye roll.
Why are they fighting like two children? A few week ago they were perfectly good friends and had very friendly attitude with each other and now they're biting their asses and acting like they're going to rip their heads off from their body.
"Where is your glass?" She asks me.
"I don't wanna drink," I tell her, shaking my head. It's better if I don't drink, I couldn't handle the alcohol when I over drink it. And now that there is no one here to take care of my drunk butt, I shouldn't be drinking.
"It's your twenty-first birthday! You can now legally drink, girl! You gotta drink, at least have a sip." She insists with pursing her bottom lips out. "For me." She adds.
"Okay." I give in and take the empty glass which is laying on the two person table. I lift it up and hold out for her to pour the wine. "Just a little." I tell her.
"Sure," nodding and chuckling, she fills my glass but not just a little as I told her, she filled the glass with the red wine upto the brim and if she would pour a single drop the wine would spill from the glass to the floor. "Just a little." She smirks and puts down the bottle on the table before grabbing her glass.
Lifting up the full glass to my mouth I take a two large sip and glup down the red liquid. Not like the white wine I've had tasted, red wine is bitter, less sweet and has a puckering taste. I'd prefer white wine which is sweeter that red but this isn't bad, I prefer sweet and fruity taste rather than this bitter. After finishing half of the glass I get used to the bitterness of this wine and I develope quite the likeness towards this.
"Guys!" Kelsey calls out for us. "Let's play something." She says.
"Like what? Sudoku." Robert taunts her, rolling his eyes.
"No, you ass. Let's play a game." She pauses to think some sort of game we could play in this small apartment in her mind. "How about truth or dare?" She suggests.
Are you fucking kidding!
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