Trig is in italics with the translation right after
enjoy <3
song: silhouette by aquilo
Screams ripple through the air, bludgeoning my eardrums and ripping my mind to shreds. I press my hands tight against my ears, but the noise doesn't stop, it only gets louder and louder and louder and...
"HAILEY!"
I jolt awake, causing the screaming to stop immediately. My first instinct is to grab my knife and fling it at the person who shook me awake, so I let it fly. It lands in the assailant's, or MIloch's shoulder, causing him to grunt.
"Holy shit, Miloch, I'm so sorry." I apologise, the past nightmare forgotten.
He shakes his head before he rips the knife from his shoulder or rather his thick undercoat.
"Body armour." He assures, flipping the knife back around and handing it to me.
"Thanks," I mutter, taking it and placing it back in my sheath. "Why did you wake me up?" I ask, rubbing my eyes.
"You were uh..." he trails off, unsure of how to answer. "You were screaming Elliot's name." He answers finally.
My face falls when last week's events fade in. Even after days of training and pushing aside the emotions, they're still there, persistent as ever. I clamp my eyes shut and clench my jaw, shoving them away and locking them up.
I see his mouth open to say something else, but I put my hand, "em's ku," It's okay. "I'm fine," I murmur, putting my hand down. "You keep treating me like I'm going to break," I say, shaking my head.
I rise to my feet and grab my sword. I turn back to him with my newly dull eyes and drunken cheeks. "I'm fine, Miloch," I say before turning around and walking away.
"Where are you going?" He calls out.
I stop and turn around. "You said we have a three-day trek to TonDC, so..." I trail off, raising my brows expectantly.
He swallows, "Right, yes." He looks down and begins to gather his things, causing my eyebrows to furrow.
"Is everything alright?" I ask, walking back towards him.
He remains unmoving, his shoulders slumped and his eyes blank, while my arms are crossed and my back is straight. What a contrast.
"No," He begins, standing. "I'm just worried that all of this is going to hit you and you're going to be knocked off of your feet from the guilt and the pain," he sighs, turning away.
I sigh before setting my hand on his arm. "I'm okay," I murmur.
He turns and looks back at me with a set brow. "That's exactly what I'm worried about."
-------------
After Miloch expressed his concerns, I shut down, opting to walk ahead of him while he walked behind me. Since then, my brain has been running through scenarios of my friends' fate.
"I know Finn, Clarke, and Miller made it in the dropship," I murmur to myself. "Octavia is with Lincoln and Bellamy..." I trail off, pain striking me in the heart.
"He could be alive, you know," MIloch suddenly says. "We could go look for him."
I immediately shake my head. "If he is alive, it's better if I'm not there," I mutter. "I'd only make it worse."
I see his eyebrows furrow in my peripheral. "What do you mean?"
"All I've ever known my entire life was pain and putting it on him just doesn't seem fair."
"That's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard." After seeing my expression, he lets out a sigh. "hayon help Ai," God help me. "What I mean is, he put himself in that position. He accepted every part of you and he still does because I know he's still alive The point is, that pain made you who you are and he accepts that, hell he probably prefers you the way you are."
I furrow my eyebrows, thinking.
"Take it from the guy who's been through 17 wars," He says with a chuckle. "You've got nothing on me, goufa."
My mouth falls open. "I am not a child!"
A small smile tugs at his lips, "If I say you aren't can we go look for your friends?"
I press my lips into a grim frown, "I know you think I should go look for them, but, the way I see it," I say. "It's better not knowing."
"Well, don't get mad at me," he says, lowering his voice, causing me to tilt my head and clench my jaw and in the process making a 'mom face.' "But we're almost at the dropship."
My anger overflows. "I told you, Miloch, I told you, multiple times that I can't deal with the knowing, and here you go," My anger rises with my voice. "But instead, you bring me back to the place that might destroy me." My voice quiets as my anger skyrockets.
"What might destroy you is never knowing." He says, standing very still before his eyes look at something behind me.
My eyebrows furrow and I tilt my head before turning.
The breath is knocked out of me and my legs buckle. My hands slam against the ground at the same time as my knees.
Bellamy's rifle, engraved with his initials, lays before me. The clip is gone but I still reach for it. My lip wobbles before I run my finger over the letters.
My eyes water and my heart aches.
"Why would you bring me here?" I ask again, my voice rugged with pain.
"Just because his gun is here," he sighs before crouching next to me. "It doesn't mean he's dead."
I clamp my eyes shut and the world goes quiet. I think about Wells, Charlotte, Riv, My mom, Murphy, Raven, Clarke, Bellamy and Elliot. My thoughts swim as my heart gets swallowed by the wave of emotions that hit me that I'd been bottling up for days. With shaky legs and blurry eyes, I stand and begin to walk towards the dropship.
Each step emits a crunch as my foot makes contact with the charred bone and flesh littering the ground. I don't hear Miloch as I enter through the barely standing walls that once protected a bustling clearing.
Now, it was dead silent.
My breathing begins to speed up as I spin around. My eyes flit to every corner, hoping for a footstep in the ash or something. something. something.
"Please be alive," I murmur before breaking into a jog towards the hanger door. I run up and past the curtains into the dropship.
My heartbeat falters when I catch sight of Raven's blood on the table. But, nothing. Nobody has been here for days.
A sob rocks my body as my legs give out and I fall to the floor. The tears flow freely as my cries reverberate off the metal.
"Why can't I ever be happy?" I hiccup through the tears. "Why, why why." I cry, hitting my fist against the floor at every word.
Through the tears and the pain, I hear another voice from outside. One different from Miloch.
I shakily rise to my feet before grabbing my sword from its sheath.
I wait a moment.
"What are you doing here Miloch?" I hear a familiar voice ask.
My mouth falls open before I push aside the curtains, revealing him.
---------
A/N
I am just so evil
also I'm sorry for the very long hiatus
I have been having a lot of mental health issues, but hopefully I can write through it all
please vote and comment as it makes me very happy
as always, please eat and drink something
I love you,
Abigail <3