Reviewer: PeterPan2210
Reviewee: applejuice456
Story reviewed: Leopard's curse
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Overall comments
Frankly I liked it quite a lot. It wasn’t my usual style, sure, but I still enjoyed it.
Note: This review is a bit different from all the others. I’m changing my review categories a bit.
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Cover:
8.5/10
It’s a bit basic. Like it’s a functional cover. It works but it isn’t quite alluring. Is it from an anime? If yes, I suggest changing it because it wouldn’t be much of an appeal for people like me who actually don’t watch anime.
Maybe change it to something less anime, more animal (leopard-like) and something that gives a fantasy/action sort of vibe. Hmm?
Title:
9.5/10
It’s what drew me in. I just thought, “Okay so a leopard and a curse…how is that going to work out?” And that’s why I picked up the book.
Description:
10/10
It’s short, it fits and it sounds like there’s going to be a lot of angst and killing involved which is basically what I'd be looking for if I were searching for something with the tag ‘action'. So yeah, I like it.
Basic Plot:
9.5/10
Plots in a story are important. By plot I usually mean to say something that seems to be building up to something. That something may be climactic or anticlimactic but at least there’s a certain path, a fixed plot you’re going to move the story on. And your story has that. I can see where it might be going, I can see how it might end. So the plot exists and I’m interested in knowing the story of a high-schooler-turned-vigilante.
Content:
9.2/10
I like it a lot but could do with a bit more of humor. Preferably dry humor because Jack doesn’t seem like the type to have a very floral-y, lively sense of humor. So maybe sass, sarcasm, deadpanning etc.
Oh and a bit more of drama. Only a bit. It’s supposed to be action, where are the one liners that teenagers are more often than not likely to make while fighting villains?
Pace + Sequence:
9.5/10
It’s fairly fast paced, enough to keep me wanting to run and catch up to it but not enough to have me tripping over my own feet. So the pace is good and not confusing, which is what I appreciate. But I think you should’ve written at least another fight scene before showing that Einar was in a condition of just keeling over the moment someone touches him. Because he was alright all through school, surviving on pills and suddenly he goes into a coughing fit and stuff the moment he reaches home. All of that sounds a bit like a reverse sequence of sorts.
For example, after every interhouse sports day, my body pains like a mf the day after. But then I go to school, train some more and by the time I come back home, my body loosens itself out a bit more.
So though the pace is good, the scene sequence sounds reversed, at least to me.
Grammar + Punctuation:
9/10
The Grammar and Punctuation was mostly fine but I still felt like it lacked proper, exact punctuation. So maybe read through again.
Structuring/ Tone + Voice + Tense:
9/10
The structuring was good, The voice was fine. You had a little bit of a tense problem though, at certain places.
Originality:
8.8/10
Now it just might be my perspective but it was a little spiderman-ish for me. Guy in spandex is an awkward high schooler, class topper and part time vigilante? Yeah sounds like Marvel's Spiderman minus the radioactive spider and multiple girlfriends.
In fact it sounds like all the superheroes in the world. Or masked vigilantes.
This is based on the 7 chapters that you’ve written tbh so I do expect more to come from the ‘Leopard’s curse’ part of your title, which would increase your score to at least a 9.5.
Reader’s enjoyment:
10/10
I enjoyed it. My inline comments in the book probably make it evident.
Overall score:
93/100
Good Job. Keep up the good work. And send Einar some ‘get well soon’ flowers from my side.
Thank you for choosing me.
Please rate the review on a scale of 5 based on how useful it was and suggest improvements, if any.