Hands wrapped around Cameron's neck, the grip growing to an excruciating level like he had never done before.
He had grabbed her, he had hurt her before- but never with this much rage.
This was pure, uncontrolled, uncalculated- intense rage.
Her back pressed further into the Palace wall, desperately reaching for anything on the desk bedside her.
Looking back now, she had felt the letter opener in her hand, it was in her reach, it was in her hand- but she dropped it.
Why did she drop it?
Maybe this was her last hope of it finally ending.
She had tried to think of ways to escape, to run, to live.
But she wasn't brave enough to try yet- she didn't have to be brave to do this, to do nothing.
The lights dimmed in the room, no, not the lights- her light.
This was the first time Cameron thought that the Prince was truly was going to murder her, the first time in weeks that she had hope again.
And then he let go.
And the light came back.
And the hope was crushed once again.
But there was something else, a disappointment on his face at how he lost control, at how uncalculated it was, at how he lost his plan.
Cameron made it her mission to get him to that point again, to get him to end it- but he never did.
He learnt his lesson as much as she did.
And he wasn't ever letting her forget it, the bruises on her throat for weeks after wouldn't either.
She was trapped there, in his home, with him, and this was going to end whatever way he wanted, whenever he wanted.
She knew it then, that this was never going to end.
Killing her wouldn't be enough, death wasn't enough of a punishment in his mind.
She feared what line was too far for him to cross if death was easy.
She would soon learn in the following weeks that the line did not exist as he commanded her to take off her robe for him before ripping it off for himself.
Cameron was suddenly sat up in her bed, clutching her robe close to her despite the sweat dripping down her forehead.
Her breathing was scattered, her hands shook and her vision blurred out of control.
For a moment she could almost feel his hands on her throat again, as if he were reaching through time itself and somehow finding her now.
She carefully got out of bed as not to wake Hotch, tiptoeing down their 3rd floor stair case from their loft room onto the creaky floor, past Jack's room where Cooper slept on his bed.
Bingbong had taken to sleeping in Cameron and Hotch's bed curled up right next to Hotch, an unexpected friendship between the two quickly blossoming although it was clear both of the dogs preferred Cameron over anyone else when both of the dogs would end up snuggled next to her every morning without fail.
Cameron sat on their front porch and tried to gather her breath, the shaking in her hands telling her that it would be staying there for a while even when the heat of her skin wore off and the cold of December started to hit her.
They had moved into their new house over three weeks ago now and in that whole time Cameron hadn't had anymore nightmares of him, the Tradesmen, what happened with Carlos or her sister or any of the cases that haunted her mind- in fact she hadn't had any nightmares in well over a few months.
She wasn't sure why it happened tonight, or the memories had been creeping back over the last week but this was different tonight, worse, intense- but there was nothing throughout the day that would have set her off thinking about it;
-A normal paperwork day at the office full of meetings despite it being a Sunday, but a 7 day work week had become the usual for Cameron now with all of the extra work she had to take on.
-Meeting Hotch and Jack for lunch in the park near work with the puppies which ignited most of the team to rush from their weekend plans to meet them- especially Garcia who threatened to steal them multiple times and Morgan who almost started crying at how Cameron had started training them in Russian like she had with Radomir, he had really secretly loved that dog more than he would care to admit.
-And then she finished working overtime, cooked dinner with Jack, had a glass of vodka and read with Hotch after he put Jack to bed before they went to bed themselves; a normal, perfect day.
Except something felt wrong all day, she couldn't put her finger on it but something in her gut was telling her that something was wrong.
She was happier than ever, decorating her new house with her partner who she loved more than anything, training her new dogs all weekend who were surprisingly respondent despite their playful puppy demeanour- clearly responding well to the Russian stern tone Cameron put on before dropping it and giving them cuddles and treats after the training, unable to be as stern and disciplined as her father had been with Radomir.
Cameron shook her head as she wrapped her arms around herself and felt her breath steadying- she was just shaken up from the nightmare, that was all.
There was nothing to be worried about, she knew that.
Everything was great, everything was so great that she sometimes couldn't quite believe it.
She sometimes feared she would wake up, like this was all a dream and the 'nightmares' were snippets of reality.
She knew it wasn't, she knew this was her reality but it was just so wonderful that it sometimes terrified her- making her think that one day it would all be tugged away from her and she would be dragged back to the hell that she clawed her way out of.
"You're crying" a voice interrupted her as she stared out off the porch, jumping her before she turned and saw a sleepy looking Jack stood at the slightly open front door looking concerned at her.
"O-oh hi Jack, sorry- did I wake you?" She quickly wiped her tears that she didn't realise were going down her face.
"Cooper woke me up, he was trying to find you- he always sneaks out of my bed around this time to go sleep next to you" Jack attempted to carry the sleepy dog onto the porch- plopping him down so he could wonder over to Cameron and nuzzle into her leg.
"Hey Coop" she smiled, leaning down and scouping up the dog to lie on her on the beautifully hand crafted bench with green velvet cushioning that Morgan had made for them as a 'new home' gift, along with two matching dog beds of which the puppies ignored and chose to sit on the furniture he crafted instead in typical dog fashion.
"Are you okay?" Jack sat on the seat, tucking his knees to his chin as he wiggled next to her and the dog who had splooted out to spread on the bench.
"I'm okay" she smiled at him, "I just had a sort of bad dream."
Jack nodded, "I had a dream that dad turned into Lightning Mcqueen once- it was terrifying."
Cameron couldn't help her laugh, "is that the car from that Disney movie?"
Jack chuckled and nodded, "yeah, but imagine that but with my dad's face stretched out on it singing 'life is a highway' at you."
"That is scary" she joked before turning to him, "you should probably get back to bed, you have school in the morning."
"I want to make sure that you're okay" he smiled.
"That's very sweet of you Jack" she smiled back, "but I promise I'm okay, really- I'm very happy."
"I'm glad" he nodded, "I'm happy too- and I think dad's happy, I've never seen him smile more than when he's around you so I'm really glad you live with us now so I can see him smile all of the time."
She felt a warmth in her chest from his words, a reassurance that everything was okay and the fear residing in the back of her mind of some kind of worry of something bad bound to happen was just a silly fear from years of having hints of hope that were just torn away from her.
But this was real.
This wouldn't be torn away from her, Hotch wouldn't be torn away from her- she wouldn't let it happen.
"He makes me smile too" Cameron nodded, "as do you, you're a very good roommate."
Jack chuckled before pausing, "so... you and my dad are together, right? Like, you're dating?"
She paused and nodded, "I- uh, sorry I thought you two would have had this conversation. Yes, we are- is that okay? You can tell me if you're not comfortable with it, there's no wrong answer."
"No, no, no, I like that you guys are together" he smiled, "dad did talk to me about it, months and months ago- I knew he liked you before that anyway, I just wanted to be sure, I can sometimes read social situations wrong my teacher says so I wanted to double check. I was just happy that he'd have someone else to ramble on about his boring work to."
Cameron laughed and nodded, "I also tend to miss social cues- and he does like to ramble when he's not doing his brooding silent man thing."
"Ugh, I hate the brooding silent man thing" Jack chuckled before getting back to his point, "I just meant... do I have to call you mom now?"
Cameron hated the feeling in her stomach from those words, how she wanted to throw up with pain just from the mention of someone calling her that, "no, you don't have to call me mom- I'm not your mother, I would never try to replace that or what you have with your mother."
"I don't mind doing it" he offered.
"I would prefer if you didn't, if that's okay" she looked down at her hands and spoke quietly before looking over at Jack who looked confused.
"I... I was going to be a mother, a few years ago, biologically I mean- there are of course mothers who aren't biologically mothers, that doesn't take away being a mother just because they didn't give birth or anything. It's just... I always thought I would be one, it just felt right- like something that was written out in a book long ago by something or someone for me. But then my life has never been what I expected it to be. And... and now I can't become a mother, not in the traditional sense. And in any other sense it's almost too painful for me to think about- does that make sense?" She tried to explain as delicately as she could considering her was a child, he paused before nodding and trying to speak carefully, a sense of understanding that most adults thought was unknown to 11 year olds but Cameron knew better than anyone that children were smarter than adults gave them credit for.
"Were you... did you lose your baby when it was in your tummy?" He asked softly, she forced down her tears, she forced herself to talk about it, she forced herself to face it.
"I did" she told the truth, a pain in her stomach far worse than the pain had physically gone through before.
"That sucks" Jack said with a very sincere tone that made her chuckle with appreciation "I think you'd be a wonderful mom. And it's been really nice having you around, I know you're not my mom and I know no one can replace my mom- but it's really nice having you here to, I don't know, give me some sense of that normalcy because I was pretty young when she passed away."
Cameron couldn't help her tears now that came softly down her cheeks as she smiled at him, "thank you Jack- your mother would be very, very proud of you."
"You... you said before that you lost your mom and dad" he looked down at his hands before back at her, "does it get easier?"
"Pardon?"
"Not having them around- does it ever get easier?" He asked with a slight croak to his voice of raw honesty, a conversation he never felt he could have with his dad, he just felt like Cameron would somehow understand- and she did, more than he would know.
Two children who had lost their mothers, even though she was a lot older than him she still had that open-ness that children didn't hide or get rid of like adults did, not having the shame of having emotions that most adults hid.
"Sometimes" she nodded, "sometimes I forget it happened, or get too caught up in my life now to think about the fact they never got to see me grow into who I am now. And sometimes it gets worse. I didn't get to say goodbye to my father, I didn't even know he was dead until last year- I suspected it of course, I think I knew it deep down too, but I didn't officially know. Sometimes that's too hard to think about, and sometimes it's not. It's a day by day thing, which has a good side to it because it means I'll never forget them, even if all I have to remember them by is the loss, it's like this grief is just the love I didn't have time to express before they left."
Jack nodded, "dad didn't tell me about mom being gone gone until I got a bit older. I understand why, but I think looking back now I would have preferred to be told then- I knew she was gone but I just thought it was like before when she moved out, that I would see her every other week or on Christmas. But Christmas came and she wasn't there, and then I realised why all the teachers were nicer at school, why dad cried in secret, why we moved into the apartment from the house."
Cameron tilted her head with an understanding, "I think parents often try to hide the truth from their children in fear of making them deal with the grief, I think that you and I know better than anyone that grief can make you grow up fast. But parents forget that children are people and we pick up on more than is let on. And sometimes children forget that parents are people as well, they're just big children, sometimes it's easier for them to cling onto their children and live in that denial of their loss to be able to hide from it, like hiding under your bed from the dark."
"It's nice to be able to talk about it with someone, I know you're not my mom but it's nice to sometimes pretend if that's okay with you" Jack nodded through a yawn and wiggled over to Cameron, leaning on her arm which made her pause before she wrapped her arm around him and let him rest his head on the dog resting on her lap.
"Of course it's okay, if that's what you need. Sometimes just knowing that someone has felt what you're feeling before is enough to make that heartache subside for a moment, and that's all we can do" she let herself soothe Jack by gently stroking his head the way she used to do to her younger sister, how she used to envision doing to her own child one day- ignoring the pain in her chest from the aching that she was trying to push past.
Jack had no mother here anymore, neither did she.
She had no child, and she knew that she never would.
They both knew she wasn't his mother, they both knew he wasn't her child- but they also both knew that this was as close as they would get to having that missing thing, and it was enough for them.
A sort-of mother for him, a sort-of child for her; a friendship birthed from a shared loss.
"Thank you Cameron" Jack yawned, he closed his eyes and started falling asleep as she grabbed a blanket off the back of the bench and placed it over him.
"No, thank you Jack" she whispered back, looking off the porch into the night with a calm in her stomach now.
Hotch watched from inside the door where he had been standing for the majority of the conversation, watching them in awe as they spoke so openly with each other;
Amazed at how Cameron just naturally knew what to say, how she understood, how she cared.
Amazed at how open Jack was for once, at how both grown up and like-child he sounded all at once, at how he didn't expect Cameron to pity him or feel bad but just knew she would understand.
Amazed at how this was his reality, this was his world- his world sat on a bench with a snoring oversized puppy between them.
"You're great with him" Hotch eventually whispered, walking onto the porch over to Cameron who smiled at him with that same adoration in her eyes she always had for him that made his stomach do flips just by the way she looked at him.
"What are you doing up?" She asked softly.
"I find it hard to sleep without you next to me, I always seem to wake up when you're gone" he leant down and planted soft kiss on her forehead, a small smile couldn't help finding its way onto her lips from his casual words as her hand tucked into his automatically.
"How bad was the nightmare?" He asked, crouching down to a squat to meet her eyeline as he gently rubbed her hand with his thumb.
"It wasn't great" she nodded and looked down before shaking her head and fighting her tears, "it... it really wasn't great."
"I'm sorry" he kissed her hand, trying to bring any kind of comfort that he could, "you should have woken me up."
"I didn't want to disturb your sleep, you looked so peaceful."
"Were you watching me sleep Miss Johnson?" He teased which made her smile as she looked at him in the dim light of the porch lamp of which the bulb desperately needed replacing.
His sharp features seemed softer and gentle in the moonlight, his lips kissable just like always but with a hint more tender from the darkness of the night, his eyes scanning her just as hers did his.
"You're beautiful" she said before he had the chance to say it to her, a surprised look on his face that made her chuckle at the blush she knew would be on his cheeks.
"I don't think anyone but you has ever called me beautiful before" he laughed quietly, she tilted her head.
"I don't know why not, you are incredibly beautiful Mr Hotchner."
He rolled his eyes to dismiss her compliment but smiled.
"You don't believe me? Look-" she teased, wiggling over slightly to face him and gently brushing her hand over parts of her face, "-your nose; so perfectly strong like a statue's. Your jaw; so sharp and yet softened by your sweet smile that feels like a trophy to everyone who gets to see it. Your eyebrows; often hooded in a frown but ever so perfectly placed on your face as if the gods placed them there themselves-"
He cut her off by cupping her jaw and bringing his lips to hers softly yet with a sense of urgency to express how strangely effected he was by her words that somehow always sounded poetic no matter what she said- it was how she looked at him as she said them, how she brushed his features gently but with purpose, how she noticed the little parts of him.
"-And your lips," she almost giggled with a blush in a hushed whisper as the kiss parted slightly, her lips brushing his as she spoke, "-so perfectly you; so soft and strong at the same time, so tender, so gentle and forgiving whilst being stoic and rough in the best way possible."
"What did I do to deserve you?" He whispered, his hand still cupping gently around her jaw, thumb placed on her cheek as his fingers sat behind her ear to stroke her hair as their noses pressed together.
Her lips pressed into his, a sweetness of her simple kiss that always placed perfectly on his lips and made the butterflies in his stomach dance every time.
Cooper woke up in her lap and held out his long paw, swatting Hotch who chuckled as he parted the kiss and looked down at Cooper, "someone's jealous."
"He doesn't like the attention being on anyone else" Cameron nodded.
"I'll grab Jack and you get Cooper- I managed to get Bingley into his bed for once" Hotch scouped Jack up, despite him being almost 5 foot already Hotch could still carry him.
"Getting Bing into his own bed is quite the challenge" Cameron chuckled quietly, carrying the sleepy Cooper as she followed Hotch to put Jack to bed, tucking Cooper under his arm as the two snoozed next to each other.
"Did you want to talk about your nightmare?" Hotch offered as they walked out of Jack's bedroom, shutting the door behind them and gesturing for them to go downstairs to get coffee and talk despite it being 3am.
She chuckled at him hiding his yawn, taking his hand and leading him up the stairs to their bedroom that was still mostly unfurnished apart from a beautifully brass, golden bedframe with a large stack of books next to it on Cameron's side with a little vintage gas styled lamp on it.
Hotch's side had a stack of old styled suitcases stacked on each other into a little side table where he put his water, vastly different from the various items on Cameron's side like her glasses, post-it notes of random things she wanted to remember, old coffee mugs, notebooks of scribbled jotted down notes and files, jewellery that she would forget to take off before bed on the vanity on the opposite side of the room that sat in the middle of two more book stacks. The rest of her collection of many, many books being downstairs in the spare room that had built in wall bookshelves moulded into it either side of the nook where the spare bed would sit if Hotch hadn't sneakily renovated the room for her to be a proper home library.
Floor to ceiling shelves full of her books and new ones he sent Garcia out to find for her from her little list of 'books to borrow from the library' she would write on various receipts that he collected without her knowing. Beautiful light arm chairs that he asked Morgan to craft sat in the nook and a velvet half love-seat sat by the window where a book arch surrounded the framing of it and three cream vintage rugs sat on top of each other.
A Golden bar cart sat in the corner of the room which he stocked with her favourite, and the most strongest, drinks and the wall art on the gallery wall in the nook where the arm chairs sat- the only wall not covered in a book shelf- had a few of her vintage framed annotated pages from her old book page wall in her apartment, the rest of which Hotch kept in a little box by the side of his bed to read without her knowing, and artwork of the landscape of Russia under a sunrise that he knew she loved.
She, of course, cried when he showed her the room- for multiple reasons including that this was so different than what she had known before.
He had created this for her, not tearing it down, not hiding it from her- but making it for her to enjoy.
"You should get some sleep, I have some work I should probably do" Cameron walked him to the bed, planting a quick kiss on his hand before going to leave but he drew her to him, his hand wrapping around her waist as the other held her and started swaying her.
"What are you doing?" She chuckled as he danced her around.
"Work is not a wolf-" he reminded her, leaning down and whispering into her ear.
"-It will not run away into the forest" she smiled at his reminder of her mother's saying and her own tattoo, "but it will stack up if I don't finish it."
"I may not be Russian but I don't think that is quite how the saying goes" he teased, twirling her around before bringing her back into his arms, "you look far too beautiful tonight to not be danced around."
"I'm just in my pyjamas" she chuckled.
"Beautiful pyjamas" he corrected which made her laugh.
"You're too charming when you're tired."
"Are you saying I'm not charming when I'm wide awake?" He joked,
"Oh no, I didn't mean it like that, you're very charming-"
"I'm only teasing you" he chuckled at her constant worries of accidentally upsetting people, planting a kiss on her forehead before leaning down and whispering in her ear, "it's a privilege to be able to charm you my love."
My love.
Cameron couldn't take it, something about him whispering in her ear, the words 'my love' and the tender way his hand placed around her waist sparked something in her.
Before she knew it they were on the bed in a delicate yet passionate kiss, her legs either side of him on top of him as her hands ran down his chest, his hands hooking her hips closer to him.
"You have no idea what you do to me Miss Johnson" he whispered once again, one of his hands rising to gently grip the roots of her hair, making a small noise of pleasure come from her mouth that he enjoyed tasting in the kiss.
"Show me" she whispered into his ear before gently nibbling on his neck in a way that made his grip on her hips increase with hungry delight.
He flipped her onto her back swiftly, taking off her robe and kissing from her collarbones all the way down to her hip bones as his hands removed the various items of clothing along the way to 'show her.'
"As you wish, my love."
"Kneel for me" the Prince's sinister voice echoed through Cameron's ears in a distant memory as she zoned out at her desk, "kneel for me or I'll force you to and punish that pathetic mouth of yours for opening for anything other than to take my-"
Cameron shivered at the vivid memory that physically made her body feel sick, a memory of the fear running through her veins.
The memories were getting suddenly more vivid, more real, like when she first fled Russia.
She could remember the first coal train she escaped on to meet Clyde Easter;
The memories and pain of those years as fresh in her mind on that train ride as it was now.
The smell of the coal burning through the snow with the smell of the burnt flesh from the cigars he put out on her.
The rumbling of the train tracks that made her flinch thinking it was his yelling coming towards her from down the corridor.
The silence of the forest that the train passed that was somehow scarier than when he did yell, just him staring at her, a silence to his voice that told her he wanted to inflict more pain than words could explain.
All of it was now in her head again as she sat in her office, leg shaking, head pounding from a lack of sleep due to the sudden increase of nightmares, a jitteriness to her from the copious amount of coffee she was drinking to keep her eyes open so she didn't see his face when she closed her eyes even to blink.
She was confused of how terrified she still was, she was ashamed of it.
She thought she was doing better, she knew was doing better.
Until she wasn't.
She didn't know why, but the memories hit her harder now, more intensely, more vivid- and then she saw the date on her calendar and fell over her trash bin, hurling up her breakfast Hotch had made her eat despite her not wanting to eat anything with how shaky she was today.
"Hey Cam-" A knocking came from her office door, "-shit! Cameron!"
Morgan ran over and held her hair out of her face, "are you okay?"
She couldn't speak, tears streamed down her face automatically, her skin crawled, she wanted the ground to swallow her hole.
"Okay Cam look at me, I think that you're having a panic attack- what do you need? What will help?" Morgan tried to stop her shaking but she pushed herself away from him, not even bothering to grab her bag or coat before she ran out of her office and down the stairs.
"Shit- Cameron, wait!" Morgan spotted the blood in the bin, jumping up and running after her- despite her being in a floaty dark sued long midi skirt, dainty black corset styled thick strappy top and Mary Jane heels, she ran fast down the stairs and out of the building before Morgan had made it down to the BAU floor.
"Hotch- something's wrong with Cameron, she just threw up freaking blood and then ran out of her office with tears streaming down her face" Morgan ran into his office, out of breath and panting.
Hotch immediately hung up his phone call in the middle of the other person's sentence, grabbing his coat and already running out of the door before Morgan had even finished saying 'something's wrong with Cameron.'
Hotch and Morgan searched the surrounding area since Cameron had left her phone at the office, calling Emily, JJ and Rossi to help them from the office to search further out around the city for her as it got later- Reid's suspension had been lifted a few weeks ago but he took his vacation days he had saved up all at once and wasn't due to be back until next week unless there was an emergency.
"Where could she have gone?" Emily asked, "we've looked like literally everywhere that she could have gone."
"What do you even think freaked her out so much?" Rossi asked Morgan who shook his head.
"I don't know, when I came into her office she was just staring at her calendar on her computer."
Hotch paused, "wait- what's the date today?"
"The 17th of December, why?"
Hotch shook his head at how he didn't think of what it could be before, a the time of year that he had figured was more than just a season change for her "everyone go home for the day, I know it's a few hours before the end of the day but you can leave- I think I know where she'll be."
"Hotch, are you sure you don't need our-" Morgan tried to protest but Hotch had already walked off.
Hotch sat down next to Cameron silently on the bank of the river at least an hours walk away from the office but the only river he had ever seen her go near before without shaking, the same river she imagined her dad on the other side of many moons ago before she ran from the track at the training academy.
Hotch draped his coat over her shaking shoulders without a word, sitting in the silence as he watched tears stream down her face before she noticed him next to her and tried to wipe them away.
"S-sorry, I didn't realise you were here-"
"Don't apologise" he spoke softly, "you can cry."
She looked down at her legs dangling off the high up bank, just brushing against the freezing cold, almost frozen over water.
"I know I shouldn't have left work but I just-"
"That's okay too" he nodded before giving a small smile, "you're the boss after all, it's not like someone can tell you off for leaving."
She gave an attempt at a chuckle that turned into a sob of tears as she covered her mouth in attempt to hide them to no avail.
Hotch's arms automatically wrapped around her before he went to pull them away with worry that he might overwhelm her but she nestled into his chest and cried, his arms finding their natural place around her to hold her again.
"I-it was today... I was taken on this day, the 17th, right before the first snowfall of December" she explained through tears, "I don't know why I still remember the date, why I somehow forgot it but my body and subconscious remembered it and has been trying to remind me off it yesterday I guess. I've remembered it every other year, I don't know how it snuck up on me or why I still remember-"
"That's why the nightmares have been back" he understood now, brushing the back of her hair with his hands softly.
"I-it's not just when I'm asleep anymore" she wiped her eyes and sat back to look at the river, "it's all the time; things I thought I was over, things I thought I moved on from but I just... I'm still just as scared as when I was 16."
"It's okay to still be scared" he assured, gently taking her hand and softly rubbing it with his thumb, "and it's okay to still be affected by it even if you were doing 'better'- it's not something you have to 'get over' Cameron, it's not something you have to feel guilty for still feeling hurt from, especially on anniversaries of the start of it all."
"I didn't even realise that it was today, every other year I've remembered and dreaded the days counting down to it, remembering how unaware and carefree I was before this day. I've just been... so happy lately, carefree again I guess- so incredibly happy that I didn't even realise it was coming up until my body physically reminded me" she let a small, pained, smile appear on her lips before the tears took over it, "but it still got me, it still hurts me all the same- I'll never truly be okay, will I? I'll never really be free from the memories of it."
"I'm... I'm sorry" Hotch didn't know how to comfort her, there was no way to comfort her in this moment, no way to make it better for her like he so desperately wanted to do- to just wave a magic wand and take away all of the pain and memories.
"It's not your fault" she chuckled through tears, "sorry for making you come out to find me here, I should have left a note or something that said gone for a breakdown, will be back by dinner."
He couldn't help but laugh at her attempt at a joke, gently brushing her arm under his coat on her, "don't apologise, I just wanted to make sure you were okay- I can leave if you would prefer to be alone, or I can stay, or we can both go somewhere, whatever you need."
She looked up at him before sighing, "I... I don't know what I need."
"That's okay too" he kissed her forehead, "you don't need to know, all you need to know is that it's okay, that it's going to be okay. Because you're the most incredibly strong woman I've ever met. It takes a special kind of strength to still be soft and smile after going through what you've gone through Cameron. Sometimes that strength isn't enough on its own, and that's what I'm here for, to hold your hand when it gets too much, to let you be weak- because that is incredibly strong too, to be able to be weak, you taught me that yourself."
She closed her eyes and let more tears roll silently down her cheeks, leaning on his arm and trying to fight the images of the pain in her head with different images;
Hotch's arms around her, his beautiful smile that shon down only at her, the flower field, even before that with how softly he spoke to her, how much he cared, how much he loved.
"Thank you for being my strength" she whispered to him.
"Cameron, you've always been your own strength" he looked down at her, "but I will always be here to offer mine when yours needs a break from looking after everyone else's."
"I should go back and finish the workday and catch up on the work I've missed" she sighed after a while but Hotch shook his head, standing up and helping her up.
"Nope, I've sent everyone home- that includes you too Miss Johnson" he smiled, she chuckled through left over tears.
"I don't think you have the authority to do that Mr Hotchner."
"Well as your former boss and present partner-" he smiled, "-I think I might have a little say in that, Johnson."
"Aaron-" she chuckled before her phone buzzed, the office- Hotch sighed.
"A case?"
She nodded as she read it and then forwarded it to the team, "I have to go prepare all of the paper work and get you your files, Peter should still be okay to look after the pups until I get back from sending you guys off on the case- is Jessica okay to look after Jack until I'm back from work later? I'll have to brief Garcia and probably work on the case's warrants and paperwork with her too and be there in case I need to grant funding when you're out on the case but I'll be back by evening to look after him and the dogs."
Hotch smiled at her for a moment before she looked up from her phone with confusion at his silence, "what are you looking at?"
"Just how far you've come" he smiled, "look at you, organising the team cases, sorting out who's looking after who- quite different from when you first arrived and made the observation that the victim on the projector was in fact dead."
Cameron laughed through a blush, "in my defence, she was dead."
"A very acute observation" he teased as they got into the SUV to drive back to the office, he looked across at her, "I'm very proud of you Cameron, you've made this all on your own."
She fought the tears and smiled, "I couldn't have done it without you though."
He shook his head and gave a soft smile, "yes you could have, you did, you created and grew all on your own. But I'm thankful that you let me stay by your side to watch you bloom."
"-Sorry, sorry, sorry I'm running late for everything- here you go" Cameron rushed onto the jet where the team were waiting for her after she had to run around gathering all the information of the case and trying to get everything together for the prep work as quick as possible all on her own since Cruz was still on his month long Vacation that it turns out his wife didn't even know about, but the other woman he brought with him instead of his wife certainly did.
"You're off to Colorado; the mayor has requested you guys directly on this one" she passed the case files to the team before rushing into the pilots area to tell them where to go, she didn't realise how rushed these emergency cases were behind the scenes when you were the one trying to organise it all.
Grants, funding, co-ordinating with the mayor, officers and governors all whilst trying to get the team and their equipment out there; it was more intense than she was ready for today on top of everything else.
"Great, can't wait to deal with the Denver police" Morgan said sarcastically about the force who notoriously had a hatred for the BAU getting involved in their cases, "what even is this emergency case? I haven't seen any amber alerts for missing kids."
"I think it might have something to do with that" Rossi gestured to the screen where the news was playing an alert of a prison bus that was found crashed and tipped over with the driver murdered, the guard in hospital with severe injuries and the prisoners gone.
"That... is not good" Morgan's eyes widened when he read the case which was in fact that.
"Not good at all, the prison they were being transferred from was ADX" Hotch read out the file and began the briefing as Reid entered the plane, the team paused and looked at him for a moment.
"You're late" is all Hotch said before turning back to his file and carrying on the briefing that said they were being called in to profile each of the 7 missing criminals to find where they could have gone, figure out what went wrong in the transfer to a less maximum security prison and who was responsible since the public needed someone to blame and the mayor didn't want it to fall on him right before he ran for a 2nd term.
"So we're basically here to clean his name?" Emily asked around 30 minutes into the flight as Hotch explained the files they were given.
"And to find the missing prisoners before someone gets hurt- they did murder a man already" Morgan pointed out.
"Why did they leave the guard alive?" Reid quizzed, "I know he was injured but still, 7 deadly criminals from one of the most intense prisons in America- why did they leave him alive?"
"To send some sort of message. He's not awake yet but JJ and Rossi, I want you to go to the hospital when we arrive and see when they think he'll wake up so we can find out what happened on the inside of the bus" Hotch nodded at them before continuing, "Emily and Reid, I need you two at the station working on the geographical profile of the area and reading through each criminal's files to try to create a profile of if they would try to hide, try to go home or try to commit another crime or murder. They were being transferred for apparent good behaviour but that could have been a long con. Morgan, you and I will go to the scene of the bus crash. The accident was presumed to have happened late last night since the bus was only reported missing this morning when it didn't arrive at its destination and then the crash was found just after lunch because it was so deep in the woods. Something about that doesn't sit right so we'll have to examine the area."
"And what about Cam?" Morgan asked as she came out of the pilots area before pausing at the closed doors and the fact they were flying.
"Oh no, oh no, oh no" she looked around at the jet and the fact they were no longer on the ground, "I wasn't meant to be on this case."
Hotch looked over, "I thought you left?"
"I was talking to the pilots, I guess I got distracted and didn't realise the plane was moving somehow- I should really learn to pay more attention to my surroundings" she shook her head at herself with frustration before pulling out her phone with genuine panic, "oh shoot! I'm meant to be in a meeting in 15 minutes."
"Here, take this and just face time into the meeting with us" Emily smiled at her, handing her iPad to her.
"This isn't a... this isn't the kind of work meeting that any of you guys can hear or even know about I'm afraid" she looked around awkwardly.
"What?" Hotch asked with confusion that the team shared and looked over at her.
"I can't explain right now, I don't suppose there is any way you could land anywhere?" She called back to the pilot through the door and was met with a laugh since he thought she was joking before clearing his throat and explaining that he could not 'just land' the plane now.
"Great" she sighed, rubbing her head, "right, okay- I'll just try to re-schedule, this really isn't going to go well... no, it'll be fine, positive attitude and all that."
Before the team could say anything or question her more on what the meeting was about, she disappeared into the bathroom on a call, hands shaking from the confrontation she could tell was coming from the other end of the call- calls of which in general she didn't like to make because it filled her with anxiety but she had to push past it and the sick feeling in her stomach of a constant panic.
"Do you know what this meeting is about Hotch?" Morgan asked him, noticing a furrowed brow on his face as he looked at the bathroom door.
He shook his head.
"It could be about that case she's putting together against the man who took her? The one with that Amélia and Carlos's testament?" Emily suggested.
"She would have had that call in front of us" Hotch shook his head and stood up, "carry on searching through the files of the prisoners profiles- fill in the blanks of the case."
He walked to the end of the plane and paused outside of the door.
"I understand... yes, I know but- Sir, if you would just let me speak-" Cameron tried to speak quietly in her soft tone, Hotch could hear the frustration in her voice.
"Cameron-" he tapped on the door.
"One second" she called out to him before going back to the phone call, the frustration growing more and more in her voice as the head of the FBI yelled at her down the phone, Hotch kept knocking on the door and her headache grew.
She couldn't take it.
"Enough!" She yelled without thinking as she burst open the bathroom door and stared at Hotch with rage in her eyes.
The man on the phone went silent, Hotch went silent- there was no turning back now.
She held up her hand to signal for Hotch to be quiet as she tuned with her phone in her hand and spoke down at it.
"Mr Wray, I told you once and I will tell you again that this is an important case- 7 deadly prisoners are escaped in Colorado after murdering and mutilating a poor bus driver to do so. I think on the list of things that are important right now, a meeting consisting of you pretending to listen to me before you just go with whatever male second in command's opinion suits your original objective is not my top priority. A man is dead, his family deserves to know the people who are responsible are caught. I will not sit here and be yelled at down the phone by a man who does not understand the basic childhood lesson that just because you're louder does not mean you are right. The meeting will be put on hold until I am off this plane- three hours is all I'm asking for you to wait until I can find a private room at the station. And when I do, you will listen to me. You will not put me on mute, you will not pretend to nod and agree until you make some sexist comment and go with your unfair decision. I have worked too hard for this and you will listen to what I have to say- am I understood?"
The entire team heard everything she said, but only Hotch was close enough to hear the man's response down the phone after he paused with silence for a few moments- only now remembering he was on a 30 person call with his high up colleagues who had just heard him get yelled at and thoroughly embarrassed by Cameron, someone all of them still often mistook as just a receptionist or low level intern.
"Of... of course agent Phillips, I'm sorry if you-" he rambled on a fake apology to try to cover his own back, surprised at Cameron's stern tone that he had never heard before- the only times he had met or heard from her was with Cruz and he had brushed her off, which definitely did not make her like him any more than when he told her that he didn't meet with 'people like her' when she tried to schedule this meeting in the first place.
"R-right, okay thank you- sorry for yelling" Cameron fell back into her natural demeanour, her hands shaking an incredible amount now, "I'm sure that you can understand how important this meeting is for me."
"Of course Miss Phillips, but you must understand that the councils opinions are very strong on this- and I am inclined to agree with them."
"I know" she looked around at the team and sighed, "but I have to try."
The team exchanged glances of confusion at each other as Cameron said goodbye and ended the call, met with an awkward silence.
She turned to Hotch, "s-sorry for yelling at you."
"It's okay" he said with confusion down at her, "but what was that about?"
"N-nothing, it was nothing- don't worry about it" she smiled at him as she pat his arm, swallowing her sick and walking over to her seat.
"It didn't sound like nothing Cam, what's going on?" Morgan quizzed.
"Guys, please- could you just focus on the case if that's okay" she said quietly, searching through her bag to find her headache tablets.
"We saw the way you looked at us all Cameron- what's going on? Is it something to do with funding?" Rossi asked.
"Are we getting or losing another agent?" Emily quizzed- all of them panicked now at what it could be.
"I'm really not allowed to talk about this, please-" Cameron tried to get them to stop asking her.
"We have a right to know" JJ stood up with defence.
"I understand, but it's a lot more complicated and I don't think that you-" Cameron tried to explain, JJ scoffed.
"I think we'd have a better understanding than you."
"JJ, watch it" Morgan warned, not liking her tone towards Cameron.
"I'm just saying, she's not an agent- you all forget that this isn't her job, she wasn't trained for this like we were."
"I mean JJ has a point" Emily reluctantly said, being met with a glare from Hotch, "I don't mean it as a bad thing. Cameron seems to be killing it at this new job but we might be able to help her out on some of the stuff that we've actually studied to do."
"She's studied for it too" Reid's defence surprised them all, "she did the exams just like us, she even passed the bar."
"Yeah but Reid she did just memorised that stuff because of her eidetic memory, it's not the same as understanding it like we do- plus there's the language barrier she's always facing so that probably isn't helping her 'figure this job out'" JJ pointed out, disappointed in Reid for his defence of her.
"Can you stop talking about me like I'm not here?" Cameron said but no one listened, they were too engulfed in an argument that was about to erupt.
"Her English is better than most of ours" Morgan pointed out.
"But she's not American, she doesn't understand a lot of words or social lingo- let alone complicated legal words and the language of the higher ups. I barely understand what they say and English is my first language, I can't imagine how hard it is when you have to translate everything" Emily added to JJ's point, still on Cameron's side but pointing out the facts.
"Can you-" Cameron tried to interject but once again no one was listening.
"Stop questioning her authority" Hotch said sternly at the team.
"No one's questioning her authority Hotch, they're just saying she might not be able to handle everything on her own, she's still new to all this and it hasn't exactly been smooth sailing for her since starting here. No one would blame her for not being able to handle it" Rossi pointed out.
"I'm trying my best!" Cameron's voice suddenly yelled over everyone, making them turn to her and pausing when they saw the tears in her eyes, her forced professional demeanour gone, her mask shattered, a raw, broken girl standing there instead.
"Y-you cannot pretend to know how hard this is for me, you can't pretend to sympathise with me and the fact I had to learn a whole new language, a whole new world and I still struggle with it. You cannot pretend to understand that, you can't pretend to understand anything that I've gone through and go through when you're using it just as an argument" she yelled, "you're right! I have no idea what I'm doing! Do you not think how terrifying that is for me? I had to walk into a crime scene and look at a dead body less than a month after learning this language! I had to watch a man get shot in front of me my first week here when I was still trying to figure out what side of the road you drive on and what a phone was! I still have those problems now- because you're right! This isn't my life, this isn't my world. But I am trying! I am trying so hard, I have been trying so incredibly hard this whole time and it's never ever good enough. Why can't it just be enough that I'm trying?"
The team stared in shock, she shook her head and let it all blurt out.
"Answer me!" She yelled, "since you all have so much to say, answer me! Because you're all wrong about this, for once I do know more about this than you! You have no idea how much more I know about this, how much I've worked myself these last few months trying to make sure you keep your stupid jobs that I still don't understand why you voluntarily do. They're trying to fire you all, did you know that? Were you smart enough to figure that out? After what happened with Erin, after the amount of trouble the BAU has caused for them in the past- they're trying to get rid of the BAU and you all along with it. The only person they would keep from the team and move to another unit is Garcia who would be put in a child sexual assault crimes unit that would destroy her, and the only reason they didn't do it two months ago when they first wanted to was because I stopped them! Because I didn't know what I was doing, but I learnt and I bloody figured it out! So yes I do know what I'm talking about with this JJ, I know better than all of you combined on this! I had to stand in front of a room of men who laughed at me as I tried to convince them that people deserved to live and you would help that happen when the evidence on paper says the opposite. And it worked, I did that, not you- not any of your obnoxiously long profiler words that I still don't understand, or 'years in the academy' or any fancy hand signals- me! So take your insulting pity of me not knowing English as well as you, take your arguments of whether I deserve to be here, take any opinion you have of me and do what I always have to do with you all; bite your tongue and learn that nobody cares what you think!"
A silence swept the plane as Cameron's tears ran, she angrily wiped them on the sleeve of her coat, "I was barley 16 when I was taken on this day years ago by a man who told me I was pathetic and helpless and didn't understand anything like he did. I got myself out, I got myself here and I will not be told by anyone else that I am helpless on my own. I may not be a profiler, or an agent, or even a bloody American but I am not helpless- not now, not ever."
She grabbed her bag and phone and stormed up the plane, entering the pilot's area and somehow convincing them to let her stay there the rest of the two-and-a-half-hour flight.
The team didn't see Cameron again the rest of the day after the flight.
Hotch waited on the jet for 35 minutes after it landed, just waiting for her to come out of the pilot's area- but he should have known better than to underestimate how stubborn she could be.
He eventually had to leave to work the case, but left a note for her that he slid under the door asking her to meet him later on at sunset.
He sat on the flat roof of the police station, just waiting for her as the sun set.
He hadn't expected her not to show up but he understood with how hurt and angry she was earlier- how exhausted she suddenly looked when she yelled 'I'm trying my best!'
All of his questions he had, all of his concerns about what she said about the higher ups trying to disband the BAU and her not telling him, how she spoke to the literal head of the FBI in a way that could get her and them all in trouble- all of it took a back seat when he saw how truly emotionally and physically exhausted she looked.
He hated himself for not seeing it before, for letting her hide it, for not realising how much she had been taking on.
Hiding her pain behind smiles and baking surgery treats and delicious meals, her sweet laughter and beautifully toned casual humming as she did mundane tasks just hid how overwhelmed she was by all of this.
"This is usually the other way round; you're usually the one climbing the roof to spot me watching the sunset" Cameron's quiet voice suddenly made Hotch turn to see her climb over the wall by the ladder onto the roof.
"Hi" is all he could say as he took her hand and helped her hop off the wall ledge down onto the flat roof, an overwhelming mixture of emotions in his eyes as he looked at her.
"Hi" she gave a nervous, small smile, standing awkwardly with her hands clasped together in front of her.
They stood in the unusual silence for a few moments, Hotch just scanning her face- only now spotting how tired she really looked, not the kind of tired that just brought eyebags and a slight red stress rash to her neck but the kind that had an air of sadness to it, a coldness, a pain,
He thought that she still looked beautiful, he had always thought right from the beginning that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen even past her looks- but there was that tiredness that he hadn't noticed before, or maybe he had and had just convinced himself of her "I'm okay's" and "I'm fines."
That was the problem with someone like Cameron, she was always so put together, always smiling, always trying even when she shouldn't be.
"How are you doing?" Hotch asked before adding, "how are you really doing?"
She looked up at him finally and sighed, "not... not great."
He nodded, "I know, I'm sorry I didn't notice before."
"Please don't apologise, it's not your fault- you've been great, you are great" she started to ramble, "I just... I don't know, it's just-"
"Tiring?" He finished her sentence and caught her eye, she nodded.
"Yeah... I guess that's a good word for it."
"Like at the train bridge?" He asked, both of them knowing what he was referring to- she shook her head.
"Not that kind of tiring, it's like... okay don't laugh-" she surprisingly chuckled, "-but it's like I'm on a treadmill, and you know how I hate running in the first place, but it's like someone has cranked up the speed to the max and my legs won't go that fast and I'm trying to keep up, and someone's like chained me onto the machine. Okay, I'm losing the metaphor a little her but-"
Hotch's laugh interrupted her, "it makes perfect sense, and you do hate running."
"So much" she chuckled through watery eyes.
"You've been angry baking again" he smiled down at her long, floaty tan sued skirt that had white powder on it.
"I locked myself in the station kitchen for my meeting and got carried away so I wouldn't yell at the head of the FBI again- I can't believe I did that, I'm so stupid" she shook her head.
"You're not stupid, it was very brave- and sounded very warranted" he assured, "albeit a little surprising, probably for him to- but that's his problem for underestimating you."
She smiled up at him, as bright of a smile as she could muster through her permanently watery eyes at the minute.
"It's a hard day for you as it is without all of the work stress on top of it, give yourself some credit, you don't always have to force a smile" Hotch gently took her hands, rubbing them with his thumbs.
"I'm sorry about my outburst at you and the team" she looked down at his large hands engulfing hers.
"Don't apologise, everything that you said was warranted and valid- I'm sorry that we were speaking for and over you again, I'm sorry that I was talking over you and not listening to you like I used to" he said with certainty of his words, "and I do care what you think Cameron."
She looked up at him with confusion.
"You said that we had to learn to do what you did, to bite your tongue and learn that nobody cares what you think- I do, I do care what you think" he assured her, "you have a wonderful mind, which is why I wouldn't doubt for a second that you would be able to manage to keep all of our jobs over the last two months all on your own."
"I'm... I'm sorry I didn't tell you about that, I just didn't want you to worry, I wanted to sort it out for you like you sort things out for me so I don't have to worry all of the time" she was taken aback by his gentle reaction but apologised anyway because it was Cameron, of course she would apologise.
"I understand why- for one, you probably legally couldn't talk about it to us let alone me given our relationship. I only wish you didn't have to try to figure it out all on your own whilst trying to sort out your own hearing, the lawsuits of Erin's and doing this job on top of the thousands of things I didn't realise you were juggling."
"I can usually handle it, okay maybe I've never really been able to handle it if I'm honest..." she looked down at her hands with embarrassment, Hotch tucked his knuckled under chin and lifted her head to look at his soft smile.
"Just because you can handle it doesn't mean you have to. The human body can survive copious amounts of pain, that doesn't mean it should go through it. A flower can survive being ripped out by the root, it doesn't mean it should. Just because you can take on all of these things and handle it with the same beautiful amount of poise you handle everything doesn't mean you have to. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone, that includes yourself."
A sudden eruption of tears took over her and her arms were around his waist with her head nestled into his chest as he held her.
Cameron wasn't one to usually initiate a hug or ask for the physical comfort of an embrace, but she needed this, she needed him.
She mumbled something as she cried that he couldn't quite make out until she slightly pulled back and wiped his chest, "I-I'm sorry, I've gotten tears on your shirt."
Hotch couldn't help his laugh at her adorable apology, bringing her head back to rest on his chest, "it's okay" he soothed as he stroked the back of her head.
"C-can you tell me that it's okay to be okay? I know it's silly, but I just need to hear it and I can believe it if it comes from you" she whispered, he paused before nodding and holding her close to him.
"It is going to be okay Cameron, I promise you- it's all going to be okay."
"H-how do you know?" She let her worry take over, he smiled down at her.
"Because you deserve for it to be okay, you deserve it more than anyone else in the world has ever deserved anything."
"Oh my god" she burst into tears again and pulled herself closer to him.
"What? Did I say something wrong? I'm sorry-"
"N-no, no, you said everything right- you always do" she cried harder.
"Why are you crying more?" He laughed and gently rubbed her back.
"Because you're just so great" she chuckled before looking up at him with a soft adoring love in her eyes, "because you're you."
"I'm only 'me' because I'm with you" he brushed a tear off her cheek.
"Y-you're so sweet Aaron, my makeup can't take it" she chuckled as she attempted to wipe the mascara from under her eyes away, "I probably look like a raccoon."
"A very beautiful raccoon" he teased which made her laugh, a sound he always cherished.
"Has the case been going okay?" She quizzed as they made their way down the ladder and round to the station front doors.
"Morgan and I assessed the situation at the crime scene and found that the guard might have had some involvement so we're going to talk to him, he's meant to wake up tomorrow-" he paused mid-sentence when they entered the station and saw a shouting match between Morgan, Rossi, Emily and a few of the officers, the officers being the ones shouting at them.
"Get your shit off our desks!" The moustached one barked at Morgan.
"Dude, it's literally just a coffee cup" he rolled his eyes.
"Don't you dare call me 'dude'- where's your respect for your superiors boy? People like you shouldn't speak to people like me like that" he tossed the mug onto the floor at Morgan's feet.
"Did you really just say that? Listen here you-" Rossi went to argue but paused when he saw Hotch watching the scene unfold.
He went to speak, to probably tell them off but Cameron stepped forward.
"So... what's going on here?" She asked in a her usual Cameron tone that made Hotch want to smile.
"Nothing of your concern darling" one of the officers brushed her off in a condescending tone.
She tilted her head and him, a quiet anger burning behind her polite smile- she nodded and walked over and taking his badge from his belt.
"Woah lady, watch where your hands are- you'll make me regret being married in a minute" he teased, his attention suddenly off the argument and on her as she scanned his badge.
"Officer Hordern- that's you, isn't it sir?" She asked, taking a photo of his badge number.
"What are you doing? You can't do that missy, that's illegal."
"Well Mr Hordern, it would seem I can because I just did" she smiled up at him before speaking overly sweetly, "you just verbally attacked my agent, threw a mug at his feet after causing a commotion that I can't be sure wasn't a hate crime."
"A hate crime? You can't make those kind of accusations darling. My opinions on his kind have nothing to do with-" he was quick to defend, Morgan shook his head at him, he was used to it with these kind of officers and usually just brushed it off, as did the rest of the team to not cause a commotion- but Cameron was not one to let behaviour slide just for the sake of the case or peace between the force and the FBI.
"Sure, you might not think that" she nodded before tilting her head, "but the report I'm going to write and give to your boss might not suggest that- after all, I did see you only throw the mug at his feet, not the feet of the two white agents next to him, not to mention the choice words you used to say to him. Do you have a problem with saying 'black man,' Mr Hordern? Or are you simply uneducated as much as you are ignorant?"
Morgan hid his laugh, he loved when Cameron got like this- both of them knowing that he didn't need her to defend him but appreciating that she wanted to.
"That was coincidence. Of course I know the colour of his skin, I just don't think he or someone like you should be-" the man tried to stammer but she held up her hand.
"And now you're trying to talk over a supervising agent purely because she's a woman? Or is it because I'm an immigrant? This is not a good day for you Mr Hordern."
"Who the hell even are you!? I outta teach you lesson for-"
She looked down at her wrist which neither of them had realised he had grabbed in anger before looking up at him with that same quiet anger in her eyes, "I'm the woman who's going to get you fired if you don't step away from me right now and apologise to my friend."
Hotch stepped up behind her and glared at the officer, "I'd suggest you listen to her and let go of her unless you want to deal with a broken nose on top of being fired."
"She wouldn't be able to break my nose" he scoffed at her, Hotch caught his gaze again with his usual, quiet, cold rage behind his eyes.
"I wasn't talking about her breaking your nose officer. Although I think it's in your best interest not to doubt her- she can be very surprising as someone who has been punched in the face by her in a police station before" Hotch threatened before letting a whisper of a smile appear on his lips thinking about Cameron.
Cameron stared at the man, "I have no intention of breaking your nose sir, I assure you- but I have had a very long day and the urge to call your boss and get your entire unit taken off this case and suspended for your no doubt constant micro-aggressions towards my friend is becoming very appealing."
The man let of her and mumbled something, calling her a whore or another insult before turning for back up from the other officers who had already muttered apologies and left.
"Ahem-" Cameron brought his attention back to her, "you owe my friend an apology."
"An apology?"
She nodded over to Morgan, "apologise to him."
"It's okay Cam, he was just acting like the rest of them, we don't want to burn any bridges-"
"It's not okay- he owes you an apology, I don't care if I have to glue the bridge back together myself because of this. He will apologise, and he will do it now" she spoke sternly, her eyes burning into the man who stared at her with hatred.
"I won't apologise to scum like him."
A silence swept through the station, a stand-off, a staring match that no one knew who would back down first- except Hotch, he knew Cameron was too stubborn to step down.
He knew he should interject, get her to back down so they didn't get asked to leave the case- but he also knew better than to try to apologise for her or make her take back her words, he also wouldn't make her after what the officer just said.
"Get out officer Hordern" Hotch spoke sternly to the officer who looked over at him from Cameron.
"What?"
"Your deputy and sheriff will be informed of your behaviour tomorrow, they will also be informed that the FBI will be leaving this case tomorrow morning if you are not suspended and fired for your repulsive behaviour and blatant ignorance unless you apologise right now. You and your fellow officers can't handle this case, you're already in over your head as evident by the many mistakes you made at the crime scene- you need us here or those prisoners will run free. And we will let them, we will leave- unless you apologise."
Cameron looked up at him with shock at his defence of her stance, thinking for sure this would be another repeat of the first case when he told her off for her standing up to the ignorant towns person.
A twing of guilt and panic hit her.
What if he didn't apologise? Hotch was a man of his word, they would leave. She couldn't just let these prisoners run free and hurt people, could she? After all, she herself was a prisoner of sorts once and had ran away- albeit she wasn't a murderer put in jail. But still she was already facing that internal dilemma and now she had to worry about them potentially walking away from an emergency case where people could get hurt because of this. Not to mention that this would not be good for her argument to the head of the FBI that the BAU helped people and shouldn't be torn up- of which the meeting over video call earlier had gone better than expected but still, she could never be sure until they came back with their decision especially given her outburst at the FBI head on the plane.
Hotch placed a hand on her shoulder as if he knew what she was thinking and gave her a trust me glance before looking back at the officer who stood flabbergasted.
"Everyone, gather your things to leave- Reid, clear the board, JJ grab the files, we're leaving this case" Hotch nodded and turned to leave, bringing Cameron with him.
"Aaron-" she whispered up to him with a panic but suddenly the officer mumbled something.
"What was that?" Hotch turned back to him, he sighed and turned to Morgan who was staring in shock at Hotch in shock.
"I said, I'm sorry" the man reluctantly said.
Morgan turned to him, still too in shock and just nodded.
"You may leave now" Hotch nodded at the man who glared before leaving sheepishly.
"Holy shit" Emily couldn't supress her shocked laugh anymore once it was just the team in the station.
"You guys could have lost your jobs over that" Morgan turned with a smile to Cameron and Hotch.
"It was the right thing to do" Hotch looked down at Cameron before back to Morgan, "and I'm sorry that I've let them get away with sly comments to you before Derek- I shouldn't have made you have to deal with it or correct them on your own, it shouldn't be your responsibility to deal with that."
"Wow, I mean it's fine" Morgan said with surprise, smiling at Hotch, "but thanks, that was really great of you."
Hotch nodded at him before checking the time on his watch, "everyone head back to the hotel for the night, we've made some good progress today with the case- I'll stay here on watch considering it's a high alert case and we need to be ready for a call out in case one of the prisoners hurt someone."
The team exchanged glances and took their seats or got back to their various jobs, "we'll stay with you- we're a team after all" Morgan smiled at him before pinning things to the board.
Hotch paused with confusion that Rossi laughed at.
"We're your friends Aaron, we're not going to make you work the night case alone- plus, I don't think Cameron would let us leave you alone here to do our work alone all night."
Hotch looked down at Cameron who had mouthed 'don't you dare' at the team when Hotch told them to leave and let him do all of the work overnight which was bad enough when the team were all there sharing the workload of long emergency cases let alone when you had to do it alone.
She smiled up at him and patted his arm before walking over to cut out photos for the board, chatting to Emily who, the rest of the team, were ready to apologise to Cameron but she just carried on normal conversations about Amanda or something Hotch couldn't quite hear over his adoration for her as he watched her sweet laugh find its natural place in her voice again.
He knew that no matter how tired she was, no matter how many smiles she faked, that laugh was always real- that laugh was always her.