Today I woke up with a headach. Not a terribly noticeable one, just a dull aching coming from a far off corner of my mind. Typically a person would shove something like this off. Maybe drink some water and take it easy for the day. That's what I should be doing. With my abilities, my mind can become overwhelmed fairly frequently. Headache arent new, they arent strange. This one though...it's so subtle. So subtle that it seems like a sign. As if I still needed any of those to tell me I'm screwed.
Finally I reach the end of my secret shortcut hallway and take a breath. I havent exactly been what you would call excited to go back to class, to be around everyone who saw what I did yesterday. Even just from my breaf walks yesterday I could tell they were scared of me...they should be scared. No matter what Jean or Scott said, or however they may feel, that dosent change the fact that even Hank was concerned by mt current state. He never got around to telling me exactly what is wrong with me, but the idea was clear enough. Besides, I highly doubt he really knows anyways.
Despite the inevitable reactions I would rather not put myself through, theres currently only three minutes until class starts, and even I know that walking in late is a thousands times worse then mingling in with everyone else. So I push my feet forward and walk into the main hallway, where people are buzzing around, making there way to first period.
Surprisingly though, theres someone standing at the front door, who is definitely grabbing peoples attention more than me. Her blonde hair is curled into a million loose ringlets and for a moment I dont even recognize who she is. Well, until I seep into her mind and flashbacks come tumbling into my head so fast that I nearly puke. I try to control them like usural, but for some reason all of my actions seem to be no use. Panic runs through me as I'm instantly reminded of one of the worst days of my life. The look my dad gave me before he sent me falling to the floor. The gun clattering out of her hands. The tears that stained my face as I told my friend I never wanted to hear from him again. Worst of all hough, I'm reminded of yesterday. Of what happening the last time control escaped me.
"Estelle?"
I blink hard and the room goes back to normal. I dont know how long I've just been standing here, but the hall seems to have cleared out. The only people remaining being a teenage boy, whose probably only a few years older than me, and...
"Mystique." I say, the word coming out like sandpaper against my tongue.
She walks down the stairs and comes to my side. "I didn't know you were attending this school."
"I was the first student," I say, awkwardly. "So um...no ones seen you since...you know."
She nods her head, seeming to acknowledge that I don't really want to talk about it. "Youve grown a lot. I mean, I didn't see you much last year but when I used to know you-"
"I was seven." I interrupt her. "So uh...yeah, I've grown."
My words come out semi harsh, but in my defense this isnt exactily how I pictured my day going. When I think of Mystique, all that comes to my mind are past memories I'd rather forget. It's not her fault, but having her stand here infront of me, something inside whispers that it is. That all of this is her fault. If she hadn't come today then I could have moved forward, maybe even figured out what conflict is going on inside of me. Now though? All my mind will think of is my regrets, of the past. The very thing that I've been told is my doom. So I guess that beggs the question, how much of the future did we actually change? How many things are beyond the limits of fate?
"Are you doing alright?" She asks after a moment of deafening silence.
I lie through my teeth, "I'm great. I'm guessing though, since you're here...you're not."
She smiles a bit. "You didn't have to read my mind to get that, did you? You've always been perceptive."
"Thanks," I murmur. "I mean, coming from you that means a lot."
"From me?" She furrows her brows.
I let a small laugh escape my lips. "Well uh...it's kinda stupid now but I used to practicly idolize you."
She smirks slightly. "Really?"
"How couldn't I? You're brave and witty and beautiful-" I list off like an idiot meeting a celebrity. "Anyways, why are you here?"
"I-"
"Raven."
We both turn to the right, only to see Hank starring forward like he's seen a ghost. Last year, he told me that he loved her. He also said that love was like reaching for the best thing in the world, but having it always be just out of your grasp. At the time I dont think I understood what he meant, I still dont think I fully do. Watching the two adults infront of me though, it's clear that they both want eachother very much. It's just as clear though that because of the lives they live, they most likely will never get more than a handful of moments together to carry them through life.
He chuckles a bit as he walks forward. "Wow...um...I...you're..."
"Not blue?" She suggests, jokingly. "Looks like you and I have that in common now."
"No, no, I meant, uh..." He stares off into her eyes and his loving thoughts are so loud that they slightly break through the wall my headband puts up, then again the thing has been working sporadically anyways. "You're back. Never thought I'd see you here again."
See her here again? That suggests that she's been to the school before? I guess it is true that this place used to be some kind of home, and Raven is Charles adopted sister. Maybe they stayed here for a time? Normally I'd just open my mouth and ask, but I'd feel pretty bad if I ruined there moment.
Mystique nods at Hanks words. "Yeah, me neither."
It's quiet for a bit, neither of them seeming to know what to say. Finally, Hank opens his mouth but right as he's about to speak someone cuts him off.
"I'm blue."
I jump slightly at the sight of the boy from earlier. I guess I assumed he'd have gone off to class by now. Looking closser at him though, he dosent seem familiar at all. I'm fairly certain that I've never seen him here before.
"Who are you?" I question, rasing a brow.
He smiles and responds in a heavy accent. "I'm Kurt."
"Oh, right." Mystique shakes her head as if she'd completely forgotten about the boy.
He seems to get a little more awkward at that. "Kurt Wagner..."
"Welcome." Hank says, reaching out and shaking Kurts hand. "Usurally we'd send you to Professor Xavier to show you around a bit but sinse he's off campus at the moment I guess I'll-"
"I can show him around." I interrupt.
A look of relief floods through Hanks eyes. "Really?"
"Yeah," I shrug. "I mean, I do need some kind of scheme to get out of class. Being the designated tour guide doesn't seem too bad."
Hank smiles and sends a silent message my way, 'thank you.'
With everything settled, I turn on my heels to start walking away when I catch a glimps at someone who instantly makes my day ten times worse.
"Um, hi." Jubilee says as she walks down the stairs. "Estelle didnt show up to class...I came down here to talk to her."
"You want to talk to me?" I question.
"Thats alright," Hank puts a hand on each of our shoulders. "Estelles was just about to give our new Student Kurt a tour of the school. Why dont you ocompiny them, Jubilee?"
"Really?" She asks with a smile.
"Really?" I groan.
Hank seems to chose to focus on Jubilees deminor. "Of course. Just be sure to get back to class before lunch, okay?"
"Totally." Jubilee beams. "This is going to be fun."
"Yep," I say. "So much fun."
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Jubilee points ahead. "And that would be the science room."
"Biology room," I murmur.
"Um, no I'm pretty sure thats the science room." Jubilee continues, her smug smile staying plastered on her face.
I just roll my eyes. "Biology is a form of science, Jubilee."
"Well-"
"What happened in there?" Kurt interrupts her, shock heavy in his voice.
I turn the condor and bite my lip at the sight. We must have circled around at some point and ended up at the backdoor to the cafeteria, if you could even still call it that. Even now, tables and chairs lay on the scratched floor, torn to pieces by...well, me.
Jubilee comes to my side. "I'm sure Estelle would be able to explain it best, right Elle?"
In that moment, in the deafening silence...I swear I hear the hint of a whisper.
"What I said to you yesterday," I start in a sincere voice. "I wasnt lying."
She seems slightly shocked at my wors but in the end she just straightens her shoulders. "So what? I'm a closet bitch. No one cares, not after what you did."
"I didnt mean to."
"Yeah," she nods, "but you still did."
I pause for a second, letting the reality of her words sink in. "You're right."
"Oh come on you-" She stops herself when she realizes what I just said. "Wait, what?"
"You're right," I repeat and turn to Kurt. "That mess in there? That was me, I did it. You know what the scariest part is? I really didnt mean to, but Jubilees right, I still did. So who's to say I wont do it again? Who's to say that next time wont be worse? I'm dangerous, Kurt. Do you understand that?"
He examines me for a moment before swallowing hard. "Yes."
"Great! Now that that's out of the way, let's continue the tour." I say in a louder voice. "Over there is the room I'm supposed to go to for second period but I never actually do because it's way too far away from period one. Then to the right we've got the art room that no one uses because none of the teachers here have any artistic talent..."
I ramble off like that for a while. Neither Kurt or Jubilee really have the will to stop me. To be honest, it kinda feels like something has broken inside of me. As if over the years a vital piece of myself has been slowly braking and now it stands in front of my eyes shattered, like a million peces of tinted glass. As strange as it sounds though, acting like a bit of an idiot does help me to ingore the loss. It doesn't fix me, it doesn't cure whatever is wrong, but it does do a fairly nice job at masking it away. If the world can't see it, if for a moment I cant see it, maybe thats as close as I can get to pretending the problem isn't there?
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We continue to walk into what I can guess is now lunchtime, considering the amount of people running down the halls like maniacs, or sitting down with friends in doorways. I guess there is one perk of having a destroyed cafeteria.
I stopped talking a while ago and let Jubilee take over the tour. Shes been wrong about thirty-two things so far but I just dont have the energy to keep correcting her. Besides, I'm pretty sure Kurt stopped paying attention halfway through my speech about the libraries mandate of shoes.
Finally Jubilee claps her hands. "And I think thats about it. So, how was it, Kurt? You looking forward to living here?"
He awkwardly smiles. "It's my first time living in America. I'm very excited to see your culture."
"Well your not gonna see it here."
I look forward and sure enough, there he is. Sprawled out on a blue couch, his feet propped up on the tiny coffee table.
"Scott..." And then I see who's sitting next to him. "Jean."
Scott sits up. "I mean, the only thing American about this place is that it used to be british."
A small smile unconsciously finds my lips at that and Jubilee shakes her head. "Like Estelle said, this is Scott. He's...new here too."
Based off the look on her face, I can tell she had to hold back some adjectives in that description.
"And I'm already up for a prison break," Scott says as he comes to his feet.
I look at where his eyes are hidden behind his glasses. "Been there, done that. So not as fun as they sound."
"Oh come on," he says, coming closser to me. "What do you say we take this blue guy on a little feildtrip."
"I dont know." Jean says with a frown.
I look between her and Scott. "I'd be up to go."
Jean furrows her brow. "But you just said you werent up for a prison break."
"Yeah, and I'm not." I clarify. "This is a field trip."
Scott smiles. "Exactily. I'm sure theres a mall around here somewhere."
Kurt tilts his head to the side slightly, as if he's deep in thought. "Whats a mall?"
I've got to admit, I've only really been to a mall two times in my life. Both times were definitely by force. They're nice, I guess, for most people anyways. For me though, they're tourtue machines. I swear they pack about a thousand people into this huge confined space thats made out of a boatload of glass and at some point I still thought it would be an alright idea to go there.
Spoiler alert, it wasnt.
To be fair though, I havent been to one sense I got my headband. No, back then I was going in without any help. It was awful. One time an oblivious Miss Jensan even wanted to take me to the hospital becuase of my reaction, which is saying a lot coming from her. Maybe if I go today it will be different, maybe....
But thats the thing about me, nothing seems to be getting better. My headband is clearly failing and my powers only seem to be acting out in more terrifying ways. I shouldn't be trusted to go out...but what if this is my last chance? I mean, if things are just gonna keep getting worse, if I'm just gonna keep getting worse, then maybe I should try to enjoy what little control I still have.
Scott snickers a little and brings me out of my head. "Whats a mall? All right, now this is a matter of national pride. Civic duty-"
"Scott," Jean cuts him off.
He shrugs. "What? You guys have been cooped up here for a long time. And the professors not even home."
He does have a point. I mean, this place isnt a prison, but it's not exactly like we're encouraged to leave. Getting out might be nice. You know, seeing the world and having a little fun. It's almost like theres a voice in my head telling me to enjoy today, as if maybe I dont have many left.
Okay, that might be taking it a little too far. I'm not alright, but I'm definitely not...
"I know where he keeps the keys to the garage." I blurt out. "As long as one of us knows how to drive we should be set."
Jean meets my eyes. "Elle, try to think this through."
"I already have."
She sighs, not like she's annoyed but as if she's deeply concerned. "You know how risky this is, you're not acting like yourself, Elle."
With that I unexpectedly get thrown to the past, to all of the stupid things I did for fun. The countless amounts of times I ditched school to run around town and have fun. The thoughts make my heart physically ache and I try my best to push them away as fast as possible.
"Maybe you don't know the real me."
She hesitates at that, as if the realization has just hit her that...maybe she really doesn't.
Kurt raises his hand. "I-I'd like to go to the mall. Try it."
Scott smiles at that. "Allright. So, are we all going?"
Everyone looks to Jean and she looks as if she wishes her mutation was to disappear.
Finally she cracks. "Fine, but if anything happens-"
"It wont," I assure her.
She opens her mouth to respond but in the end she just nods along to my words.
"Great," Scott exclaims before turning to me. "You said something about keys?"