Rowan had barely slept that night. It wasn't that she wasn't tired, but there was a sense of overwhelming dread that loomed over her head. Almost as if a dark cloud had been following her around ever since she had returned to Hogwarts. Rowan slowly got out of bed, careful not to disturb Severus, and slowly walked over to the door. She knew it wasn't wise to leave without him, given her current circumstances, but she needed to talk to someone who would be on the same page as her; someone she had connected to.
Writing a quick note explaining she needed some time alone, Rowan grabbed a coat and left Severus' personal quarters. Taking a deep breath, she started down the long hallway to get to the headmaster's office. Although there was nobody at Hogwarts she could safely talk to, there was one woman whom Rowan thought would give some great advice as she once had.
After quite a long walk, Rowan finally reached the headmaster's office and slowly pushed open the door. "Professor, still taking late night walks, I see?" Dumbledore asked as he peered over his half-moon glasses. Rowan chuckled awkwardly and shook her head. "I was just wondering if I could use some floo powder. I need to clear my thoughts," Rowan explained, not sure whether she should take a seat across from him or not.
"Am I correct to think that Severus doesn't know you're out of bed?" He asked, grabbing ahold of a small cup on his desk. As he stood up and approached Rowan, she thought she was going to be sick. Though, this was now a common occurrence. Any small thing could make her feel nauseous. Rowan nodded, not trusting herself to verbally answer him. "Carry on," He said, handing her the cup that contained floo powder. "Just- be safe, Professor," Rowan hadn't heard Albus worried for- well- anything since Juniper had disappeared. This was all strange and new; Merlin knows what he would think if he knew she was pregnant. She had to remember to keep her thoughts on the subject quiet around Albus as well; damn legilimens.
Taking a deep breath to clear her thoughts, Rowan focused on the fireplace in front of her. Pinching a small amount of floo powder into her hand, Rowan looked back at Albus, "I will be back," she assured, turning back toward the fireplace. With a loud sigh, she spoke clearly. "Malfoy Manor,"
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"Professor Knight? What are you doing here at such a time?" Narcissa Malfoy asked as she answered the door. Rowan must have woken her up; she was dressed in only an expensive-looking nightgown. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Mrs. Malfoy. Is Bellatrix still awake?" Rowan asked, shivering as the cold of night brushed against her skin. While she seemed confused, Narcissa nodded and closed the door back. Rowan's heart sank for only a moment before the doors opened again; this time, a tired-looking Bellatrix Lestrange answered the door.
Before Rowan could apologize for coming around at such a strange hour, Bellatrix had wrapped her around Rowan's shoulders, pulling her into a hug as the doors shut behind her. "Oh! Um- hey," Rowan laughed, hugging Bellatrix back. Almost as if she had just realized what she had done, Bellatrix stepped away from Rowan as if she had been burned. Clearing her throat, Bellatrix straightened her flowing black robe. "I heard of your disappearance," she explained quietly.
"I understand. It was my mother, in case you hadn't heard," Rowan shrugged, not really wanting to remember her time in that dingy basement. "That bitch," Bellatrix spat as she sat down on a large couch. Rowan hesitantly sat down beside her, not sure how she was going to break the news. Bellatrix sighed, slouching as she seemed to take off a metaphorical mask. "I'm glad you're okay. How are you and Snape?"
That was the popular question, and Rowan honestly wasn't sure. "We're okay, though I fear that will not last," Rowan said, as tears threatened to leave her eyes. She wouldn't cry, she wanted to enjoy her time away. "What?! Why?" Bellatrix asked, suddenly showing a lot of interest in the conversation. Rowan lowered her head, not sure of how to word it. Shaking her head, she simply grabbed Bellatrix's hand and placed it on her lower abdomen. She watched as Bellatrix's eyes grew large. "You're-!"
"Shh! Yes," Rowan said as the tears that threatened to leave her eyes finally began to stream down her face. Bellatrix didn't look at her like she was crazy; it was the exact reaction Rowan needed. It took a few moments as the news set in, but eventually, Bellatrix spoke again. "How are you really, Rowan?" She pursed her mouth as she grabbed a blanket and spread it out over them. It reminded Rowan of when they first met, and that was a comforting feeling. "I'm terrified; to become a mother, to tell Severus, to lose my job. Everything," Rowan admitted, openly crying.
While Bellatrix was her usual, awkward-at-comforting self, Rowan was glad she hadn't changed the way she treated her upon hearing the news. This was the reaction Rowan wanted from Minerva; the one she didn't get. "I understand how you are feeling," Bellatrix began as she quietly ordered an eavesdropping house elf to go put on some tea for the both of them. "Do you remember when I told you I was in love with the dark lord?" Bellatrix asked, a small reminiscent smirk appeared on her face for only a moment before quickly disappearing. "I do," Rowan answered, unsure of where this was going.
"He wanted an heir, and I had never wanted a child. Though, I would have given him anything he ever wanted," Bellatrix admitted as she tried her best to keep her face emotionless. "We tried to have a child, and there were a few times that I was convinced we had conceived," Bellatrix shifted uncomfortably, but Rowan was listening; something Bellatrix deeply craved.
"Every time we had a scare like that, I was terrified to tell him. I think- I think a part of me knew as long as he was the dark lord and not Tom Riddle, he would never make a good father," Bellatrix exhaled, shaking her head as she looked down at the floor in shame. She was a different woman now. "I want to believe that Severus and I could make great parents, but I know that I don't have what it takes and Severus- he hates children,"
Bellatrix didn't seem surprised at Rowan's words; she must have heard how Severus acts through Draco. If anything, Bellatrix seemed relieved. "That baby is so lucky to have you two," she said as the house-elf entered with a pot of tea and two cups. She dismissed the elf, whispering something Rowan couldn't quite hear. Rowan furrowed her brow as she sipped on the tea slowly; careful not to burn herself. "If my father hated everyone except me, I would feel quite special. Plus, you soften Severus' rough demeanor,"
Rowan hadn't thought about it that way before, but she still wasn't convinced that would be how Severus reacted. He has expressed many times that he doesn't like any form of immaturity, and children are the epitome of immaturity. "I'm going to miss working at Hogwarts," Rowan admitted, placing her cup down on a tray. "Who says you have to quit?" Bellatrix said, mindlessly drinking her tea. "Bellatrix, I can't be a single mother- or a mother at all while teaching,"
"Bring the little wizard over here. I'm not bad at babysitting. Draco turned out quite alright," Bellatrix said confidently. Rowan smiled at the generous offer- she may even take her up on it later. For now, Rowan could see the sun beginning to rise. "Thank you, Bellatrix. It's getting late, I should be going," Rowan said as she stood up from the couch. Bellatrix stood up as well, and they walked together to the fireplace. "Um- don't be afraid, alright?" Bellatrix said awkwardly. Though she knew Bellatrix's strong suit was certainly not proper consoling, it meant the world to Rowan that she was trying.
"I have an appointment with Madam Pomfrey next week. Would you come with me? For support," Rowan asked as she grabbed a pinch of floo powder. Bellatrix smiled in the first time for what seemed like forever and nodded. "Send me an owl with the details and I'll be there," she answered. With a much cleared head, Rowan travelled back to Hogwarts.
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By the time Rowan had gotten back to Severus' quarters, she had lost any time she had to sleep. Sneaking into bed, Rowan leaned into Severus and placed her head on his chest. She hung up her coat and smiled as she saw Severus, still safe and curled up in bed. He always looked so peaceful when he was asleep. It was almost as if the weight of the world seemed so light as he slept.
"You shouldn't run off by yourself," Severus whispered gruffly as she tightly wrapped his arms around her. Rowan sighed happily as she closed her eyes. Despite her best efforts, she had been caught sneaking out. "I'm sorry, Severus," Rowan whispered back, placing a small kiss on his chest.
"It's quite alright, my darling. I know you have something you aren't telling me, and I trust that whatever it is, you'll tell me when you're ready," Severus said, his voice sounding more lucid than before. Rowan frowned at his words. "I will," she admitted, knowing she had to tell him at some point.
Severus shifted, bringing Rowan to be face to face with him. The light from the window that showed the inside of the lake framed Severus' face. It was the first time Rowan noticed just how tired he looked. Her disappearing must have taken a toll on his sleep schedule. "Can I know where you went?" He asked as he chuckled sleepily. Rowan chuckled, kissing him deeply. They moved together, Severus slowly finding his way to hover over her, his hands placed firmly on either side of her pillow.
"I'll take that as a no," He sighed disappointedly as he flopped back down on his side of the bed. Rowan thought for a moment before laying her head back down on his chest. "Malfoy Manor; to tell Bellatrix I'm okay," she half-admitted. She could tell Severus was smiling from the way his breathing changed. "What a woman you are," He chuckled.
"Let's get some rest, Sev. We have to face the world tomorrow," Rowan yawned as she closed her eyes. Now that her head was clear, she felt exhausted. "What a burden the world is. Can't we just lay here forever?" He asked hypothetically as he placed a kiss on top of her head. If only they could stay here forever. All the worries of the world could wash away.
"I love you, Severus,"
"I love you, Rowan. Always,"