Camila's P.O.V.
I thought Lauren was asleep, but apparently I was wrong. I was drowning myself in negative thoughts about everything that had happened today with Austin. I was still in a state of shock that my almost two year relationship was actually over, and not because we agreed that it would be best, but because he cheated on me. He really cheated on me, and for who knows how long? Was it weeks? Even months? I didn't even want to think about it, but my thoughts were like a tornado in my head when I was awake in the middle of the night like this.
I didn't even notice that I was crying untill I felt the hot tears flow down my cheeks and soak into my pillow. It was completely silent in the room except for my shaky breathing until Lauren spoke up, startling me.
"Camz?" she said unsurly.
It took a moment for me to pull myself together before I replied. I wanted to mask that I was crying because I really was being over dramatic about this, but I couldn't help it, I have a lot of feelings.
"I didn't know you were still awake." I settled on. Shit. My voice shook. There was no hiding it now.
She didn't say anything for a moment, but I heard the ruffling of the sheets, followed by the low click of my bedside lamp. I tried not to make eye contact because I was embarrassed, but Lauren was staring at me and I knew that I couldn't avoid her gaze for much longer. Slowly, I drew my eyes upward to meet hers. When our eyes met, I could no longer hold in my tears because the look on her face was so genuine; it was like seeing me hurt was hurting her. A silent tear fell onto my cheek.
"Come here, Camz." she gestured me to come closer to her. I wasn't sure how close she wanted me to get, so I moved slowly, but I soon realized that she meant for me to come into her arms.
Her embrace was comforting. I lied in her arms and just cried. She made me feel like it was okay to cry, that it was okay to feel and not have to hold it all in anymore. That's how I fell asleep; in her arms, with her hands grazing the tips of my hair comfortingly.
We woke up the next day and Lauren had to leave because she told her dad that they would have lunch. I didn't want her to leave, but she had already stayed an extra night more than I had originally asked, and I couldn't keep her from her family, so I let her go with a hug and a 'thank you,' before shutting myself in my room for the rest of the day.
-
Lauren's P.O.V.
After staying the weekend at Camila's house, me and the brown eyed girl were closer than ever. We were always around each other, and when were weren't we were texting. I'd meet her after every class, and we would spend our lunch periods together, laughing and talking the entire hour. Even when we were at our separate homes, we would text each other until the early hours of the morning.
Weeks went by like this; Camila and I would meet in the art room each day at lunch, and I would drive her home occasionally, but it was beginning to hurt to be around her. I was falling for the girl a little bit more every day, and not being able to express my feelings to her was effecting me emotionally. I did what I always do, and began to push her away.
The three year anniversary of the accident was coming up soon and I didn't need my feelings for Camila to overlap with the pool of emotions that would inevitably come that day. I didn't make the changes noticeable, or I tried not to. It's not like I cut off all interaction with Camila, I just attempted to avoid her during the day. I still spent my lunch period with her, but I avoided meeting her in the hallways like I used to, and I tried to escape the school parking lot before she even walked outside.
I hated to admit it, but I missed her. Two weeks had past of me avoiding her, and I had no idea if she had noticed or not. I missed texting her until the early hours of the morning, and meeting her between classes, and our rides home after school. I missed her laughter and I missed her quirkiness. Despite my constant attempts to avoid her and push my feelings for her away, the distance didn't do anything but make me crave her even more. I guess distance really does make the heart grow fonder.
I should have expected the confrontation, but I wasn't prepared for her to actually ask me about my sudden attempts to avoid her.
"Lauren, are you okay?" she inquired, breaking the silence that filled the art room.
"Yeah, why?" I replied. I knew I was caught, and I wasn't sure how I was supposed to explain to her what was going on with me without actually telling her how I felt, which I knew would not end well.
"I just feel like we haven't been talking as much lately. Did I do something wrong? Is something happening that I don't know about? If it's nothing, then okay, but I just had to ask." she admitted, a bit embarrassed.
"Nothing is wrong, Camila. I've just been stressed out recently. School, yanno?" I lied.
"Okay.." she said, reluctantly, "but you know if anything is wrong, you can talk to me about it right?"
"I'll tell you if it's anything else, I promise." I assured her. I felt bad for lying to her, but I knew that she wouldn't understand the truth.
The lunch bell rang, signaling for us to depart, but instead of saying goodbye to Camila like I usually did, I collected my things quickly and left the room without acknowledging her.
-
Another week past with me avoiding Camila. Today was the anniversary of the accident, and I knew I wouldn't be able to make it a full day in school, so I decided to stay home.
The whole day was dreary, but it wasn't until after school when it really hit me, because this was exactly when it happened three years ago.
It was nearly four p.m when I heard a knock on my door. I didn't reply, but I heard the click of the door handle, so knew someone was coming in. I wasn't expecting it to be Camila. I was caught off guard when I saw her standing in my room.
"Your dad let me in.." she said unsurely.
"Oh.." I uttered out.
"Why weren't you at school?" she questioned me. I didn't know how to answer. I had never mentioned the accident to her, and I didn't know where to start. I was frozen into silence when I saw my clock change from 4:15 to 4:16. This was the exact time it happened.
I couldn't hold it in anymore. The tears came out almost immediately. The quiet tears soon turned into loud sobs; my body was shaking uncontrollably. I felt the weight of my bed shift, and before I knew it I was wrapped in Camila's arms. There was no point in trying to stop my tears now, they were already coming out of my eyes in rivers, soaking my shirt. Camila pulled me into her chest, and I let her. I buried my face in her chest, my hair sticking to my face because of the hot tears that were soaking it.
That's how we sat for a while, until my insides were dry of tears and my breathing had slowed to a normal pace, and even then we just sat. Finally Camila spoke up.
"Lauren, what's going on?" she said, slowly as to not cause any more tears to spill out of my eyes.
I thought about my answer. Do I tell her the truth? Or should I make something up? I knew there was nothing that I should be worried about telling the smaller girl, so I decided that I would reveal what had happened. It would help her understand a lot about how I am now.
"Three years ago today," I began, taking a shaky breath, "my mother committed suicide." I finally admitted. "She was having a hard time with work, and she had just lost her mother. She'd had a drinking problem in the past, but after her mom died, she picked it up again. It was dangerous really, there wasn't a moment that she wasn't at least a little bit buzzed. We were here alone and I usually checked on her after I finished my homework every day, but that day I had a project due that took a little longer than usual. When I went down stairs, she was on the kitchen floor and an empty pill bottle was on the counter. It took a moment for me to process what had happened... But when the ambulance showed up it was already too late. It's my fault. Like I know it's my fault because I was supposed to check on her but I didn't, I wanted to finish my stupid project, and I let her die." I cursed myself, swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat.
By the time I had finished Camila's eyes were glazed over, but no tears fell from them.
"Lauren, none of that is your fault." she stated firmly, while also being sensitive to the situation.
I simply nodded in response. I didn't want to argue with the girl, especially considering that she had come all the way over to my house to check on me. I still blamed myself, and a part of me knew that would never change.
She held me for a few hours and as much as I wanted to be able to push her away, I couldn't. I was falling hard, and trying to stop those feelings wasn't working. I knew I couldn't tell her though, and pushing was still my instinct, so I made her go. I unraveled myself from her grasp and got off of the bed.
"Camila, you have to go." I stated, not able to make eye contact.
"Wait... Why?" she asked confused.
"You just have to go. I need to be alone, okay? I appreciate you coming to check on me, but you have to leave." I stated, trying to make a firm statement, but almost losing my composure at the end of my sentence.
The hurt in the girls' eyes was evident. I never intended to upset her, but I had to protect myself. She got up slowly, sadly, and left my room without saying goodbye. In all honesty, I never wanted her to leave, but she couldn't stay here.
Once she left, I went to the cemetery to see my mother. I only ever went once a year because the pain of seeing her grave was unbearable, and knowing that it was my fault made it all the more painful. I was alone in the large field of tombstones and I wanted to talk to my mom. I sat down on the small bench positioned next to her grave and looked at all of the flowers that people continued to place there in her memory.
"I miss you, mom. And I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when I needed to be. We all need you, and it sucks because we know you aren't coming back. Just know that we will never forget you, okay? I'll be thinking of you at prom, and when I graduate, and on my wedding day. I'll think about you when I have my first child and I'll think about how much you would love them, and how much they would love you back. I'm never going to forget you...I miss you so much mom."
I choked out my last sentences, and then next came in shaky sobs.
"I met this girl, and I really love her. I think I could be in love with her. It would be really nice to have you here now because I don't really know how to handle it... I don't think she feels the same way or ever will. But every time I see her I think about the time you told me that when I love someone, I should never give up on them, just like dad never gave up on you. I love you, mamma."
My vision was blurry from my tears, but I managed to make it to my car without tripping or falling. I had to sit in my car for a while before I could see well enough to drive, but soon I was home and I just wanted to sleep. I wasn't ready to have to face Camila tomorrow after my rude outburst.
-
Camila's P.O.V.
The first few weeks after my birthday were wonderful. Lauren and I grew inseparable; we spoke all the time between classes and even late into the night through text. But then suddenly Lauren cut me off. It wasn't like she was ignoring me, but like she was avoiding me. For the first week I blew it off, assuming that she was stressed or busy or something, but after the weeks kept passing by and I still hadn't heard from her, I became worried.
It wasn't until she failed to show up to school that I confronted her about it because Lauren never missed school. Ever. I walked to her house after school; it only took an extra twenty minutes to get to her house than it would have taken to get to mine, so it was worth it. Upon arriving, I realized that I had never actually been to Lauren's house or met her parents. I knocked on the door hesitantly and waited for a moment before a man who I assumed was her father opened the door. He looked intimidating, but he also looked extremely tired and worn out making me feel a bit guilty for intruding.
"Can I help you?" he said sweetly, but even his voice sounded decrepit.
"Um...is Lauren home? I was just wondering because she wasn't at school today and hasn't been answering her phone. I'm a little worried." I admitted.
"Come on in, her room is right upstairs. It's not her best day today, but she could probably use someone." he smiled, patting me on the back like we had been friends for years.
I made my way up the stairs where there were three closed doors, one of which had a black and white painting with Lauren's name written on it, the other two labeled 'Chris' and 'Taylor.' I knocked on the door with Lauren's name on it, but recieved no answer, so I let myself in. Lauren looked just as tired as her father did, but she also had an expression of shock on her face, probably due to my uninvited entrance.
"Your dad let me in.." I stated, trying to sound confident, but failing immensly.
"Oh.." I heard her say.
I didn't want her to be angry with me for showing up, but I was worried and I needed answers.
"Lauren, what's going on?" I asked her. I intended to get straight to my point, becasue I wasn't sure if she even wanted me there in the first place.
The answer I got was completely unexpected. She explained to me that three years ago today, her mother had committed suicide, and the worst part was that she blamed all of it on herself. She thought that if she had only gone downstairs earlier, that she would have been able to save her mom. I couldn't believe that she blamed herself. It wasn't her fault, it was an accident, and she couldn't have saved her mother if she tried.
I just sat with her while she cried. I didn't even care that her tears were soaking my shirt, Lauren was more important to me than that. I wasn't sure how long she would let me hold her like this considering she had been avoiding me for the past few weeks, but I enjoyed it while it lasted.
The last thing that I was expecting was for her to kick me out of her house. One second she was in my arms, and the next she was telling me that I had to leave. I had just gotten her to open up to me again, and she was forcing me to leave her house with no explanation. I understood how hard today had to be for her, so I decided not to press her about it and simply walked out. It hurt though. It's sucked. She had become one of my best friends and then all the sudden it was all gone.
As soon as I arrived to my house I immediately FaceTimed Dinah. I she always knew what to say and I really needed her help on this one.
"What's up Mila?" she asked. I had told her that this was important so she was slightly concerned about what I was about to say.
"I don't really know Dinah. After you left, me and Lauren got super close.. Like we were almost never apart, but a few weeks ago she started avoiding me, kind of pushing me away in a sense for no reason. It wasn't anything that was super noticeable, but I noticed. But then last week she completely stopped talking to me, and I was super confused. So today she didn't show up to school and Lauren literally never misses school... So I came to check on her at her house and it turns out that today is the three year anniversary of her mom's death. I sat with her for a while and she cried and I thought she was going to open up to me again, but then she kicked me out of her house. It was totally unexpected and now I'm just confused and I don't know what to do." I finished.
"Mila.. If I tell you something, will you promise not to freak out or, like, act irrational about it..." Dinah asked.
"Sure Dinah, you can tell me anything I promise I won't overreact." I assured her with a nod.
"Alright Mila, but this is big news and I'm not really sure how you're going to take it." she said, causing me to be even more interested in what she was about to reveal that I already was.
"Okay Dinah I promise just tell me!" I said eagerly.
"So..um... Lauren kind of likes you. Like not in a friend way but she.. Like likes you." Dinah finally revealed. I was caught completely off guard by her confession. This is the last thing I was expecting. I loved Lauren.. But I wasn't sure that I loved her in that way. It's not like I was opposed to it.. It was just... different.
"Wait.. What?" I said, trying to comprehend the news.
"You heard me Mila. Lauren likes you. She has since the weekend I came for your birthday, I could tell by the way she looked at you. Are you honestly that oblivious?" she half asked, half stated.
"I guess I am because I had no idea." I replied, still shocked.
"Look Mila, I know it's weird to you because you've never thought about being with a girl, but you should really consider this. I'm almost one hundred percent sure Lauren is pushing you away because she is afraid of her own emotions. If you give her a chance then maybe you could be something special. Just don't shut the idea out Camila." Dinah advised me.
"I know it's weird, but now that I think about it, I could see us being a thing. I'm not ready for that though.. I just need time." I stated, running my fingers through my hair.
"It's okay Mila, just take your time and don't rush into a decision that you'll regret later. But Mila, I've got to go. Love you boo!" she exclaimed before ending the call.
"Love you too!" I replied, but the call had already ended.
I sat in my bed thinking about what I had just heard. What would I do about this? Could I even consider me and Lauren? Was a ready for another relationship? All I knew is that I wasn't ready to lose Lauren as a friend.
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OOOOH captain of the ship trying to get it sailing and stuff. Anyway, a lot happened this chapter and I hope you liked it! "The accident" was super sad to write about tho.
Don't forget, vote, comment, and share babes. LUV U ALL. 💗💗