SCRIPTURIENT REVIEWS | OPEN

❄ UNDERNEATH THE SURFACE | FARAH❄

Reviewed by LyricalFlaws

Book title: Underneath The Surface

Author's name: DamagedButPure

Cover: 8/10

It's really pleasing to look at, the aesthetic picture goes really well with the font, adding that dramatic flare to the writing on the picture. The only thing to change is 'A Novel By' and your username fonts. I think you should change the font to a simpler one since the title font is already big. No need to overcrowd it.

Title: 9/10

It definitely has an element of mystery, it's not cliche nor overused. You did a great job on matching the title with the picture.

Blurb: 7/10

Instead of writing a one liner that doesn't have an effect on readers, you can put 'In which two boys craved for invisibility, but ended up falling for the art of living for each other.' – that is better, it matches with the theme of what you are going for based on the artistic cover and dramatic black-and-white font and picture.

About the quotes, they are a nice touch to the blurb to know what the story is about. However, they both need a few tweaks. For Julian's quote example, 'it bothers me because I know that I need him to get through my own shit' – being repetitive could take away the effect of the book. You can adjust it by removing the last 'shit' and stopping at my 'own.' That way, the reader already understands and knows that there is a mystery.

For Wynter's quote: 'When I wanted to drown, he was there to help breathe even under the surface. And when my tears were in streams, he dried them up.'

These versions are more polished.

Overall, I like the blurb idea but it can be executed nicely.

Creativity and Originality: 10/10

I love how original the chapter names are, it gives off more poetic feelings. I also like how the story has a unique, creative style that shows how two different people can have the same negative thing that holds them down. I like how your writing style interprets the chemistry they have. I also love the fact that they are both troubled, it's not like enemies to lovers or bad boy good boy, it's more realistic.

Plot Flow: 10/10

God, the plot flow is perfect. It starts with an exciting scene when he tries to suicide without letting the readers know if he wants to kill himself or not give up. It adds up to the flare of how his character is strong, then it moves onto Julian's life and how they both meet in the washroom, it's aligning smoothly and it's simplistic yet gets you right in. I am in love with it honestly.

Writing/Grammar: 6/10

You should work on the dialogues more. You need to insert a full stop or a comma at the end of the sentence in the dialogue, so it doesn't disrupt the flow. Other times, I would find something like this:

"Hey Jule?"

"What the fuck do you want?" Julian grumbled.

I think you need to put spaces between each dialogue for it to look better in the chapters. I found a lot of those in the dialogues, just edit it through and you'll be fine.

As for the grammar with the paragraphs, it's pretty good, but there are some minor error I found like "Therefore he didn't really mind" – it should be "Therefore, he didn't really mind" in ...Wynter Black.

It can all be easily fixed through editing.

There is also the first part of In The Starting where you write about his negative thoughts, I understand that you are trying to put in emotional appeal, but you can use another way without the overload of dots that isn't attractive for the story.

You can write it like that:

You are worthless, no one loves you.

Why would you exist when you are nothing?

The dots aren't necessary at all. Also, you can only use four words to get the point across like: Coward. Worthless. Useless. Pathetic. That way, the reader can connect with the words. You kind of go overboard with it, making it distant with the emotions. Emotional appeal is when you focus on a sentence and make it emotional, rather than listing out or going overboard.

Character Development: 10/10

Wynter: your writing style did nothing but show us how a character should be described. As far as I read, Wynter interests me to no end and you perfect it with the way you describe his actions, his breakthrough as a whole when he shows sides of caring for his sister to how chilled back he is with Julian just shows his character developing confidently.

Julian: I love the fact that you take time to describe his character. We see in the first chapter how he is trying to convince his parents about his sexuality and the panic when he sees the guy not emerging out of the water. It also highlights how observant he is of everything around him. As we go along, I capture the nervousness he feels about Wynter, he's also spontaneous. You take your time to show his character and right at a steady pace without rushing his personality.

Genre Relevence: 10/10

It's definitely Teen Fiction and in the right category. It shows their hardships as gay teens and how they go on about to deal with it, it has a poetic storyline that I like.

Reader's Enjoyment: 10/10

I am really hooked and in the part where Wynter talks to his sister just got me in tears. I really love your writing style, and I like how you set the pace slow for readers to take their time and enjoy. I will definitely read more into it till the very end.

Overall Score: 80 (well done!)