10 — halt
"Please stop crying... At least stop with the sobs... You're an ugly cryer."
♡︎
Everyone says that there is that moment where you know you have messed up. When your throat constricts and you constantly feel sick and every time you think about the next time you will see the person you fucked over you feel a sense of doom. Unable to move. Total shock. You hope you're overreacting. Overwhelmed, even.
It's all you think about - it's all Marlene is thinking about. Staring at her ceiling for this past hour, thinking about nothing but Adam. She stopped crying a while ago. She's exhausted. Still in her dress, still in her heels, her makeup smudged and her hair a bit messy.
She managed to slink in without waking her mother. The worst part is - to her at least - is that she really wants to talk to Charlie. Maybe he could fix what she's done.
She knows it's a bad idea. Yet she walks down the sidewalk on her way to the Minnesota Club after finding out that Charlie isn't with Casey. She most definitely knows this could end horribly.
Charlie will be pissed. So will everyone else. It's risky, and probably really dumb. But if there's anybody who knows Adam better than she does, it's Charlie. He and Adam may bicker, but they really get each other.
Charlie can keep his mouth shut real well - plus there's just some things that Adam won't tell Marlene, but he'll tell Charlie. Not to forget the fact that Elizabeth and Kiara knew that Adam liked Marlene, so that means that Charlie definitely knows, and so do the rest of the Ducks, probably.
That's the thing that makes this situation so upsetting. Everyone knew how Adam felt about Marlene, except for Marlene.
Granted, Marlene didn't even know her feelings until Kiara brought it up, and even then she was still unsure. She feels stupid, and she keeps thinking about what Adam must be thinking and how he probably feels. Because however much she is crushed, Adam is probably worse. She saw that anger in eyes, that changed to defeat and sadness rather quickly.
Walking so fast that the night air chills her nose, Marlene's mind is hating the idea of speaking to Charlie yet her legs keep walking. She feels sick - hell, she might be. Don't rollercoasters get you sick after eating? Well, Marlene has been on a hell of an emotional rollercoaster, so she could very well be.
Maybe saying she is actually sick is exaggerating - though she does feel like she could puke.
The lampposts are spread out, so she walks into darkness and steps into light again. The cold nights of Autumn are really getting to her. She regrets not getting a coat before she left the apartment so quickly. She counts her steps until she reaches the bright strip of restaurants.
Just in time.
She sees Charlie exit the Minnesota Club, obviously fuming. Russ tries to lighten him up with a pat on the back as he says, "We'll get 'em back, dude."
Charlie just grumbles and waves him off as they walk separate directions. But Charlie stops in his tracks when he catches sight of Marlene. Arms wrapped around herself, the saddest smile that begs for forgiveness, and puffy eyes from fallen tears.
Charlie's shirt is kind of dirty, not as clean as it was when he arrived. He hasn't been crying or anything, but he looks pissed.
"Whatever you're gonna say, I don't wanna hear it," Charlie says, shaking his head slowly and pushing past Marlene. There's a twinge in Marlene's chest that she has no choice but to ignore.
Marlene stands on the pavement, watching him walk away. She then inhales, her shoulders raising up to her ears, and she jogs slightly to keep up with him.
"Charlie, please."
"Marlene, I mean it." His voice is sharp. Marlene has heard it before, but not towards her. Usually towards some dumb referee or a stupid opposing team member.
She chews on the inside of her cheek, then she starts again. Start, then stop, twice now. It bothers Charlie. He thinks she's going to listen to him, but then she just keeps talking. He has that boiling irritation building up, but deep down the feeling burns. He loves Marlene so much, and being this harsh hurts him, but he can't get past his anger.
"No, I'm—"
"Marlene! Please, just go away!" It pains Charlie to yell at Marlene in such a way, but he has the right to be angry.
"Charlie Conway, will you just listen! I know we haven't spoken but I just fucked something up and I need your help!"
"Yeah, well. Shoulda thought about that before leaving us to pay for an eight-hundred dollar meal." The venom in his voice shocks Marlene. He said it so easily. She stops again, and Charlie's irritation bubbles.
"I didn't know, okay? I tried to get them to stop but—"
"Jesus, Marlene, go talk to Adam."
"I can't! That's what I fucked up!" Charlie stops again.
His angry glare has glazed over into a mellow worry. The only thing that made Coach Orion's order to ignore the Varsity okay was the knowing that Marlene had Adam. So hearing this, and remembering the second that he and Marlene held eye contact - her entire demeanor so devastated - he feels like a total shithead.
Charlie slowly turns his body towards Marlene. His head, then his shoulders, his torso, then his entire front. Like dominoes, one after the other.
"What?" His voice is minuscule, Marlene almost thinks she's imagining it. A car passes by, startling Marlene. Her head tracks the car until it's unable to be seen. When she turns back to Charlie, he's stepped closer to her, his neck tilted down to look at her.
He considers something. Marlene can't figure out what to say. Charlie grabs Marlene's shoulders, staring at her. It reminds Marlene of how they used to rid each other's nerves, except usually the air isn't so thick. "You what?" he asks again, his voice more relaxed but just as worried. Marlene sighs, resting her head on Charlie's chest.
"I was at that diner with Adam and stuff happened, and he stormed off because- because- I don't know - because I messed it all up!" Charlie is taken aback, he shakes his head vigorously.
"Shush, shh. Just—" He pauses, pushing Marlene away from him. "How bad? One out of ten, and be honest." He stares directly into her eyes, a serious look on his face. Marlene sees just how tired he really is.
"He told me he loved me and I said: 'This isn't about us, it's about Charlie and the Ducks.'"
"Oh, jeez." The color drains from Charlie's face as be shakes his head in utter disbelief. He doesn't know whether to feel bad for Marlene or to be angry at her for being so idiotic.
He drags a hand over his face, sighing. Marlene's throat closes at the sight of his reaction, and she lets out a small sob. Charlie's head perks as he sees another stream of tears fall down Marlene's cheek.
"I told you I fucked it up bad." She sniffles and Charlie winces. He grabs the sides of her face and wipes her tears while tutting.
"Please stop crying... At least stop with the sobs... You're an ugly cryer." Marlene manages a laugh.
"Thanks," she says with a shrug. Charlie cocks a confused eyebrow.
"You're welcome?" He wipes his wet hand on his shirt. He watches as Marlene fixes herself up. "So what did you need?" The small voice is back. This time soft, and concerned. "Wait, let's, uh, let's go home first. My mom's working graveyard tonight so she's probably gone by now."
—
Charlie turns the key to his apartment, where all the lights are out and the place is quiet. The walk back was silent, but not weird. It felt normal, like all the late night walks they have often.
Or used to have. They don't do much of anything anymore.
"Be honest," Marlene says, kicking off the godforsaken heels that have been on since Adam showed up at her apartment, and sitting on the couch. "How bad was it? You know, after the dinner." Charlie exhales, his cheeks rounding with air and his eyebrows raising. He smirks and snickers slightly.
Marlene dreads the answer, but she really wants to know. Surely they didn't pay for it with the money from their wallets, Russ doesn't even have a wallet and Averman only carries coins because apparently bills are bad luck.
"We couldn't even pay for our own meals, so forget about everyone else's..." He sighs, shaking his head.
It wasn't the fact that they were forced to do things because they had to pay for the meal, because they have done more grueling things than what they were tasked with at the Minnesota Club. It was the fact that they thought that the Varsity team was finally stopping with their rude bullshit and starting to be the teammates they should be.
But instead they ditched the JV team to pay for a meal that they were invited to. Not only was it stupidly childish, it was kind of devastating. Sure, it was kind of weird that there was this sudden dinner and they were overly nice, but there was still a hope.
Now Charlie's just tired. He wants to shower, and he really wants to go to bed and hopefully never wake up again - jokes, of course - but he has to admit that talking to Marlene again fees really good. Though if the team finds out they'll probably skin him.
"Connie had to scrub the toilets," Charlie says, making Marlene grimace. "They had us doing up silverware and Russ even got to vacuum. It wasn't that bad, actually, it was just the jist of it all."
"Yeah," Marlene chuckles, "I'd be pissed too." She twists a quilt that lays on the couch between her fingers. Her right knee is pulled to her chest while she sits on her left leg. Her chin rests on her kneecap as she looks everywhere but Charlie. In this moment, when Charlie sees her sad gaze, he remembers why she's even here.
"Adam..." Charlie whispers, his head lowering to try to get Marlene to look at him. No luck. "What happened with him?" Marlene swallows, suddenly unable to move. The blanket has halted, and her breathing has shallowed. She's numbed at the question.
It's weird, the way she has shut down, because just earlier all she wanted to do was talk about it. Maybe it's the wall Charlie had put up when Marlene made Varsity. It was thin, but it was there - he built on it until he never said a word to Marlene. Now the wall has crumbled, but Marlene's head is spinning and she feels so incredibly stupid and lovesick.
Lovesick is a weird word. Often it's used to describe a helplessly in love girl who can't get a hold of herself... which is what Marlene is. But typically lovesick is some sort of positive. And while Marlene is all sorts of something, whatever it is isn't positive.
"How about I start with what I know?" Charlie offers, tilting his head and crossing his legs as he props then on the coffee table. Marlene sighs heavily, and it's shaky and long. "I saw you two play rock paper scissors at dinner, and I saw you two laugh a lot."
He pauses, measuring Marlene's reaction. She's only curled into herself more and has started to pick at her lips.
Charlie sighs quietly. "And I saw you get pulled out of the restaurant... Then you went to the diner and...?" His voice trails off as a signal for Marlene to pick up. Marlene is silent for a little while, and they can hear cars speeding by on the road below.
Finally, she pushes her hair back hurriedly with a huff, and says something. "We bought cokes, and I was freaking out - like verge-of-panic-attack freaking out."
She speaks fast, like if she slows down something bad will happen. "And I was talking about you, then he was talking about him and I, and it was really great. But then I messed it up by talking about you." She pauses, rubbing her eyes in hopes to rid the memory. "Then he got really mad, and I went home and cried for a while - I may have thrown up, but I can't remember - and now I'm here."
Charlie stares at her and can tell she's on the verge of another break down. She's jittery, but her movements are weak. She's tired. Charlie doesn't say anything. He doesn't need to.
He leans over and pulls Marlene towards him, wrapping his arms around the entirety of her body. Marlene immediately relaxes into him, her body curves into his.
In this moment, everything is normal. Sure, Marlene's mind is all over the place, thinking all sorts of things, but she feels content at least. She doesn't feel lost or confused, just scared but hopeful.
"I met someone," Charlie says, his voice happy and proud. Marlene feels a smile start to creep up on her face.
"Really?"
"Yeah." Charlie finds himself smiling too. "I've been wanting to tell you, but I was so mad about you making Varsity that I never did." Marlene's lip twitches downward. Silence ensues.
"Her name is Linda," Charlie finally voices. "And she's got long hair, and she's really pretty. And she totally wants nothing to do with me." Marlene laughs, shaking her head.
"Just your type, then."
"Pretty much, yeah."
Not another word is said. They fall asleep, one of them somewhat happy, and the other decently distracted.
—
Marlene stirs awake to someone shaking her shoulder. She pushes off of Charlie, who merely groans and turns away. "Mars, baby, your mom wants you back home."
It's Casey in her pajamas with a cup of coffee. Marlene rubs her eyes with a heave of a sigh. She stands up and stretches, yawning excessively. She smiles the best she can, her eyes barely open and face still puffy. Casey chuckles and hands Marlene her heels.
"I'll see you later, Miss C."
"Call me Casey, you know Miss C makes me feel old." Casey's voice is soft and sugary. Marlene adores it. Casey pulls Marlene into a hug and quickly kisses the top of her head before letting her go.
Marlene steps into her apartment to find her mom sitting on the couch. Ellie smiles at Marlene and gestures to the kitchen. "I made a pot of coffee." Marlene fixes herself a cup and sits next to her mother.
Ellie rests her arm on the back of the couch and props her head on her fist. "How was the dinner?"
Marlene can't possibly tell her what really happened. Ellie would flip. "It was great. The food was really good, too." Ellie grins and smooths Marlene's now frizzy curls down.
"That's good." Her voice is pure happiness. It's gentle and sweet, and Marlene can't help but smile. "Those pictures we took came out amazing."
Marlene's heart drops. The pictures.
Ellie reaches to the coffee table and picks up a pile of freshly printed pictures. This must've been why she wanted Marlene home so early. She's obviously been out and about because her hair is done up and there's a new blanket draped over the recliner.
Marlene sets her cup down and takes the pictures from her mother, a frown on her face and the tips of her fingers suddenly cold. There's six in total. All capturing smiles and confidence. These are the types of pictures that make Marlene remember why she loves the why her life is.
The first one is of her and her mother. Her mother is wearing a brown blouse with black pants, and Marlene has on that sparkly gray dress and the red heels her mother made her wear. Ellie looks ecstatic, a bright smile and her shoulders raised in excitement. Marlene looks just as happy. She's in the middle of a fit of laughter. Adam was behind the camera smiling stupidly as he took the picture. Marlene was laughing because just before Adam took the photo of her and Ellie, he had turned the camera around and snapped a photo of himself posing stupidly.
Sure enough, there it is. The picture that Adam took of himself. His tux has wrinkled up at the shoulders because of his arms being directed up. His smile is really goofy, and Marlene can't deny that he looks more attractive than usual. Sometimes it's the little things that attract more than the bigger actions. That's what Marlene has always noticed, anyhow.
The next picture is of the two of them. More grins, arms around each other, just standing there. A memory picture. Nothing special. You would see a picture like this on someone's mantle.
The other three make Marlene happy yet devastated.
Marlene has her hand rested on Adam's chest, and his arms is looped around her waist. Marlene has the biggest smile ever, another one that was taken mid laugh. She's leaning forward in the photo - towards the camera. Adam is laughing too, but he looks down at Marlene. Really looking close, you can see the finer details - the way Adam holds Marlene gently yet securely to make sure she won't fall. The way their lower halves are pressed together, because they are so comfortable with each other that they don't mind. The way Marlene's hand is places in such a way that would let anyone know that they are together.
But they aren't - and that thought is enough to make Marlene's heart feel like it's about to pop.
Another picture of Adam and Marlene, except this one is the most lively of them all. Marlene as her leg is picked up and bent in front of her like those dancers she sees on TV. She's leaning backward, and Adam's hand rests on the low of her back for added support, and his other hand is placed under Marlene's thigh as he holds it up for greater effect. Adam's face is a cocky smolder, while Marlene smirks as she glares into the camera. While it's the most physically intimate picture out of the six, the last one in the most... romantically intimate. This picture portrays something fun, lively.
The last one though... Marlene can't take her eyes off of it. It's a miracle Ellie managed to snap the photo in the perfect moment, because Marlene remembers only holding the eye contact for a couple of seconds.
Marlene is reaching up and fixing Adam's collar, which had gotten messed up when he took the picture of himself. Adam has his hands hovering around Marlene's waist, like he's too scared to actually touch her in such an intimate way. Marlene, though, is standing very close to Adam, and her fingers are brushing against Adam's neck without a single doubt that she's being too touchy. Adam looks flustered, but Marlene's cheeks are merely tinted red. Their eyes are locked, and you can tell this even with the side-profile-angle. There's just something about this last picture that makes it Marlene's favorite, and she couldn't even tell you why.
"Can I keep some of these?" Marlene asks, somehow finding her voice. She feels sick again, like if she moves too suddenly or feels the wrong emotion she'll vomit everywhere. It's a common feeling she has, because sometimes she feels too violently.
Ellie just grins. "Of course you can. I actually made some copies for all of us." She turns to dig in her purse and pulls out an envelope with the same six photos inside. "I was going to ask if you could take those to Adam some time today. Hadley asked me to cover her shift today, and since I was free I said yes. Nothing wrong with the extra money, right?"
Ellie gets up and smooths Marlene's hair with a soft smile. Marlene just now noticed that she's in her work attire.
Ellie works at an office, but there's a lot of eager interns that need to be watched and evaluated, so her shifts can change. Most of time it's graveyard on Mondays and Wednesdays, then a normal 9-5 every other day with the weekends off. But now she's picked up a shift on Sunday.
"Oh, and please do shower, Mars. Just hang the dress on a hanger and drop it by the dry cleaners." She grabs her purse, and she already had a coat on, then she swiftly kisses the top of Marlene's head. "Bye now. Love you."
"Love you, too, Mom."