(Fiftieth chapter)
"Take the courage before it's too late."
Haneul's words stuck like a magnet in Sowon's mind, repeating like a never-ending radio broadcast. She tried to push the thoughts aside, the rapid beating of her heart when she unintentionally recalled the previous moments she had just spent inside her best friend's room.
"Oh Sowon, are you already leaving? But I just made tea for you."
Mrs Yoo appeared with a cup of tea in her hand, frowning when she noticed Sowon heading for the door. Sowon turned to offer an apologetic smile.
"Sorry, Mrs Yoo but I have some work to do so I must leave now."
"It is sad you don't even get the chance to come around much."
"I hope when Haneul feels better, maybe I can come for a sleepover and we can have fun like the old days."
Mrs Yoo finally smiled, her eyes beaming as she seemed to recall the memories.
"Indeed, it's been so long. We should do that, especially since now that you will get married and leave soon."
Marry and leave.
Those words hit her like a ton of bricks and Sowon forced a smile, trying to appear happy when in truth she was feeling more uneasy and jittery from all the overthinking she was doing today.
"Of course. Then I'll be leaving now."
Before Mrs Yoo could stop Sowon and remind her about other things which she did not need to remember now, quickly she bowed and left the house, picking up her pace to leave the area.
Before she could walk out of the gate an arm appeared in front of her and Sowon's eyes bulged as she almost collided into it, stopping herself on time.
"What the-"
"Why were you running out in such a hurry?"
Namjoon's voice sent a shiver down her spine and Sowon kept her gaze on his extended arm, feeling wary.
"N-Nothing."
"Is she okay?"
"Who?"
She gazed up carefully to notice him rolling his eyes.
"Your friend, Haneul. Wasn't she sick?"
"Oh. . .yeah, she is doing better."
There was an awkward silence and Sowon had no idea to break it. Namjoon retracted his arm back, just standing in front of her without making any eye contact or sparing her a glance.
So she decided to leave first, taking few more steps ahead by brushing aside Namjoon. Hopefully, she can make it out without needing to look at him. She didn't need any weird feelings to screw her decisions for today.
But her luck did not seem to agree.
"Hey, where are you running off again?"
Namjoon saw her walking away and immediately grabbed her coat, almost as if he was fearful of letting her go. Oddly the thought seemed to evoke a series of unexplainable reactions because now, he was feeling somehow down. The burden of his previous thoughts did not seem to help either.
"Um, going home?"
Sowon stood dumbly on the spot she was held on, cursing at herself for not quickly walking away when she had the chance. Forget walking, I should have run, she scourged while the male took his time to turn the girl around so they could finally see each other.
She really wanted to avoid looking at him but seeming that the situation said otherwise, finally Sowon took a gulp of courage and looked up to see Namjoon already staring at her, gaze intense. With such a strong look any other girl could be blushing except her.
Surprisingly Namjoon appeared to look less energetic today, his sombre mood reminding her of the time when they first met and his mood swings were unbelievably impeccable. It reminded her of the first time when Namjoon talked about his family and the feeling of helplessness crawled upon her heart.
"You can, um, leave me now."
Sowon gestured to the hand still on the hem of her coat and looked away. What could she do if he was not exactly happy today? It was none of her problems and she intended to keep it that way, pushing aside the small worry inside her.
Namjoon let out a heavy sigh, "alone?"
"Huh, as you can see."
"I waited for you out here in the cold and you merely look at me before trying to leave. Does this seem civic to you Sowon?"
"Civic?" She gave him a hard look, "are you trying to call me uncivilised right now?"
"When you put it that way-"
Namjoon began to explain, licking his lips midway which caught Sowon's eyes and a warm feeling blossomed in her belly. Feeling weird, she cut him off and started blabbering.
"Well, who told you to wait for me in the first place before telling me? How was I supposed to know? And if you were waiting, the inside of your car was probably warmer. How can you just stand out here and freeze yourself only to pick a silly argument with me?"
By the end of her rant, Sowon felt like the invisible weight on her chest was lifted. She blew out a breath, noticing that there was an amused smile on the latter's face and she skipped the urge to roll her eyes.
"That was unexpectedly long. Were you that worried for me?"
Sowon scoffed, "who said I was worried for you?"
"You just expressed it aloud."
She glared at Namjoon with all her might, deciding to end the conversation here. Quietly she took a step ahead but felt something tug her back. It was Namjoon who still had his grip on her coat.
"Hey, let go!"
"Stop being so stubborn Sowon, all I want is to drop you home. Is that such a bad thing? Do you want to walk that much?"
"Yes. Walking is far better."
She tried to pry his hands away but Namjoon shook his head, suddenly pulling her more close. Sowon stumbled, almost falling but regained herself.
"You-"
"Please," his voice grew softer, "get in and let me drive you home."
Why did he have to look so pitiful with that expression, it makes me want to hug him.
Sowon mentally shook her head at such bizarre thoughts and calculated if she could make a run when he let her go. But that was not the main problem. It was her eyes that were fixed on his melancholic self, already winning her sympathy.
"Fine."
Grumbling, she turned away and hastily opened the door of the car, taking a seat in the passenger seat. Namjoon quietly followed in and they drove off, the tension still aloof and thick in the air.
Sowon decided to glance out of the window, at the numerous pedestrians that were walking to and fro towards their destination. Did they all have an aim to attain? She wondered, leaning on the stretch of her seatbelt.
All the time Sowon thought she had planned her life, ready for any obstacles thrown at her. But turns out that everything was temporary including her dreams and now she felt lost, stranded alone in a place where no one could help her out.
Where was she supposed to head for in life now?
"You seem to be in deep thoughts," Namjoon cleared his throat which alerted the girl of his attention on her.
"Doesn't everyone do that?"
"Hmm," Namjoon hummed as he held the steering in his hands more tightly, "I guess that's true."
Sowon said nothing more, returning to the sea of thoughts she was lost in. Everything in her life was unbalanced and she was drowning in the abyss of darkness. Her family for whom she wanted to win the dance competition seem to be more interested in her marriage rather than her dreams.
The marriage and Namjoon. Sigh, only if she could easily make decisions. She glanced at the male who was focused on driving, wondering what was going on in his mind. On days he would pretend to be so caring and loving but the next moment, he would make her feel like she was the unluckiest girl in the world.
She knows both don't want the marriage but living together seemed to grow an invisible bond between the two which seemed unbreakable. None could cross the boundary nor can they step back. They were tied, bound with responsibilities and restrained with these unknown feelings.
"What are you thinking Namjoon?"
"Huh?"
Namjoon glanced at Sowon in confusion but when she waited for an answer, he turned back his attention on the steering and shook his head.
"Nothing that should trouble you."
I knew it, a small part of Sowon replied in her head and she abruptly turned her gaze on the window, at the view outside. She had asked the question in hopes to see if Namjoon would randomly trust her or tell the truth. Instead, he shut her off and that hurt her.
What was she supposed to do if she was not sure that Namjoon even liked her for real? How was she supposed to find it out? Haneul as an observer might believe it but the eyes fail to see what the heart feels.
"About your diary, did you leave it in my room when you shifted previously?"
Namjoon warily asked.
"Yeah."
Sowon noticed that there was a turning ahead that would lead them home. No. She did not want to go back home and brood with the male hanging around. She'd rather let out her frustration and stress by dancing.
With that, she remembered that for the studio, she'd have to go ahead. But Namjoon would probably wait if he dropped her off so how should she make her escape? Maybe she could do a rain check today?
"Um regarding you avoiding me. . ."
"Ah!" Sowon spoke aloud, catching Namjoon off guard, "I just remembered my practice is due today. Can you drop me off here please?"
Namjoon uneasily glanced at the girl then at the road before he shook his head.
"I'll drive you there."
That would give the male more time to question Sowon and she was not ready to face it, not yet. So she began to hastily unlock her seatbelt, fumbling around and that caught his attention. Namjoon let out a hand to stop her actions but she roughly shrugged it off.
"No. I need to get off here, let me go."
"Sowon what the heck are you doing, put your seatbelt properly."
"Just let me go Namjoon."
By now Sowon knew she was unnecessarily throwing a tantrum but she kept it going because it was her only escape. Her seatbelt clicked open and she did not hesitate to try opening the door.
Namjoon's eyes grew wide as he suddenly put the car to a stop with a loud screech. Sowon fumbled forward but stopped her head from hitting anything. He gave her a stupid look mixed with anger.
"Are you a kid? Why are you being so stubborn?"
"Can't you understand when I need space? Why can't you just leave me alone?!"
Sowon screeched in frustration as they both glared at one another, breathing heavily. Until his gaze softened and he closed his eyes with a soft whisper.
"Because I care for you."
Sowon was speechless. After all this drama why was he finally saying something she wanted to hear from the beginning? Why did he have to stir her heart only now when she was a confused mess?
A drop of tear fell from her eyes but she wiped it quickly, regaining her senses again. She opened the door but this time Namjoon did not react and with a heavy heart, she jumped off. Only the murmur of her emotions remained in the air as she left.
"I am sorry Namjoon."
A/N: They are literally a mess. Don't forget to drop your thoughts and suggestions here! Thanks for reading :)