written on 9/2/21
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it's so hard to keep you engaged
all i want is your attention and all affection
and i'm trying so hard to remain focused
but my vision is so hazy as i'm trying to stay asleep
just a few more minutes, please
i don't think you can understand how much of a struggle i put up against to stay here
all of this just to sit here and listen to you
you always tell me everything i want to hear
(more like all the things i need)
and every syllable, word, and sentence that leaves your lips, i grasp each one
dreading the moment this will stop
as it always does, every morning
i would go far enough to call it torture
even though my mind is what inflicts it
granting me time with you
a fresh start each day to fall for you
and just as i am so close to you
i feel it, and i panic
i frantically try to hold on, telling you not to let go, please don't forget me again
you have no idea what happens
you can't even hear what i'm saying
i'm already gone
the sun wakes me up.
i hate opening my eyes to no one
but i forget you, just like every day before
yet i am left with a feeling of loss, without knowing why
---
hello my dears, i feel all over the place but just so in love so don't mind me. my emotions are just heightened right now it'll be fine. i love you bunches, sleep well my dears.