Aditi's point of view
Why do they call it crush?
Because that's how you feel when they don't feel the same way in return.
You know the deepest in your heart that you love him but you also know that he doesn't love you back that is why no matter how much you love him, he was still your crush until he feels the same for you.
I have a hopeless crush on someone, I have no chance with. I ma afraid to loose him and he is not even mine, maybe he will never be mine.
Sometimes, someone comes into your life that changes everything, raises the standards, makes you laugh and makes you feel like you. There is something about him that you can't put into words and even though you are not with him you don't want to let him go.
Just like I know Dhruv can't be mine but I don't want to let him go. It's not about his physical presence it's about in my heart. I always want to keep him in my heart with me because I know I can't love anyone the way I love him.
Technically I am single but my heart was taken by someone I can't call my own.
I am practically married to him in my mind that's why I fasted for him Karrwa chauth fast every year for his long life and successful career. I can't tell you how many times I've fallen asleep with Dhruv on my mind and woke up the same.
I don't know who will he chose to be his life partner but I know he is my husband and I am his wife in my heart. I never come into his path and sacrifice my love for him but he always with me in my heart till my last breath.
His thoughts never leave my mind and bring smile on my lips along with tears when I misses him just like now. I was beaten up after I came home for my silly mistakes, books are open in my lap for my upcoming exams, my body was aching in pain but still I have smile on my face only because of his presence in my mind and keep me reminding how he took care of me today. From my clothes to my food, from my tears to my smile.
Only a month left for my internship and I may not see him as often as I like he's still my first and last thought everyday and night.
It sucks, doesn't it, liking someone you can't have, seeing them everyday but knowing that they will never be yours. It's the worst feeling, cause all you can do is dream about and wish for them but never have them.
After this internship, I will be back to my hell. There will no Dhruv who gives me the food and took care of my clothes or pay for my pending exam fees. There will be no one to take care of me. Sometimes I thought, I am doing the wrong, letting Dhruv again close to my heart because it will rip my heart when he again leave me. He will again forget about me and there will be no Aditi in his life.
I wiped the tear which fell on my book, open in my lap and wet it's pages. These thoughts are painful but I know it's the reality and I learn how to accept the reality and live with it. I no more dreams about something which can't be true but I could not stop my self loving him. Sometimes I wish I died because this feeling of leaving him again kills me from inside.
It's 1 A.M of the night. Everyone sleeps in their respective room after insulting me in many ways and I ma here in my kitchen with my books to study for my exams but lost in Dhruv's thought.
I wiped my tears and again tried to focus in my book but suddenly I heard the some moments in the bushes. I took the candle with me because I am not allowed to use any light and walked out the back door of kitchen which opens to the backyard of house.
I walked close and the moment in the bushes get faster. My heart was beating faster and I can feel the sweat on my forehead with the horrible thoughts.
What if there was some thief? I am not afraid of loosing my life, infect I will welcome him open handily to end my life but I am afraid, if he leaves me alive and steal something from my Aunt's house then my bua ji's family blamed me and leave me close to death.
They would not let me dead and would not let me live.
I don't want to call the person if there was any and let him know about my presence from the other side of the house. My eyes turn wide, candle leave from my hand, extinguish on the floor when I saw someone jumping from the wall. I immediately turn on my heels to run inside the house and called for help but before I could utter the word, I gasped loudly when someone grabbed me from my waist, put his large hand on my mouth, turn me to him and pushed me to the wall along with him.
My back was touching to the wall, hands are fisted to my sides, eyes are closed in fear.
"It's me..." I heard the familiar deep husky voice which gave shivers to all over my body and again I can feel butterflies in my stomach when I feel his hand possessively holding my waist like I only belongs to him.
I open my eyes slowly and found most beautiful eyes staring back at me. His face was lighting under the moon light but his eyes were shining the most. He was wearing a casual clothes and took my heart beats with his messy hair and pink lips. I again found myself lost in his beauty.
He slowly removed his hand from my mouth but keep the other one on my waist. My hair swaying in air because of the wind and he slowly tuck them behind my ear, making my heart beats go crazy and then I realised, he is not my hallucination, Dhruv was standing in front of me very close in real and holding me possessively. But today I found a different kind of shining in his eyes like he found something, he was searching from long.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him in whisper because I don't want anyone to wake up and hear us.
"Are you not happy seeing me here?" He whispered back while pulling me closer to him that I have to put my hands on his shoulders to balance myself. I saw hurt in his eyes and his hold become possessive when he said the sentence.
"No, I didn't mean that. I mean it's late at night." I asked him calmly and tried to control my insanely beating heart.
"Can I not come to see you whenever I want?" He again asked me with same hurt in his eyes.
"You can but you don't usually." I asked while letting myself out from his hold but he keep me caged to the wall.
"Because today I have realised something which I should accept long ago." He said while caressing my cheeks lovingly and I feel the tingles inside my stomach.
"What you have realised?" I asked while loosing myself in his dark eyes.
"That I was missing you and badly want to see you right now. I was feeling like if I don't see you, I might die." I put my hand on his mouth after he complete the sentence. I shake my head as no and requested through my wet eyes not say such things.
He took my hand from his mouth and kissed it while looking directly into my eyes, touching my soul.
"Can I stay here with you for a night?" He asked still holding my hand close to lips.
"But Dhruv what if anyone wake up?"
"I promise, I will go before dawn or anyone could wake up. Just let me stay tonight here with you. I want to spend sometime with you" He promised when he saw the fear in my eyes.
"Okay..." I agreed and nodded my head as yes.
*****
We both came inside the kitchen. I bent down to collect my books from the floor and he helps me too. I took out the only bedsheet I have and we both spread it on the floor. After that he removed his shoes and I removed my slippers and we both settled on the floor over the bedsheet.
"I'm sorry, I disturbed you." He said while looking at me apologetically.
I smiled a little and said, "It's okay. I was almost done." I assured him and he smiled back.
My smile wipes off when my eyes fell on his red cheek and the finger prints on it.
"Who did this?" I asked in concern while touching his cheek.
He smiled sadly and hold my hand over his cheek and then put it on his lap.
"Mummy..." He said while playing with my fingers. His gaze was down but I can see the hurt in his eyes.
"Why...?" I whispered.
"I refused to do a thing which she was forcing me and in a punishment she slapped me." He said while at our hands and then me.
His eyes were filled with sadness and sorrow. There were hurt in his eyes, maybe the pain which I gone through a lot in my childhood, the pain where your parents refused to understand you.
I hold his hand in mine tightly which was on his lap. "You can share with me anything if you want. You know, I am always there for you." I said while squeezing his hand little in assurance.
"I know...I just want a little time." He said while tracing his thumb at the back of my palm and give me a small smile.
I know I am not in power to do anything for him but the least I can support him emotionally because I know how it's feel when your own parents don't understand you. But I know Dhruv's family. They love him so much and care for him a lot. It must be a small matter, but I know Dhruv also. He keeps things to himself and never shared to even his family. He was holding so much pain inside him since I saw him first time in our childhood and he holding the same pain till now. I don't have any idea how I will I do it but I want to less his pain anyhow because it kills me from inside to see him like this.
"Aditi..." I came out from my thoughts when he called me. I turn my attention and looked at him.
"Do you have anything to eat? I didn't have my dinner today." He smiled sheepishly.
What should I offer him to eat because I myself have chilly and salt chutney with two chupati? I never thought in my life, one day my Dhruv, my handsome neighbour asked me for food but I don't have anything to cook for him.
"Don't worry, I'll have anything you offer me." He assured me while smiling.
"Okay just give me five minutes." I said while smiling excitedly because it was the first time after we meet again, I am cooking something for my handsome neighbour.
"Can I use the washroom first?" He asked me. I nodded my head and instruct him the direction of the backyard washroom which I am allowed to use. We both got up from the floor. He made his way out of the kitchen towards the washroom and I started making a small dinner for him.
I kneaded the fresh dough, made four chupati and the usual salt and chilly chutney. Today I got lucky that I found the onion on the kitchen slab. Maybe bua ji forget about it to put in the shelf. I cut the onion in rings and sprinkle some salt over it.
Till I served the food in plate Dhruv also came from the washroom. We both again settled on the floor and I put the plate in front of him. I was filling nervous and embarrassed to serve him such plane food. He looked at the plate and then me but instead of disgust I saw concern in his eyes. He was looking at me with worry. Maybe he was worried for me that I am having this food since past five years or maybe he really feel disgust and regretting his decision.
But suddenly his lips curled into a beautiful smile.
"Feed me.." He said with his beautiful smile.
"Huh...?" I was still confused.
"Please.." He insist and I could not stop myself smiling back.
I took the plate and made the morsel for him with chapati and chutney. He opened his mouth when forward my hand and when I put it in mouth, his tongue touch my fingers accidentally causing the butterflies in my stomach. For a salad I made him eat the onion rings which he liked most. I can see the satisfaction on his face when I feed him. I have this blushing smile on ny face because one of my dream with Dhruv was coming true.
After I feed him, I gave him glass of water for drink which he take gladly. I washed the plate while Dhruv also washed his hands but he was looking for something to wiped his hands.
I noticed and officers my dupatta.
"Here..."
He smiled beautifully and muttered, "Thanks..."
He wiped his hands and mouth with my dupatta and in between all this my dupatta fall off from my right shoulder making my little cleavage visible to him. I felt little uncomfortable and embarrassed when Dhruv noticed it.
"I'm sorry.." He apologized and red colour crept on cheeks when he put my dupatta again on my right shoulder. I also hold it and fixed it while looking down with my blushing cheeks and crazy heart beats.
"Come..." He hold my hand and make me sit on the floor beside him.
We both sit in silence, no one said anything. I was happy from inside to see him again and the thought of him missing me giving me a different kind of sensation. Not a single day went when I didn't miss him but today being together him when I was missing him, I consider it my lucky day. Dhruv was calm and collected. I know he had the fight with his mother but still I caught him grinning often.
Did he hit his head somewhere?
I mean no one smiled when they had fight with their love ones, especially your mother. I remember how I used to cry for hours when I had fights with my family but here my handset neighbour was grinning. But I feel happy that he is happy at least now.
"Thank you..." He suddenly said.
I looked at him and he was already looking at me.
"Thank you for being there when I was going through my emotional break down and handling me so well." He said and smiled weakly.
I smiled sadly and said while looking down, " I know how its feel to be alone when you were going through the emotional break down. You want someone to help you but there was none. It kills you already." I lifted my gaze and looked at him.
My eyes were reflected the same pain which he was holding. Our face was glowing under the moon light and eyes were twinkling with unshaded tears.
"You must feel alone in these past years?" He asked.
I smiled sarcastically and said while looking down on my lap, " I am not afraid to be alone. I was, since my I took birth. I am used to it now. I am afraid to the people around me. Not a single scar on my heart given by the enemy. It got hurt by whom I used to think my family."
I finished and looked ay him and he was looking at me without blinking and with those shining eyes which are looking different today. He was looking at me with pain like he understands what my pain is, and what I am going through.
"Do you afraid of me?" He asked without breaking the eyes contact.
I shake my head as no, tears welled up in my eyes when I said directly looking into his eyes, "I am afraid to loose you."
I didn't lie. Since he came back into my life in my heart I don't want him to go away from me and stay with me forever. I tired of my life and the way I was living. He is light in my dark life. Whenever he is around I feel a love again and I know I will be selfish if I keep him with me because he will never be mine. He never love me the way I love him.
I averted my eyes from him and wiped my tears hiding from him.
"I will never leave you." I looked at him and he was looking at me with so much emotions and care that for a second I misunderstood it with love.
"Don't promise anything you can't full fill. It hurts when they break." I said and again looked down.
"Dhruv Malhotra don't promise anything he can't full fill." I raised my gaze when I heard authority in his voice.
"Promises are made to be break." I said with fact. My throat was feeling heavy and I was very close to crying.
"Trust me Aditi, First time you will witness and see a promise to be fulfil. It's a promise to myself." Again he said in authority which gives shivers to my soul. I wiped the fat tear which left my right eye and sobbed looking down.
Suddenly two pair of arms hold me by my waist and pulled me towards him. I also don't stop him because I needed him right now. I leaned to him and hide my face in the crook of his neck while sobbing. He hold me tight and pulled me closer to him that I was literally lying on him.
"Dhruv, I am so lonely." My voice was thick with emotions and my body was shaking when I was crying holding the love of my life.
"Then let me fill this loneliness." He whispered in my ears and hide his face in the crook of my neck. I feel something wet on my neck and I know he let the tears from his eyes which he was holding. We both are holding each other like we could die if we let go one another. He let me cry and hold me to him till I let out my heart.
I pulled out from the hug and wiped my tears, "I'm sorry, I am such a cry baby."
"It's okay, I am always here to wipe your tears." He said with smile while wiping the tears from my cheeks. I chuckled softly between my tears and nodded my head. I was still in his arms and his hands still holding me close to him. I put my hands on his chest to create some distance but he was adamant not to let me go.
"Raghav was telling me that you were crying today in morning. Did something happened?" He asked while tucking the loose strand behind my ear.
Should I tell Dhruv that I was crying because of the pain I feel in my private part. My periods are coming and the infection was spreading in the private are that I feel pain every time when pee. But what will he think about me. I could not tell him about this. It something really private and I can't share it with a guy.
I shake my head as no, " No, I was just being emotional that time, that's it. Nothing happened."
"You sure...?" He again asked me and I nodded my head positively.
"If you say so." He leaned and kissed on my forehead. I closed my eyes leaning to his kiss and my heart feel the summer salts when I feel his lips on my forehead.
When I open my eyes, I found him looking at me and I found myself lost in his orbs. They were pulling me close to him. I don't know swimming but I want to drawn myself in the depth of his eyes which are deeper than any Ocean and brighter than sun.
"Damn...You are so beautiful." He whispered while caressing my right cheek lovingly looking into my eyes intensely.
His voice bring me back to the reality and I realised our position. I wiggles out from his arms and this time he let me go. I set beside him and looked down to hide my red cheeks.
"Can I stay here for tonight." He asked
looking at me with hopefully.
"But what if someone see you?" I asked.
"Don't worry..I'll go before anyone wakeup." He insisted. I sighed and nodded my head as yes.
******
My life has been destroyed because, I believed the truth will prevail. I wish I had the strength to continue to fight this evil with honour. The hypocrites who refused to perform their duty, forget about the love, they loathe my existence, will eventually have to answer to their own conscience one day.
Today I got late for office because today I have to go to bank with my uncle to deposit the money of my scholarship. Every end of the month my uncle took me to bank so I could deposit the money which government gave me as my monthly wedges.
No matter how am I, fever, hungry or even I have my exams, I have go to bank with my uncle and if I refused to go they beat me. At first I denied to give my scholarship money to my uncle and next moment they throw me to his lusty friends. He threatened me if I didn't give him what he want he ordered his friends to rape me. I gave up and do what he said and give all what I have in my bank accounts.
After visiting bank my uncle dropped me to my office. Whole day I was searching for Dhruv but he was not in sight. Latter I came to know that he went to visit the near town urgently for some work and could only return late at night. Last night I was missing him so much and now days his hallucination did not also come to meet me but when he came last night to meet me I feel after so long my wish came true.
Last night we both talked and talked alot and did not know when we both dozed of. At the middle of night when my eyes were open, I found him sleeping, resting his head on my shoulder. My lips automatically curved into a smile seeing him sleeping so peacefully. I did not disturbed him and again fell back into the sleep but when I woke up in the morning he was not there. He already left with the note of THANKYOU.
My cheeks become red and my lips curled up into a blushing smile. Before anyone could notice, I put his note in my box along with his letter.
It was evening when I reached college. I have to reissue my books which I issued from the college library. After waiting in the long queue I successfully issued my books for one more week. After issuing my books I went to the play ground of college and sit on the bench to get some fresh air.
Dhruv's birthday was approaching and I wanted gift him something. But I don't have money to buy anything for him. He had done so much for me and I could not do anything for him in his birthday pains my heart.
He provided me food and medicine. He even paid my examination fees and always treated me genteelly, most importantly humanly. But what I did to him nothing and now his birthday is coming I don't even have a single rupee to gift him a pen at least.
"Aditi..." I lifted up my gaze when I heard a manly voice. It's a boy from my class who's name I don't remember.
"Can you do me a favour?" He asked while taking a sit beside me.
"What favour?" I asked knitting my eyebrows in confusion.
"Will you make my and my another friend's practical files of all subjects." He asked.
I have upcoming exams and between this internship and house chores I barely get time to get extra work then how could I make him and his friend's practical files. It requires lot of time.
"I am sorry but, I can't..." I denied politely.
"Please don't say no. You are our last hope. If you want, we can pay you." He insisted and shows his puppy eyes.
Did he just said he will pay me if I make the practical files for him. That means I may have money for Dhruv's birthday and I could do something special on his birthday.
"How much...?" I asked while coming into my full business mode.
"Is 500 sounds of each person sounds good to you." He asked nervously.
"I'll charge 1500 from both of you and pen and files are from your side." I said while held in my head up like a real business woman.
"Done...Here is the files and pens and..." He took out his wallet from his back pocket and took out some cash.
"Here is half of money. I'll pay the rest after work get complete." He said while giving me 750 rupees along with files and pens.
"You came all prepared." I said while giving him small smile.
"Yeah, because I know you will say yes." He said and laughed.
"Okay, I have to go now. I'll come next week to take my files and with your money." He got up from the bench and then leave.
I looked at the money in my hand and smile. Now I can do something for Dhruv on his birthday and I don't have to tell to anyone about my little payment but I have to be very careful from bua ji Ahana.
......................................................................
I hope you like the chapter.
sorry for the delay but I also have life outside Wattpad which requires my time to make my life run smoothly.
I want to ask a suggestion from you guys.
Do you want a separate story of Raghav and whom do you want yo see opposite with him as female lead. You have two options.
1. Divya
2. Priya
Personally I have something different for Raghav but first I want to take your suggestions.
But I start Raghav's story after Dhruv's as I could not work on two stories at one time. It will gonna take time as I have one more story to write which I want to write from long time.
Please leave you lovely and long comments and lots of votes.
See you guys in next update, hopefully early this time.
Thank You.