It's late night — almost ten minutes left until midnight.
And Taehyun still is awake.
He frequently shifts his body around, trying on different sleeping position in which he feels the most cosy with. The bed keeps on making squeaky noises which means the blonde tries hard on finding a position by pushing his whole body against the mattress.
A long mantained sigh fills the gloomy dark bedroom.
Another sigh follows after as Taehyun lays still on his back with his face, gazing straight towards nowhere, just all black. It's becoming really dark lately.
Ruffling his blonde, fuzzy hair for once, another sigh of despair leaves his mouth.
"Ugh come on Taehyun. I need to sleep now, because tomorrow will be tough. I need to work more hard!", he argues with his inner self.
But turns out it seems futile.
By switching the pocket flashlight, he trails the light through the dark room.
As he rises up from his bed, he only blankly scanning the room. Hearing soft snoring from Heeseung makes him less tense, knowing the other at least already doses off, now undergoing his dreamland.
The blonde beams his gaze to an empty bed which usually Yeonjun sleep on it.
Without thinking it's a strange mystery that Yeonjun just
got vanished, he shoves his legs near his chest by folding them up a little. His chin rests on the knees, his gaze pends on Heeseung's sleeping figure infront of him with the torchlight shining on him.
How he would gladly want to fall asleep and have a wonderful dream of Beomgyu and him, running across a corn field and the wind breezes.
Taehyun dreamly smiles at the imagine of them enjoying eachother's company. That's enough for him to feel at ease.
"It's true. We're dating."
His face sunken at this memory he recalls.
This horrible memory.
Why would Beomgyu say this? There is no way that Juhee and he were a couple all the time when he actually was his.
He squeezes the pillow tighter in his grip between his chest and knees. A weird, rough lump stucks in his throat which makes him harder to breathe steadily. His heart arches frequently since the fallen words that demolish his lovely, warm smile.
"He will explain it to me, there must be a consistent reason", Taehyun tries to convince himself through a trembling smile.
Even blind people could tell that his smile consist a lot of violation and folornness.
"Tyunie, switch off the lights." Heeseung mumbles in a really interesting pose with his eyes closed.
Heeseung frowns a bit as he still feels the light shining on his blanket so he sluggishly get up only to see a messy haired Taehyun staring at a teddy bear on his nightstand with weary eyes.
"Hey...can't sleep?"
Taehyun does not flinch at the sudden husky voice but hums faintly.
This only leads Heeseungt to be more curious. Never does he saw Taehyun in this state.
Maybe he is just sleepy? Maybe he had an nightmare and can't drift off to sleep? He couldn't tell.
So he just find himself watching a scenery where Taehyun makes himself small by folding his legs near his chest, his chin rests on his knees while he watch the teddy bear, he never saw before, with grief.
The blonde fixes his gaze to the teddy bear with an gloomy expression. So many, beautiful things does the teddy bear speaks out even though it actually cannot talk.
"It's for you."
Taehyun could exactly remember of the moment where their hands brushed together in which he feels the magic skimed over them as Beomgyu gave him this bear.
He foundly takes the teddy bear from the nightstand, hugging it firmly into his embrace along with the blanket wrapping around his body.
More glistering tears drips down as he could smell the scent of Beomgyu on this teddy since the brunette used to hugs it a lot either when they spend their time.
Can't the time just replay this goodly moment where they are happy and smiling and running through a corn field?
Where this all now would not happen and never dared to happen?
"Who's teddy is this?" Heeseung ask, still being busy with forming a habit of the light flimmering directly at his face.
"Oh sorry, did i woke you up?" Taehyun ask instead, instantly switching off the light.
"Nah it's fine, buddy but what about you? You seemed being down as we came back to the apartment? Does something bothers you?"
Yeah, there is something bothering him and he doesn't know either how to fight against this problem nor does he not know how to escape from it.
"Yes, there is something actually. But i will tell you later. You, you need to sleep now, because tomorrow's practice will be tiring as hell. You don't have to worry about me, i think a glass of milk will help."
Heeseung stares at Taehyun for a long minute before hestitately lays down back to sleep.
"Then tell Yeonjun to come back. He is not sleeping i guess" Heeseung informs, still looking at the blonde who's leaving his bed.
"You know, you can tell me everything. To be honest, I'm not sleepy now" he adds.
Taehyun nervously chuckles, pushing down the older flatly on the mattress.
"It's okay, really."
Heeseung hums, slowly shuting his eyelids closed.
Taehyun grips onto the door knob, gathering out of the room with the teddy bear in his embrace.
He walks down the hallway, but stops by the kitchen, seeing Yeonjun sitting at the kitchen counter all alone, watching the sparkly stars while happily munching his food.
The blonde male leans against the door frame, observing the raiven haired guy from behind.
"Could you pour me a glass of milk, please?"
Yeonjun fires his head to the echoing voice behind him, seeing Taehyun hugging a teddy bear in the door frame.
"Can't sleep...i see." Yeonjun says, walking to the refrigerator to take out a pack of milk.
The doorbell rings.
"Could you open the door, Tae?" Yeonjun ask, his head disapears into the fridge, sesrching for any packs.
"Fine, i gotta go."
Taehyun dashes towards to the main door, keep on reminding himself that Heeseung is sleeping so he takes the step quitely.
Meanwhile he puts the teddy bear on the ascent next the row of placing shoes and boots. As he opens the door, his eyes widen.
Beomgyu is standing infront of him.
"Hey Taehy-"
Taehyun cuts Beomgyu by rushing towards him and snaking his arms around the torso.
"I missed you." the blonde whispers, a salty tear soaks the leather jacket the brunette wears.
Beomgyu bits his lower lip, only releasing a hum.
"Beomgyu-ah..."
Taehyun releases from the hug as he notices the older didn't hug back which is unusual.
He eyes the mullet being serious and cold, heartless.
A shiver blows passes the blonde, making him feeling the thunder might roasting him.
"I saw the conference today and i don't understand."
The younger finds his way to Beomgyu's cold hands to clutch them firmly with his only to get rip off them again from the older.
Taehyun watch Beomgyu with fear eyes, realising Beomgyu distancing himself from him.
"Because it's true. I only love Juhee."
Taehyun frowns, trying on clawing towards the older's hand for the second attempt but Beomgyu just evades from it by snitching his own arm away.
"What are you talking about? Please tell me you are kidding...Beomgyu?"
The brunette just stays there, his expression is rigorous, a dead pale faced mask.
While slightly closing the door behind him, Taehyun closes the gap between them, walking further to the next wall. Beomgyu just casually walks backwards, holding an blank expression and let the blonde do.
Cupping his hand onto the soft skinned face, Taehyun directly locks his eyes with Beomgyu's, their faces inches away. He also carres them, shaking his head to show that he is not believing it.
"Beomgyu, w-what do you mean?" Taehyun ask, his voice cracks.
But Beomgyu only puts down the younger's hands, roughly removing them from his cheeks. But Taehyun tries to not let it happen.
He even doesn't kiss back as Taehyun peeks his cherry lips onto his plump lips. Instead, he harshly pushes the blonde aside which cause Taehyun to slightly hit against the wooden door.
"Just stop it. I never loved you, Taehyun."
Taehyun almost chonk out. He feels his lips trembling, touching his nape since it hurts from the nudge. He mouths a 'no' while his eyes turns glistery from the hot tears.
This is not the Beomgyu he once did know.
"I-i don't trust you. You promise me you won't leave me. Beomgyu, please I- just stop with the bad joke! Don't be serious, why-"
"Like you said back then, you trusted me.Why aren't you trusting me now? I said, i didn't love you, i never loved you a bit. Our story, everything was acting, boy. You should know me better since i'm a glamorous actor."
"N-no, wha- look into my eyes and say it again. Say that you don't love me, than i believe your words."
Beomgyu heaves out a sigh, his jaw clenches before he takes a look at Taehyun.
He could see the blonde almost about to ball out his eyes.
Beomgyu wipes up a tear, tracing his hands alongside the blonde's jawline while intensely looking at the person infront of him. This horror gaze makes Taehyun even more weak than he is right now.
"Taehyun, you better shouldn't depend your trust on a person who even doesn't love you back."
Taehyun keeps on avoiding the older's eyes since he really wants to bolt from this place. He cannot bear the words he never thought would leave the brunette's mouth.
It's tatters him into love letter shreds.
Without grace, Beomgyu tangles his finger on Taehyun's chin to let him speak the rest.
The blonde's eyes begins to swollen, his nose turns redish but he still restore a strong holding attitude as if there is nothing wrong with that but Beomgyu knows it isn't.
"Let's break up."
A soft sob is hearable in the staircase.
Taehyun breaks the eye contact, unlocking the door only to search for the teddy bear and throws it at Beomgyu which he catches with one hand.
"Then." Taehyun pauses, seeing no emotion in Beomgyu.
"Then i don't need this anymore" Taehyun mutters, shoting the brunette a broken smile for one last time before leaving Beomgyu alone.
Taehyun slams the door, not caring if Heeseung already doses off because his heart wants to alomst jump out of his soul. He can't take it anymore. It just hurts so much yet he never felt like this ever before.
Now it's the time to cry.
He leans against the door, sinking on the ground while crying silently by himself.
"Taehyun, you better shouldn't depend your trust on a person who even doesn't love you back."
"Fuck you Choi Beomgyu." he mumbles more than one time.
And he thought they would live happily their life together until they arrive in a retirement home and share a grave together when they die in eachother's arms.
More, tons of tears a shedding down. The hope for a shooting star to come up so he can't wish that this was all a bad joke and he could cuddle into Beomgyu's arms and feeling save.
"T-taehyunie!" Yeonjun sprints to the broken blonde with a glass milk in his hand.
The milk splashes around its surrounding but the raiven haired male doesn't care and runs as fast as he could to his roommate, slurping the milk instead.
"What...who was there?" Yeonjun ask, agnositc, pointing his index finger at the door.
"I-it's hurts so much." is all Taehyun could say at this moment.
Yeonjun immediatly folds his arms around the now small, fragile body, resting his chin the blonde hair.
"I know, just stay strong."
Taehyun hugs back, feeling the pain wrenching right to his chest.
"Wait, you know it was Beo-?"
"Want another glass milk?"
•<<——>>•
Beomgyu wipes off his tears before enter the dorm.
"You did the right thing, head up." he encourage himself but fails miserably as he steps in, observing Soobin, Hueningkai and Ryujin having lots of untold question written in their faces.
"Where the fuck were you? I did look like a worried mommy searching for her kid. Gosh, good that you are here now anyway."
"What was that performance in the conference? Did i miss something? Man, i don't understand the logic of this world."
"Bro, did you cried? No...come here."
Beomgyu harshly bits down his lower lip, preventong him to break down into a ceding mess infront of them. He looks down, walking to the bathroom without uttering a word.
Soobin frowns as well as Ryujin. Hueningkai shruggs at them, having no idea what is going on.
Hueningkai determines to follow the mullet but his wrist is holding back by Soobin.
"Just let him be. We'll ask him later."
So they watch Beomgyu storms into the bathroom, softly shuting the door close.
He turns on the water tap, supprting his hands onto the washing bowl, breathing fitfuly as he keeps on pushing his waterfall of tears back.
By trying on washing up his tear soaken face, he helpes that he kinda doesn't look like a cried for over one week nonstop.
His gaze wanders to the wet teddy plushie, instantly gradps for it.
"Then i don't need this anymore."
Beomgyu let out a loud howl full of frustration, of guilty and all the emotion that he keeps on depressing back before now squall at one vein.
His legs loses its strength so he slops under the brink after turning off the water tap.
He snuggles his wet face into the bear's belly, smelling a hint of Taehyun's scent in it.
He miss him already.
He regrets in breaking up with Taehyjn with it's for the best. For his carrer, he needs to focus on his carrer. The spotlight should be his.
Here should be no space for love.
Yet there is no day passing by in which his heart doesn't beats for Taehyun absurdly.
It hurts more to leave someone behind he truly loves the most but has to let go.
So, Taehyun means the past for him.
___