nini laid down on her bed, hugging her stuffed elephant against her chest as she stared at the wall of pictures that she'd put up so far during her stay.
why did she have to be so anxious all of a sudden?
she'd always taught herself to be carefree and calm and always see the positive side in her life, but right now all that clouded her mind was sad and unwanted thoughts that she needed desperately to put away.
everything that she'd been doing with ricky; she didn't want to lose it. she wanted so desperately to hold on and not let go - to keep it forever.
and the truth was what she didn't want to accept nor say out loud. it hurt too much.
nini exhaled slowly, closing her eyes as she tried to calm herself down before hearing a knock at her door.
the girl stayed quiet, keeping her eyes closed as she heard another knock at her door which made her exhale sharply
"aunt erica i really don't want to talk right now, i'm sorry!" she exclaimed before the door opened, the woman peeking her head in with concern
"i was actually just coming to check if you wanted some blueberry muffins." erica said, sighing as she leaned against the door frame
nini knit her eyebrows together and turned over to face her aunt "wait-really??"
the woman shook her head "of course not. but now that i have your attention, talk."
nini's expression dropped and she shook her head "no, thank you."
erica sighed "nini, come on. you know you can tell me anything. i'm the cool aunt for a reason." she added with a small grin
nini faced the ceiling, fiddling with the stuffed toy in her hands as erica made her way to the bed and laid down next to her
"what's wrong?" she asked
erica waited, seeing how stressed and sad nini seemed before the girl exhaled slowly and swallowed
"i'm just playing a part in a fantasy aren't i?"
"what do you mean?" erica asked as she knit her eyebrows together
nini frowned and shuddered a breath "this entire thing. being here, with you and ricky and the others...it's all me playing into something i can n-never have."
erica shook her head "nini-"
"you know his friends tease us about getting married?" nini laughed bitterly, shaking her head as she sat up "'ricky and nini bowen.'"
the woman sighed and gave a sympathetic look as she kept going
"they don't know about me." nini told her "and all i'm doing is wasting ricky's time right?"
"no, nini, don't think like that-"
"but it's true, aunt erica!" she exclaimed "who am i fooling? pretending to be a regular teenage girl?"
"i know you're overwhelmed." erica said softly "but this is what you wanted nini-"
the brunette girl shook her head with a scoff as she stood up and started pacing back and forth
"you wanted to live your last months of seventeen as a normal girl, and it's normal that you're feeling nervous and scared about leaving this behind - but you don't have to-"
"yes i do, it's exactly what i have to do, for once i have to be responsible-"
"no, nini, this is the time where you can still listen to your heart." erica told her, sitting up "everything will work out the way it's supposed to be, but you can't focus on the future or you'll miss everything that's happening right in front of you right now."
nini felt her eyes sting and she exhaled, looking down "how are you so sure of everything?"
"i'm not," erica replied "but what i am sure of, is that you need to talk to ricky."
the brunette girl looked up at her aunt and nodded slowly, taking a deep breath to try and calm herself.
but she now had too many thoughts haunting her mind.