author's notes:
this is the other fic i finished for the #diyueloveplaylist project, the link for which you can find on my profile page. (please check it out if you havent already! mine is the one titled "say you do" but im sure y'all know that already 😘)
as per the project guidelines, the fic has to be related or inspired by a song and the song i have chosen for this fic is " to you" by seventeen. it's my favourite song from their latest release "attacca" (if youve read "say you do" you have probably noticed that the song for that fic is also from this release. what can i say, it's a great mini album, pls do check it out when you have a chance!)
anyway, enough of me rambling. happy reading! hope you like this one!
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'' my steps are still far away
only the rough wind lingers near me
so i always need you
for me, who is out of breath, you're the only one"
.
.
.
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" we're here."
the voice of his manager, hao ge, stirred dylan awake. slowly he opened one eyes and squinted out the window.
voice still hoarse from sleep he softly exclaimed, "oh. wow. i thought we'd never get here."
hao ge snorted, "you're the one who wanted to drive here. it would be healing, you say. we'd take turns driving, you say. it'd be such a scenic drive we wouldnt even feel the hours pass, you say. well, guess who was asleep for the last 6 hours and let me fend for myself on the wheel?"
dylan whipped his head towards Hao ge in surprise, "i was asleep for that long? It sure didnt feel like it...", he trailed off as he moved his neck around, producing cracking sounds as he did. but at the look on his manager's face he quickly added, "sorry i feel asleep, ge. and the drive did take longer than i had thought but wasn't it fun and healing?"
hao ge spat out a few curse words of choice in response and dylan guffawed at the rare experience. normally his manager is such a gentle teddy bear. for him to be in such a state, the guy must be VERY tired. dylan made a mental note to send a substantial new year's gift to make it up to him.
still laughing, dylan opened the car door and placed one foot down on the gravel. he then leaned half his torso out and tilted his head up towards the sky. he took a big inhale. the late afternoon sun felt good on his face. and the crisp cool air of late autumn/ pre-winter season feels refreshing. he nooded to himself. coming here was a good idea.
.
.
.
frankly, dylan never expected to find himself back here, in arxan. but when he finally got some time off and hao ge asked if he had anywhere he wanted to go, this place suddenly popped in his mind. and before he could think it over, he found himself blurting the word out. unsurprisingly, it was met with a perplexed look from his manager.
"ARXAN? you want to go to arxan? of all places? but why...", the surprised look was quickly replaced with a skeptical look. Hao ge narrowed his eyes, "Didi, are you-"
"-no, i am not, whatever it is. and yes, arxan. we can go right? there is currently no restrictions in place?"
"well, i'd have to check to be sure but no, i dont think there is. but di-''
''great! it's decided then. pack your bags, ge. we're going to arxan!''
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so here they were. and as he stared into a sea of silver birch trees whose yellow leaves had started to fall, he wasn't sure what exactly he had hoped to find here. yes, this place held a special place in his heart because of some of the great memories he made here when shooting that tv show. but life had changed so much since then. he was barely in touch with the people he shared those experiences with: tao jie, wuyi ge, kido ... and ... , ''shen yue'', he found himself whispering her name.
''did you say something?'' hao ge's voice once again snapped him back to reality and he angled his body to the back of the car where his manager was unloading their luggages and staring at him with raised eyebrows, ''are you gonna help me with these or what?''
dylan got off the car with a smirk, ''ge, you cant even handle two suitcases now? getting too old? do i need to find a new manager?''
reaching into the trunk of the van, his manager just shook his head and rolled his eyes. throwing a duffel bag dylan's way, he said ''shut up, punk. stop daydreaming and get moving.''
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dylan threw himself on the bed as soon as the hotel staffs left and closed the door behind them. he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
''damn. even the smell is the same'' , he said out loud.
''thats probably because they used the same fabric softener and the same air freshener, dummy,'' his manager retorted from the bed next to his.
dylan opened his eyes and gave the evil eye to hao ge, who simply stared back at him and shrugged. ''WHAT? i know why we're here, dylan. and i dont think i like it.''
dylan shook his head and sat up. patting his pockets he stood up and walked to the door. ''you don't know what you're talking about. i'm gonna take a walk.''
''dont go too far. it's gonna be dark soon.''
dylan simply waved his hands and stepped out. right before the door closed he could hear hao ge asking him what they should go for dinner.
leaning his forearms on the rails of the terrace, dylan chuckled a humorless laugh and pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket. hao ge knew why they're there? that's funny. dylan, himself, didn't even know why.
he lit a cigarette and took a puff. ever since they, well HE, decided to come here for his break, he kept finding himself thinking back on those days when they shot the inn. those were truly the days. his first drama had just finished airing to a somewhat global success and he was shoved headfirst into the crazy world of showbiz and its own sets of ridiculous rules.
ironically, the variety slash reality show provided a brief respite from his own dizzying reality; there they were in the middle of nowhere just meeting new people, having deep conversations and laughing their hearts out with these great new friends. granted, they were doing it all in front of cameras but it truly never felt like work. he would never admit it of course, but no other projects had ever managed to bring the out same level of enjoyment and realness from him since.
dylan suspected it had a lot to do with the fact that she was there with him. the girl whose bright smile was so contagious he could never help but grin along with her whenever she was around. and her big clear eyes that always seem to pull him in with all the untold stories hidden behind them. the person who undertood what it was like to be confused by this new world of fame because she, too, was experiencing it not so long ago. the girl who was one of his favourite people ever, his buddy, shen yue.
he took a drag of his cigarette and exhaled a cloud of smoke. that was almost four years ago. crazy how time flies. corona threw the world into chaos and life became a blur. it felt like he was thrown into a whirlwind and he could barely hold on. during those moments when the storm felt like it was calming down for a while, he was too busy coming up for air and catching his breath. to stay sane, he directed all his energy on work and when he wasnt working, he spent all his time with family.
he took another drag and pushed his forearms off the railings. straightening his back, he thought about why he never stayed in touch with shen yue.
incident after incident kept happening that forced dylan to change his phone numbers and devices multiple times. and at one point, all his social media accounts got hacked and he sort of just gave up having some semblance of control over his personal and social life from there on. he let management staff takes care of all communications, limited his social media for work purposes only and opted to keep a simple phone which he could use to video call his family and a few very close friends. and for a while, he was content. but now he pondered if he had only been coping instead.
he exhaled the cigarette smoke into rings and watched as they disappear into the air. the sun was going down and the sky was turning slightly orange and purple. it was gonna be a gorgeous sunset.
.
.
.
dylan wondered how the past couple of years had been for her. from what little news that reached his ears, she seemed to be doing great. and why wouldnt she be? shen yue was one of the strongest, kindest and most principled people he knew. good karma would follow wherever she goes, he had always believed that.
''does she still have the same number? should i try to contact her? oh but she wont know it's me, right?'' , he mused aloud.
flicking the ash off his cigarette, dylan started walking down the steps towards the pathway that led to the woods which separated the living quarters from the main house where, back on the show, the cast members and guests would all gather to do activities from cooking to playing games to singing and watching tv together. or sometimes they would just sit and talk with a glass of wine or two.
as he walked through the woods he vaguely heard sounds of people laughing and screaming excitedly. he smiled. thank goodness there seemed to still be guests staying here. the main house was so quiet when they were checking in earlier, he felt kind of bad for the owners and staff. how they must have struggled during the height of the pandemic.
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he arrived at the foot of the steps to the main house and contemplated if he should go in and hang out for a bit. from out here, there really seemed like noone was in there. but he wanted to take a closer look of the polaroid photos they hung on the back wall of the reception area, so he walked up the steps only to find the doors locked.
''hmmm that's odd.''
hao ge did mention that the hotel was not actually open and they only decided to let him stay because of his privilege as one of the cast members who helped brought all the publicity by doing the show here, but dylan thought he was joking.
he frowned as he turned around and walked down the steps. maybe coming here was not such a good idea after all. maybe hao ge was right. maybe he was chasing something from the past that had been long gone. should they leave tomorrow?
''no, ge would kill me,'' he shook his head.
as his feet carried him down he familiar pathway towards the deer enclosure, he heard laughter once again. his eyebrows knitted together as he tilted his head towards the source of the sound. if the rezen earth house arxan was closed for public, then those voices ... ?
the day was getting darker and dylan felt the hair on his back starting to stand. the place must have been empty for months on end, could those voices be ...
no, it couldnt be. he shook his head and zipped up his puffy vest all the way to his chin. then he lowered his beanie to cover his ears. he's just cold that's all. nothing to it.
but he did wonder, who those voices belong to then. he started walking towards the source of the sounds and oddly, the voices start getting louder and louder way faster than his speed of walking. he froze. as much as he would not admit it, but the thought of these sounds coming not from humans was still niggling at the back of his mind.
a moment later, he could hear the sounds of footsteps along with the chatter of conversation and laughter. whatever they were, they're getting very close. he closed his eyes and braced his arms in front of his chest, preparing for a possible first supernatural encounter of his life. but at the sound of a really loud laugh, dylan snapped his eyes open.
''THAT laugh''
''didi?''
he blinked. ''she- shen yue?''
the girl he had been thinking about so much this past few weeks was standing in front of him, grinning with a surprised expression on her face. xiao wen, her best friend, was standing behind her with an incredulous smile on her face. dylan blinked one more time and find himself grinning despite his initial shock. he couldn't help himself. he didnt think he had ever seen shen yue's eyes that big before. her face was almost comical.
why was she here? did the universe finally have had enough with his pathetic pining and gave him another chance to make things right with her?
''oh my gosh! wang hedi! what are you doing here!'' , shen yue smacked his arm excitedly.
''right back at you, lao shen! how did you know i was here? were you stalking me? if you miss me that much, you could just call you know'', he teased.
her eyes narrowed in that mock annoyance, he missed seeing very much, ''excuse me. i was here first so YOU must be the one stalking me, mister wang!''
he was about to retort back with another tease when he heard her soft voice, ''and besides, i did call. and you had your number changed. and your wechat account...'', she trailed off with a wistful look.
in an instant all the regret of never telling her his new contact info came crushing down on his whole being and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop he string of curse words from slipping out. he hung his head, ''ah crap. i'm SO SORRY, yueyue. things were so hectic and my phone got hacked and i was just--''
''HAHAHAHAHAH gotcha!''
he looked up to see her laughing like a maniac. her eyes, no, scratch that, HER WHOLE FACE was lighting up in mischiveous glee and the relief that rushed through him was instantaneous. it was only out of habit that he blurted out ,''why you--''
''that's what you get for disappearing on me and not texting when you said you would, wang hedi!'' she victoriously exclaimed.
''wait, i promised to text?''
''yeah, during our last conversation you said you would. but i figured you didnt mean it--''
''no, yue. i probably forgot momentarily because so much happened. but i meant it when i said it. you know i wouldve eventually. it's just--''
''i know. things got crazy for you. i heard about the stolen phone and hacked accounts. and i figured you needed time to calm down. so i just waited."
dylan was dumbstruck by the understanding he heard in her voice. he did not know what to say. ''shen yue, i ...''
''and see, now we're here. bumping into each other by accident. the universe knows!'' she was beaming at him
he was still too stunned to speak, ''yeah, i guess.''
and he was saved from having to think of something to say by the ring of her phone. he watched her answer it swiftly, ''yeah, i'm still here.... yes, with xiao wen.... no, im not eaten by wolves. yangjin jie, come on. it's not even that dark yet. and there are no wolves here! only deers and deers are herbivores, you know. yes yes, i will get to the car quickly. no, we wont miss our flight. promise!''
she turned to dylan, ''i have to go now. it was so great to meet you here! please dont submerge into oblivion for another two years before showing up again, okay.''
then, with a smile, she grabbed his hand, made a fist of it and bump her fist against his. ''see ya, wang hedi!''
and then she ran off with her friend following behind her to the direction of the car park and dylan was left dumbstruck and breathless like he was just caught in the swirling wind of a mini tornado. as soon as his brain caught up with reality, he whipped his head around and caught a glimpse of her yellow jacket running down the slopey steps.
''SHEN YUE, WAIT!'' he shouted and started running towards the car park himself.
but it was too late, he saw her got into an suv and the car took off right away.
he stood still for a long moment, staring at the spot where he saw her and her yellow jacket running down the slope. as he turned to walk back towards his sleeping quarters, he muttered out loud, ''that really happened, right? she was really here, right? i wasnt dreaming or hallucinating, right? i actually bumped into shen yue, just now?''
suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks. ''FUCK ME. i forgot to ask for her number!''
''whose number?''
dylan jumped and yelped ''in the name of JESUS CHRIST i compel you!''
he turned to see hao ge laughing his ass off and shoved the older guy in annoyance.
''GE! DONT YOU EVER DO THAT TO ME EVER AGAIN!''
''do what? ask a question?''
dylan gave hao ge a pointed look and started walking again.
"but seriously di, whose number were you talking about? did you meet someone here?''
but dylan kept on walking and ignoring him, so he continued, ''okay fine. dont tell me. but where are you going? we need to go to town and get dinner! the car is this way! yo, didi!''
''i'm not hungry. just get me some take away i can eat later. im gonna lay down and get some rest.''
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when didi woke up from his nap, the world was completely dark. he turned on the bedside lamp and checked what time it was. almost 2am. he raised his eyebrows in surprise. apparently, the unexpected encounter drained more out of him than he thought.
he sat up, pushed the blanket off him and got out of bed. looking around for his down jacket he spotted a few takeout containers laid out on the table by the window. he debated between eating or getting a smoke first, but as he looked at the darkened room, he realized he would have to eat outside anyway if he didnt want to wake hao ge up.
keeping the noise level as low as possible, he put on his jacket, stacked the food containers in his arms and tiptoed out the door.
the cold night air was sobering and he found himself shivering a little. quickly, he walked towards the steps and put down all the stuff he carried. then he sat on the lower steps, threw the hoodie of his jacket over his head and leaned on the railings as he pulled out his lighter and lit up his second cigarette of the day.
as he exhaled, he tilted his head up to the sky and saw it was a full moon today.
hmmm that explained why the night was so bright.
still staring at the beautiful moon, he took another inhale of the cigarette and reflected on the events of the day. it wasnt lost on him that he was staring at the moon while thinking about someone whose name also meant moon. the universe has one hell of a sense of humor, eh.
truth be told, he hadnt been able to stop thinking about what this all meant. he even tossed and turned in bed earlier this evening trying to decipher every word that was spoken, before his brain decided to shut down instead.
she knew about some of the going ons of his life, so did that mean she kept tabs on him? and she said, the universe knew? knew about what?! why did she wait? what was she waiting for? and why of all places, he picked to come here? he usually would choose to go home? was the universe trying to get him here so he could meet her?
in the middle of this incessant overthinking, his phone ping-ed. it was a message from caesar:
'' yo, man. what? you're in arxan? what the fa are you doing there, bro? and holy shirtballs, you actually bumped into yueyue? damn, i cant believe she still goes there every year. and i cant believe you went there, and didn't tell me. what the hell, wang hedi!''
dylan's eyebrow rose as he read the message. he quickly typed a response, ''wait what? she comes here every year? what for?''
''yeah. she goes in autumn every year. not sure why, tho. something about keeping the memories alive. you know she's always the sentimental type, bro.''
so she also treasured the days they spent together here. but why did she never tried to get his contacts? ah right, she was the sentimental type so she was waiting. for a sign? was this the sign?
before dylan could finish contemplating, another message arrived.
''here, her private wechat account. i'm sure she wouldnt mind me giving it to you. but you know di, it was a bit of a jerk move that you never gave her your new contacts. i wouldnt be surprised if she denied your friend's request. i hope she does!''
his eyes widened at receiving shen yue's contact info without him even having to ask. he was so grateful that he didnt even notice the dig and simply typed a short ''thanks, man!''
then he slowly entered the wechat id on the search bar and tapped on the profile that came up. he stared at the tiny profile pic and recognized it as one of her doodle drawings. this seemed like the right account. that punk caesar wouldnt play a prank on him, right?
heart pounding in his ears, he clicked on the friend request icon. then he held his breath. nothing happened. he scoffed at his own foolishness and picked up his cigarette from where he left it next to his shoe. it was burned almost all the way to the end so he stubbed it and turned his attention to dinner.
what exactly did you think was gonna happen eh? her approving it in three seconds? she is sleeping, you idiot. it's three freaking a.m.! she'll approve it when she wakes up.
he was too busy berating himself and opening the containers of food that he didnt see his phone screen lit up and two wechat notifications appeared. one was for a friend request approval. another was for a message.
''new wechat. who dis?"
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''to you
the story i want to tell
to you, to you
i want to say it even more
oh, within the swirling wind ...''
(19 november 2021)
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author's notes:
this was actually the very first fic idea that showed up in my head for the project but i decided against it as it felt like too much work trying to remember what the earth house in arxan look like. so i switched to another idea, and then another. all of which didnt work. and as the project deadline drew near i found myself fiddling with this one and googling arxan earth house. lo and behold, the hotel still exists and there were pictures!
i hope the pics help those of you who didnt watch the inn visualize the story better (but who am i kidding right? of course we all have seen the inn! we wouldnt have come to this point if we hadnt? 😅)
but anyway, i finished writing the fic but it never felt quite right for the project. the lack of diyue interaction, for one. and so i finished "say you do" and this one became a leftover fic.
funnily enough, this fic also ended being rather different to how i had envisioned it in my head originally. it was actually inspired by this line from the song "lie to me" by 5sos: " it's three a.m. and the moonlight's testing me" ... i had always thought that line as very diyue especially from dylan's pov and have wanted to write a fic based on it for so long. and even tho the fic took a slightly different direction, this song lyric still inpired that last scene where dylan was smoking and looking at the moon before caesar's message interrupted his state of contemplation (or issit overthinking? is it the same thing?)
i have to say im quite pleased with how this story turned and how i managed to tie in the song i chose to the fic. the korean title for the song actually translates to "whirlwind" which i took as a sign 🤭 and the title of the fic is actually imspired by one line in the song too: " right when i think i have arrived, it's just the start again".
and if you follow me on twitter, you might have seen that i had two other possible titles for this fic but i settled on this one because Asian_fangirl7 said, "mg2018 was their start, and they met again in the inn2 and now (in the fic) they met again and it feels poignant to think that it's their starting point again." ... and so this is the title i chose. the gorgeous cover on top was done by the ever so talented lunarilee which is a BIG reason why i decided to post this story. the cover is too gorgeous to waste!
okay, i have rambled on long enough. i hope you like this fic and as always, thank you for reading. may you all stay safe and healthy. be well, and love, always.