When you want something badly, it's hard to keep your eyes off it.
Needless to say, the last weeks of summer spent at the Potter residence, I found myself increasingly distracted: frustrated.
Chats with Euphemia in the kitchen while she baked apple crumble, grilling in the sun with Fleamont, board games in the evening (these always ended in some high-spirited argument or another). Sirius would walk past the kitchen; he'd catch my eye and smile, and I'd completely forget where we were in the conversation. Sirius would steal a bite of food from the cutting board before it became victim to the grill, grin and wink at me, and I'd lose feeling in my limbs. Sirius would lean forward beside me to move his token on the board, the smell of his hair and a lingering scent of the days sweat would fill my nostrils and I'd find it hard to know what do when it was my turn right after.
I was almost ashamed of myself, losing my mind over a boy.
I just wished we could have some time alone together again, not that I expected anything to happen then. I was far too insecure to make a move, and Sirius probably hadn't even considered it. It was all in my head.
On the other hand, Sirius had been looking at me a lot. We had a few inside jokes between us by now, and sent each other a look whenever the Potters had their own inside jokes, as most families do.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
I had been staring out of the train window, watching the nature fly by, looking back on the summer that had been.
I turned around. Remus was smiling at me. We were the only two in the compartment.
"Where did all the others go?" I asked, obviously referring to James, Sirius, and Peter. I hadn't notice them leave.
"Out to hunt down the trolley," He answered, "I think they asked twice if anyone else wanted anything."
I sighed, "Sorry Remus. I think the first thing I'll do when I get money is buy a pensieve, I have an overwhelming amount of unwelcome and irritating thoughts. On the other hand, if you gave me a penny for each of them, I might have enough for a pensieve."
"I think I know how you feel." Remus said, still smiling, but looking tired.
I laid my head in his lap and stretched my legs out on the carriage seats, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes. Cleopatra purred lightly as she folded herself onto my chest.
After a while, I spoke up, "I'm glad we're all together again. That, at least, is an improvement from last year."
"Yeah," Remus replied, "Last year was pretty shit. I'm sorry we didn't spend as much time together."
"Don't be! I should have made more of an effort. Lets just agree we'll see more of each other this year."
"Yeah." Remus repeated, and rested his hand lightly on my head.
"We've got frogs, we've got liccy wands, lots of beans, and a bunch of pasties."
Someone threw something at me, and I abruptly opened my eyes. The others had returned, and James had thrown me a packet of licourice wands; my favourite.
I straightened up, holding on to Cleopatra so she wouldn't fall off, and smiled at the others, "Thanks, James."
"I bought you them." Sirius said quickly, and moved quickly to sit on my other side.
"Oh, well, thank you then."
As I moved to face Sirius, I felt Remus poke me gently in my back, and resisted the urge to giggle or do anything else that was stupid.
The rest of the train ride passed quickly, it seemed I had been looking out of the window for a long time. Though we all walked out of the train together and looked for an empty carriage we could all sit in, I felt wistfully alone as I looked at the castle. It felt as though I was the only one who hadn't been looking forward to return.
We had just found a carriage when the boys bumped into some of James' quidditch friends, so I climbed in while they caught up outside.
"Why so quiet?" Sirius asked. He had followed me into the carriage.
"Mm, I'm just tired. Long day." It wasn't exactly a lie, I felt exhausted most days now.
Sirius looked at me sceptically and had opened his mouth to question me further when James, Remus, and Peter climbed in and the carriage rumbled forwards.
---
The Great Hall, which had once seemed so wonderous and welcoming now felt overwhelmingly loud and crowded. I sat down at the very end of the Gryffindor bench closest to the door, and the boys followed suit.
Dumbledore spoke a few words and the sorting began. The boys started talking among themselves, but I found it hard to follow their conversations and was simply yearning to go to the peaceful common room, or, even better, to bed.
I ate fast and little, wanting to be able to leave fast, and as I was about to climb out, James pulled me down.
"You have to wait for Dumbledore's speech, at least."
I groaned. "I'd forgotten that."
James put his hand on my shoulder, and I took a deep breath. I didn't have to wait long, though. The food cleared from the plates, I looked up the hall, and saw Dumbledore rising to his feet.
"Welcome to another year of learning!"
I let my breath out of my nose slowly, pushed my plate away and rested my arms and face on the table.
"This year, we will be trying out something new! A competition of sorts, The Interhouse Championship!"
"What's that, the houses compete in magical talent and skill in attempt to inforce well-spirited competition between houses, but will really end up in more spiteful rivalry?" I hissed, knowing it was cynical but not really caring.
"The first part of the Championship will be theoretical; a written test to determine who will be representing their house. This will then be followed by two practical tasks, which will for now remain secret. Anyone is welcome to enter, though I encourage you to prepare yourself well, for it is meant to challenge the very best Hogwarts has to offer. To sign up, speak to your head of house. The first task will take place in December, so you shall have time to prepare yourselves."
"Sounds about right." Concluded Remus, and shot me a strained grin.
"Come on," Said Sirius, getting up, "Dumbledore's all done, let's get out of here before everyone starts rushing out."
Remus, as a prefect, had to stay behind to guide the first years, but he told us the password in to Gryffindor tower, so Sirius, James, Peter, and I hurried ahead.
Once nestled in Remus' bed up in the boys dormitory, we started discussing the so-called Championship.
"Sounds like a rip-off of the Triwizard tournament." Said Sirius, charming a pair of slippers to walk around on their own, "Merlin, I've missed doing magic."
"I suppose they just see it as a way of motivating people to study harder. A goal to work towards. But we all know it's going to end up as a bloodbath between the houses." I sighed.
"But.." Peter interjected, "We're all going to enter, right?"
"'Course we are," James said, sending sparks towards Sirius' walking slippers.
"I dunno," I muttered, "Seems like an awful lot of bother."
"Sounds like someone's afraid of losing to me." Sirius smirked at me, and I rolled my eyes at him.
"As if. I guess it's a great opportunity to map out which areas of magic you could do better in, the test that is. Like a practice exam." I said dully, hating that I had to think sensibly.
I laid back, sniffing in all the familiar scents. It wasn't that bad being back. It had just felt so overwhelming, but laying here, listening to James and Sirius laugh and joke, it still did feel like home.
*****A/N*****
800 votes!!
I don't deserve them, I really should update more. I've not even busy, I've just been stuck in my head. I have so much I want to do with the story that starting up again seems like such a big deal, but (again) I promise I will try.
Thank you for the support,
Lots of Love,
21stCenturyMarauder <3