CHAPTER 41
Feelings- (noun; emotion) Something that sucks to be real because it does nothing but make you feel worse.
"Jacob, I am sorry." I say into the phone.
"Kaitlyn?" He asks. "Can you explain at least."
"I'm sorry...I can't." I say.
"Meet me at the cafe in twelve." He says.
"But Jacob..." he already hung up by now.
I grab my keys, not even caring that I look like crap. If you aren't happy then why even care? I haven't been eating much, or taking care of myself much. I now know why they call it a heartbreak. My heart actually hurts.
The cafe he is talking about is downtown. It has bright blue doors and a yellow inside. Jacob has brought me here once before. This is also the cafe where we figured out about Lexi. I like this place though. Everyone is so nice!
"Kaitlyn..." Jacob says when I walk through the door.
He looks like crap too. He threw on sweatpants and a sweaty shirt. He looks tired, but not too tired. I probably look worse. He also looks kind of scared. I'm scared. I don't know what to do.
"Here." He says, guiding me to a table.
I sit down and order a water, while he orders a Coke. Neither of us order food. We are both too sad to eat. I don't know, I just can't right now. I don't know what to tell him. I want to just throw myself back at him and beg his forgiveness....but I can't.
We stare at each other awkwardly and he keeps opening and closing his mouth as if he wants to say something. He can't seem to find the words. I just stare at him, and when he meets my eyes, I look towards the ground.
"Can you at least explain?" He finally says.
"Explain what?" I ask.
"Why you broke up with me? I just doesn't make sense, Kaitlyn." He says.
"I killed...." tears start to fall now. "I killed Lexi."
"WHAT?! Who told you that?" He demands.
"Someone who was right." I say.
"My mom." he says.
"What?" I ask.
"I heard her blame you before...for my father. She did this didn't she?" He asks.
"Yes." I say, looking at the ground.
"Babe, you can't let people manipulate you like that. Let's go talk to her and explain how we aren't breaking up.." He says.
"Jacob, I did. I killed her. She was supposed to be with you and I was in the way because I'm selfish and I'm..." The tears keep strolling.
"She wasn't supposed to be with me. I was supposed to pick her up...but she was supposed to call me. She decided to let me be. Which means she chose to take the cab. She also got hit by the driver. He was the reason she died...not you." He says.
He walks over to my side of the booth and holds me in his arms. I cry and he stays silent, holding me. The people around us either look terrified or lovesick. I kind of awkwardly walk out with Jacob.
"I'm tired of all the drama." He mumbles.
"Me too." I agree.
We get in his car and turn on the old radio station that all Tue kids our age listen to. The newest song comes on, and Jacob mutters a few words as if he knows the song but it's obvious he doesn't.
"Yeah..pretend like you know it." I mutter.
He looks at me and grins.
I smile.
"So, who did you call?" He asks.
"What?" I ask.
"I know you must have called someone when we broke up." He says.
"Oh yeah. I called Logan. He said a few things." I say.
"Well..."
Flashback...
"Logan?" I ask.
"Yeah, is this Katie?" He asks.
"Yeah...umm Jacob and I broke up and I didn't know who else to call." I say.
"Jeez, what happened?" He asks.
"Long story.... His mom made me." I say.
"That woman has always been a little crazy." he laughs.
"I guess." I mutter.
"Darling, it's going to be okay." He says.
"I don't know." I wine.
"Jacob wouldn't be able to let you go. He used to be the kind if guy to kiss and diss...screw then flew...but with you he has never been so serious. He talks about you a lot, he buys things for you, strange things remind him of you, and he loves you. He is just waiting for you to call him up and take him back. He is respecting you." He takes a breath. "We all knew you wouldn't just do that to him. You are definitely not that kind of person. You love him just as much. You two don't have the usual kiddy love that most High school kids have. You two are special and you have a love so pure that nothing could break it."
By then a few tears had collected in my eyes. Logan is good at this stuff. I know who to come to now. I tell him thank you and we both eventually hang up.
End of Flashback
"So, yeah that is what it was." I mutter.
"He is a cool dude. I wish Jack would be nicer to him." Jacob says.
"Yeah." I agree.
"Speaking of Jack...we should meet him at the basketball game. Logan too....and Shawn...and Bailey...." I say.
"Sure. I don't really care." He smiled.
We pull into his driveway. His kitchen lights are on, and we see the silhouette of her shadow through the window. She is walking around back and forth. She is either pacing of baking a cake.
She was pacing. We notice as we walk through the door. Her eyes are swollen and her hands red because she has been rubbing then for a long time. Jacob and I stare with confusion. Why would she be so...nervous? sad? panicked?
"Mom.." Jacob starts.
She lets out a huge sob, gasping for air ans runs to him. She wraps her long arms around his neck and cries. She keeps crying out "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry" over and over again. Jacob let's her interrupt.
"What?" He asks.
She turns to me and wraps her long arms around my shoulders and cries the same thing to me. Now I know that she was saying sorry for what she had told me. She felt bad and was having a breakdown.
"It isn't true." She cries. "You didn't kill her. I told you that she did and...and...AND...." she bursts into a loud bawl. "And you DIDN'T! I AM SO SO SO SORRY, KAITLYN! I am a terrible person!" She cries.
"It's okay." I sooth.
"I am sorry, but I have to go." She cries, running into her room.
Jacob and I watch her leave and we turn to head to the car. It isn't like we want to leave her like this...it is that we know we must. She wanted to be alone, and I know that when I say that, it's true. Sometimes more than anything.
He opens the door for me, and runs around and opens the car door. I get in and turn up the radio. He looks at me and we both start singing random....wait...SCREAMING random words as if it is the right words.
Once we pull into the parking lot, we see Jack and Logan sitting with popcorn and cheesy baseball caps. Bailey is sorting by them with her perfect hair and everything. Jack immediately stands up and hugs me and Jacob.
"So guys..." I say.
"We are all back together." Jack mutters with a grin.
Logan nods.
"Katie, Jacob,and Logan against the world." Jacob says.
"And Bailey and Shawn." I smile.
I look down at the field. "Even Leslie..." I say.
We all laugh or smile.
We also know that Lexi is here with us to...even if we can't see her.
I turn to Jacob and smile. He grins back. His grin makes my heart melt, and I feel loose in the seat. He pulls me toward him and kisses me. I kiss back passionately. His lips make me want to faint. Who knew....every day....just a little bit..... I was falling for the bad boy.
THE END