"This can't be happening"
"What should I do now?"
"How will Seungmin react to this?"
"How can this happen?"
"I don't want it"
You said to yourself as you covered your face with your palms.
2 weeks past by, you still haven't told Seungmin about it. You were still in your thought on how to tell him and how you are not ready nor want it.
Your apartment door opened to see your 2 years boyfriend coming in. He brought the food that you been craving last night. You quickly went to him and took the food from his grip toward the dining table.
"Someone impatient" he chuckle and followed you from behind.
"Thanks for buying me this" you smile before gave him a peck on the cheek.
"So why suddenly craving such food. You don't usually eat this much. What have gotten into you?" He ask.
"Nothing, just been hungry for the past few days" you reply.
"Hmm..yeah sure" he stare at you but you avoid his eyes and continue eating.
You ate it all by yourself and that a,de Seungmin become more suspicious with you.
"Babe, are you sure that you're alright?" He ask while caressing your hand.
"Why should you ask such question?" You nervously press both your lips together.
"Because I bought a portion of 2 people to eat and you ate it all. Look at it!! It's spotless" he point at food container.
"I was hungry" you said.
"I don't believe you" he said, squatting his eyes at you.
"It as if 2 people was eating" he jokingly said but soon the atmosphere become quite.
You can see the look on his face it as if he's thinking whether it's true or not. He was just about to ask you a question when suddenly you have the urge to puke. You ran to the sink and let it all out. Seungmin quickly come to you and pull your hair back while patting your back gently. After you done your business on the sink, you suddenly cry.
"Y/n" he call your name out of worry.
"I don't know what to do" you said crying while hugging him.
After Seungmin help you calm down by humming you some songs, you unwrap your arm from his waist and hug your knee together.
"Please, tell what is going on with you?" Seungmin ask softly.
"I...I'm scared you will get mad at me or even worse leave me" you began to tear up again.
" I won't get mad nor leave you, y/n" he reassure you.
"I love you" he said that calm you a bit.
"I'm...I'm pregnant. It's been 3 weeks now" you confess what have been roaming in your mind.
Seungmin stayed quiet and the atmosphere grew quieter making you regret for telling him about it.
"Seungmin?" You softly called his name.
"I'm going to be a dad?" He said with a happy tone.
"Seungmin" you stare at him with sad eyes.
"We're going to be parent!!" He smile widely at the idea alone.
"I don't want to keep it" you close your eyes after telling him that, scared to see what his reaction will be.
"What? Why?" He said with a sad tone.
"Because, I don't want it" you look away.
"Y/n, it's our baby?" He said, trying to make you think about it again.
"I'm not ready" you said.
"I will help you. We can do this. We can be a good parent for our baby" he said positive things but you weren't near to agree with him.
"I just can't do it, Seungmin. I don't want to be a mom. I'm not ready. I don't want to be a parent. I never want a baby at the first place!!" You said that made him grew sadder.
"So you will abort them?" He ask with pain in his voice.
"If I have to" you said that made him furious.
"HOW CAN YOU BE SO CRUEL?!" He raise his voice angrily.
"Because I DON'T WANT IT!! Can't you understand?" Your throw your hands in the air.
"The baby is a living being who deserve to live. How can you do such a thing, y/n" he frown sadly with a mixture of anger.
"You wouldn't understand" you mumble.
"Then explain to me why? Make me understand the reason why?" He shake you.
You push him off you and stood up.
"You just wouldn't! Okay!" You said.
"You should go. I want to be alone" you said while back facing him.
"You should really think carefully about it, y/n" he said with sadness before leaving there.
After few days, neither you or Seungmin contact eachother. You stayed at home and asked for a few days off from work. You didn't want to eat, sleep or even communicate with people at the moment. Your thought is filled with stuff that you couldn't even find answers for.
Now you are sitting down on your couch, staring blankly at the wall. You still haven't make the decision whether to abort the baby or not. Times to times, you will stare at your tummy that is 4 weeks due. A tears fall down on your cheek.
"I'm so sorry. I'm not suitable to be a mother. I just can't. I'm scared that I will hurt you" you said to your baby inside your tummy.
"You won't" a voice echoed the living room.
"Seungmin?" You raise your head toward him.
"I'm sorry for leaving like that. Please forgive me" he said after coming sit down beside you.
You broke down into tears and hug him tightly. You were afraid that he would never come back to you and blame yourself for making him feel disappointed of your choices. After you calm down, you push yourself from his embrace.
"What are you doing here?" You ask, looking down.
"To see you and checking up on our baby" he sad with a bit of guilt.
"I thought you left me" you whisper.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that to you. I should have stayed by your side but instead I caught into my own feeling and walk away like a coward. I should have stayed" he said as tears start to form in his eyes.
"I'm glad your here now" you said and wrap your arms around his neck.
You both stayed in each other embrace for few minutes before you unwrap your arms off him.
"Y/n, I know this may sound like I'm pushing you to open up but please tell me what is the reason why you think you won't be a good mother?" Seungmin carefully ask you while caressing your left cheek.
"My mother left me few days after my father died. She couldn't take it anymore and left me at the side the road. All alone" you said.
"The last words she told me that day was that I'm the reason why my father died and that I'm a curse child that only bring misfortune." You told him.
"But then I saw her again few years ago. She was doing good now. She have a better life with her new husband and also a child of their own. I once greet her but she only gave me a dirty look. She even throw salt at me for me to be gone from her sight. Her last word to me was 'be gone demon'" you said before tears start to stream down your cheeks again.
Seungmin didn't said anything and pull you into his embrace while stroking your back.
"I'm sorry you have to experience such thing" he whisper and tighten his hug around you.
"I'm scared that I will ended up just like her. I'm scared that our baby could experience such horrible things too. I'm scared that I will be a horrible mother to them. I'm scared that I will just bring misfortune to you and our baby" you said in between your cries.
"You won't. So please don't blame yourself anymore. You're different from her. Let's both learn from the past and do better in the future. I will always stay by your side, y/n. I will never leave you by your own. I will take good care of you and our baby until I grow old together with you." He said gently to you.
"Do you really mean that?" You ask.
"I do. I can't promise such thing but I will try my hard to make it happen" he said.
"So please stop blaming yourself. Let slowly change ourselves to be good parent" he said and rest his forehead on yours.
"Thank you, Seungmin" you said, as a smile creep on your face.
"I'm glad your exist in my world" you said to him and also towards your baby.
"Me too" he said after planting a kiss on your forehead and to your tummy.