JAMES POTTER HAD not kept his promise, because none of the boys spoke a single word to Claudia the next day.
In fact, none of them spoke to her at all for five whole weeks, because Remus had told them. He had them the truth about the books, and about the conclusion that he had jumped to as he read one of them.
The conclusion that was that Claudia hated werewolves.
The conclusion that caused Remus to hate himself more than he ever had before because of his lycanthropy.
Remus was a complete mess. He loved the girl so much that it ached in him, but that didn't change the fact that he thought that she would hate him if she ever found out about his condition.
And he wasn't going to make the pain worse than it already was for himself - so he simply chose to act as if he had never even known her to protect himself and, in some ways, her as well.
He figured that they were better off apart, because he couldn't stand the thought of her finding out and hating him.
What he didn't know was that Claudia already knew that he was a werewolf.
And, he also didn't know that she had spent the entire night of the previous full moon staring out the window as she listened to the howls and pained sounds that came from him; crying as she did so out of pure worry and anger.
Claudia was furious that he had to face so much pain and suffering. She recognised it all too well, and she would have never even wished it on her worst enemy - and especially not on the boy she loved so much.
Despite the short few months that they had been close, Claudia felt like she had known the boy her entire life. In ways she sort of had, because he had always been in the hallways taking notice of her - and sometimes she had taken notice of him as he did so.
And, in ways, Claudia had known him her entire life; because around him, she felt almost reborn. As if her old clutters and mistakes were gone - as if she was brand new.
She plainly and simply loved him - and absolutely nothing could change that.
The fact that he ignored her and didn't look her way couldn't change that. The fact that he walked away as soon as she said anything and the fact that he didn't collaborate when they were paired together in Defence Against the Dark Arts couldn't change that either.
She was so in love with him that it ached in her each time something like that happened; but it didn't make her love him any less.
This pretty much caused her to feel completely lost. She was alone for the most part, with the exception of Pandora and Mary, and partly Betty and Inez - but they couldn't guide her like he could.
Claudia wouldn't let them in. She was still a little upset with Betty, and when it came to the rest of them she was just sick of feeling like a burden.
Because Claudia was convinced Burden would be a better name for her than Claudia at this point.
So, she woke up, ate something that wasn't pancakes and golden syrup, went to class, studied, and then spent the night staring at the ceiling as she thought too much for her own well-being.
She couldn't forget about him, not for a second. And, in all honesty, Remus couldn't forget about her either.
When she wasn't watching, he found his eyes watching her. He had noticed how her eye bags were a little darker, her face a little paler and her eyes a little less alive.
He had seen it before years ago, and he could only think about how much he was hurting her at the same time as he was trying to protect her.
That morning, exactly 33 days after he had last spoken to her, Claudia caught him staring during lunch. And, much to her surprise, he didn't look away instantly like he had the few times she had caught him before.
On this day, Claudia saw something different in his eyes. It was...sadness.
He didn't look angry, not at all. In fact, anger was one of the last emotions his face showed. Remus looked plain miserable.
He had the same look of being lost on his face that Claudia had worn for weeks, and it caused her breath to hitch in her throat.
Because Remus looked like he was longing for her and hating his own guts, rather than hating hers.
He looked like that because it was just the way he felt. Sure, he was angry at her for hating werewolves, but at the same time he just wanted to hold her and kiss her and apologise and tell her just how much he loved her.
If only he wasn't a fucking werewolf.
Remus had always had an undeniable hatred for himself for being a werewolf. His condition tormented him, and the way other people saw werewolves only made it all worse.
And, he had always understood people when they were prejudiced against him and his kind; but the moment the girl he loved seemed to have these values he couldn't help but to be angry.
He didn't know if he was angry at her, himself, all the other werewolves, or the world; but he was angry.
Angry that she would hate him.
Angry that he was never going to be free of his lycanthropy.
Angry that he couldn't have her because she could never love him as much as he loved her.
But she did. So much. And, as she finally got a look of change from him, she couldn't help but to feel a little less anxious.
But, that immediately changed as she met eyes with Sirius, who wasn't for a second attempting to hide his glare.
So, she got up and left the hall to go to potions without glaring back at him.
•••
Claudia thanked Merlin that she was paired with Lily in potions and no one else.
Because, firstly, she had missed the girl to death and now things seemed to be going back to normal with her again. And, secondly, that meant that she was not paired with any of the boys, who would be incredibly rude if it had happened, or any of the other girls, who would continue to pity her.
Sure, Claudia was a mess. She was angry at the Marauders for not even letting her know what they were angry at her for, and she was missing them all to death at the same time.
But, she believed that was not one to pity. She was overall fine. Everything was fine. She had friends, food on her plate and a ceiling over her head. She knew that what was to come in a few weeks time was plenty worse, so she hated that they pitied her as much as they did over some silly boys.
But, those "silly boys" were far more important to Claudia than she even allowed herself to admit. They had played a huge role on making her feel safe, loved and a little more distanced from her horrible thoughts and her horrible family.
They were some light in the darkness - but now she had lost that too.
And it hurt far worse than she allowed anyone to know. What they saw was a facade with some cracks - in the form of grey eye bags and sad expressions - but they had no idea that what was inside was a complete wreck.
She just needed her boys.
She hated herself for feeling that way. She hated herself for trusting them, letting them in and relying on them as much as she did.
Because who was she to believe that for once someone would actually stay?
"What's going on with him?" Lily asked Claudia as she saw how Sirius sent her a hard glare.
"I don't know what's up with him," Claudia shrugged. "I guess I did something to him too."
"What do you mean when you say 'him too'?"
"Nothing much," Claudia sighed. "It's just-"
"That those idiots have been ignoring you," Lily finished with a comforting smile. "I've noticed. And Inez has told me that you have no idea why."
"I don't," Claudia shrugged, stealing a short glance at Remus, who was in the middle of brewing his potion as he laughed with Mary MacDonald - but that didn't stop him from looking back at her for a mere second before looking away again. "I've got absolutely no idea."
"I'm sorry, Claudia-"
"It's alright. No need to comfort me," Claudia smiled. "I'm just fine."
Lily didn't believe her for one second when she said that.
But, the redheaded girl decided to not torment her any longer, so she ended up switching the conversation as they finished up the potion, and suddenly the class was dismissed.
"Would you like to study with me and Marlene for a little while?" Lily asked hopefully, and then chuckled. "Or, more like study with me and listen to Marlene as she rambles."
"Yeah," Claudia nodded, feeling very happy to have a distraction and finally hang out with Lily again, as well as Marlene. "That sounds fun."
Claudia then ended up in the Gryffindor tower, sitting down on the floor next to Lily as she leaned back on the couch, which Marlene was sitting on as they all attempted to do their homework without falling into laughter all the time from Marlene's random comments.
"I was actually thinking about this the other day," said Marlene as she continued to read her book about magical creatures. "Can Thestrals see other Thestrals?"
Lily giggled a little before she replied, "I don't know. How do you even come up with questions like these?"
"I don't," she shrugged. "This is actually a pretty common question. What do you think, Claudia?"
Claudia broke out of her distracted daze at the mention of the creature, and then she looked up and gave Marlene a small smile. "They do. They can't create...babies...without seeing each other, right?"
"Tell that to William in seventh year," Marlene snorted. "Apparently he knocked up Julie in the dark!"
The other two girls giggled a little, mainly over Marlene's tendency of saying things way too loudly in a public place, but then they stopped as some familiar voices took over.
"No, Prongs, I refuse to talk to her!" Claudia heard Remus yell a little too loudly.
"Why?!" James questioned. "You don't even know if it was her! Anyone could've written that for Merlin's sake!"
"You're just saying that because Lily is trying to convince you to make me talk to her again!" Remus snapped, causing Lily to give Claudia a guilty expression. "And, besides, I know it was her, alright?!
"How?!"
"Because I recognise her handwriting! And the way she writes her R's is always a little crooked. And...it was her, alright?! I know it was."
"Okay," James sighed. "But maybe it's all just a misunderstanding or something? She would never think like that, and you know it."
"I know," Remus replied. "But that doesn't change the fact that she did think like that, okay? I can't talk to her, because if she finds out she'll hate me forever. And I...I just can't live with knowing that."
"But she'll hate you even more if you go on ignoring her."
"Then so be it," the boy sighed. "I just don't want to scare her, alright? And I don't want...I just don't want to make things worse. Because when she finds out she'll hate me in a totally different way."
"Remus you're being irrational! And because of a damn book!"
A damn book?
Claudia frowned at that, because suddenly she wondered if he knew something she was afraid that he would find out about. Something about her past that had caused her to be afraid for so long.
Something that she had completely stopped caring about 35 days ago.
Claudia didn't know what had come over her the moment she stood up and ran up to the boys' dormitory.
"Shit," Remus cursed as he saw her, running up after her considering what was on his nightstand.
But he was too late.
Because, the moment the boy entered his dorm, he found Claudia standing there with a book in her hand with an unreadable look on her face.
Little Red Riding Hood.
"Claudia, it's not-"
"Way to invade my privacy, Lupin," the girl said with a small glare.
"So you know then? About me?"
"You weren't exactly the best at hiding it in the long run," she said.
"I was going to tell you about that," he sighed. "And about the books, but then-"
"You found out," she finished, her glare turning into a look of desperation. "You promised me, Remus. You promised that you wouldn't leave me."
"I-"
"No," she said with a shake of her head. "Let me tell you something, Lupin."
The boy looked questioning at her as she shoved the book into his chest.
"Jumping to conclusions is not the same thing as establishing a fact."
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a/n: i'm out here praying y'all won't hate me...but i promise you that moonsyrup is coming back soon!!!