"Bucky don't" he heard y/n plead. He didn't reply, he didn't turn around, he couldn't. The shame, the regret, the rue he felt for y/n was too much. He was overwhelmed with the emotions that were flooding through his body. He had to keep walking.
The fury that was coursing through his veins was no excuse for hurting y/n. He had hurt her. He had hurt her so much that her shocked expression changed into a dazed one. She was so hurt that she couldn't stop herself from rummaging through the fractured darkness that was Bucky's mind and finding his fears. So hurt that she hadn't followed him. She just let him walk away. Perhaps what she saw was too much. It was too much for Bucky. Hurting y/n was one of his ultimate fears. He was terrified that he'd loose control and revert back to his previous title and harm her. The imagines of it happening plagued his mind at night despite how deep he tried to keep them buried but now, y/n had seen them too. She must have been scared. That's why she didn't follow Bucky, surely.
The further he walked, the more he thought about how different the situation would have been if he approached it calmly. But Loki had kissed y/n, no, there was no way the confrontation could have gone any better. But maybe he should have stayed with her at least instead of just walking away. Perhaps she could have explained the situation. There must have been a reasonable explanation for the kiss. Surely.
"One beer please" Bucky said raising one finger to the barman.
"Sure" he replied.
The longer Bucky sat drinking his emotions away, the more he thought about the audacity of Loki. How dare he kiss y/n. The bastard. He thought about what he saw when Loki conjured the dagger. Y/N was caressing Loki's hand as if Loki was the one that needed comfort in that situation. Why would she do that? There was no way this wasn't Loki and y/n's first kiss, surely?
"Hey handsome"
Turning around, Bucky was greeted by a brunette smiling down at him as she gestured to the seat next to him.
"Mind if I sit?" She questioned.
"Be my guest" Bucky replied flashing her a smile.
Bucky began thinking about the feeling that was most dominant. Hate. He hated Loki. He hated himself. He had gone too far. He knew that y/n could control her abilities unless she was under extreme circumstances. Bucky was at fault for her loss of control. He blamed himself.
The longer the night went on, Bucky didn't even remember the kiss, all he kept remembering were the words the man from the mission was saying. Those cursed trigger words.
"Haven't you had enough"
"I said I want another beer, aand get something nice forr th-e the lady" he slurred.
The bar was closing and Bucky was definitely intoxicated. Instead of feeling hurt, he felt overjoyed. He staggered out with the lady from earlier at his side.
"I say you forget about her" the brunette said looking up at Bucky as she placed his arm around herself.
"Wh-what?" He questioned.
"The girl you were rambling on about earlier, forget her" the woman said biting her lip "wanna come back to my place?" She asked before Bucky got a message.
Steve: Bucky what's going on? You, y/n and Loki didn't complete the mission. She's gone back home and you're not here either.
Smiling, Bucky pocketed his phone before looking at the woman.
"How about you come back to my place?" he said wriggling his eyebrows "But it's a secret shh we have to sneak in" he laughed putting a finger on his lips.