XCIX
He waited pensively in the dark. "A-are you sure.. I have to?" he whispered into the darkness of his room, tears were welling in his eyes, was any of this real anymore? Did anything around him really matter when it could all be wrenched away? How could he even be sure his friends were.. Well his friends? He waited for an answer, one he doubted would even come- "FERGH!" Markos grimaced in pain, his mind was flooded with memories. Memories he didn't want, he watched his skin get peeled back, his body on the ground while a figure kicked him repeatedly. He tried to claw his own eyes out, a desperate yet futile attempt to stop what he would see. He watched his trident cleave through figure after figure beings he had no quarrel over. Tears began to flow down his face, he'd gotten his answer.
'You know what she wants..' He did indeed.
"Through here right?" His ears twitched to the sound of talking outside, he heard a female voice, she sounded.. Older but not by much.
"Uhh.. yeah.. I never expected him to-" That was Vaelle's voice.. She must be directing the woman to his room. Markos mulled over his choices. Were they even choices to begin with? Would she.. Ever let him simply live?
'Just do what she wants!' He grimaced to the sound of more tones crawling through his skull. They felt like spiders inching through every crack and lobe of his brain, their little legs stabbing into its soft flesh. He held the dagger against his cloak, he was beyond redemption. That pitiful cry for help he had made to Rishall was.. Was just that, it was pitiful, what was a life? He didn't need one. This was who he was.. What he was meant to be.. His lips quivered and Markos slipped out of his cloak.
"Hello?" He turned to see a woman walking through the door of his room, it was nightfall now. Exactly what Markos needed, a scantily dressed whore coming for a house call at nearly ten at night.. No one was around, the setup for founders day would leave many tired and headed to bed, so to say she was picked off on the way would work.. Right.. This would all work.. He tried his best to not hyperventilate, terrified of what he was forced to do.
'You need it to get in! She wants you to get in..' Why! Markos cried internally, why on Toril, or Earth, or by the realms of hell itself did she want him in there? Why did she want him here.. To simply further his torment..?
'She loves you..' A new voice whispered.. Yeah. She.. She loves him? He thought, yeah that.. No.. no.. this.. 'She only wants what's best for you Markos..' His mouth twitched and he finally summoned the strength to look up at the whore. The woman had to be in her mid forties for elf standards, which was an impossible lifetime to attemptively translate, but she didn't look ugly by any means. She had long silver hair and blue skin pale red eyes that stuck out like torches in a cave. Markos gulped in what he had to do, he wondered if there was another way.. If she would.
'Getting cold feet Enah?' Markos's body jerked violently; he felt a stabbing pain ram through his intestines and he was consumed by the agony as if someone was cutting at him with a molten scythe.
"Never.. Uheo.." He whispered back.
"I'm sorry what?" The whore asked again. Flashes of faces went through his mind.. Hundreds of figures, thousands.. Those he'd been forced to... Others he chose out of fear. Which one would she be?
"N-nothing.. I'm sorry.. I'm just.. Nervous.." He fibbed. He didn't know how to do this.. Surely she would understand right?! She would get it.. He.. he had to do this she-she would never let him go..
'Maybe burning again will help us!' No! He screamed no.. no his Uheo wouldn't need to do anything he.. He would do this.. It was understandable right?
"Well, how would you like to do this sweetie.'' The drow came again. Markos wanted to laugh, he was a virgin and had no intrests in sex.
"Could you.. Stand maybe.. Five feet away?" He whispered sorrowfully, he didn't want to do it.. To hurt her like this.. To hurt anyone but she.. She would hurt him.. He just didn't.. Like it.
"Huh?" The drow whispered. "Ok.. is this some kind of weird.. Kink thing or?" Markos smiled, sure.. That was the right way to put it.
"One more thing.. Can you.. Tell me your name? I.. have to know.. She always wants me to know.. To remember.." He shook and twitched, feeling nervousness consume him.
"Oh.. ok.. Yeah sweetie my name is Spe'vitae" Markos tried his best to smile but felt as if he looked sadistic. He slowly looked up, only to see some form of horror begin to consume her expression.
"I'm sorry.." He muttered. "Cthughra." Instantly a tendril shot from the ground enwrapping the whore. She was muffled despite trying to talk. He gave her a once over now that she was consumed by this creature. He could always just cut if off but.. No. No, she needed to know! H-he wasn't bad.. He just simply had to do this.. On que Cerdest deployed a cloud of ink in the area blinding the woman stopping her from seeing anything. Markos moved in his hands shaking as he held the knife. He inched closer, oh so very closer, until he stood behind her.
"MHMMMM!!!" She cried through the tentacle but to no avail Markos felt something consume him.
"I-I'm sorry.. I... you have to understand.. I.. I don't want to do this.." He felt himself stuttering badly. "I-I if I d-dont she'll hurt me.. I.. I have to, I have to d-do everything she says.." tears welled into his eyes he recalled stabbing Kaeyla.. And Thomias.. Copies to be sure as he had to do hundreds of times. He remembered murdering his own family, killing people who were no more evil than the entity forcing him to do so. "B-but it doesn't matter.. I.. it doesn't really matter.. There are so many times where I-it's not you .. and y-you dont c-come here.. It's-someone else.. Or something else.." He placed the knife against her exposed throat and quickly slashed it. "I-I'm sorry! I just d-don't want to be hurt anymore.. She.. she hurts me.. Whenever I don't do something right.. She. s-she owns me.. I- Please.. No more pain, no more pain, Enah was good.. I-I I know!" Markos yelped. "I-I'll show you s-something beautiful!" He tried to smile but dashed it away when he saw her dying body. "B-before.. Before.. I.. I'm sorry." He lunged out and hugged the figure sobbing now, he could feel his tears crash into the floor, he called Cerdest over. "I-I'll show you the birth of the universe! O-or a.. Universe.. I.. I've seen so many things.. And I.. d-don't want to see them again.." He was shaking so much he was fearful the floor might collapse. "S-she says.. There's no other way.. I-I.. she wants me here.. In Waterdeep.. For this.. For this thing.. I-I have to do it!" He protested, he felt like he was arguing with this whore whose life he had just taken. He saw Cerdest's eyes turn red interacting with the whore showing her the birth of a universe through his own memories. "I-isn't it beautiful..? It's so.. So beautiful.. I.. I know if I-I d-do this e-enough she'll love me.. She'll always love me.. T-take care of me.. And.." Markos felt his vision blur. "P-please I-I'm sorry.. She makes me do it.. She.. needs me to.. I.. I'm sorry I just don't want to be hurt anymore.. I don't want a-nymore pai-n, I just want the agony to stop.." Markos lifted up his shirt showing his scars to the whore. Before he remembered she was currently blinded. Didn't matter.. Those scars paled compared to what he saw every night.
'Good..' He felt his body tremble to a halt, wanting to collapse from the fear.
"I-I I won't be hurt I don't want to be hurt.. I don't want her to punish me.. I want to be g-good.. I-I y-you understand right?! Y-you get it.. Trying to avoid the pain? I-I.. there's so many worlds where it w-wasn't you.. It doesn't really matter b-but.." Markos collapsed to the floor crying his eyes out begging for a chance to not do this. He got none. He looked up blood spluttering on his face he rushed over and stood behind her cradling Spe'vitae in his arms. "Spe'vitae.. I.. I know what that means.. I know that name.. I-I'm sorry.. I'm sorry- Im sorry.." He kept repeating over and over "I just don't want to be hurt anymore.. You don't know what we've been through.." His voice was cracked apart and frantic, jumping up and down like a rubber band. Markos got to her front and quickly sliced her hand off wrapping it in cloth. "S-she makes me do it.. P-please Uheo.. I hope I made you happy.." He reached up letting the tentacle descend, keeping her propped up but revealing her corpse. Her top was slightly unbuttoned, an action she had done before he grabbed her. He reached up rebuttoning her top. His lips trembled. "Sorry.." He whispered. Markos ran his fingers through her hair trying to brush the blood stained tips away from the throat if only she could be brought back.. If only his Uheo would allow that.. He promised if she could he would take care of her..
He took a brush from his bag and began to brush her hair, straightening it until he was satisfied. "T-that.. looks better.. Very nice I hope you-" He choked on his own word dropping the comb to the floor. "Oh.." He whispered. The girl was dead, another life snuffed out by Markos Amanodel. He stared shamefully at his blood stained hands. Water droplets began to drip onto them from some unknown source. He hated himself.
'You're going to hell.' He licked his lips almost wishing to laugh at the voice, had he not already been there?
"What she did was hell..." He murmured, the pain, the damage, years of torture and abuse being made to love.. No. no. no.. it it was love he was just being ungrateful-
'It wasn't love.'
Markos tossed a dagger into the floor angrily cracking the wood apart. "IT WAS!" He cried. "I-it was love.. She needed to do all of it I-I have to do this for her! She.. she needs it.. I deserve.." He stared at the back window, the same one Ant'tran had leapt out of. He caught his own reflection, the eyes.. Looked different.
'It never was.. You are a v-' Maros flipped a dagger from his side and slashed it against his own leg. The voices in his head began to subside as he could only think of the pain.
"I'm the problem.. Not her.. Me.. I.." He looked back to the girl he'd just killed. "I'm so so sorry.." He broke out in a sob, tears running down his face. "Oh gods.. I'm-" he fell to his knees and quietly sobbed wishing for death to finally come.
'Cannot live.' one voice said.
'Cannot die.' another one replied.
"I'm sorry.." He croaked. "So sorry.." He clenched his eyes shut before lowering his hand unwilling to look at her. It didn't matter, he knew he'd remember her face forever. The tentacle slowly lowered Spe'vitae's body into the portal, forever into the far realms. "I'm sorry.. I just want the pain to go away.." When the portal shut Markos stood up and looked into the window in front of him hoping to see his reflection once again wishing to be abstained from his many crimes to be told he had no choice if he wished for the pain to stop. To stop being used and hurt. His clothes were drenched in Spe'vitae's blood, as his face splattered all across it, his uniquely feminine design made him see not himself.. Not Markos.. But some Amanodel girl with a bloody knife and a terrified face. "Oh.." He whimpered.