As time went on and the weekend rolled around, Hamilton found himself indeed in a better frame of mind, his thoughts no longer dreading the unknown, comfortable in the knowledge that things were under control. He spent less time stuck in his head and more spending it with Thomas. With the weather slowly getting warmer and warmer the Virginian revived his long-lost love for gardening, investing more of his time into making the back garden look nice with bountiful rose bushes, and making sure his vegetables were on the right path.
The hands on the clock had just passed one in the afternoon, the sun in the apogee of the sky was causing the temperature to rise, making this one of the warmest days of the year so far. Jefferson was on his knees, elbows deep in the dirt, transplanting one of his bushes because it wasn't getting enough sunlight, Alexander by his side handing him tools when needed. Despite his non-demanding involvement, the younger man was sporting about as much sweat on his brow as his kneeling, dirt-covered counterpart. The sun, high in the sky, was blinding him as he stood dutifully with tools either in his hands or within reach, to easily pass them to Thomas, like a nurse to a surgeon. The older man was nearly done when he noticed the tired, heavy breathing over his head.
"Is everything alright, Darling?"
"Hmm" The Caribbean man hummed, drawn out of his daze.
Jefferson stood up to look his lover in the face when Alex almost tripped, taking a lazy step back with his eyes closed. The darker man quickly reached for him before he could fall and held him steady.
"You should go inside and rest, you've been standing here long enough."
"But you're not done." The shorter man complained. "I have to help."
"It's alright, I'm just about finished, you can go inside."
"But I don't want to." His eyes were still closed - not because of the sun shining on his face but from exhaustion. He had never anticipated gardening would take so long.
"Alex, go inside. I don't want you getting a heat stroke just because you were too stubborn to rest when you clearly need it. You're barely standing as is." The taller man huffed.
Without another word, they set the tools aside and Thomas helped him walk back to the house, guiding him to the kitchen for a glass of water and later to the sofa where he could take a nap. Only once he was certain Alex wasn't going to walk somewhere when he turned his back, did he go back to pampering his garden.
Laying on the sofa, Alexander tried to unwind, letting his tired mind drift away from him far where he couldn't reach but the incessant movements of his daughter kept bringing him back to reality. They were by no means painful but, the constant flutter within him was too hard to ignore. He laid there hoping for the nuisance to subside and the hopefully, following sleep. Although it couldn't have passed more the twenty minutes when the doorbell rang at the front of the house, meaning Thomas couldn't have heard it, and it was now Hamilton's job to see who it was. Reluctantly he moved from the comfy couch and headed for the front door, his mind was still unsteady when he grabbed the handle and without a second thought, he pulled the door open. One, two, three seconds passed before he heard a sobering "Hi" in an all too familiar female voice. His eyes focused on his friend's face as he shut the door in terror, leaning against it as if his added weight would make it impossible to breach. He stood there, confused whether he had truly seen who he thinks he had seen when the voice was heard again through the door.
"Can I come in, Alex? I know you're there."
Her tone of voice was normal, without a drop of anger or offense.
"I'm sorry if this feels unannounced, I texted Thomas earlier, I thought he would've told you."
That could have very well been true, but Thomas hadn't seen his phone all day, choosing to leave it inside while his hands get dirty.
Seconds drew out as Alexander racked his brains for what to do. Eliza had been on his mind for weeks and now she was at his door. Had he willed her back into his life? Sure, they were on good terms but, showing up unannounced wasn't something either of them did. And how did she know where he lived? Too many questions were arising for his own good, Alexander grabbed the door handle and this time, very carefully opened the door, making sure only his head stuck out.
"Eliza?"
He still wasn't sure this was happening. Maybe he had indeed managed to fall asleep and this was all a dream. That would make sense, right?
"Alexander."
She smiled and to him, her smile hadn't aged a day.
"What are you doing here?" He anchored his chin on the edge of the door, trying to act innocent as if he hadn't just shut the door in her face.
"Seeing as we haven't seen each other in a while, I thought I'd come by and see how you were doing. Or maybe you want to go for a walk?" She pointed towards the concrete sidewalk behind her.
The young man thought back to his aching feet and the atrocious heat that plagued any sun-covered surface and instantly disliked the idea. He opened the door wider so she could come in, still making sure to hide behind the piece of wood.
"Go ahead and sit down." He invited her to the sofa, trying to figure out how to explain his changed physique.
"Do you want anything to drink? Coffee, tea?" He ran to the kitchen for his next hiding spot.
"... a tea, would be nice..." She answered confused as she barely had any time to speak before Alex disappeared.
He scrambled, making a cup of tea, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end. He looked out from behind the wall that separated the kitchen and the living room, Eliza sat by herself, looking around the room, taking everything in. Soon enough the tea was ready but Alexander was not. He handed her the cup over the sofa, still trying so hard to hide in plain sight.
"Aren't you going to sit down?"
"No, I'm fine over here." He lied as he propped his elbows on the hip-high piece of furniture, his distended stomach acting like a lead weight, painfully pulling down on his spine.
"Alexander..."
"Yes." He smiled putting up a front.
Eliza sighed at the sight, she didn't believe any of it, she knew him too well.
"I know about you and Thomas, you don't have to hide it."
The shorter man stood up straight, a frown on his face.
"You know?"
She patted the seat beside her, and he followed, slumping down in disbelief.
"Well, I don't know everything so you can fill me in but, I know you're having a baby, congratulations." Her excitement wasn't reciprocated.
"Heh, thanks..." Alex was still in shock.
The air between them stilled and neither of them was sure of what to say. Alex cupped his stomach with one hand in deep thought and Eliza couldn't tear her eyes away from the gesture, thinking it was cute and precious.
"How do you know any of this? Hold on - how do you even know Thomas? You guys never met." He frowned.
"Actually, we did, a little over a week ago. He spoke to me about you but, didn't divulge everything. He wasn't comfortable with telling me things without your knowledge. He's such a sweet man." She recalled their conversation.
"What?! Whe- what did he sa- I'm going to kill him."
The brunet quickly stood up with all the intentions of going to yell at his lover but Eliza grabbed him by the wrist just in time.
"Alexander, don't. He was worried about you, that's all." The other sat back down.
"But why go to you? He could've gone to anyone - Lafayette, James, well, maybe not James but, why you?"
"You tell me. Was there something on your mind lately? Someone?" She suggested.
The shorter man sighed, resigned.
"I can't help it, we were together for so long, I can't help and think; what if it would have worked out?" The tiniest of guilty tears pricked at his eyes.
"It's okay, it's not your fault."
"It is though. Look at me - you and I could have never had kids, my dick is useless." He dejected.
"We could've adopted Alex, there's plenty of kids out there who need parents..."
"But you wanted this so bad. We never explicitly talked about it but I could tell, you wanted to be a mother, you wanted this." The Caribbean man grabbed ahold of his friend's hand and placed it on his belly for emphasis.
"I feel guilty, I get to experience something that you can not, yet deeply desire." He confessed.
Eliza looked solemn, her eyes cast downwards.
"Alexander... Not everything is always your fault. It's not that it never worked - it's that they were never viable."
"What do you mean?" The words completely perplexed the young man.
"I did get pregnant a couple of times but, I miscarried each time."
The atmosphere around them turned quiet, they held each other's hands in understanding, almost in mourning.
"We're one fucked up pair, that's for sure." Alex spoke quietly and then started to chuckle, his chuckle turning into laughter so infectious, Eliza began to laugh herself.
"It's not always your fault, you don't have to feel guilty. Maybe it was your sperm that wasn't good enough, maybe it was my uterus that wasn't good enough, we'll never know. And as to how it would have been if it had worked out... It doesn't matter. You have a better relationship now, that's more important than anything. Keep that man and never let him go, there aren't many like him, Alex."
"I know..." The young man cast his eyes downwards at his abdomen, guarding it gently in his arms.
"You'll do great."
"Huh?"
"It'll be alright, this is a learning curve for every parent to be, I can see the worry on your face and I'm sure Thomas gets just as scared or worried as you do."
"You're starting to sound like him." Hamilton scoffed.
The woman laughed.
"Because what I'm saying is true Alex, and I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings at all, but if you just give it a chance..."
"And what if I do give it a chance and fuck everything up?" He pushed.
"No Alex - that's not how it works. YES. You will fuck up but, you don't have to be perfect - no one is, and it's okay to make mistakes, just recognize that they happened and work towards making it better."
The conversation stilled once more.
"I'm so scared, Eliza."
The younger man's hormones had him all over the place that day.
"I'm so fucking scared I'll turn into my father." He choked up.
"Oh, sweetheart." She hugged him briefly. "Believe me, you are so far from it. You have so much compassion and empathy Alexander, that will never happen. Your father was a despicable scumbag who didn't care about his family and you are the complete opposite. Trust me, I know you." She smiled, earnest.
Her last sentence was full of confidence and certainty. The shorter man chuckled.
"That you do..." He sniffled.
"I'm certain, once you see your little one's face, you'll fall in love so hard, you'll never want to leave them."
Alex smiled, once again looking at his stomach, this time caressing it fondly.
"I'm in love with her already." The corner of his mouth tugged at his cheek.
"Her?"
"It's a girl, we found out a few days ago." He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.
"That's wonderful!"
"Yeah, and neither of us knows how to care for a girl so, you're going to help us." He ordered.
"As long as it means I'll get to see you more often, then I'm all for it. Are you guys happy, or did you maybe want a boy?"
"I didn't really have a preference but Thomas had guessed it a while ago. He was talking about how he thinks it's a little girl and how she's going to be his princess."
Eliza cooed at the thought.
"Yeah, you think that's cute? You should've seen his face when he found out - total terror." The pair of friends laughed.
"Whose face?" Came the sudden voice from behind them, making them both jump.
The pair looked at Jefferson's befuddled face and started laughing all over again.
"Hi Miss- I mean, Eliza. I see you two are having fun..." The older man smiled.
"We haven't talked in a while so yeah, we're enjoying ourselves. Oh, Eliza, your tea is gonna turn cold." The brunet had just noticed the cup, on the coffee table, long since forgotten.
"Well, I'm glad you're happy. I'm going to take a shower."
The taller man leaned over the back of the couch and wrapped his arms around his lover, his big hands covering up the younger man's bump as he gave him a kiss upside down where his jaw met his neck. He lingered in the embrace and squeeze tighter around the shorter man, nuzzling into his neck.
"NO, Thomas, let me go! You're all sweaty and dirty." He protested.
The Virginian squeezed tighter at the words before finally releasing him from his death grip, laughing as he walked up the stairs.
"Gosh..."
Alexander grumbled making Eliza laugh at him from behind her warm cup of tea.
"Hold on, you have some dirt on your cheek." She chuckled as she helped him brush it off with her thumb.
Alex slipped a quiet thanks, as Eliza set her tea back on the coffee table.
"I have to ask - how? How is this even possible? I mean, this is incredible, Alex."
"Well..." The younger man took a deep breath in.
"When mommy and daddy love each other very much-"
"Oh, stop it." The woman slapped her friend's upper arm playfully, tired of the incessant jokes. He hadn't changed.
***
The pair of friends kept up their playful banter with bits and pieces where Alex filled in the blanks in the stories Thomas had told, allowing Eliza to get the full picture of their relationship. He told her how they had met and the subsequent five years under Washington's employ, he told her about the night of the office party and how their relationship had blossomed from there. He let her in on his fears and anxieties, allowing for a sort of catharsis for the time being. All in all, once Eliza had left for the day, Alexander had to admit that he felt good about having talked things out with her. He acknowledged how much, sharing your thoughts with someone can do for your psyche.
Decidedly tired, he had concluded the bed would be a far more comfortable place to nap. The sofa wasn't uncomfortable but it was no match for Jefferson's exquisite bed. The Caribbean man had just opened the door when he saw Thomas standing by his dresser in nothing but a towel, picking out his socks, and completely lost the little bit of self-confidence he still had.
"Well, look who it is..." Thomas teased from his spot.
The brunet said nothing and just laid down on the bed.
"Hey, what's up?" The darker man had managed to slip on a pair of boxer briefs and jumped up on the bed to see what was the matter.
"It's nothing."
"How come? You guys were having so much fun downstairs, I could hear you laugh from all the way over here and now you slumped at the sight of me."
The younger man wondered whether he should be honest with his partner and tell him why he was acting like that regardless of how stupid it might be.
"It's really- it's stupid, I walk in on you in a towel and just..."
"And just what?"
"I feel bad about my body, okay...." He blurted out quickly and hid his face in his hands, trying to avoid the topic.
"I just walk in on you looking effortlessly perfect and lose all the positive self-image I had."
"Hey, no, Alex, come on." The taller man tugged at the other's wrists so he could see his face.
"I'm not perfect, look. I gained some sympathy weight." He grabbed a small bit of flab on his stomach in an effort to make the other man feel better.
It might have been true that Thomas had gained a pound... or six, but it didn't compare. Alexander peaked out from his hands and chuckled.
"It's because you're sitting, Thomas, everyone has rolls when they sit."
"Alex, we talked about this. It's not fat-"
"...not fat, it's a baby, it needs room to grow. I know, I remember." He completed the sentence calmly.
"Exactly."
"But it's hard, it's not as simple as you make it sound, there's a lot going on in my brain."
The Virginian slumped.
"I know, I'm sorry. I just don't know what I could do to help." The pair was now equally as bummed out.
"You can't do anything but, I appreciate you want to help. All I can do now is wait till this is over, and I can get back to my old self." He absentmindedly laid a hand on his distended stomach.
Thomas's large hand joined his in admiration.
"You've gotten awfully handsy lately, you know that?" The younger man teased.
Thomas chuckled, embarrassed.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"You don't, it's fine." He reassured.
"I don't know why that is really. I can't help myself, there's this animalistic part of me that really enjoys you being like this. I like how round your cheeks have gotten. It's cute." Jefferson brushed his partner's cheek with his thumb and pinched it.
"Ow, hey!" Alexander slapped the offensive hand.
"Don't tell me my cheeks are round, that makes it worse." He blushed making the taller man chuckle.
"I also can't wait until I get to feel her, move. Come on. Why can't I?" He pressed a bit harder on Alex's belly as if that would help.
"I don't know." The shorter man laughed. "Maybe read about it online. I'm sure you'll find all you want to know on some website."
"Yeah, you're probably right..." He sighed, resigned.
Gently, Thomas pushed Alex down on the bed and lifted his shirt, exposing the mound to the air.
"Let me see her, I don't get to do that often enough."
The brunet laughed hard, his whole body bouncing rhythmically.
"Do you have superpowers, you've got ultrasound vision? Cuz there's not much to look at." He kept laughing.
"Nah... this is all I need." The Virginian marveled, his voice calm and soft as he left a tender kiss on the taut, warm surface.
"You're belly button popped out... and you're getting stretch marks." He pointed out, tracing one of them with his digit, Alex sucked his stomach in, involuntarily.
"You're tickling me." He grabbed Thomas's hands so he'd stop, and pressed them down on his skin.
"I hope they won't be too bad, you've got such pretty skin."
"Oh really?" The younger man was surprised by the compliment.
"Yeah, I love your skin tone."
"And I love yours." He complimented back.
"We're going to make one pretty baby." Thomas mused to himself.
Alexander laughed once more.
"Well, at least I'll have what to scold her with when she misbehaves. I'll be like, -look at this, this is your fault, you ruined my body-." He put on a fake, angry voice.
"You don't mean that, do you?" A concerned frown formed on the older man's forehead.
"Of course not Thomas, I'm joking. Jesus, who would I be if I did such a thing?"
The taller man breathed a sigh of relief.
"Don't say things like that." He pouted.
"Alright, I won't."
The flow of the conversation had stalled, the couple just embracing each other's presence.
"Wanna take a nap with me?" Alexander asked sleepily, remembering why he had come there in the first place.
Thomas didn't even say a word and moved from the covers, grabbing one end and throwing the fabric over both of their bodies. They spooned under the covers, Jefferson's clean and bare limbs, wrapped around Hamilton's clad form.