hello my lovelies,
I hope you had a great day today and if not, I promise you there will be better times.
Have fun reading and always remember that you are amazing and enough.
I love you, bye.
Amara Thorne
Pull yourself together.
Smile.
Play along.
Don't let anyone look behind your façade.
Fucking act like your life depends on it.
Because it does.
My head is spinning, and I try to focus on one thing, but my mind is out of control. I can hear the ragged breathing and the fast pounding of my heart in my ear. Between fiddling with the zipper of my dress and trying to keep my hands steady I get more nervous every second.
My sweaty hands aren't able to pull the zipper up and it doesn't help that I can't touch the fabric of my dress in my condition without ruining it.
Fuck.
I glance in the mirror and let my gaze travel over my perfect and yet wrecked appearance.
I look fucking beautiful.
My make-up isn't smeared. The custom-made emerald-green silk dress hugs my body like a second skin. The slit on the right side, which extends to my hip bone, looks breathtaking. The diamonds sewn directly above it accentuate my waist even more and the teardrop-shaped emerald that I will wear around my neck for this night is bordered by diamonds. This jewelry and the matching bracelet are worth more than the average American can make in his life.
But that's fucking bullshit.
With the smile, I am forcing on my face so I don't lose control of myself I can't even see it myself when I look into the mirror, but I am so fucking ugly.
So fucking broken.
I can't see the flames that are lit up inside my heart or the mess inside my head.
I look fucking gorgeous but what can't be seen is the truth.
How I haven't eaten in days because I can't keep the food inside my stomach for more than a few seconds. How I don't even waste my time by trying to eat anymore.
Why should I?
It doesn't fucking matter.
It doesn't matter how skinny I get because every dress can be made tighter in a matter of minutes.
It doesn't matter that the last weeks I have barely slept but drank the entire night until I passed out.
As long as nobody can smell the liquor in my breath at the ball it doesn't fucking matter.
My reflection is smiling at me but what's behind my eyes comes not even close to happiness.
You maybe think now that I am sad or desperate but no.
I just feel empty.
Lost.
Lonely.
But soon I won't feel that way anymore.
Soon I will have power.
Because even though they do everything to keep it from me they can't anymore.
I will rip it out of their fucking hands and present them on a silver platter.
I will be a woman with power, more power than ever before and they will hate it.
People will try to take it away from me.
Men will fucking hate every second of me ruling but they will still have a smile plastered on their face because they have to.
If they want to survive.
I am ripped out of my thoughts when a loud knock sounds on my door.
I turn my gaze back to the zipper and try again to zip my dress up despite my sweaty palms.
Another knock sounds but I can't hear a voice.
"Stay the fuck out. I want to be alone." I yell at whoever made the noise and at this moment the zipper is finally up and the dress on.
I let out a relieved breath and then travel my gaze over the table in front of me searching for my jewelry.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Where is it?
Another knock sounds through the door and causes my blood to boil.
Someone has a death wish.
"I said I want my fucking privacy. I don't need your goddamn help to get dressed. Get the fuck away from the door or I will make sure this is your last day on this earth alive." I scream and continue to search the table for my necklace.
Where is this fucking jewelry?
I can't go without it.
Goddamn it.
"Amara." I suddenly hear a voice behind me and immediately look up into the mirror to see Adriano's face.
I turn around and straighten my posture.
"What the fuck are you doing in here. Get the fuck out or I am gonna- "I start yelling at him as I step closer.
"What are you gonna do then? Kill me? Yeah, because you were so successful at that the last years." Adriano interrupts me with a chuckle.
I clench my fists tightly, trying not to jump at him and crawl his eyes out.
How dare he?!
He knows what I am capable of.
He saw it with his own eyes.
"Relax, Amara. I am here in peace. No reason for violence." He says stepping closer, so he is only a few inches away from me as he looks down at me.
I have to look at you so there is indeed a reason for violence.
A grin appears on his face as he studies my features and then he steps to the side and walks to my table.
He just stands there for a few seconds before picking something up.
He turns around to me and opens his palm to reveal the jewelry I have searched for.
I frown at him and then immediately try to snatch it out of his hand, but he is faster than me and pulls it away with a smirk on his face.
"Give it to me," I demand with a firm voice, glaring at him.
"No." He answers, his eyes looking into mine.
"No?" I ask, raising an eyebrow, stepping closer to him.
"No." He repeats, also taking a step closer, our chests nearly touching.
I study his features, my gaze traveling to his lips.
The corner of my mouth twitches as he gulps when I slide my tongue over my lip, wetting it.
I use this moment of weakness to reach for his fist and snatch the jewelry away, but Adriano immediately reacts and grabs my wrist. He turns me around and pushes my back against him.
I dig my nails into his skin to try to free myself, but he doesn't even wince.
He leans his head against my neck, his lips nearly brushing my skin.
"Be patient. I said that I am not here to make trouble. I will give it to you as soon as you have when you bound my tie." He says and I can hear his amusement n his voice.
Is he fucking kidding me?
He loosens his grip and I free myself pushing away from him.
I turn around looking into his eyes and he smirks down at me, his black tie in one hand, my necklace in the other.
I look at him confused before letting out a chuckle and stepping closer.
I poke my index finger in his chest and then slide it down over his shirt.
"Aww. Does the big bad Mafia heir not know how to bind a tie?" I ask in a mocking tone.
He grabs my hand and as I form a fist but he forces it open and places the tie in it.
"How funny, Amara. No, I know exactly how to do it but where is the fun in doing the handwork alone. I much rather have a feisty woman who would do every fucking thing in this world rather than following my demands doing it for me." He answers, licking his lips.
"Oh, fuck of," I answer placing the tie around his neck.
I start to bind it as he grabs my chin, forcing me to look up.
"Much better when you look into my eyes." He speaks.
Fuck you.
I just want to kick you in your fucking balls and then cut them off but I can't.
I fucking can't.
Because I need him.
I need him for my future, and I hate it.
He continues to study my face and I do the same with him while I bind his tie without looking at my hands.
He shifts his gaze to my lips and after looking at them for a moment and I can see him gulping. Then he looks back into my eyes.
"You know what? I have never realized it before, but you have such perfect lips. I bet they would look even better wrapped around my cock... but then I remember the shit that always comes out of your mouth, and I just want to throw up." He says, looking at me with disgust.
The second he ends his sentence I am also finished with his tie, and I grab it in a fist to pull him with it closer towards me.
"Tsk. Adriano, we both know you are just miserable because you know you will never know the feeling of me being wrapped around you. But I can tell you something. You miss out on the best fucking thing in the world just because you are not worth it. You don't deserve me but let's be honest you couldn't handle me anyway." I answer, giving him a dirty look, and step back, letting go of his tie.
He just continues to grin at me and then grabs my shoulders to turn me around so I can look into the mirror, him standing behind me.
"Give me your wrist," Adriano says, and I roll my eyes at him before holding my arm up.
He takes it and then puts carefully the bracelet adorned with emeralds and diamonds on my wrist.
Then he takes the necklace and lays it on my chest, while we are both looking at our reflection in the mirror. He doesn't take his eyes off us for a second while hooking it in.
Adriano lays his hand on my chest, my breath hitching at the sudden contact.
He travels it up to my neck our gazes locked in the mirror.
He grabs my chin and turns my head slightly to the side and then lifts his other hand to put the first earring in. The entire time I am paralyzed. I can't move and I forget to breathe. I am just focused.
I am focused on us.
I am focused on his warm breath on my neck.
I am focused on his expensive scent that is rising my nose.
I am so fixated on us that I don't even realize at first that he is finished with putting my jewelry on.
He puts his harsh hands on my arms, his thumbs softly caressing my skin, goosebumps appearing on my skin. I hear him chuckle and then our gaze lock again in the mirror.
"It's a shame that such a beautiful dress is worn by such an ugly person. It's a waste of money that this expensive fabric is on the skin of such a disgusting creature, Amara." Adriano says, his voice suddenly sounding so cold, a sinister smirk plastered on his face.
His harsh words cause me to snap out of my trance and I rip my hands away from him.
I turn around, looking him into his eyes.
He wants me to be mad.
Angry.
Furious.
Maybe even sad.
But I won't give him this satisfaction.
So, I give him nothing.
"Baby, you really think that you hurt my feelings? Pathetic. I have been called worse. Your future wife for example." I say, letting out a chuckle before rolling my eyes.
I take my hand and put it on his cheek, my thumb brushing his lip.
"We should go now. We can't let our guests wait, can we?" I state, with a sinister smile on my face.
"You are right. We would be such bad hosts." He answers and then walks to the door, opening it for me.
I walk past him and out of the room into the hallway. After a few steps, I stop looking back. He walks towards me and offers me to hook in my arm.
"I don't have to tell you to behave, do I?" He says, raising an eyebrow with a playful grin on his face.
"I could say the same about you. I may fucking hate you but what's mine is mine. If you only even glance at another woman who isn't of interest to us you would wish I could fucking kill you." I say, meaning every word.
I want to start walking again but he grabs my arm with his other hand holding me back.
He looks me deep into my eyes, his features giving nothing away.
I frown at him when he suddenly starts to look uncertain of his next move.
"Don't get us killed...and be safe. Ok?" He says before straightening his posture motioning for us to start walking.
I let out a snort and give him a short nod before I shift my gaze away from him, looking forward.
We walk around the corner, the noises getting louder the closer we get to the stairs.
When we are there, we stop and look down at the ballroom.
The old castle is decorated in dark colors, mostly black and dark shades of green. The room is filled with hundreds of people in gowns and expensive suits. Everything screams luxury, power, and hate.
If people from the outside would see this, they would be stunned and couldn't keep their eyes away. They would think this is a ball for the richest of the richest and it sort of is, but they don't see what we see.
A room, full of the most dangerous creatures in the world.
They maybe give each other smiles or make compliments but this is all just fake, and we are aware of it.
If you pick out two random men in here who seem like they are talking about the weather, you can be sure that they both have at least one loved person who got killed by the other and now want blood.
They act like they wouldn't want to risk a war but that's all they care about.
We are blood-thirsty monsters.
We like the sight of it because it makes us feel powerful.
In some way, we hate killing but we can't live without it.
An addict can only recover when he truly wants it but we don't.
That's why we will never stop.
Adriano and I take the first step down the stairs and just like that the entire room turns quiet, every gaze directing at us.
A sinister smile is playing on my face, not showing what it does to me being here.
My gaze is traveling around in the room while we are walking down.
When we arrive down there my father gives us an encouraging nod from across the room while my mother toasts her champagne glass at us.
Alessandro and Francesca are sitting directly next to them at the table and stand up when they see us motioning for us to come to them.
We ignore the other people who already want to talk to us and walk towards the Calvetti's.
"Oh, Amara you look fabulous in this dress." Francesca greets me with a smile and then pulls me towards her, giving both of my cheeks a kiss.
When will she ever understands that I hate it when she does this?
I try to keep my smile on when I thank her.
"Sit down. We will give our speech now and then you will say a few words by yourself. Are we clear?" Alessandro states.
Adriano and I do exactly that and everyone except his parents take their seat again.
Francesca takes her champagne glass and uses a knife to make a noise, signalizing for everyone to be quiet and listen.
"Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen and with this, I warmly welcome you to this solemnity. As you already know, we have gathered today to celebrate the coming union of two families, two dynasties. In a few days my son, Adriano Calvetti will take his beloved Amara Thorne as his wife. With this he will also overtake the business and Alessandro will step aside to make room for the new era. But now I don't even want to keep talking around but let the happy couple say a few words." Francesca says, with a big smile plastered on her face.
Her husband is standing next to her with a blank face expression letting the woman next to him play the role that was forced onto her the day she married him.
A role they will want to force onto me too.
Francesca gives me an expectant look and then Adriano's parents sit down again in their seats next to us. All eyes in the room are on us as we rise.
I look at Adriano who gives me a nod to signalize that I should start to talk.
You can do this.
Don't panic, you are trained for this.
This is all you are here for. To smile and act.
I gulp before I travel my gaze around in the room and open my mouth to speak.
"My fiancé and I also welcome you warmly to this celebration. It is truly an honor for me to celebrate the announcement of this association and soon, the wedding with you. The alliance between the two empires exists for years and now we can finally show our unbreakable bond in front of you and God when we will vow to each other our loyalty. I hope you will enjoy this ball as much as we will and now let's dance and have fun." I say with a fake smile plastered on my face.
Adriano has his hand wrapped around my waist while I am talking to pull me closer to him.
I gulp again as I finish my sentence and Adriano lets go of my waist to take two champagne glasses from the table, handing one to me.
"I agree with everything my beautiful fiancée just said and now we're toasting." Adriano's deep voice sounds next to my ear.
We all lift our glasses.
"To indestructible connections and the blood that will be shed between us all." Adriano finishes, with a smirk, and we all toast to his words.
What a suitable sentence, Adriano.
Then after everyone has raised their glasses to their lips and I put mine on the table, I look back at him, who is already holding out his hand to me.
"Amara Thorne, would you do me the honor and give me this first dance." He asks, looking me deep into my eyes.
Do I have a choice?
Not in this life.
"It would be a pleasure," I answer laying my hand in his.
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