Later that evening, on the Jolly Roger...
Emma ran her fingers across the rough dark wood that made up the helm. Memories of Killian showing her where to place her hands flooded her mind. His raspy voice whispering in her ear, him rubbing up against her... She even missed his stubble scratching her cheek. She missed him, all of him. From his wind-blown hair to his incorrigible short temper.
Being on his ship was no help either. Everything reminded her of him and the memories they made. Even the damn sea itself reminded her of his ocean blue eyes.
She cursed herself for not stealing another ship. It would've been less conspicuous. No one kept a close count of the vessels, and they weren't worth stealing. Above all, the Jolly Roger was the largest ship ever to make port in Misthaven. Therefore its absence would be noticed. However, she felt comfortable on this ship. She knew how to guide the old sails and move the large chunk of wood through the rough waters.
If it was just her on this voyage, she was sure she would've taken a random ship, but because Henry and Merlin were with her, she wanted to limit the risk. Sure, she could sail, but Killian was the one who transported them everywhere. He knew how to maneuver through any storm, ride any wave, and never get lost. She knew only the basics and could only navigate herself through a forest.
"It's never too late to turn around, Emma." A thick, calm voice shook her thoughts.
The princess turned to the dark-haired sorcerer, "Merlin, please. You don't have to say that every hour." She responded, unamused.
He gave a deep chuckle, "Your parents described you to be a bit more lively." He teased, hoping to make her smile, "Certainly not a person to frown."
"I apologize for my mannerisms." She let out a sigh, "Here you are helping me, and all I'm doing is sulking."
"I think you have a good reason." He acknowledged as she walked to the side of the ship, "The news of your parents' secret must have been a shock."
It was, but she learned to get over her parents disappointing her quickly. They made sure to take care of her and gave her the best of life, but they were often absent when their royal responsibilities took over. Hence why they always had August, Regina, or someone else to look after her. The more she thought about it, the more everything made sense. The constant whispers, Neal's constant presence, the overbearing rules... right now, her heart ached. And it wasn't because of her parents. "The news of my brother and his fate was indeed a shock. However, I'm not so upset about that anymore."
The sorcerer gave a half-smile, "You miss that smug pirate?"
The princess gave him a sour look, "His name is Killian." She responded a bit too defensive, "And he's not entirely smug." She added to lighten the mood.
Merlin took no offense, "Ah, you two must have quite the tale." He nudged her in a friendly manner, causing her to smile, "Your mother talks nonstop about him."
Emma raised her eyebrow, "I take it my father had wonderful things to say?" She teased, already knowing the answer.
"Oh, indeed." Merlin laughed sarcastically, "He talked all about how his only daughter fell in love with a pirate."
Her smile faded as memories surfaced once more, "I miss him."
He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, "For what it's worth, Killian did as your parents asked-"
"But he didn't have to!" She responded, growing more upset by the redundancy of that constant statement.
"But he wanted your parents' approval." Merlin responded, unphased, "He wanted your father's approval."
"Before we left, he and I got into a terrible argument." The princess confided, "I said such awful, unforgivable things to him."
"Anger brings out the worst in us." Merlin commented.
Emma shook her head, "I'm not angry with him, at least not anymore."
He propped his head to the side, waiting to hear more, "Then what are you?"
"Disappointed." She faced him, surprised she had just admitted that. "It was supposed to be him and I against the world. No secrets, no walls, no doubt."
"Emma, you know why he didn't tell you-" Merlin began.
"If you're going to tell me he was correct by lying to me, save your breath." She turned to walk away then paused, "I know his intentions were good, but-"
"It doesn't make it any less painful." Merlin finished her sentence, all too knowingly.
Her cheeks burned red as she turned back around. It was almost as if this man could read her mind, "How- how did you know that?"
"I'm a five-hundred-year-old sorcerer." Merlin chuckled, "I've lived many lives and have had many heartbreaks. I wish I could tell you they get easier, but they don't."
Emma walked back over to her new friend, "In the books I've read, it said you had to kill your first love." She paused, trying to read his face, "It said your intentions were good, but the ending was not what you had hoped."
"Endings are never what we hope they'll be." Merlin clenched his jaw as he looked out to sea, "I take it you know the story."
The princess shook her head side to side, "Sadly, pages were missing in the book."
"That's because I ripped them out." He smiled as he raised his eyebrows.
She frowned her face in confusion, "That's not possible. My father gave me that book, brand new when I was a child. You didn't know of us then."
"Most powerful sorcerer." He gestured up and down, "All I had to do was wiggle my nose." He cracked a smile, causing her to laugh.
"Well, I'd love to hear the tale if you don't mind." Emma pushed politely.
Merlin pushed his lips together, making a straight line, "Perhaps another time." Emma nodded understandingly, "I, however, feel you're dying to tell me about that pirate of yours."
The princess cracked a genuine smile. Even when he wasn't here, Killian still made her beam. "All my life, I've had people watching out for me, protecting me. I've had guards I've known since I was born follow me through the entire kingdom, and none of them had ever made me feel as safe as I do when I'm with Killian." She states, staring out into the dark sea, "And I know how absurd that must sound, but when I look at Killian, I just know he'd always put himself in danger to protect me. He'd take any battle, any wound, any infection, any curse, even death for me." She paused as Merlin listened attentively, "How can one person you've only known for a short time makes you feel safer than a palace full of guards you've known your entire life?"
He placed a comforting arm on her back as her face fell once more, "You've spent the last few years with him. It would almost be strange if he didn't make you feel the least bit safe. Plus, being a pirate helps." He winked.
"I suppose his reputation provides some comfort." She smiled, "But I've known Neal, August, Aunt Regina, and all my parents' friends for as long as I can remember, and yes, I know they'd do anything for me, but..." She paused, at a loss for words.
"Some people awaken feelings in us that others cannot." Merlin responded, "Killian obviously means much to you, and perhaps that is because you chose him instead of him being chosen for you."
She let his words linger in her brain. He wasn't wrong. Neal was chosen for her to marry. Even if it was ultimately her choice, he was the most promoted out of all men in her life. Not to mention the lineup of possible suitors after she called off the marriage. Her aunt and her parents' friends were not people she chose to have in her life. They were just always there because of her parents. The kingdom adored her because of her parents. The palace guards protected her because of her parents. Killian was the one person she chose without her parents' consent. "This is a selfish thing to say, but because of him, I may not ever find another suitor." Not that she wanted one.
"Perhaps that's the way it was meant to be." Her new friend said unapologetically.
Emma rolled her eyes, "I suppose so. After all, I'll be dead this time next week."
"No." Merlin chuckled at her comment, "I meant that perhaps you and the captain will find a way to get past all this." He clarified, causing her expression to grow soft, "If love were easy, we'd all have it."
The princess let that sentence resonate with her. Their love was far from easy. She was a princess, and he was a damn pirate. They shouldn't even be allowed to look at one another, let alone do what they do. The more she thought about it, the more she realized how it must have looked for them to be together. She had a reputation of being kind and sweet, someone to always follow the rules. Killian had a reputation of killing to get his way, torture if you were lucky. She witnessed it more than she liked. Yet her heart ached for him in ways it never did for anyone else. How could a man with the reputation of the most feared pirate be so loving and kind? Most people only heard his harsh tone, shouting orders, but she could only remember his soothing voice and gentle touch followed by his comforting embrace.
Emma couldn't hate him no matter how hard she tried. She knew their love was worth fighting for, but all she could do now was hope he could find love after she was gone.