hello my lovelies,
I hope you had a great day today and if not, I promise you there will be better times.
Long chapter: Nearly 4500 words! Yeahhh!
Have fun reading and always remember that you are amazing and enough.
I love you, bye.
TW: mention of rape and domestic violence!
I forgot to mention these warnings! I apologize!
Amara Thorne
I groan out of annoyance and frustration when another thudding knock sounds through the thick wood of the door to my bedroom and prevents me from falling into a deep sleep again.
Still, nothing in the world could get me out of bed now.
I have no idea how late it is, but I don't think I have slept more than two hours. After all, I didn't go to sleep until 7 a.m.
I thought that if I move in here at least the advantage will be that I don't have to do anything and can lie in bed all day, but I was wrong.
Totally wrong.
Not that I would have something against waking up early to go on a mission but that's not even the case. They want me to be awake but don't allow me to have fun.
If Adriano wants to forbid everything, then at least he shouldn't rob me of my beauty sleep.
Asshole.
"Come in.", I yell, but because of the pillow that presses against my cheek, my sounds only come out muffled.
In the morning when I am still lying in my bed, I always sound raspy and like I've just had my wisdom teeth removed.
I hate it.
How should I start into my day with a happy mood when my voice sounds like I have just eaten sandpaper?
After a few seconds I hear the door open and someone walking towards my bed.
"Miss Thorne? I am here to wake you up.", I hear a female voice saying.
"Well, I am awake so you have done your job and now you can get the fu- ", I begin, starting to raise my voice.
"-Young lady. Don't finish that sentence. Just because you're grumpy in the mornings doesn't mean you have to piss off the people around you.", the woman interrupts me and now I can clearly hear her Polish accent.
At least I am pretty sure she is a Polish woman.
Beside English, I also speak Italian, Russian, Spanish and a little bit of Japanese but I have heard many more accents so I don't think I am wrong with my conclusion.
I lift my head and turn it to the side to look into the woman's face but when I open my mouth to reply something she is faster than me.
"I have to correct myself. You can piss off any person here just not me. Especially the men here. They all deserve a decent address that makes it clear to them that the few women here are the ones who rule.
You've probably already noticed what kind of assholes they are. I mean, they try to put us down and think that they are better because of the 2 inches in their pants? Not that I have anything to say against small penises, I can confirm that it really depends on the technique, but they don't even have that.
These guys talk a lot and then can't even last for a minute. If you have to brag with your performances in bed, you should at least be able to make a woman cum.", she continues without stopping to take a breath during her sentences.
I sit up on the bed in a flash and stare at the older lady with my mouth wide open, while she continues to make remarks on the men.
I couldn't agree more.
She has gorgeous shiny chocolate brown hair that is tied back in a bun and a silver bobby pin decorates the dark strands. The lady is standing with her head held high but with a small smile on her face, which makes her look friendly and not fake at all.
Something I don't see on many people's faces.
Everyone is just fake and doesn't have a truthful bone in their body and someday you get just used to their façade. The most important thing is to not forget what's really under it.
An ugly creature or a broken soul.
You can just hope that it's the first one because I believe that you can make something ugly pretty but can you heal someone who is so broken that he has to hide the truth from the entire world, even from himself?
I don't think so.
I snap out of my thoughts and travel my gaze over the lady again.
Her arms hold a breakfast tray that is larger than her whole torso. The woman is relatively short and wears a typical housemaid's uniform that fits perfectly around her curvy body.
A huge grin starts to spread over my face as she stops talking.
I already like her.
"You are right. I am sorry and, in the future, I will let all my anger out on the men and not on you.", I say, my grin getting huger and so does hers as the words come out of my mouth.
Without saying anything else, she walks closer to my bed and places the tray on the gray bench that is attached to the end of the bed. Then she rounds it and walks towards me. The maid asks me with a small gesture if she can sit on the bed.
I nod and as soon as the lady sits down on the edge of the bed she starts talking again.
"So, I think I should start by introducing myself. I'm Zuzanna Poźniak but you can call me Anna. I am also your main maid for the time you are here and if you are pleased with my work which I hope, it will stay this way and I will come with you to Italy.
You haven't met me before because Mr. Calvetti was so kind to give me in addition to my vacation days some time off so that I could go to Poland with my family. I am here for everything, and no wish is too big or laborious. You can call me anytime of the day to ask for anything. My dear, the boss wanted the best maid for you and that's why I am here.", she says, introducing herself.
I smile at her as I realize that I really was right. She is Polish and absolutely amazing.
"I thought this journey and the changes that are coming your way would be exhausting for you, so I suggest that today you will be looked after by my people in such a way that you can really relax. If you don't have any questions for me right now, I would let you have breakfast in peace so that you can start the day with a morning bath and a massage afterwards, before you really begin with the beauty program.", she says, smiling broadly at me and I can hear the excitement in her voice.
"Of course, only if you feel comfortable with doing this.", she adds.
"Yes, that sounds amazing.", I answer.
Anna stands up and walks to the end of the bed to get the tablet. She brings it to me, and I take it from her hands with a nod and a thankful smile.
"Oh, before I forget, I wanted to ask you what music you like to listen to while you are taking your bath? Any wishes?", she asks, as she was just about to walk out of the door.
"No, thank you, just surprise me.", I answer but before she can leave the room, I speak up again.
"Oh, I forgot to ask you if I should call you when I am finished with my breakfast.", I ask.
"That won't be necessary, my dear. When you are ready you just tell the security, who stands before the door, waiting for you and then he will escort you to your personal spar where your bath will be prepared for you.", she says and then walks out of the room, leaving me alone.
I look down at the tablet and let my gaze wander over it.
Like yesterday, there are exactly the things on it that I like so much.
Although I would normally gobble up this breakfast, I don't feel like it at all today, but my stomach growls so hard that I force myself to eat a few bites.
When I realize after a few minutes that I can't even get down a single piece anymore because otherwise I would throw up, I let out a sigh before I put my tray on my bedside table. I slide myself out of the sheets and off the mattress.
I put on my black slippers that are next to my bed and try to suppress the feeling of sickness I have.
It really wasn't a good idea to eat so many sweets, but they were just so delicious. If I would have known that candy is so fucking good, I would have tried it a lot earlier in my life.
Darius was right.
Last night gave me a little bit of my childhood back.
Still in my black silk pajamas and with my hair tied up in my ruined ponytail I walk towards the door. When I open it the same guard, that escorted me to the roof when I had dinner with Adriano yesterday is waiting for me.
I cannot believe that it was yesterday that we ate together. It seems like weeks ago to me. The time here goes by in slow motion.
"Good morning, Ms. Thorne. Are you ready to go?", he asks, giving me a polite smile.
"Yes, I am.", I answer, now feeling slightly uncomfortable and also cold standing here outside of my room, my body only covered with a thin fabric.
The guard nods and we walk down the corridor. My skin forms goosebumps and I start to shiver but not the cold makes me feel so uncomfortable but the fact that I barely wear anything while standing next to this man.
I am not really scared because I am sure he knows that he wouldn't survive if he touched me but still, I don't feel comfortable. As we walk around the corner the man next to me suddenly stops and turns to me. I raise an eyebrow and take a step away from him when he starts taking his jacket off.
"Would you feel more comfortable if I would give, you my jacket to cover you up?", he asks, looking at me concerned.
I'm surprised by his words and instead of saying anything I nod, and he hands me the suit jacket.
I hate when this happens.
He didn't do anything to me, but my body told me that he is danger and that is so wrong because then when I meet a person who is truly dangerous, I don't notice it until it's too late.
But how am I supposed to tell the good from the bad?
We keep walking until we get back to the elevator and take it down.
The silence is deafening and deeply uncomfortable but I'm sure our paths will soon part so it's not that awful for me.
Normally I wouldn't care because he is just a random guard, but now every encounter will be weird for me, and I am sure I will see him more often in the future.
The elevator opens and we both get out together. The guard goes ahead and shows me that we have to go around the corner. We walk down the long corridor and stop in front of a large matted glass door.
"Should I wait for you here or do you want to go back to your room alone?", he asks, not showing any face expressions this time.
"You don't have to wait.", I answer, giving him a small smile.
Suddenly I realize that I still wear his suit jacket and quickly I take it off to give it to him.
"Thank you but I don't need it anymore.", I answer, and he takes it with a nod. He opens the door for me, and I walk in not looking back.
Hot steam envelops me as I step further and further into the room. I see a bathtub built into the floor in the middle of the large room. However, in terms of size, it is more like a pool.
In addition, a lounger and other utensils have already been prepared, which I assume will be for the subsequent massage as well as for the pedicure and manicure that I will get.
Suddenly I hear the door behind me opening again and I quickly turn around to look who just came in.
In front of me are the two women who accompanied me a few days ago in the elevator to the penthouse.
"Oh, it is a pleasure to see you again, Ms. Thorne. I thought that you will come a little later, so we were just gone for a few minutes to grab some extra towels. I am sorry. I hope you didn't have to wait long.", the black-haired woman said, while giving me a small slight.
"No problem, you didn't have to stress yourself. I came here a minute ago.", I reply, and the woman suddenly looks relieved.
Another thing I hate. She thinks there will be consequences if she does something that she thinks I don't like. She looked downright scared when she saw that I was here before her, but I don't want that. It is important for me that many people are afraid of me, but sometimes the wrong ones are too.
I also fucking hate that she talks to me in such a formal way. I know it is her job and we have only seen each other twice but I will live here for three months so I want at least someone I can talk to while being here.
I can see the other girl with the strawberry-blond hair standing behind her, glaring at me.
What the fuck is her problem?
Ok, I actually know exactly why she behaves like that. Adriano probably fucked her once and she thought it was something special. And actually, I would feel a little pity for her, but just because he doesn't want her does not mean that she can put other women down.
I mean, I am pretty sure he fucked more than half of his female employees.
Good for him but it's absolutely not fair.
If I would do that I would be dammed.
I notice that I didn't say anything anymore so I put my gaze on the woman with the light hair.
"Don't you want to say anything too?", I ask, with a fake smile on my face.
As I said I don't give a shit if the other woman doesn't talk in a formal way to me but as long as this girl doesn't let me think otherwise of her, I can't stand her, so I won't be nice either.
"I am sorry Ms. Thorne.", she answers, her voice slightly shaking.
She gives me double signals that confuse me. On one hand she looks scared and on the other hand she looks at me angrily as if she still thinks that I want Adriano because of his money and his power.
As if I even wanted him at all.
"The bathtub is ready for you, so you can start when you want. We would then wait outside as long as you need and when you are done just call us and we will come immediately.", the dark-haired woman says with a smile on her face.
"Thank you.", I answer, and the two employees walk towards the door. Before they step out, one of them takes a remote control out of her pocket and a pleasantly calm music starts to play out of a speaker that is standing across the room.
They then leave the room, and I am completely alone by myself again.
I walk closer to the water and take off my slippers and pajamas. I put the things on the chair that is right next to it and on which a bathrobe is already prepared for later.
After I'm completely naked, I slowly step into the warm water. While standing, it is almost up to my neck and water lilies have been placed on it. The music Anna has chosen is just perfect and so relaxing.
I sit down on the area that is so formed that I can still look out of the water.
I prop my head on the edge of the pool behind me and close my eyes to enjoy complete rest for the next minutes.
But this calm only returns for a few moments until unpleasant thoughts slowly creep into my head.
The first thing I think about is my family, or rather the people who where barely there for me but still like to call themselves parents.
My mother is probably shopping to distract herself and to forget how horrible her husband is to her.
He is my father, and, in some way, I love him but not in the way a daughter would love her father, no, not like that.
He just manipulated me my entire life so now my fucked-up brain wants his admiration and approval for anything I do.
Every time he smiles at me or tells me that he is proud I forget for a short moment what a monster he is. When I walked down the stairs with my mother a few weeks ago and he waited for us it felt like we were a family but that's not what we are.
We could never be a family because these small moments don't change the fact that I don't even have a word to describe how awful he is and I don't think there is one.
He is manipulating like no one else and a part of me admires this. I mean, manipulation is not always bad, sometimes it can cause something good but how he uses it is just pure evil.
He has done this with my mother since the moment they met and until now she hasn't realized it.
Or she denies it.
This man can beat her until she is lying on the floor in a puddle of her own blood, screaming at her so she feels like she is worthless or rape her in front of their daughter and make his wife accept it with a smile on her face.
She thinks she deserves it.
And the worst part is, I saw these things and thought it was love.
If I would tell this story to people, they would probably hate and judge me. They would think what a monster I am to let this happen to her but they don't know how it feels.
How it feels to live this life.
I tried everything to save her but it was so hard and exhausting.
Every time he touched her, I wanted to yell at him and fall to my knees before him to beg him to let her go and take me instead of her but I was just standing there.
Paralyzed.
If you hate me for doing nothing, imagine how much I hate myself.
And while I do this, my father is probably fucking a prostitute on the other end of the world, not caring about my mother.
James used to be here when I couldn't cope with the things that happened between my parents, but now he's gone too and I'm here, alone again because he has left me.
Of course, I never told him what my father is doing to my mother, but he still comforted me when he noticed that I was down.
Only two people know this secret and I would rather ram a dagger through my heart then open up to another person.
After the first time I revealed this secret to someone I should have learned out of my mistake but still I don't regret telling it Vivian.
I knew she would understand me.
Even though, I wish she wouldn't.
I open my eyes and look down on my hands to see that they are already wrinkled because I stayed to long in the water, so I get out and put on the black bathrobe.
Then I try to get my hair out of the ponytail without pulling out half of my hair which is now totally knotted.
I should have left it open or at least tied it further up.
After I've freed my hair, I dry it a bit with the towel and leave it open. Then I decide to get the two women.
As I open the door they are standing there, one of the holding a huge metallic box.
"The masseuse and the beautician are on their way up. Until they are here, we will prepare you for the massage, if that's ok.", the black-haired woman says.
"Yes, perfect.", I answer, and they enter the room again.
While the friendly one prepares everything to make me feel comfortable the other girl just stands in the corner watching me with a glare on her face.
I notice that the female I seem to like tries to get her to do some of the work and is mad at her laziness but she doesn't care which makes me even more angrier.
"If you don't have any work to do, I want you to leave this room immediately because I can't relax when you are around. You annoy the shit out of me.", I say with a raised voice to the strawberry-blonde-haired woman as I lie down on the lounger.
If her colleague wasn't here, I would have done more then just yell at her for desrespecting me again, but I don't want to do that in front of this woman.
I don't want to scare her.
Without saying a word, she walks out of the room, stumping her heels in the ground.
As the door closes I hear the woman next to me exhaling relieved.
"You don't like her", I say, turning my head to the side to look at her with a grin.
"She is just so complicated and tiring. But don't think bad of me for telling you this. She knows that. I am not talking behind her back.", she says, giving me a little smile.
I immediately admire that feature about her.
"It's ok. I believe you that she knows what you think of her.", I answer.
"What's your name", I ask, suddenly realizing that I have no idea who she is.
"My name? Did I do something wrong that you want to report me?", she answers, looking scared.
"No, I just want to know your name because I guess we will see each other more often in the future.", I answer, letting out a laugh.
"Oh. You can call me Felicia if you want.", she answers, fidgeting with her hands.
"Well, if that's your name, I will you call you that. It is very pretty. You also can call me by my first name. It's Amara", I answer, holding out my hand. She takes it with an unsure smile and nods.
Suddenly someone knocks on the glass door and Felicia immediately opens it.
Two women come in packed with a lot of stuff that hopefully make my stress go away for a few hours.
And thankfully that's exactly what they do. I haven't been so relaxed in months, and it feels good to have some time to just do nothing.
After the two have finished their treatments and I have put my clothes that Felicia brought me on, I say goodbye and make my way back to the elevator.
She offered to go back with me, but I declined because even if I know she was just trying to be nice I don't like when people think that I can't walk for 5 minutes alone.
I drive back up to the penthouse and when I get out of the elevator and look around, I notice that there are no guards here at the moment.
A smile comes to my lips when I realize that I can finally take a closer look at the rooms.
I wander around and notice that there is a surprising amount of art. There are many paintings and decorations everywhere that are beautiful.
I knew that Adriano has taste, but I didn't think that we would have the same one.
As I run my hands over the grand piano, which is standing in the middle of the living room and from which you have a wonderful view of New York, an idea occurs to me.
With a devilish grin, I go looking for Adriano's room.
When I walk through a large corridor that I have never come across and at the end see a door that immediately catches my eye, I know that this is what I was searching for.
I walk up to it quickly and put my hand on the door knob to open the door.
But just when I want to push it down I hear someone clearing their throat behind me.
I turn around in a flash and discover the guard who has accompanied me before standing in front of me.
"You are not allowed to go in there, Miss Thorne.", he says.
"I think it would be better if I accompany you upstairs now so that you don't get lost again.", he adds, and I see the corner of his mouth twitching slightly upwards.
It disappears immediately, and he has a blank face expression again.
I roll my eyes at him.
Party pooper.
We walk together to my room without saying anything else.
Once we are there, he says goodbye to me, and I disappear back into my room. I throw myself on the bed and grab my phone to call the first person that comes to my mind.
Vivian picks up after what feels like an hour and before she can say anything else I ask her to come over.
"Are you sure? I mean, I want to see you but is this really, ok? For you? For Adriano?", she says, sounding not convinced.
"Yes, I am sure. Fuck Adriano. I miss you and I want to know everything about living alone but it's not the same when you tell me these things over the phone. So pleeeeaaaase come over.", I plead, while laughing because I can't take myself serious when I beg.
I also hear her chuckling before she answers me.
"I can't visit you the next days, but I will come next week, ok?", she asks.
"Yeah. I guess I can wait for a week.", I say, letting out a groan.
I roll over, so I lie on my back and look at the ceiling while listening to Vivian.
This will be fun.
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