KISSING HENRY WAS...different. It wasn't exactly bad, nor was it good - it was just different.
And, to put it plainly - Claudia did not enjoy this version of different.
It felt wrong.
Like, the type of wrong where one accidentally places a puzzle piece in a puzzle, only to realise that it doesn't fit.
Because, the real missing puzzle piece to Claudia's puzzle was in the other room - wondering why the hell she wasn't there with him.
And, after a small moment that consisted of Henry's lips on hers, Claudia gently and carefully pushed him away from her.
"I'm sorry," she said, surprised to find a small smirk building up on his lips.
"S'fine," he said. "I didn't expect anything from it anyways."
"What do you mean?"
"Did you feel anything? Like, any sparks or butterflies or something?"
"No," she replied earnestly. "Did you?"
"No," he replied.
"Why did you even do that?" Claudia asked, still feeling rather baffled at the same time as she felt incredibly guilty for kissing someone who wasn't Remus.
"Well, to be honest I just wanted to test you a little."
"Test me?"
"Yeah, and me too I guess," he shrugged.
"You too?"
"Yeah, well, it might've been a bit selfish but I just wanted to see if there was anything there. I've been trying to get past Jia Li and you're so sweet and funny, so that's why I asked you on a date. But I realise now, after kissing you, that I'm still not over her. Not that you weren't a good kisser or anything!"
"Don't worry, you weren't either," Claudia chuckled. "But maybe you should get back with Jia Li? I saw you guys talking the other day, and I can see that she wants it too."
"Maybe," he replied. "I gotta say though, that's super ironic coming from you."
"What?"
"Lupin," he grinned. "You should just get with him, just like I should just get with Jia Li."
"It's not that simple for us," Claudia said with a sad smile. "Like I said, I break everything that I touch-"
"Love is never simple," the boy interrupted. "But when there's that much of it, it can be. Because you do it together."
"Look at you being all wise," Claudia smiled.
"Well, I do try," Henry grinned. "But, Claudia...?"
"Yes?"
"You didn't feel anything when we kissed. Which, in all honesty, makes absolutely no sense considering how gorgeous I am. That just proves how much you love Lupin."
"Mhm."
"Which means that you should just get over yourself and allow yourself to be happy. You deserve it, Claudia. And he deserves it too. You're both disgustingly in love!"
"I wouldn't put it that way," she chuckled.
"But you are," Henry said. "And it completely pisses me off to see you this miserable."
"I'm not miserable-"
"You are," Henry sighed. "Whenever you look at him I'm pretty sure you're about to just burst into tears. So, please, just allow yourself to have him. Allow him to have you."
Allow him to have you.
"It's not that simple-"
"Oh, for fuck's sake, Claudia!" Henry exclaimed. "If you talk to Lupin, I talk to Jia Li. Have we got ourselves a deal?"
And then, much to her own surprise, Claudia nodded.
In a friendly manner, Henry held out his hand to Claudia with a grin. She took his hand and felt zero butterflies as they walked back inside.
All she felt was nerves as she thought about Remus.
But, the two holding hands proved itself to be yet another one of the mistakes that Claudia would make that night - since Remus was standing with his friends right by the portrait hole.
And his eyes went from her eyes, to her lips, to their hands, and then back to their eyes - and then he stormed off.
"Shit," Henry said as Claudia immediately untangled their hands, watching after Remus' retreating figure as he headed up to his dorm. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise," the girl said quickly, and then she walked towards the staircase to the boys' dormitories, only for her way to be blocked by James, Sirius and Peter.
"What are you doing?" James asked.
"I'm going to go talk to Remus," she said, trying to walk past them but failing since they blocked her way again. "What are you doing?"
"He's upset," said Peter.
"And I get that, but I need to talk to him."
"Why are you doing this?" James asked again, though this time around Claudia knew that he wasn't referring to her heading towards the staircase.
He was referring to what she was doing to Remus.
"I don't know," she said.
"You're hurting him," Sirius sighed. "All the time. Constantly."
"I know," she confessed with a grimace. "Please, just let me talk to him."
"Go on," Peter said with a small smile, moving to make space for her before James and Sirius could even object.
Claudia sent him a small grateful nod, and then she practically sprinted up the stairs - doing so before she could think of what to say, what the hell she was doing or what she was to expect.
But, it would all be clear in just a few minutes.
She opened the door, and there he was.
Remus sat on his bed, drinking straight from a bottle of firewhiskey with a glum and frustrated look on his face.
And, as Claudia realised that it did not look as if Remus was anywhere near letting go of that bottle, Claudia closed the door and walked straight towards him.
"I think that's enough," she said, taking the bottle from him despite his complaints.
"Why?" He mumbled.
"Because you'll vomit your guts out is why," she said, and that's when Remus finally registered that it was indeed Claudia who was standing in front of him, holding the bottle out of his reach.
The girl walked over to his nightstand, picked up the bottle cap and placed it back on, and that's when Remus spoke again, this time in a gentle and quiet tone despite his drunken state.
"Why don't you love me?"
Claudia turned around immediately, feeling a sense of sadness and bafflement wash over her.
"What?" She asked, though she had heard him.
She just didn't know what to reply.
"Why don't you love me?" He repeated, his voice sad and desperate as he stood up and wobbled in his place a little, meeting her eyes and making her feel like she was going to crumble into a million pieces.
"You're drunk, Remus," she said. "Don't say something you'll regret in the morning."
"I won't regret it," he said, pointing a finger at her. "I told you I love you in that letter, and I meant it. I mean it. I love you."
"Remus-"
"So why don't you love me back?"
I do, she wanted to say. I do love you.
But, once again the fear of being abandoned again and hurting him struck her - and Claudia simply stood quiet as she tried to find the words to say.
"Forget it," Remus sighed after a few moments of them holding a longing eye contact. "I'm being ridiculous. You wouldn't ever love me, I mean look at me! I'm a monster. A bloody monster."
"Remus, stop," Claudia said sternly as her heart broke.
"People like me are the reason people like you suffer every day," he said. "If we didn't exist your mum would be alive. And you wouldn't have to live in that stupid arse castle that looks like it comes from hell. No wonder you don't love me-"
"Remus, stop!" Claudia yelled desperately as the boy continued to ramble in his drunken state, his face shiny and his eyes teary, causing her eyes to tear up as well. "Please, stop! You're not a monster! Stop saying that!"
"But I am one-"
"You're not!" She exclaimed, and then her voice softened alongside her face. "You're perfect. Absolutely perfect. My favourite person in the whole wide world. I just wish you could see how much I..."
"How much you what?" He asked as Claudia's face shifted into a grimace.
"Nothing," she said, and then the secret conversation with their eyes returned.
Two teary eyed teens stared at one another as a million things went through their minds - all of them coming back to one thing and one thing only.
Their love for one another.
"Please don't," Claudia said hesitantly. "Please don't ever say that again."
"What?"
"That you're a monster," she said. "I meant it when I said that you're perfect."
"And I meant it when I said that I love you."
After those words left Remus' mouth, there was nothing but the longing for one another left.
There was nothing but the longing for each other's lips left.
Seconds went by, but it felt like ages. And then Remus couldn't fight it any longer,
And suddenly Claudia felt him smash his lips against hers as she softly got pushed back against the wall.
Claudia removed every single reasonable though that she had in her mind - because all she could think about was the boy who was kissing her so hungrily and desperately that she just couldn't help but to return it in the same way, cupping his face as he pulled her in by the waist.
They had waited and pined and anticipated, and now they finally felt near each other again as their lips collided and the tastes of firewhiskey mingled and created fireworks.
But suddenly, after a few moment of, to put it plainly, snogging, the mean voice in Claudia's mind brought her back to reality - and she lightly pushed his lips away.
Though, unlike with Henry, she couldn't push him away.
Remus frowned, but that quickly went away as he went in for another kiss, causing her to be forced to place her index finger on his lips.
"You're drunk," she whispered softly, looking up into his eyes, who had nothing but longing and desperation in them.
"So are you," he replied.
"I'm not as drunk as you are," she said. "I can't kiss you."
"But you can kiss him?"
Claudia stared at him out of pure disbelief, "What do you mean?"
"You kissed Chang," he said, the jealousy reappearing as he did so.
"H-how? What?"
"Don't think I didn't notice how smudged your lipstick was," he said. "And you were...you were holding his hand."
Remus had backed off at this point.
"And you've just confirmed it to me. You kissed him."
"He kissed me," she said, the guilt consuming her. "I pushed him off. And I'm so sorry. Trust me. But he only did it so that I could..."
"So that you could?"
"Come back to you," she said. "And that's exactly what I did."
"But you don't love me," he said with a waver of his voice.
"I never said that I don't."
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