A year later.
IDINA'S POV
"iNTo tHe unKnOwn~~~"
"Stop! Kristen!" I catch the little blonde mimicking me downstairs as I walk out of the bathroom.
"Wow, Queen Elsa!" Kristen makes a face and pretends to pull down the bath towel wrapping my body.
"Don't you dare!" I hush.
Kristen's hand movement stops in mid-air and she pouts in unsatisfaction. She even smaller because I'm a step higher on the staircase and it's hilarious. "Come on, Kristen Kitten!" I laugh as I circle my arms around her shoulders, "I'm stuck here!"
"Not that you don't like it," she smirks and buries her head into my half-naked chest. "Hmm ... nice shampoo."
"The same as yours."
"Really? But I can't smell my own so..." She lifts up her face and blinks naughtily. I finally give in to her sniffing like a little cat and run my finger through her golden hair. Then an idea pops into my mind. I slowly move my hand to her waist and give it a sudden pinch.
"Auch!"
"Hahahaha!" I lean in for a kiss.
"Devilish Dee!" Kristen curls her lips and pretends to be angry. Only a second later we both burst into laughter. "Okay my beautiful Dee, any plans for today?"
"Don't you remember I need to go in for recording this afternoon?"
"Oh right!"
"That's why I was practicing!"
"I know, I know!" She blushes a little, "And you know ... I love hearing you sing in the shower."
It's the winter of 2018. Kristen and I are back with the Frozen team for the production of Frozen II. The Lopezes have written me a whole new song called "Into the Unknown" and today is my first time singing it in the studio.
"You got it! What a blast!" Jennifer Lee jumps off her chair when I finally finish the last take.
"My curses during the past hour will make up another two-hour film," I joke.
"She's wild," Kristen whispers to Jen and receives another tickle on her waist.
"Alright girls, let's go on to do some dialogues." Jen shows us the story board and explains, "As we've said, Elsa was hearing this voice and left the charade to be alone. Now Anna goes in to ask what's wrong. Look here, Anna invites Elsa to cuddle and sings the lullaby..." As Jen speaks, I feel Kristen leaning her head on my shoulder, so I put my arm around hers. "Okay, get it?"
"Sure, we'll try," I give Kristen a playful nudge.
"Cuddle close, scrooch in..." Kristen begins to sing softly, "Where the north wind meets the sea..."
I chime in, "There's a river..." Looking at her I can't help adding, "I know what you're doing." We both giggle.
"Oh my! Brilliant, ladies! My heart melts," Jen has a huge smile on her face. "You two have good chemistry."
"Of course we do!" Kristen proudly takes my hand while I smile shyly at Jen's words.
As the clock turns into 2019, the Frozen work proceeds with a much faster pace and constantly sinks into our daily life. Walker is the only person in the house who doesn't show much interest – even Lorie the dog gets excited and barks along when Kristen and I prepare for recording sessions.
"Wow, Dee, look at what Bobby and Kristen got me. The Anna song," Kristen gasps one night when she is checking her emails on the bed.
"What is it?" I smile and sit down next to her.
"Shh – we listen to the demo together. But they say it's about ... err ... at some point Elsa died and that's how Anna reacted ... Wait what? Elsa died?"
"Really?!"
"Let's listen first anyway. I can't believe they're gonna make Elsa die, even though ... well, that's intense. Anyways, their email says 'if you have any comment, please tell us', so let's see..." Kristen plays the demo and begins to bite her finger unconsciously as the song plays on.
"What about it?" I ask.
"Hmm ... I don't know. But maybe that's not quite right. To be honest, I can't really imagine something like 'Elsa died'."
"Then ... imagine me dead."
"Hush! How can you say that!" She flies me a reproaching look, "Alright, I understand. You're right, Dee, that's a scientific way to train actors." She clears her throat and announces dramatically, "Good, good drama school graduate, Idina Menzel." And we both laugh.
"Don't worry, I'll hold you." I gently hug her behind her back, "Go on, think."
"So I think ... It's definitely hard for Anna, but I don't think she would indulge in it for too long. She has to figure out who she is without the company of people who are close to her. She is completely alone..." Kristen pauses, "She wants to get back to focus on the things she has to do, but suddenly it all just feels too much. You know when anxiety hits and you know you have a lot of things to do, but just thinking of it makes you mad and you can't get out of bed."
"Yeah, I know..."
"Well, but you have to do something."
"Hmm ... My therapist told me to, err, do whatever things for ten minutes, and then maybe it'll feel easier to carry on."
"That's also what my therapist told me!" Kristen's eyes brighten, "You're right, Dee. All you have to do is to ... do the next right thing."
"Yep."
"I think I know what the song should be about! The demo is nice but it's too indulging in sadness. I'll write to the Lopezes at once, and, with a change of hook, it'll be perfect."
After a few weeks of discussions and video chats, the song is fully polished. It's now titled "The Next Right Thing". When Kristen gets the call for her recording session, I go to the studio with her. Jen greets us and Kristen and Christopher Beck need to first go through the final score. Then the take-by-take recording formally starts. Jen explains, "For the first 'do the next right thing' she is not determined and it feels like arresting the rest of the song..."
"Like we actually wonder if she's truly shattered?" Kristen says.
"Kind of. You start from 'this grief has a gravity', okay?"
"This grief has a gravity. It pulls me down..." Kristen counts two beats and continues, "You are lost, hope is gone, but you must go on, and do the next right thing." Tears are blinking in her eyes.
Jen plays back the takes with the animated images and after the seventh take of that line, the room falls silent. Christopher first nods his head and then Jen gives the thumbs-up. "That's it," and she adds, "Thank you."
When today's work is finished, Kristen slowly walked out of the recording room, still wiping her tears. She comes straightly towards me and lets out a breath she has been holding. I hug her and gently pat her back, whispering, "Baby, you're so good."
She smiles and nods proudly. "You've ruined your make-up," I say, stroking her face. "Come on, to the bathroom."
I make Kristen sit on the edge of the sink and take out my cosmetic bag. Then I pick out a brush to apply foundation around her nose and eyes. "Close your eyes ... but don't curl your eyebrows!"
"Dee ... It's itchy!" Kristen giggles.
"Okay, okay, just a minute! Eyeliners..." I lean in, carefully tracing the shape of Kristen's beautiful eyes.
KRISTEN'S POV
I open my eyes when Dee finally finishes doing my eye make-up – not that she's satisfied! She is still scrutinizing my face and using her finger for extra touches of eye shadow. She is so immersed, her green eyes only inches from me.
So I suddenly lean in for a kiss.
"Wu..." Dee backs up awkwardly because I am literally hanging onto her. After a few seconds she hugs me back, her tongue unlocking my teeth. We pant and giggle wildly after we break apart.
"Ambush!" She says, blushing.
"You know that's me!" I smirk.
"Alright, lipstick!"
"Hmm..." I watch Dee take out her favorite lipstick from her bag and laugh, "I win the game today. I have your lipstick, which equals to 'I taste your lips'."
"One, two, three ... voila!"
Dee's lipstick has a fine strawberry smell plus a certain honey flavor. She looks at me closely and finally decides to comb my hair with her fingers. At last she stroke my head and says, "Feel better?"
"Yep. Besides, I was just acting!" I pout, feeling that Dee is behaving like an oversensitive mom.
"I know," she smiles, "but seeing you cry makes me heart-broken."
I pick up a strand of Dee's hair and rest my head on her shoulder, "Well, I did get insecure at one point when singing the lyrics, because in reality I'm afraid that I'd definitely be shattered if you were gone. But just thinking about this song, thinking about everything we've been through, I know that I'm strong enough to be in love with you and strong enough to face all the adversities. I'm finally able to love whole-heartedly because I no longer love in the fear of loss."
---
Summer approaches. Recording for Frozen II has finished, which means the animation and editing departments are left to do most remaining work for the movie. Dee and I have gone in for the orchestration of "Show Yourself", which in my opinion, is the biggest moment in the film that nothing else can compare.
Dee is also making her new Christmas album and we have a duet together. In order to add to the "Christmas feel" in July, we turn the air conditioner to 18 degrees and wrap ourselves in sweaters. One day Dee even forces me to put on snowflake decorations in the studio with her!
Then August. The end of summer marks the beginning of Frozen II's promotion season. The D23 Expo is a blast, and it is followed by a bunch of sneak previews, interviews, and premieres stretching from September to November.
I love doing interviews with Dee. I love watching her thinking over the questions, trying to figure out what to say, and then I will arrive at the scene like a knight rescuing her princess and help her to find the right ... word. Then she will smile shyly and follow what I say.
One day, after doing almost thirty interviews together, she falls asleep the second we get into the backseat of the car. I watch her resting her head against the window and snuggle up next to her. "We're home, sweety Dee," I remind her as the car pulls up at our gate.
"Hmm..." She murmurs, not opening her eyes.
"Wake up, baby," I say as I kiss her temple.
She lets out a reluctant yawn and looks at me with half-open eyes. Finally, she nods dreamily and follows me into the house, never letting go of my hand. "These high heels are killing me," she pouts.
"Me too," I laugh and stroke her face, one finger and then another.
"Stop, stop, stop!" She laughs too.
At the premiere, we finally get to see Frozen II in its entirety. During "The Next Right Thing", I feel a hand gently covering mine and when I turn, I see Dee's eyes welling up with tears.
I rest my head on her shoulder, meaning to say "I'm here".
---
"What??? Frozen II isn't nominated?" I yell in disbelief as I pick up the phone from our producer.
"What is it?" Idina, who has been looking at her computer, looks up.
"The Oscars. The film didn't get the nomination for Best Animated Film, but 'Into the Unknown' was nominated."
"Oh, really?!" Dee also seems confused.
"I'm so proud of you, Dee," I walk to her and kiss her on the cheek. "Although I was kinda thinking like ... 'Show Yourself' should be nominated, you know. But anyway, we got it!"
"We did this together." Dee smiles and kisses me back.
Days go by as we both have a lot of promotion work to do for the holiday season. Dee's busy with promoting her holiday album and the concert at Carnegie Hall, and I am also busy since the last season of The Good Place starts airing. In busy times like this, my comfort of the day is to snuggle in bed with Dee and talk about random things before sleep.
"Kris?" One night when I get out of the shower, Dee gestures me to sit down next to her.
"What's up, honey?"
"Hmm ... well the thing is, today I got the invitation to sing 'Into the Unknown' at the Oscars," she blushes.
"Wow great! Did you say yes?"
"Of course! How can I say no!" She giggles while looking at me with disbelief. "But to be honest, I'm also scared."
"Ah-huh?"
"This sounds stupid but ... well, listen. When I think about the fact that I'm gonna sing at the Oscars, two versions of it appear in my mind. In the first version I do a perfect job and feel like I finally prove myself. In the second version I screw it up ... again, like nothing can be worse. The two versions are like movies playing alternately in my head," she sighs.
I put my arm around her shoulder, "I know what you're worrying about, Dee, but what happened last time has nothing to do with what will happen this time."
"Yeah, that's true ... But in a way you can't totally ignore what happened in the past, right? Because what you do this time will either subvert or confirm previous ... err ... impressions?"
"Impressions by others?" I ask.
"By me as well."
"So let me phrase it for you. You are afraid that if you fail this time, you will be convinced that you can't perform well at big occasions or you are not a good singer."
"Kind of, although I know that's not true." Dee blinks shyly, "To be more specific, I have no idea what will happen if I mess up because it's too horrible to think about. I don't dare to. Maybe it's just like what you said, I'm afraid that I won't consider myself as a good singer anymore."
"Then it's so normal to worry. Everyone is scared of failing at the one thing that their conception of themselves depends on. It's because you love it so much."
"I agree. Maybe I love too much so it becomes fear." She jokes, "Do you think I can use the fear as stimuli to work hard on it?"
"I don't think that's 100% good for one's mental health but if it works with you ... Just remember don't be too hard on yourself!"
"I'll try not to! And I'll talk to you. It makes me relaxed," she smiles and that's beautiful.
I am woken by Dee when we lie on the hotel bed, waiting for the Oscars tomorrow.
"What happened baby?" I turn to see Dee sitting up, arms wrapping around her knees.
"I ... think I'm having anxiety about it," she says, suppressing a sob.
"Oh honey," I sit up and cup her face. "It's gonna be fine. We're gonna be good."
"I have to get up at six tomorrow morning to rehearse but I can't sleep now. If I don't get enough sleep, my voice will be bad ... And if I'm so nervous, how can I perform well?"
"It's perfectly fine to be nervous and insomniac. I believe in you, Dee, you can channel your nerves."
She nods. A tear streams down her cheek, "Thank you."
"How about letting it all out? You'll feel better after that."
"Yeah, I do want to cry."
"I'll hold you."
I gently pat her back when she cries into my shoulder. When I can feel the warmth of her body and to warm hers as well ... when she finally lets me in ... when we both let down our guards, dispel our fears, and give in to love. At last Dee looks up and smiles. Her eyes are blinking in the dark like herbs in the morning dew.
"I love you," she says.
"I love you too."
Kristen watched Idina appear in that white dress, later joined by international Elsas in glamourous dresses. "She really enjoyed the performance," Kristen thought, a smile climbing onto her face.
As we know, the performance and the ceremony itself was neither of Idina's two imagined versions. Like most things in life, it suffered the blissful mediocracy between "the best" and "the worst". "What if" is no exception to this fact, for the act of "wondering" fills up the in-between of a standstill and dizzying disorder.
That's why we end here, for we ignored another possibility – a reality of the "post-Oscar2020 world": to be "the best" and "the worst" at the same time; to be a standstill and a disorderly mess at the same time.
In situations like this, we stop asking "when". When will the train come? When will the rain stop? When will I see you again? When will we learn to love? Yet we still wonder: what if the Frozen cast play the musical in Broadway for three months? what if Dee and Kris go on tour together? what if they act in a movie together – the best choice being the Wicked movie? what if there is a Frozen III or Frozen TV series?
After all, when yearning wounds the heart, we look back on certain stable era, on this story that stretched so far for an anchoring power: our passion, our choices, our memories, our efforts, and what we did for love.