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TW/CW: Assault/hate speech.
This one hurts. I'm sorry.
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1 Month Later
Leaving Iwa for a second time in California was almost harder than the first, knowing that I really was not going to see him again for a while. We texted all the time and face timed when we could though; more than one occasion found us both falling asleep on the phone. It wasn't the same as being with him, obviously, but it was a million times better than not speaking to him at all.
I'd forgotten how easy it was to just talk with him. I hadn't felt this at ease since high school. We were us again, but this time, there was nothing hidden between us. It finally felt like everything was in its rightful place; I was playing better, I hadn't had a panic attack since coming back from our tournament in California, I was actually getting sleep, Iwa was laughing and smiling again, getting top marks again in school.
Iwa was returning to Tokyo for school come Christmas, so he was busy packing his things and trying to remotely find and new apartment. He didn't want to go back to the dorms, since he'd soon be in his third year of school. His mom was bugging him to just move home, but he didn't want that either. It was kind of surprising that he was defying his parents, given how strict he was raised. He was still very much a vault of secrets when it came to certain things.
His mother was like a second mother to me, but she was very traditional and old fashioned in her beliefs sometimes. My mom was always trying to get her to loosen up, and there were times I felt like Oba-san came over to get away from the demands of a traditional household. In all the years I'd known Iwa, I'd never become friendly with his father. He was always cold and didn't talk much. Dinners at Iwa's when his father was home were always tense.
Haji never spoke much about him other than 'they didn't get along'. More than once after our first real fight in high school, I wondered if he got his temper from his father. I wanted to ask him if he was the reason he wanted to live away from home, but that wasn't a conversation I wanted to have over the phone. We'd have time when I got back to Tokyo to talk, and it was something that could wait.
It was my second summer-winter in Buenos Aires and it still tripped me out that I was wearing shorts in December to go Christmas shopping. I had to keep reminding myself that I was buying for my family and not just Iwa. I couldn't decide exactly on what to get him. I wanted to get him couples' rings, but I thought it might be a little early for that or that it might freak him out since he wasn't out yet to anyone and it would raise too many questions.
I had to pack a second suitcase of just presents for everyone, but I didn't mind. I was excited to go home this year. I wished there was some way I could have coordinated flights with Iwa, but it would have been way too expensive and would have wasted a whole day just to get on a flight that we both would sleep through. At least, that was the reasoning he used to convince me not to do it. He was going a day before me, so at least he'd be there when I got there.
The plane touched down and I practically ran through the airport to get my bags. I texted him as soon as I got off the plane, but was so busy getting my bags and getting through customs, I didn't have a chance to see if he responded. I finally got through and was walking towards the cab stand when I felt it buzz in my pocket. "I'm about to catch a cab." I said as I answered it. "Look up." Was all he said.
I picked my head up and saw him standing about 30 meters away. I stifled the urge to run to him. The smile however, couldn't be contained. We hung up and mutually closed the gap between us. We stood there for a minute just grinning like idiots before I grabbed him and hugged him. "What are you doing here?" I asked when he pushed me away in typical Iwa fashion.
"Are you really asking me that? I told your mom that I'd come get you so she wouldn't have to worry about you getting a cab in the snow." He was trying so hard not to smile, but I could see the corners of his mouth turning up as he spoke. He grabbed the handle of my second suitcase, brushing my hand as he went. I gave him a little sideways glance and saw him purposely not looking at me, but his cheeks were turning a light shade of pink. "Iwa-chan..." I said quietly, earning a punch in the side from him.
We got in his car and as we pulled out, he reached over and grabbed my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine. I looked over at him, but he just smiled as he drove. I pulled his hand up to my lips and kissed his fingers. "I missed you." I said softly. "I missed you too," he replied, "my Tooru." He suddenly pulled off the street and threw the car in park. Before I could even say anything, he was leaning over, kissing me. The way this man has my heart...
I gently grabbed the back of his head, pulling him harder against my mouth. I missed these lips. We drew it out as long as we could before pulling away. He rested his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes, just so happy to be near him again. He sat back down in his seat, taking hold of my hand again. "Let's go see your mom first. She really misses you you know." He said as he pulled back out into traffic.
As soon as we pulled up in front of the gate, I saw my nephew running towards the car. I opened the door just in time to catch him as he flung himself at me. "OJI!!" he yelled as I lifted him up. "Taka! You've gotten so big!" I said smiling. "I'm gonna be as big as you and Oji Iwa soon!!" he yelled. I couldn't help but laugh. He reminded me of how I used to say I was going to be bigger than Iwa one day when we were his age. Now I actually was bigger than him.
Iwa grabbed my bags as I carried Takeru back inside. He was happily babbling about this new action figure he got that moved just like a real Gundam. As we stepped in, he jumped down to run off and I waited for Iwa. He stepped inside and I crowded up against him, making like I was grabbing my bags from him. His eyes went wide as he furiously looked towards the family room. I winked at him as I took the bags from him. I love when his cheeks get pink like that.
I kicked off my shoes and stepped up just in time for my mom to come out and greet me. I'd missed her more than I realized. "Hajime, thank you for picking him up. Is it really cold out? Your cheeks are red! You don't have a fever, do you?" she asked in true mom style. He just smiled as she felt his forehead. "No, Oba-san, it was just windy waiting for him. I'm fine." He replied. "Then come in and get warm!" she said, smiling that big smile of hers at him.
She squeezed my shoulder before heading back into the kitchen, leaving Iwa and I alone again. I tried to hold back the laughter, but when I looked at him, I lost it. That pouty face and glare he was giving me were the icing on the cake. He smacked me in the back of the head. "Shut up Shittykawa." He whispered. "What happened to Sexy-kawa?" I whispered back, earned an even harder glare from him as he stepped into the hallway. I had to take a moment to compose myself before I followed.
Mom had fixed my favorite curry for dinner, and as we sat around eating and talking, it felt like everything was back to how it should be again. After we helped clear and clean the dishes, we grabbed my bags and took them up to my room. I purposely let him go first, closing the door behind us. He put my bag down and turned around just in time to have me tackle him onto my bed, crashing against his mouth as well, stopping any thoughts of protest dead in their tracks. He tried to push me away, but he never stopped kissing me as he did.
I relented and just grinned at him. "Are you insane?" he whispered harshly. "I locked the door behind me. I'm not stupid." I said and he softened a little. I sat up, still straddling him. He ran his hands up my thighs to my hips and just rested them there."Wanna hear a secret?" I said. He looked up with a curious expression and a small smile on his face. "I remember the exact moment I realized I loved you." I whispered. "You were laying right there," I turned a little to point at the spot on the floor where he always slept on the futon. "It was hot and you'd kicked off the covers. I got up to go to the bathroom and had to step over you. I looked at you, so perfect in the moonlight and that was it. I've been yours ever since." He sat up and kissed me softly.
We laid there for a bit, not even talking. It felt so nice. The memories of all those years spent curled up in an anxious mess in that bed over him melted away, replaced with this moment. "We should go see your parents." I said eventually. He sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Mom was excited to see you." I knew better than to ask about his dad. I couldn't remember him smiling even once in all the years I've known Haji.
We drove the short distance to his house and spent then next hour or so catching up with his mom. Eventually, his father came out from his study. I stood to greet him and he just nodded. Oba-san had jumped up to fix him some tea, he took it and walked back without saying so much as a word. I looked over at Haji and he was just looking away, jaw clenched. Something happened and he didn't tell me.
Before I had a chance to sit back down, he stood up and walked over to his mom and gave her a hug. "I'm going to show Tooru my apartment. I'll be back tonight though. I promise." He said. "Be careful, ok?" she said, voice sounding a bit sad. He just nodded as he walked towards the front door. I walked over and hugged her as well. "Thank you, Oba-san. Are you coming over tomorrow for dinner?" I asked. "Of course, it's Christmas Eve. We missed you last year so you better be on time this year." She said, fake scolding me. I just smiled and bowed before I turned to leave.
Iwa already had his shoes on and was almost out the door by the time I got there. I jumped into my shoes and followed him out. We'd gone a few blocks before I decided enough time had passed. "What's going on with you and your dad?" I asked bluntly. "You know the way he is." He replied tersely. "He was colder than usual and you're way more pissed off than usual. What happened?" I said. "He thinks I'm wasting my time at school. That if I'm going to go to college, I should be studying to be a doctor instead of 'just a trainer' and now that I moved out, he's even angrier because he thinks I'm just wasting money on an apartment." He got quiet. "Nothing is ever good enough for him." He said quietly.
I reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it. I knew the things I wanted to say wouldn't help and just make him feel worse. I wanted to tell him that he had every right to live his own life and that his dad was a fucking prick, but I kept it to myself. He has never been anything less than a perfect child for them and the moment he exerts a little independence, his father tramples on him. I wanted to spike a ball right to his face.
We pulled into the lot for his building and up to the second floor in silence. He plugged in the lock code on his door: 0720. "You sneaky little romantic." I said with a grin. He just glared at me as he opened the door. I stepped in, took off my shoes and stepped up into the room. As I was looking around, he spun me around, grabbed my cheeks and kissed me hard. He walked us around, pulling me along until we reached his bed. He sat down, pulling me astride him, without missing a beat.
I could feel his excitement growing alone with my own and I peeled off my jacket in anticipation. He kissed down my neck, pulling the collar of my shirt down to get at my collarbone, and then just stopped. He rested his forehead against my shoulder and I could feel him clenching the back of my shirt. I wrapped my arms tighter around him, stroking his hair slowly. He always held everything in and it killed me to see him hurting so much, but I knew he wouldn't say anything more until he was ready.
I gently laid my head atop his, and we just sat there. "I shouldn't have told her I was coming back tonight." He said eventually. I picked my head up and leaned down until he looked up at me. His eyes were so sad. "You're a good son. That's why you said it." I said and he tried to look away. I pulled him back, forcing him to look at me again. "YOU ARE. PERIOD." I said emphatically. He leaned up and gave me a little peck on the lips. I hugged him tight, wishing I could make him feel better somehow.
We laid on his bed for a while, just being with each other. It was so warm in his arms, I started to fall asleep. "Hey," I heard him whisper and I opened my eyes to see him facing me. "Thank you." He said softly. I smiled. "I love you Haji." I said as he kissed my forehead. Reluctantly, we got up and drove back. We pulled up to my house and I didn't want to get out. I watched the snow fall slowly out the window, clinging tighter to his hand. He sighed and said, "You better go in. I'll face time you in a bit." I looked around out the windows and when I was sufficiently satisfied there was no one around, I leaned over and kissed him quick on the cheek before hoping out and watching him drive down the block.
I quickly got showered and ready for bed, just shutting the door to my room behind me when he called. His eyes were red. "What happened?" I asked before I even said hello. He just shook his head and looked away. "Haji, you don't need to carry these things all on your own. I'm here for everything, not just the good parts." I said. I could see his eyes get glassy before he turned away again. "Since when are you so smart?" he said in a croaky voice. "Hey, I've always been smart." I replied, feigning indignance. He finally smiled, and though he didn't tell me, he relaxed at least. We both fell asleep while on the phone, not wanting to hang up.
Christmas Eve was always busy. Cooking, decorating, and general merriment. Oba-san and Iwa came over for dinner as was tradition and the house was full of laughter again. My sister and I did the dishes and then Iwa and I got ready to go. We wanted to go out, since this was a first Christmas together, but we used the excuse that we were young men who wanted to go out on the town. I'd told him about the bar I went to before and he agreed to go, since we could be ourselves there. If only we had decided just to go back to his apartment.
Seeing his reaction when we walked in was priceless. He was trying so hard not to stare at the bar that was full of men, some holding hands, some openly flirting, some just drinking like normal bar goers. I slowly took his hand and led him over to a booth, thinking that he might feel more comfortable there. He was, and after a few drinks, he was the old Iwa again. We'd been there about two hours when he leaned forward over the table towards me, tracing my fingers lightly with his own. He looked up at me and the way his eyes caught the light made my dick spring to life. "Can we go back to your apartment?" I asked quietly. He just smiled and pulled my hand with him as he stood up.
We dropped hands before we walked out, knowing the implications. We walked up the block, not saying anything, but we would look at each other every so often. Our shoes crunched softly in the snow with each step. We were passing an alley when the first strike came out of nowhere, catching me in the back of the head. I dropped to my knees, trying to stay upright, but everything was going sideways, literally. I heard muffled voices yelling and I felt someone dragging me along as I tried to get my feet under me again.
Everything happened so fast and my head hurt so much, I had a hard time understanding what was happening. Suddenly, I saw Iwa on the ground next to me and looked up to see some guy swinging a piece of wood above his head like an axe. I somehow jumped on Iwa, catching the board across my back. I kept hearing voices yelling things like, "Perverts" and "Faggots" but I couldn't understand what was all going on. I felt boots kicking me everywhere and the board hitting me over and over, but the only thing I could think about was that I didn't feel Iwa moving at all. There was suddenly a bright light and the blows stopped, but not the angry voices.
I tried to lift my head to see what was going on, but the light hurt my head so much, I could barely open my eyes. I saw silhouettes against the light and it looked like a scene from a movie. I saw one very large silhouette coming towards us and I closed my eyes again and braced for the blow. Instead, I heard a voice that my mind told me was familiar, but I couldn't place it. "Hey-hey kid, You alive?" I turned to look at them, but I could only see a large body in front of me. "Iwa..." I managed to get out before in finally just closed my eyes and gave in, everything going dark.
I woke up sometime later, bright lights in my eyes, head throbbing like a bastard. Everywhere hurt. It hurt to breathe. I lifted my hand to my face, only to see it wrapped up like a mummy. I tried to sit up but every single part of my body screamed at me that it was a bad idea. I cursed out loud. "So, you are alive." I heard from next to me. I looked for the source and saw a wall of a man standing next to my bed.
Wait. That wall seems familiar. I slowly looked up to his face. I know that face. Holy shit. "Masashi?" I croaked out. "Damn, you remember me, head injury and all. Must have made quite the impression." He said. "Yeah, you and that Tokyo tower you got." I replied, only realizing when he laughed that I had said it out loud. "What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked, the curse slipping out. Then the vague memory hit me and I remembered Iwa lying lifeless under me. "IWA!!!" I yelled and sat straight up, a million stabs of pain hitting me everywhere, but I didn't care.
"Whoa-wait. He's ok. I swear, he's alright." Hisashi said with a hand on my chest, preventing me from jumping out of bed. "He wasn't moving!" I yelled as I fought him to stand up. "Stop. You're gonna hurt yourself even more. STOP." His voice was commanding and it froze me in my tracks. "He was knocked out, but you took the brunt of the blows. He's ok. He's in a bed over there." He pointed somewhere but a wave of nausea stopped me from following his direction. I tried to cover my mouth, but I was too late. I puked all over the floor in front of him. "Lay down. I'll go get the nurse." He said and walked out of the curtained area. The room was spinning, but the panic was subsiding a little. Iwa's ok.
The nurse came and cleaned everything up and gave me some medicine in my iv. The pain started to dull enough that I could at least open my eyes most of the way. I looked up at Masashi as he stood there next to my bed. He was still good looking. "How are you here?" I asked. He explained that he was about to leave the bar when he saw a group following two guys that just walked out. He called his guys who were nearby, but they got there just a little too late. "I'm sorry we didn't get there sooner." He said in a low voice. Still insanely kind. "How could you have known?" I said.
"It happens more than you'd think. The one time I'm glad my guys were around the corner. Can't go anywhere without them sticking to me like glue." He replied. "So your guys know you're..." I asked, a little groggy from the medicine. He laughed a little. "Yeah. It's more common in my line of work than you'd think as well." He said and I could only think 'Learn something new every day'. "So, wait..." my brain kept swimming around the things I knew but couldn't connect any of them. "Why'd they jump us?" I asked. He leaned in closer to me so only I could hear and in a low whisper said, "You came out of that bar with another man."
Suddenly the things I'd heard them saying played back through my head and it finally all clicked. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to keep the tears from falling, but it just made my head hurt more. "Just because we..." was all I could manage to get out before the lump in my throat cut me off. How could I have been so stupid? So selfish? I put Haji in harm's way by going to that bar. Who did I think I was? This is Japan you stupid fuck, not Buenos Aires. "This isn't your fault. You did nothing wrong." He said in that deep, quiet voice of his. How would you know. "I'm going to find you a wheelchair so you can see him. Don't move." He said before disappearing again.
I kept my eyes closed as he wheeled me to Iwa's room because I got instantly nauseous the moment we moved. He wheeled me up to his bedside and I couldn't stop the tears, even if I wanted to. Seeing him lying in that bed unconscious, face purple and bruised, his head bandaged, I wanted to die on the spot. I slid my one ok hand into his and leaned my forehead against it, hoping to feel his warmth. His hand was so cold though, I felt like I would shatter into a million pieces. I did this. I caused this. I destroyed him. I didn't even notice when Masashi left the room, closing the door behind him. I couldn't do anything but squeeze Iwa's hand and sob into the sheets next to him, wishing over and over for him to just wake up and this all be a bad dream.