The night sky was aglow with bright city lights.
The pale crescent moon shone like a silvery claw in the night sky. Stars were twinkling as if they were dancing with us. Above all, the night was full with tranquility.
Looking at the same stars, I know he's on his balcony while thinking of me as much as I do.
His love has brought me to the place I deserved. When he hold me in the arms, I knew I was healed.
For the first in a while, I held my phone and checked all my social media accounts. They were deactivated since the day I forgot about everything. The accounts I was using for work were all made for business and important purposes.
Hindi ko alam na babalik pala ako sa puntong gugustuhin ko pang buksan ang mga iyon. Hindi ko inasahang pakikinggan ko pa pala ang mga kantang sabay naming pinapakinggan noon. Sa kabila ng lahat, siya pa rin ang dahilan ng pagbalik ko sa dating ako. Ang kaibahan lang ay ang mas matatag ako ngayon.
I logged in the twitter I created a decade ago. Si Demiel lang ang nasa following list ko roon dahil hindi naman ako interesado sa buhay ng iba. Hindi rin naman ako active roon kaya hindi ko rin nakikita ang mga posts niya.
I chuckled when I saw his funny posts.
Happy birthday sa pinaka-mesmerizing na nilalang sa mundo.
21 Oct 2019
Talaga lang, huh?
I scrolled through his profile. I bit my lower lip to suppress a smile when I saw the highlights on his instagram account. Matagal na ba ang mga ito rito o ngayon ko pa lang talaga nakita? Kung noon pa niya nilagay ang mga ito, bakit hindi niya man lang naisipang tanggalin? Lalo na't buong akala niya ay wala na ako.
Nakita ko roon ang mga pictures namin. I was embarrassed just by looking at our childhood pictures. Mukhang may sipon pa siya sa isang picture roon dahil kumikintab ang ilalim ng kaniyang ilong. Napasapo ako ng noo nang makita ang picture kong nakatulala habang nakasandal sa puno. Kita rin doon ang dugo mula sa tuhod ko.
I stopped when my phone vibrates when I received a notification from Twitter. Agad ko naman pinindot iyon. Akala ko noong una ay may kailangan lang akong i-update sa mga information ko roon.
My lips automatically stretched for a smile when I saw his current post.
I had too much emotions. I don't how what will I address first. Nangiti ako dahil pangalan niya ang lumitaw ngunit gusto kong mainis dahil sa picture na nilagay niya roon. A cup of tea. Kita ko pa ang teabag na nakalagay roon habang hawak niya iyon. Parang commercial at stolen kuno ang picture niyang iyon. My face was printed on that cup. It was a photo of me, taken when I slept in his car. Hindi ko na napigilan ang antok ko noon dahil pagod ako. It was a long day after all. At, talagang nagawa niya pang kuhanan ako ng picture kahit noon lang kami nagkaayos. Katatapos niya lang magpaliwanag pagkatapos ay gagawa na naman siya ng kalokohan.
Ang sarap niyang irapan pero napangiti na lang talaga ako nang mabasa ko ang caption niya.
'My cup of tea.'
Ilang minuto pa lang ay nakita ko na ang mga comments. Some retweeted his tweet.
Cavin @abscvn
Tag her. Hanggang saan ang tapang mo?
Cavin? I remember him. Siya iyong kaibigan ni Demi na tumawag sa akin noon para alagaan ang lasing na si Demiel.
Jie @IVOZ
Attorney ka na pero hanggang ngayon simp ka pa rin.
Kakita ko pa lang sa username ni Jie ay natawa na ako. Parang teenager lang ang dating. IVOZ... I laughed.
Love @kjdemi
Replied to @abscvn Next time. Her permission is needed.
Love @kjdemi
@IVOZ Limited edition. Sa kapatid mo lang.
My heart thumped just by thinking that he included my initials on his username.
I slept at that night with my soul dancing with blissfulness.
The next morning, I woke up because of the piano. Narito siguro si Jie at ang kaniyang pamilya.
Bumangon ako at inayos ang aking sarili bago lumabas at upang tingnan sila.
He was playing the piano while his son was sitting on his lap, watching his father's hands.
"Good morning," I greeted. Sabay pa silang napabaling sa akin.
Bumaba ang bata at tumakbo upang yumakap sa akin. I lowered myself so he could reach me. I clicked his nose.
"Morning, sunshine." He giggled when I pinched his nose.
Habang buhat-buhat ko ang bata ay naglakad ako papalapit sa kaniya. Umupo ako sa tabi niya. I noticed that he was looking at me as if he want to say something.
Binaba ko muna ang bata. "Where's mommy?" I asked him.
"There," turo niya sa may pintuan.
"Can you kiss her for me, hmm?" Nakangiti namang tumango at bata at patakbong umalis ng kwarto.
Muling bumalik ang tingin ko kay Jie. "What is it?" I started the conversation.
"Why did you forgive him just like that?"
Kahit hindi niya sabihin ang pangalan ay alam ko na agad kung sino ang tinutukoy niya. Si David ang tinutukoy niya.
"That's for myself," I replied.
If I will keep on loathing him, I won't be able to live the best life I ever wanted. I may have a better life now and am contented but I know there's much more better than this.
"After everything he did to you. I can't believe you were still able to serve him with forgiveness."
I sighed.
"I am so much proud of you." He smiled sincerely. I mouthed 'thank you'.
"I've been stacked in a storm for so many years, I think it's time for me to enjoy a new season. The season of forgiveness, free from cruelty, and peace. Let me enjoy every tranquil night. If I'll get taken away by my emotions, I will just be blown and drowned by the waves again. At, iyon ang ayaw kong mangyari ulit. I value the peace I have right now."
Lumapit siya sa akin saka ako niyakap.
"Embrace that peace with all the pieces of yourself," he whispered. Tumango ako habang nakayakap pa rin siya sa akin at hawak-hawak ang likod ng aking ulo.
Humiwalay siya sa akin natatawang pinunasan ang kaniyang luha.
"The three women in my life will always be the best of all best women out there. You stand alone."
Ngumiti ako sa kaniya ay pabirong ginulo ang kaniyang buhok na para bang siya pa rin ang batang Jie na makulit noon.
Tiny specks of dust seemed to dance in the shaft of afternoon sunlight that slanted through the window.
I opened the laptop and waited for him to start
a call.
Napaayos ako ng upo nang matanggap ko na ang tawag niya. Malaki ang screen ng laptop at sakop niya iyon.
"Coming home," he said.
He's inside her car, driving. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ngayon pa siya tumawag kung pwede namang mamaya na lang pagka-uwi niya.
I was just watching him on how he maneuver the car. Simple gesture but it attracts me.
I blinked and looked away when I saw him smirked while glancing on the camera.
"Drive safely," I told him. "I'll end this call now, text me when-"
"Labas ka," rinig kong sabi niya. Did I heard it right?
"Pardon?" Nilapit ko ang aking tenga sa laptop, nakalimutan kong magsuot ng earphones.
"Labas ka, malapit na ako."
"What?" Hindi makapaniwalang sabi ko. "Akala ko ay pauwi ka na."
"Yes, coming home to you." Ngumisi siya.
I turned off the camera and started to look for an outfit to wear. Wala pa naman ako sa mood para magbihis dahil ang buong akala ko ay magpapahinga lamang ako buong araw.
May narinig na akong sasakyan sa baba, hudyat na nandito na nga siya.
Why do I always feel like I need to be extra everytime I am with him, when he constantly assures me that he'll love me whatever I look like. His love doesn't depend on my outfit, and everything that talks about my appearance. I couldn't even imagine him crushing over me back when we were just kids.
Pagkababa ko ay naabutan ko siyang buhat-buhat ang pamangkin ko. Nakasubsob siya sa kaniyang balikat at mahigpit ang hawak niya.
Siguro ay dati pa niya nakakausap si Jie at noon pa siya dumadalaw dito. Kaya hindi na ako magtataka kung bakit close siya sa bata.
I smiled when I saw him gently caressing his back. My heart's too soft for this kind of scene. Gustong-gusto talaga siya ng mga bata.
Napalingon si Jie sa akin. "Take care of my sister."
He tapped his shoulders and chuckled. Kinuha niya ang batang natutulog mula kay Demiel at pumunta sa kusina para balikan ang asawa niya.
"Pinagpaalam na kita," he told me.
I chuckled. "It was as if I'm a teenager."
"Nakagawian ko na 'yon, hayaan mo na ako. Besides, not because you are older now doesn't mean I can always take you without asking for your parents' permission. Palaging kailangan ang permiso nila at permiso mo."
Bakit ba nakalimutan kong abogado na siya ngayon? I was just joking, and waiting for him to spill jokes too, kagaya noon, pero ngayon ay ang seryoso na ang naging sagot niya.
"But you didn't ask for my permission."
"Yeah?" he chuckled. Pinasadahan niya ang kaniyang buhok. "Later, I'll surely ask for you permission."
"Wow," I laughed. "So you're saying that you'll take me without asking for my permission? Kailan mo ako tatanungin? Kapag nakauwi na tayo?" laughed sarcastically.
"Ewan," nagkibit-balikat siya. I knot my forehead and rolled my eyes. "Sige, isipin mo."
"Whatever," sagot ko na lang at nauna nang lumabas sa kaniya.
Patakbo siyang sumunod sa akin para pagbuksan ako ng pintuan. Umikot siya para makapasok sa driver seat.
There was a ghost smile trying to hide on his lips. Maski iyon ay hindi nakatakas sa paningin ko. Bakit ba parang natutuwa siya? Ginagawa na naman ba niya akong katatawanan?
He glanced at me before he started the engine.
"Bakit naman nagmamadali kang umuwi sa akin?"
Medyo maingay ang kaniyang sasakyan kaya hindi ko alam kung narinig ko ba iyon ng tama.
"Wala ba akong kiss?" parang tangang tanong niya.
Imbis na kiligin ay natawa lang ako. Namula ang mukha ko dahil sa sobrang tawa. Namg lingunin ko siya ay napakaseryoso ng kaniyang mukha at focus na focus sa pagmamaneho.
Tumigil ako nang mapansing hindi naman niya ako sinasamahang tumawa. Maybe I offended him.
Should I do it? Should I kiss him here again?
"Demiel, stop the car."
Agad siyang napalingon sa akin nang sabihin ko iyon. Gulat na gulat at mukhang ayaw namang sundin ang sinabi ko dahil inalis niya rin agad ang tingin niya sa akin.
"Why?" he asked, not looking at me. Niliko niya ang sasakyan gamit ang isa niyang kamay.
Napatingin na lang ako sa kaniyang hininto niya nga iyon.
He raised an eyebrow. I held his cheeks and gave him a peak.
Ang kaninang nakakunot niyang noo ay umaliwalas na ngayon. His lips formed a thin line, suppressing a smile.
He placed his left hand, resting it on the door while his chin was on his hand. Nilipat niya ang kaniyang kamay sa kaniyang noo. "Okay, I'm doomed."
"Pwede bang huwag mo na ulitin 'yon?" tanong niya.
"Did I made you feel uncomfortable?" I blinked.
"Ninanakawan mo ako ng moves. Ako dapat ang gumagawa no'n."
"Yeah, I can almost see my brother's punching you."
"No," he chuckled. "We're cool now."
Base sa itsura ng dinadaanan namin ay alam ko na agad kung saan niya ako dadalhin. Sa buscafe. Kamusta na kaya ang business niya? Maayos naman kaya ang patakbo niya roon? Sabagay, he's a lawyer and knows a lot about businesses. Sigurado akong napapatakbo niya iyon nang maayos.
Nakangiting sumalubong sa amin ang mga empleydo niya. They all have pretty and smiling faces. Sigurado akong maganda at maayos ang pag-serve nila sa mga customers.
I smiled at them when they started calling me Ma'am Engineer.
"Just call me Icy," I told them. I just found it weird being called Ma'am Engineer. Unemployed din naman ako rito sa bansa kaya ayokong tawagin nila akong engineer hangga't hindi pa ako nagsisimulang magtrabaho ulit dito.
Pumasok kami sa loob upang tingnan ang kalagayan ng buscafe. Demiel's arms was wrapped around my waist. Hinayaan ko na lang naman siyang gawin iyon dahil pakiramdam ko ay safe ako.
"Please let them call you engineer, you work hard for that title," he whispered. Sobrang lapit niya sa aking ngayon. My heart's thumping very time his polo touches my skin. Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kaniya nang magsalita siyang muli. "And if you'll let them call you Icy, atleast let me call you wife."
I chuckled, not thinking about how fast my current heartbeat was. Mabuti na lang talaga at hindi nangiginig mga tuhod ko ngayon. "But you can only call a woman your wife if you two are married. Am I right, attorney?"
He let out low chuckles. "Okay, batas ka, eh."
We sat on the same table, sa may dulong bahagi ng buscafe.
Sumenyas siya at agad naman lumapit ang isa sa mga staff niya. May inabot iyong dalawang folder sa kaniya.
I just placed my arms on my chest while looking through the mirror. I could see him staring at me through my peripheral visions so I turned my gaze at him. His lips automatically stretched when our eyes met. Ilang segundo kaming nagkatitigan bago siya yumuko at umiling-iling habang nakangiti pa rin. I looked away and smiled at the baby from the other table, who's staring at me. His dad traced his line of vision Napangiti naman din ito sa akin nang magkita ako. I simply smiled back. Nasaan na kaya iyong nanay ng bata? Bakit sila lang tatlo? Tingin ko ay nanay niya iyong babaeng may buhat sa baby.
Napabalik ang tingin ko kay Demiel nang peke siyang umubo. Agad kong napansin ang isa niyang kilay na bahagyang nakataas
I raised my eyebrows. "What?"
Inabot niya sa akin isang folder na inabot kanina ng babae sa kaniya. Kunot-noo ko iyong tinignan. Business report iyong ng buscafe including the every day income and menu.
"Tumataas ang sales bawat araw..." I said. "That's good, congrats."
"What are your plans?"
"What do you mean?" I asked back.
Natawa siya. "Plans of marrying me."
My face automatically heated. Akala ko ay tungkol sa buscafe ang gusto niyang sabihin kanina. This man really have his own ways, indeed.
Hindi na natuloy ang usapan namin nag magpaalam siya sa akin. Someone's calling him through the phone. Siguro ay isa sa mga kliyente niya iyon.
He came back after couple of minutes.
"Let's go." He offered me his hand, tinanggap ko naman iyon.
Iginiya niya ako papasok sa kaniyang kotse. I am thinking that maybe he had to meet a client because of an urgent meeting so have to take me home. Ngunit nagkamali ako. Dinala niya ako sa dati naming bahay sa Pampanga.
May dalawang babaeng nakatingin sa amin. Hanggang dito ay rinig ko ang bulungan nila.
"Tumigil ka, Myra. Attorney na si Demiel, hindi magiging mahirap sa kaniya ang sampaan ka ng kaso dahil sa mga sinasabi mo tungkol sa kababata niya."
Mukhang may hinahanap pa si Demiel doon sa loob ng kotse niya kaya naman inikot ko na muna ang tingin ko sa paligid. Ibang-iba na ang itsura ng bahay rito ngayon, tanging ang iisang puno na lamang sa gilid ang natira. Kailan niya pa pinagawa ito? Bakit ngayon ko lang nalaman? I sighed. Sabagay, sa kaniya na rin naman ang lupang ito at nabili na niya.
Narinig ko ang pagsara ng pinto kaya naman agad akong napalingon sa kaniya. Kinapa niya ang kaniyang bulsa at saka lumapit sa akin.
Biglang humangin kaya naman nalipad ang iilang strand ng buhok ko. I almost jumped when I felt his finger on my forehead. Inilagay niya ang mga takas na buhok sa likod ng aking tenga.
"You're so gorgeous," he mumbled. Ngumiti na lang naman ako. I suddenly became conscious about my breath so I did not talk. Ang lapit niya kasi sa akin at alam kong maaamoy niya ang hininga ko sa oras na magsalita ako.
He guided me through holding my waist. Bungad pa lang ng bahay ang nakikita ko ngunit namangha na agad ako. Ang ganda, sobra. The flowers and paint of the house really compliments each other.
I knot my forehead when I noticed something. Bakit kamukha nito ang blueprint na ginawa ko noon? Is it just me or talagang magkahawig?
"Magkano mo nabili ang lupa?" tanong ko.
"No, you're dad told me to take care of this house. Hindi ko ito binili sa kaniya. Noong mga panahong umalis kayo ay rito na ako nanatili dahil iniisip kong kahit anumang oras ay babalik kayo, so I waited here all along. Hanggang sa makita kita sa hospital."
"Hmm, this is your house now but I want to thank you for taking care of it. You preserved all the memories we had here."
Pinagmamasdan ko lang ang bahay habang siya ay pinapanood lamang ako. Ang ganda ng design, ang galing ni Isha at talagang mukhang nagkasundo siya sa magiging interior design nito. I like it.
Napansin kong may binubunot siya mula sa kaniyang bulsa ngunit hinayaan ko na lamang siya at nagpatuloy ako sa paglibot ng bahay. Nakita ko pa rito and painting naming dalawa. Siguro ay gawa ito ni Rae. He's really a great artist.
An electric sensation was sent on my entire system when his pinky touched mine. Agad naman akong napabaling sa kaniya. He was directly staring at my eyes and lowered his eyes on my hand, as if he's asking my permission to hold it.
Tumango na lang naman ako. Holding his hands won't hurt but it will surely give assurance and peace.
My system almost stopped when he kneeled infront of me, wearing a smile. He looks nervous. Ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa akin ay nanginginig at malamig.
I widened my eyes when I saw a red box in his hand. Please tell me that it's not a ring.
My heart's racing and I don't know how to deal with it. Para bang mawawalan ako ng hininga, sabay mo pa ang mga tuhod kong nanghihina at ang mga mata kong hindi alam kung saan titingin.
I couldn't look at him straight in the eyes. Hindi ko kayang labanan ang titig niya sa akin. He was staring at me directly as if he's diving into my soul. Para bang binabasa niya ang aking isipan at kung ano man ang future na mayroon kami.
Hindi ko alam kung paano ako aakto dahil ayaw ko munang isipin ang ginagawa niya. Baka binibiro lang niya ako para makabawi sa akin.
All of my contradicting thoughts faded when he started to speak.
"I would like to marry you with a golden ring with a gem on it but I think it would be practical if I'm going to propose using this."
Dahan-dahan niyang binuksan ang maliit na pulang kahon na hawak niya. I was watching every move he make.
Nakita ko ang makintab na susi roon.
"Keys of our house."
"Ang gusto ko kasi ay handa na ang lahat bago kita pakasalan kaya ngayon na may sariling bahay na tayo, stable na trabaho at business. Sa tingin ko kaya na natin. W-What do you think?
It took me a couple of minutes to talk. Of course, I want to marry him, I want to spend my whole life with him. Sa kaniya ko lang din naman nakikita ang magiging kinabukasan ko. At, kahit wala pang bahay o business, pakakasalan ko siya dahil hindi naman sa kahit anong materyal na bagay nakabase ang pagmamahal ko sa kaniya.
"Yes, we can."
I automatically smiled when his eyes glistened with joy. Niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit, natutuwa naman akong niyakap siya pabalik.
Humiwalay siya sa akin.
Bahagya niya akong inalog. Tila hindi siya makapaniwala. "Does it mean..." He trailed off. His eyes were full of hopes.
"What?" pagbasag ko. I just want to make him nervous first.
His smile faded and stared at me. I chuckled. "You didn't ask me formally-"
Hindi ko na natuloy pa ang sasabihin ko dahil bigla siyang lumuhod muli sa aking harapan. Nakatingala siya sa akin at nagtanong, "Engineer Kicy Jynette Suarez, will you marry me?"
I noticed how he blinked his eyes nervously while waiting for my answer. Para bang may naririnig akong crickets ngayon dahil pinatagal ko talaga ang magiging sagot ko.
Demiel was there since I was in elementary. I hate every guys in the room except him. Even David, kahit gusto ko siya noon ay ayaw na ayaw ko ang presensiya niya. Kahit sino sa kanila, kahit pa si Isaiah. Ayaw kong lumalapit sila sa akin dahil hindi ako komportable kaya naman lagi akong nagsusungit at tahimik lang. I always treat them coldly because even a simple touch on the tip of my fingers can make me shiver.
But him... Only Demiel can joke around and buy me street foods. Madalas din akong alukin ng pagkain at kung ano-ano pang chocolates noon lalo na kapag valentines, pero ni isa ay wala akong inuwi at tinanggap. I'm always rude towards guys.
Siya lang naman ang nagpatunay sa akin na hindi lahat ng lalaki ay sasaktan ako. Hindi lahat ay babastusin ako. Not all guys are disrespectful. Minsan maling tao lang ang mga nagiging basehan natin, but it will never change the fact there are still guys who were grown up and have the kindest heart.
I never wanted someone to control me. Wala rin akong pake kung may lalaking masasaktan dahil tinuring ko lamang hangin kahit pa buntot nang buntot sa akin. Besides, I don't let anyone follow me wherever I go, except him. I hate taking to guys or even girls until I met him.
The effect of my traumas were always reflecting on my actions. Mas lalong ayokong may humahawak sa akin. I became so uptight and only him can make me a softie. I'm only comfortable to his touch. Him alone. Demiel is indeed my only exception.
A loner tear escaped my eyes.
"Yes," I murmured. Agad naman niyang sinuot sa daliri ko ang susi. Tumango ako at mabilis na pinunasan ang aking luha ngunit tinabig niya ang aking kamay at siya na ang gumawa no'n.
"I love you... I love you..." he chanted while fixing his hair and his other hand was wiping my tears.
Niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit. I could feel his heartbeat and the warmth of his head on my shoulders.
Humiwalay siya sa akin ngunit hindi niya ako binitawan. He was staring at my face as if he doesn't want to forget my features. Nakangiti niyang hinawakan ang magkabilang pisngi ko.
He kissed my forehead, temple, the tip of my nose and chin. He stopped when he knew what he was up to. Bumalik ang titig niya sa aking mga mata. His eyes were asking. I nodded as a response.
He then sealed my lips with a kiss. It was just a blink of an eye but it felt like heaven. He smiled then kissed me passionately.
I was smiling breathless in between our intense kisses.
That moment feels like when the sun shines through the clouds after a storm and everything just looks brighter than usual.
The world's filled with cruelty and injustice but with him, the world's a lot better. My only exception.
-----
♡