The wedding
The march was too slow as I struggled to pace my steps into it's rhythm. Mercifully, the aisle was very short that I can see the groom already, no other than Genevorld Fortaleza or should I say Santillan–––younger brother of the man from the past whom I shared with ill feelings.
I was uncomfortable, anxious and paranoid. The beach wedding was held in Sitio Tirik Mata showcasing the wonders and perfection of this place but as I continued to stare at this place all I could grasp were emptiness. Kung hindi lang nagmakaawa si Clasper ay tatangihan ko ito, they wanted me to be the wedding singer at first I thought of accepting it because he mentioned the name Shamaine. It rang a familiar face on my mind not until Clasper confirmed that she was the bestfriend of Galatea, ah the cheerful and supportive girl on our batch.
“So?” I boredly asked. “They want me to be the wedding singer? Why? Marami namang iba riyan at saka I'm too busy.”
Clasper gave me a dead pan look, “busy?” He lifted his eyebrow. “You busy breathing while laying on the couch and overthinking for the past weeks?” I gulped, busted. I couldn't hide at Clasper. “Ano bang nangyari? I don't want to prey but you seemed problematic these days. Viech told me about your meeting with Rossweisse and since thay you became like this.”
“Nothing much,” I lied.
Clasper silently and sat besides me. He covered my body with his warmth, I calmed at his embrace. “Did something happened? Did you met that guy?” I shut my eyes off, he was emphazing the word guy clearly pertaining to the one and only guy who made my life a living nightmare.
I sighed. “Letter..” Clasper just sat besides me as his embrace became tighter, he kissed my hair. “Rossweisse gave me a letter saying someone told him to deliver it for me. Of course who would be the mastermind? The one who's close to him? Do they still think I'm the Dorothy from the past for not finding out who's behind this?” I gritted my teeth in frustration.
“And?”
“I read the letter. It was asking what happened four years ago. What happened to Dorothy Smile Felipe who's currently registered as dead and why Smile Felipe appeared instead. ” It was the thing that kept me on overthinking, I couldn't figure out what they wanted. Or if they knew something. Did they discovered ‘it’?
Eager to shake off my nightmare, Clasper held my cheeks as we stared on each other's eyes. “I’ll make sure to look for it. You don't have to be worried I'll protect you.. I'll protect you..” He murmured.
It was romantic but then brought a pang on my chest. The hole in it kept on being deeper, those words wasn't for me.. rather for someone else.
That night I agreed to the request and when the morning came Clasper woke me up saying he already packed our things and I should hurry up for the wedding. I didn't protest because of exhaustion, the last thing I knew was me, Clasper and Viech riding on the car.
“You didn't tell me this beforehand.” I exhaled in annoyance, “you did this on purpose!” The outburst was intense that I wanted to kick him on his mosr sensitive part.
Clasper didn't tell me who's the groom and where is the venue! Nang magising ako’y doon ko nalamang napagtanto kung anong lugar ang pinuntahan namin. No other than Sitio Tirik Mata! I hated this place, I swore on my life that even death won't urge me to set a foot on this soil.
I was tricked!
“It’s okay, sasamahan naman kita and besides nandito naman ang bestfriend mo.” He said on a calm voice, I frowned. Clasper isn't the type of person who's reckless but why?
My eyes widened when I saw his eyes gazing on the scenery of the ocean. He was enchanted, sadness crept on my heart. “You really are reckless this time. ” He glanced at me still out of words. I turned my back on him, “the reason why you wanted to attend the wedding wasn't because of the groom nor the bride it's because of this place, right?” I swallowed the bitterness slowly spreading on my mouth. “Don’t come for me begging and crying as I've remembered I already told you multiple times. ” I clenched my fist. “Hurry up and check if they're still alive––no, if she's still alive after abandoning them in the past.”
Still it hurts.
I'm nothing but a coward and selfish. How tedious.
Exchanging vows was next all of the guest were crying, the bride truly is beautiful wearing her gown like it was made just for her. The smile that was plastered on her lips reflects happiness that anyone couldn't mistaken on the other hand Genevorld was also emotional he was being a child. I looked away, it's annoying but deep inside I'm happy for Shamaine.
“Galatea didn't attend,” Deiry said out of the blue. “Hindi ko rin makita si Gagomory,” pahina ng pahina ang boses nito ng banggitin iyon. Truthfully, Genevorld’s best man was Xerxes Ylmarize. “What happened to him for not attending his brothers wedding?” She asked herself.
I grimaced, he's still a asshole and I'm sure of that. Same as Genevorld, I don't know the ill feeling remains. Hindi ko nga maipinta ang aking magiging ekspresyon kung biglaan kaming magkita sa kasal na ito na sana’y ‘wag magkatotoo.
“They suit each other.” I commented.
Deiry's eyes shinned, I inwardly smiled a rare view of her being interested on this stuff. “Gusto ko ring ikasal sa taong hindi ako sasaktan... I mean yes, being hurt while on relationship is normal but I don't want to be betrayed behind my back. I'm too tired to be compared ano nalang kung tatraydurin ako ng lalaking mahal ko para sa ibang babae? The insecurities, self worth weighing.. Ah, fuck I don't want to think about it anymore.”
I shooked my head. “All I wanted is for you to he happy, Dei. So rest assured that I’ll be on your side no matter what happened.” And gave her a thumbs up, Deiry and I giggled as we continued to watch the wedding.
Funny how destiny interwined their faith, they met each other on unexpected situation and ended up in a unpredictable way. And what's most suprising? They met inside the girls cubicle on one of Sitio Ibuka’s store they eventually broke up on the same place and after years of moving on they found their selves again slowly yearning for each other's warmth and the reunion happened on the same place again.
Wow, what a coincidence.
I don't believe on the myths of this place. Siguro noong teenager ako’t punong-puno ng fairytale romance ang utak ay maniniwala ako’t magpapauto pero ng magdaan ang ilang taon unti-unti akong namulat sa reyalidad na ang mga hiling ko noo’y malabong mangyari kahit umiyak pa ata ako ng dugo. Ano nga ba ang hiling ko noon? I laughed ridiculously.
On the same date I saw him, my heart leap. Standing on the edge of the platform my eyes glistened on excitement as I waited for the right timing to give him my letter of admiration.
“Konting-konti nalang,” ani ko sa sarili ng mapalapit ito’y walang pakundangan kong iniliyad ang mga kamay, nakapikit ang mga mata at naghihintay na tanggapin niya ang sulat. “Gre–––” bago pa man matapos ang sasabihin ay nilagpasan niya ako. Naiwan na nakatayo, pinagtitinginan ng mga upper and lower student na roon ang mga naawang tingin, mga malisyosong bulungan at ang mga tawang pilit kong pinagkikibit balikat.
Nilagpasan niya ako kahit na.... Isang matunog na buntong hininga ang aking ginawa at ngumiti nalang pilit na hindi iniinda ang kahihiyang idinulot ng sariling katangahan. “Sana mapansin mo ako kahit ilang segundo lang.. Gustong-gusto kasi kita..” Mahinang bulong sa maagang nasirang pag-ibig na dulot ng kainosentehan.
Reminiscing it made me flinched on cringiness and embarrassment. I was truly a boomer way back if I hadn't yearn and begged for the love that was deprived on me I wouldn't be like that. Kung sigurong hindi ko pinaniwala ang sariling mapupunan ng nararamdaman ko para sakanya ang kalungkutan ko‘y hindi siguro ako hahantong sa puntong ito.
The ceremony ended all the guest started to took a picture. Shamaine and Genevorld was standing on the front beside their relatives taking a picture. I stood up and took the chance to escape. I wanted to be alone. Ayaw kong makihalubilo sakanila hindi ko rin makita si Clasper. Bahala siya. Si Deiry nama’y hindi makawala sa yakap ng boyfriend nitong pilit na nagpapacute kay Deiry at ipinagtutulakan ang ideyang sa susunod na taon ay sila naman ang ikakasal. Viech nama’y pasimple akong tinititigan. Bodyguard mula sa malayo, wow.
Not one string, but a thousand of it. No strings but steel cable besmirched on my soul, with this pain I'm able to identify that I'm still alive.. The therapist told me that I should just think of happy memories to keep me clam and sane but I'm failing without even trying. The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood as I keep on struggling.
“Dorothy?” A faint hesitant voice called my name.
I didn't glanced, I just continued to walk away. Don't call that name again.
“It’s her moron. ” Then again another voice was heard.
“Hindi nalingon e,”
“Baka hindi ka narinig.”
My eyes flashed open when I felt someone held my wrist. I my defense mechanism started to make it’s move.
“Aww..” Daing ng boses nanlaki ang mga mata kong napatitig sakanya hawak pa rin nito ang pulso ko sa kaliwang kamay habang nakaluhod at nakahawak ang kanan sa maselang bahagi ng katawan nito.
I just kicked him on his crotch and I'm wearing a heels!
“I-I'm... I'm sorry..” I stammered, noticing the other gentlemen watching us with a gaped mouth. “H-Help?” Doon ay tila nagising na sila sa katotohanan at dali-daling tumakbo para lapitan kami.
The man shut his eyes off enduring the pain. “D-Dorothy ganiyan ba tinuro sa iyo ng showbiz?” Sabi nito.
Binatukan siya ng kasama. They're all good looking and awfully familiar. “Tanga baka naramdaman niyang panget ka.”
“Bobo, kita mo mukhang ‘to? Benteng babae ang sabay-sabay na nahihimatay kapag nasisilayan ang kakisigan ko.”
“Who are you?” I asked. “Do I know you?” Again.
Itinuro ng lalaki ang sarili pagkuwanay pinagdikit ang dalawang kamay habang ang dalawang hinliliit ay nakatayo at ang ibang daliri’y nakatago. Resembling a letter V. “Hindi mo ba maalala? Ganito ba epekto ng pangmalakasan kong glow up?” Hinimas nito ang baba. “Victorious.”
One word and yet made me stilled. “Cosmos?”
“Tumpak!”
Tila may sariling buhay ang aking mga paa’t bigla nalamang tinawid ang pagitan naming dalawa at niyakap ito mahigpit. “Oh my god!”
“Dorothy sikat ka na! Fan ko lang noon, artista na ngayon!” Biro nito.
Sunod kong binalingan sina Troy, Wendell at Kuya Alex na kapwa naiiling. “We miss you Dorothy!” Anila at niyakap ako ng sabay.
Temporarily, the pain subsided. It felt nostalgic, they're the ones who stood for me in hardest situation. Unconsciously, a tear fell from my eyes. “Don’t cry!” Kuya Alex tapped my back.
Cosmos being who he is, flaunt his imaginary biceps–––that was hidden on his tux. “Ganito talaga, sabi ko sa inyo lahat nahihimatay sa kapogian ko. Kita niyo si Dorothy naluha sa sobrang saya...”
__________
The next day I found myself again being dragged on Sitio Buka/Ibuka with the Victorious crew and of course Deiry and Rossweisse, Xerxes, the newlyweds who's supposed to be spending this day for honeymoon, Viech silently guarding me hence, Clasper... I knew why he wasn't present. He went there again..
My jaw dropped it sent shiver on my spine. Fuck, of all place. Nagsimula nang magtakbuhan si Rossweisse at Xerxes sa malawak na palayan, the hillside where we are used to meet. Ang puno’y naroon pa rin maging ang duyan.
Walang imik kong sinamahan sina Deiry at Shamaine na nag-aayos ng mga pagkain at blanket. We set the blanket, as well as the foods. Dahil sa mga punong nakapalibot ay may masisilungan kami mula sa init mula rito’y kitang-kita ang palayan at ang mga ibong nagsasayawan sa kalangitan.
I frowned when I saw Rossweisse and Xerxes. Nagtutulukan ang dalawa animo'y mga highschool students pa rin hindi mo aakalaing CEO at abodago sila.
“Putaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” Mahabang mura ni Rossweisse ng magpagulong-gulong ito sa hillside ngunit hindi lang iyon kinuha nito ang pagkakataong hablutin ang khaki short ni Xerxes. Sa huli’y silang dalawa’y nagpagulong-gulong.
“Tarantadoooooooooooo!” Sagot na mura ni Xerxes ng sabay silang tumama sa patubig ng palayan. Namayani ang malakas na tawanan nang tumayo silang basang-basa at may bahid ng putik.
Deiry rolled her eyes and took her backpack with her I was shocked when she took the things out of her bag. It reveals a pair of shirts, pants at maging underwear. I grimaced, ano siya nanay na nagbabantay ng bata?
She reasoned out. “I’m always preparing this whenever there's a outing with them. Dahil kapag magkakasama silang magkakaibigan paniguradong wala silang magagawang tama.” Anito. “Oh? Saan ka pupunta?” Tanong ni Deiry ng tumayo ako’t pinagpagan ang damit.
I smiled at her, “maglilibot lang ako.” Aniko, bakas ang pangamba sa mga mata nito. “No one will find out I'm Smile Felipe didn't Xerxes said he cleared the environment out?”
“Come back as soon you're done..”
“Yes, ma'am.”
I'm wearing a pants and oversized shirt that was blown by the wind, it was a strange feeling–––not suprising. I supposed everything felt much stranger now to begin with I wasn't able to understand how to interact with them. Cosmos didn't change he's still sharp as ever to the point he told something in front of my face.
“Ako lang ba? Parang ibang-iba kasi iyong pakiramdam ko sa iyo Dorothy.. Parang may nagbago? Hindi ano, no meant offense pero ibang-iba sa pakiramdam noon kapag kausap kita.. You feel somehow distant and out of reach..” Cosmos said.
We fell in silence.
Kuya Alex fake a cough, “syempre people changed..”
Cosmos didn't stopped there. He continued to threw every question he came up. “Ang lungkot namin Dorothy. Noong graduation hindi ka umattend alam mo bang sobrang gulo ng school nun? Si Gremory tinanggal sa pagiging batch valedictorian, iyong mga magulang ni Rafiya binayaran yung school para hindi masangkot iyong babaeng iyon pero wala ni isang nakalimot kung sino talaga ang totoong may pakana. Tapos sa year ended batch party kaming Victorious iyong nagperform syempre hindi ka namin hinayaang maagrabyado.” Still I was confused.
Wendell continued telling what happened, “as soon as we began to walk in front of the stage Cosmos grabbed the microphone and started to talkshits.”
Cosmos looked a boy who's girl was stolen from him. “Anong talk shit? Real shit iyon tol.”
Troy slapped Cosmos back and started laughing his ass off. “Masaya na kayo? Mga pakyu mukha naman kayong mga garapatang hilaw akala niyo ba ang gaganda’t gwapo niyo? Aba tumingin kayo sa salamin. Cosmos said and we can't stopped him.” I was out of words hearing and watching him reneact Cosmos. “Oh, saan dito iyong mga putanginang nambully kay Dorothy? Aha! Ayon!” Natawa kami ng gawin ni Troy ang eksaktong naiimagine ko. “Iyan ano nga ulit pangalan mo teh? Ah, Stacy! Tapos iyon shout out kay Rafiya teh satisfied na ba? Or kulang pa? Hirap sa inyo ang galing niyong maghugas kamay para lang masabihan na walang ginawa. Noong nasa junior high level si Dorothy lahat kayo g na g magparticipate na bullyhin iyong estudyante porket hindi makapagsumbong lahat nalang sakanya pinagtatawanan niyo tapos ngayong umalis kanya-kanya kayong turo kay Gremory? Aba? Nasaan konsensya niyo? Nasa esophagus?” Cosmos was covering his face but his neck and ears were flaming red.
Kuya Alex then took his turn for the reneactment. “Turo kayo ng turo kay Gremory. Sisi rito sisi roon akala niyo ang lilinis ng mga budhi eh. Remember ah wala ni isa sa inyo ang malinis kahit isang drum pa ng zonrox ang laklakin niyo hinding-hindi kayo lilinis. Do participated on tormenting her yet you have the audacity to play innocent? Pointing fingers on someone throwing him the most fault where in all of you was the same? Really? Fucking hypocrites. And yeah, tutal graduate na ako wala na rin namang kwenta iyong expelled or guidance, tangina niyo.” Obviously from the start they're fond of me so this isn't suprising.
Cosmos was embarrassed. “Last day nalang ng pagiging highschooler ko nasira pa. Sobrang lungkot ko noon saktong birthday ko pero wala ka Dorothy tapos noong puntahan ka namin nina Gremory nasa Maynila ka na raw... Umiyak pa kaya si Gremo–––” he didn't had the chance to continue when Kuya Alex covered his mouth.
“But still after years of wondering what happened to you,” their eyes reflected on happiness and I can feel their proudness. “We are glad that you reach this far. You don't know how happy and proud we are when we saw you on the television giving your speech for that award..”
Once, the side of my eyes felt moist. “Thank you... so much...”
I was okay for a minute then I will feel the same all over again. I wanted to forget what happened though it was impossible. My hair was dancing with the wind, my eyes were closed as I let myself drowned on the chilliness of it. After years of mediocrity and scheming... I'm still wasn't at ease ‘til I got my avenge.
“Congrats.” I uttered when I felt Genevorld presence.
He gave me apologetic look. “I’m sorry...”
I plastered a fake smile. “What for?” Playing dumb.
He took a deep breath. “For those words came out of my mouth... I'm sorry.. Akala ko kasi kapag hindi ako gumawa ng paraan tuluyan mo nang maagaw si Kuya.. He was the one I had and if he'll fell deeper to you kuya will forget what he promised to us.. Natatakot akong bumalik ulit kasi siya lang ang meron ako.. Kaming dalawa lang ang mayroon ang isa’t isa... Na baka kapag nagpatuloy ay bigla nalang niya kalimutan lahat ng naranasan namin at iwan kami habang nagpapakasaya kasama ka.. Our life was hell, Dorothy..” I gulped hard. “And when you vanished Kuya was wrecked... Kuya became someone who could make a deal with the devil just to have you again... Kuya sacrificed all he had just to reach you again... Kuya–––”
“Stop!” I shouted. “What’s the point of saying this?!”
“Dorothy I have a hit of what happened to you.. Hindi pa huli ang lahat just tell us what happened and we'll help you.. Please I'm begging you...”
My anger went in my head. “You fucking don't know something! You fucking don't know! Leave me alone!”
He tried to held me away but I pushed him.
“Dorothy...”
“You don't know... Stay away... Please... Leave me alone... Help..” I whispered covering my ears with my palms.
“Dorothy please stop this suffering.. I had a hit but it won't solve anything if you won't tell me the whole story..”
Umiling ako. Nagbabalik lahat ng ala-alang pilit kong kinakalimutan.. “Umalis kana! Layuan mo ako! Wala kang alam! Wala!” I went bersek but Genevorld tried to hold me.
His voice was shaking.. “I know! I know the fact that you spent years in jail.. Alam kong nakulong ka... Alam kong sa loob ng tatlong taon ay nakulong ka..”
______________
#The wedding