We slept together in his room. Nagising na lang kami noong kumatok si Darrel, tinatawag kami para bumaba at makakain na ng dinner.
Oh! Tita's already here!
Ano ba kasi ang arte ni Demi, tuloy ay inabot pa ako ng gabi rito. Ang sabi ko kina mama ay may ihahatid lang ako saglit.
Demiel was hugging me so I couldn't move. Dahan-dahan kong tinatanggal ang kamay niyang nakayakap sa bewang ko. Natuwa ako nang matanggal ko iyon nang hindi siya nagigising.
I was about to stand up when he hugged me again. Ganito na lang ba talaga kalakas ang pakiramdaman niya?
He groaned when I shoved his arms away from me. Kanina pa kami natutulog at wala na akong nagawang matino sa buong araw na ito.
"Demiel," nagbabantang tawag ko. "We have to eat dinner." I told him.
Binitawan niya ako nang marinig niya iyon. Looks like he wasn't aware about what time is it already.
Umupo ako sa gilid niya. He stretched his arms so he could reach and get his phone to check the time. Mugto pa rin ang mga mata niya dahil kagigising niya lang din talaga. Kaunti pang nakapikit ang mga mata niya, nasisilaw dahil sa liwanag ng screen niya.
"And after that?"
"Uuwi," I replied.
Natahimik siya kaya nilingon ko. Nakapatong ang braso niya sa kaniyang mata.
Lumapit ako sa kaniya para haplusin ang noo niya. Okay na ang temperatura ng katawan niya. Hindi na siya nilalagnat.
"Do you have an extra toothbrush?" I asked.
I covered my mouth using my hand. Bumuga ako para maamoy ang sariling hininga ko. Hindi ko gusto ang amoy. Halatang bagong gising ako. Nakakahiya naman kung haharap ako roon nang ganito ang amoy ng hininga ko.
"Bakit?"
Of course, I'll borrow one.
"Wait," he stood up and looked to his drawer. "Meron," he said.
"I'm not comfortable with this. Hindi ko kayang magsalita kung ganito. I would be really uncomfortable. I couldn't speak after knowing that I have a bad breath."
I was seriously telling him that when he spill a joke.
"Pahiram na lang kita nung sa akin, gusto mo?"
I shook my head. Halatang magaling na nga.
"Demiel," I glared at him.
"Heto na po."
He handed me the toothbrush. I went to the bathroom so I could freely brush my teeth. I even used the mouthwash I saw there. I just really wanna make sure that I'm not having a bad breath anymore.
Pagkalabas ko ay hindi ko na siya nakita sa loob ng kwarto niya. Nauna na sigurong bumaba sa akin.
I checked my phone before I went downstairs. I saw 13 unread messages.
Ayaw ni tita ang may gumagamit ng phone tuwing kumakain kaya itanago ko na muna iyon. I'll just read those messages later on. That can wait, right? Mabilis lang naman akong kumain.
"Good evening, Tita." I greeted politely.
Hinila ni Demi ang upuan sa tabi kaya roon ako umupo.
Inabot ni tita ang kanina sa akin. Kumuha lang ako ng kaunti, 'yong alam kong kaya ko lang ubusin..
"Good evening, hija." she greeted back. I smiled at her.
Darrel was sitting beside her. He was holding his spoon. Pinakita niya pa sa akin ang design no'n kaya napangiti ako nang malawak.
Dinagdagan ni Demi ang nasa plato ko. Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko pa bang ubusin lahat ng ito.
He's suppressing a smile. He look amused. Tuwang-tuwa pa yata sa ginawa niya sa plato ko. Alam naman niyang hindi ako malakas kumain.
"Kamusta kayong dalawa?" she asked.
"We're good, tita," I replied.
Tumango-tango siya.
"Kaya pala palaging nakangiti ang isa d'yan." She shifted his eyes on Demiel. She was giving him a teasing smile.
I let out a low chuckled.
Gano'n din ang sinasabi ng mga tropa niya sa akin tuwing nakakasalubong namin sila.
"Secret lang natin 'yon, My," biro niya pa. He even laughed but that didn't reached his eyes. Para bang ang bigat ng tawa niya, or is it just me? Is everything okay?
Parehas naman kaming natawa ni tita.
Lumipat si Darrel sa tabi ko, dala-dala ang plato niya. Nahihiya pa akong lumingon sa mama niya dahil umalis siya roon sa tabi niya.
Narinig kong suminghot si tita. Nakayuko siya at may hawak na tissue, pilit pinupunsan ang ilong niya. Colds? Or something else? Is she crying? But, why? For what reason?
Dahan-dahan kong sinubuan si Darrel.
"Mommy, why are you crying?" he asked his mom.
"No, I'm not. I'm sorry, son." She said in a low tone.
Suminghap siya at muling umayos ng postura. I was holding Darrel's spoon. Ngumiti siya sa akin. I smiled back. Sinubo ko sa bata ang kanin na nilagay ko sa kutsara niya.
"Thank you, Icy."
Thank you? For what? What did I do for her?
Mas lalo akong naguluhan sa mga sumunod na sinabi niya.
"You're existence is giving me assurance that my sons won't be alone if ever I'll die now."
"My," Demiel muttered in a low voice.
What's happening? I know we'll come to that. Lahat tayo pansamantala lang dito sa mundo pero alam kong hindi pa ito ang oras para bawiin ang buhay na ipinagkaloob sa kaniya. Is she sick?
Surely, I'll stay beside them whatever happens.
"I-I couldn't take this anymore. I want to end this."
Oh, no, please, tita. I don't know what she's going through. Hindi ko alam ang pinagdadaanan ng pamilya nila. Walang nababanggit sa akin si Demi. But that won't solve their problems.
She want to end her life? Thinking that it could end everything, that it might stop her suffering. I've been there. Alam ko ang pakiramdam.
"Icy, take care of them, okay? 'Wag na 'wag mo silang iiwan." Nagtutubig na sa luha ang mga mata niya.
Hindi ko mapagilan ang maiyak din. I want to help her. I want her to be out of whatever the situation that she's in.
Demiel taught me how to continue my life with all those traumas I had. Hindi niya alam ang lahat ng pinagdaanan ko pero naroon siya noong mga oras na iyon.
Her son is the reason behind my smiles and laughter. What will happen to him if his foundation will shutter. Family is his number one foundation. My Demiel will be broken into pieces, I couldn't stand that.
"Tita.." iyon lang ang tanging lumabas sa bibig ko.
"Promise me," she sobbed. "Hindi mo iiwan si Demi kahit anong mangyari at kayo ang inaasahan kong tatayong pangalawang magulang ni Darrel."
"Icy, mahal na mahal ka ng anak ko, kaya sana hindi kayo masira kahit ano pa ang pag-awayan ninyo. Stay strong together while holding each other's hands, okay?"
Tumayo si Demi at pumunta sa likuran ng nanay niya para pakalmahin ito.
I wasn't ready for this.
Tulala ang bata sa tabi ko at pinapanood lamang ang nanay niya. Alam kong naiintindihan niya ang sinasabi ng nanay niya ngayon. He couldn't talk because he was shocked. He froze in his seat.
Niyakap ko siya. I was caressing his arms. He was just leaning on my chest.
"Sorry, hindi ko kayo mabibigyan nang maayos na pamilya. I failed as your mother and as a wife."
What happened to their family? To their dad?
"Mommy..." Demiel called her softly..He was hugging her. His chin was resting on her shoulders.
Siya ang nag-iisang anak sa pamilya nila. Ang sabi sa akin ni Demiel noon, napag-desisyunang magpakasal ng mga magulang niya dahil naging ulila ang nanay niya at wala siyang matakbuhan.
"You didn't failed at all, tita. You're a good mother. You won't have these two wonderful men if you aren't a strong and responsible mom."
She managed to smile at me even she's gasping for an air. She couldn't breath properly.
"Take care of my first born," she uttered. Kahit nauubusan ng hininga ay pinipilit niya pa ring magsalita.
She's gasping for an air and her hand was holding her chest.
"Let's take her to the nearest clinic, Demi." I whispered. Nahihirapan siyang huminga.
Tinawag ko ang nag-aalaga kay Darrel. I told her to look for him.
Agad namang inayos ng driver nila ang sasakyan. Binuhat ni Demi si tita. Mulat pa rin ang mga niya kaya kalmado pa rin kami.
Hindi siya pwedeng mawala.. Hindi..
They assist her to the hospital. They checked his blood pressure and put oxygen, so she could breath properly.
Kaya pala namumutla siya mula pa kaninang pagkababa ko.
Bakit hindi napapansin ni Demi? Imposible..
We sat on the side while they were checking for his mom. Good thing, she remained conscious.
I really wanted to ask him what's happening but I stopped myself. I fight the urge. I stayed silent beside him.
He lowered his head. I held his chin when I heard his sobs. He faced me but he immediately looked away.
"She's fine, okay?"
I held his hand and gently caressing it, hoping that it will give him comfort.
"Oo, naging emotional siya kanina, pagod siya kaya naghahabol siya ng hininga," he told me. "She'll be fine in just few minutes. Pero..."
My other hand was caressing his back.
"'Yung nararamdaman niya, Icy. Hindi ko alam. Ang daming tumatakbo sa isip niya. Sabi niya sa akin hindi na raw niya kaya. Hindi na raw niya kayang dalhin ang lahat. Icy, iniwan na kami ni dad."
His father left them? Kailan pa? Bakit niya ginawa iyon?
"May iba siyang pamilya, kaya hindi siya nakakauwi sa amin. Umuwi lang siya noong nakaraan para magpaalam at para mapag-usapan ang annulment nila ni mama."
"I-I didn't know. I'm sorry.."
"Hindi siya nagpakita noong birthday ni Darrel. Ang s-sabi niya, hindi raw niya tunay na anak si Darrel."
Paano nangyari 'yon? I know how much she loves
him. Hindi magagawa ni tita ang magloko para magka-anak siya sa iba. Malabong mangyari iyon. At, isa pa, kamukha ni Darrel ang daddy niya. Hindi niya ba nakikita iyon?
Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano siya patatahanin. This scene breaks my heart. I couldn't stand seeing him at this state.
"Kailangan ko nang matapos ng pag-aaral, Icy. Natatakot akong baka hindi makapag-aral si Darrel. Pero hindi, hindi ko hahayaan 'yon."
"Masakit bilang kuya niya dahil pinagtatabuyan siya ni daddy. Ang bata niya pa maranasan ito. Wala pa siyang kamuwang-muwang."
"Paano si mama? Hindi na siya pwedeng magtrabaho."
"Sa tingin mo.. ibang course na lang kaya ang tapusin ko. Educ?" He sobbed. Hindi mo pangarap ang maging guro, Demi. "Iyon ang gusto ni mama para sa akin noon. Four years lang 'yon. At least, matutulungan ko na agad si mama. Makakapagtrabaho agad ako.
"I'll help you with all I might, Demi. Don't give up on your dreams.. Don't doubt it, okay, attorney?" I smiled at him. Pinunasan ko ang mga luha niya.
"Don't worry about the future. You always have me. I'll help you."
Ako ang unang makakapagtapos ng pag-aaral sa aming dalawa. Tutulungan ko siya, at ang pamilya niya. Kung pwedeng ako ang magpa-aral sa kaniya para lang matapos niya ang kursong gusto niya, gagawin ko.
I won't let him pursue something that he doesn't really want at the first place. That would make him suffer. Ayoko nang gano'n.
He helped my family on paying our debts and now is time for us to help them. It's our turn now.
"Be strong for your mom and brother, okay?" He nodded. "You got this."
I hugged him while I was giving him a gentle caress.
He's too strong. Ngayon ko lang nalaman na ganito ang nangyari at ginawa ng tatay niya. Hindi ko alam na may problema siya dahil hindi niya hinahayaang mahalata ko o ng kahit na sino pa.
Palagi siyang tumatawa, palaging malalawak ang mga ngiti niya tuwing kasama ko siya. Ni minsan hindi niya pinahalata sa aking may dinadala siya.
He knows how to pretend well, but I hope he's genuinely happy whenever he's with me.
Madaling araw na noong maiuwi namin si tita. Binigyan siya ng mga gamot. She have to take depression pills. Nabanggit din ni Demi na ilang gabi na siyang hindi natutulog.
Tita really needs rest.
Pumunta ako sa kwarto ni Darrel at nakita kong nakayakap siya sa family picture nila. May mga bakas pa ng mga tuyong luha sa pisngi niya. Hatalang nakatulog siya dahil sa pag-iyak niya.
I gently kissed his forehead. I'm sorry, little boy. You doesn't deserve this.
I could imagine him waiting for his father on his last birthday. He waited for nothing.
Inayos ko ang kumot niya. May napansin akong itim sa braso niya, hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong haplusin iyon. Saan galing ito? Hindi siya magkakaroon ng ganitong pasa kung nauntog lang. Ang laki ng pasang ito kumpara sa mga pasang pwedeng matamo dahil sa paglalaro niya.
Who did that to him? Is it his father? Pero wala naman dito ang tatay niya. Hindi naman niya iyon gagawin. Sobra-sobra na iyon. Masyado pa siyang bata at hindi kayang ipagtanggol ang sarili. He doesn't even know why they're treating him like a shit.
Demiel was still awake. He's holding a cup of coffee. Paano siya makakatulog ngayon kung ganiyan pa ang iniinom niya?
I sat Infront of him.
Nagdadalawang isip ako kung sasabihin ko ba sa kaniya ang nakita ko kanina sa katawan ni Darrel. Baka alam na niya iyon. Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it right now. I won't force him.
Halos makalimutan ko ang lahat-lahat nang ngumiti siya sa akin.
He leaned on the counter and reached for my hair. Nilagay niya sa likod ng tenga ko ang mga takas na buhok.
"Hindi pa natutulog si Mommy."
Tumayo siya para magtimpla ng gatas para kay tita.
"Just give her some time, Demi. Pero 'wag na 'wag mo siyang iiwan."
"Never," he said.
Alam kong kahit kailan hindi mo kayang iwan ang kahit na sinong minamahal mo.
You didn't drop me even at those times that you needed yourself, too.
"I think I need to go home now." I told him.
Tinignan ko ang oras sa cellphone ko. It was already 12:00 am. Ramdam ko na rin ang pagod ng mga mata ko. I need to take a rest too.
He nodded.
"Ako na ang magbibigay sa kaniya niyan." I was talking about the milk.
Kagagaling lang din ni Demi sa sakit. Alam kong pagod na pagod na siya ngayon. His laugh can't fool me.
"You can sleep now."
Narinig ko ang mahina niyang tawa.
"Sige, ikaw na mag-akyat niyan." he told me.
Kinuha ko iyon at umakyat sa kwarto ni tita. I knocked on the door. Binuksan ko lang iyon nang sumagot si tita.
Pumasok ako at inabot sa kaniya ang gatas. Umupo naman siya nang maayos at sumandal sa headboard.
"Kicy," she called me.
I turned to her.
Tinanggap niya ang gatas niya at ininuman iyon. Mabuti naman at maayos na ang kalagayan niya ngayon kumapara kanina. Mas kalmado na siya ngayon.
"Thank you," she smiled at me.
Halata ko sa mga mata niya ang kapaguran.
Niyakap niya ako. Napatigil ako at niyakap na lang siya pabalik.
"Don't give up, tita. We're always here for you." I was gently caressing her back.
"About you and Demiel.." She wiped her tears. "Ikaw lang ang gusto ko para sa kaniya. May tiwala ako sa 'yo, Icy. Matagal na kayong magkakilala at magkasama kaya sana ay hindi kayo masira sa maliit na bagay lang. Laging tatandaan na kayang ayusin ng maayos na usapan ang kahit anong gusot sa relasyon niyo. Basta mahalin niya ang isa't-isa nang totoo. 'Wag niyong lolokohin ang isa't-isa. 'Wag mong lolokohin ang anak ko."
I nodded.
Hindi ko kayang gawin iyon. Ni minsan ay hindi ko naisipang saktan siya.
"I promise, tita. Hindi ko siya iiwan. Kaya sana.. 'wag mo rin kaming iiwan."
"Kakayanin ko ang lahat para sa kanilang dalawa. Lalaban ako.."
I smiled genuinely.
"You're one of the best mom."
"Kicy," she called me again. She gave me a peck on my cheeks.
I was staring at her, waiting for her to speak more.
"Do not break his heart. He loves you so much. Ikaw lang palagi niyang mukhang bibig sa amin." Ngumiti siya.
Halos lahat ay ganito ang sinasabi. No word can explain how grateful I am to have him in my life. I want him to be with me forever.
"He's the strongest, bravest and boldest if he's with you. He'll forever have the courage to fight for any calamities that he may have on his seasons if he's holding your hand."
"I love him so much. I won't leave him." I reassured.
"Having hope will give you courage.." she murmured. Iyon ang laging sinasabi ng papa ni Demi noon.
"You're his hope." She said.
I waited for her to fell asleep before I went out her room. It's really important to stay beside her. Kailangan niyang maramdaman na hindi siya nag-iisa.
Pagkababa ko ay nakita ko pa rin si Demi roon sa kung saan ko siya iniwan kanina. Nakatulala lang at mukhang malalim ang iniisip.
Ang sabi ko ay matulog na siya, bakit nandito pa rin siya?
"Hatid na kita," he told me.
Tumango ako.
Tatanggihan ko sana siya dahil kailangan na niyang magpahinga, pero alam ko namang hindi siya magpapapigil. Lalo pa't oras na at wala nang mga tao sa daan.
"Pasensiya na, nagdrama ako kanina." He chuckled.
What? Hindi ko tinuring na drama lang iyon. That topic is serious.
"Baka mamaya ayaw mo na sa akin dahil mahina ako." he even joked.
Umiling ako.
That will never happened. I fell for him and I'm still falling way too hard. Habang tumatagal, mas lalo ko siyang minamahal.
Besides, he doesn't have to pretend whenever he's with me. He can show me how vulnerable he is. He can vent out everything to me. I'm all ears. I'm always willing to listen on every jokes and rants he'll tell me. I promise, I'll keep all of those.
"You're too strong to say that, Demi. You cried because you're brave enough to vent your emotions. I believe that you're holding those tears for so long, and that's what makes you strong. Imagine, you're always with me but I didn't even notice that you and you're familywas going through something."
He's indeed a strong man.
"Please know that I'm always here for you, okay? You don't have to pretend that you're okay everytime you're with me. I won't judge you whatever it is. You're feelings is always validated. I love you... so much."
He sighed and made a small, genuine smile. He reached for my hand. He intertwined our fingers.
"Sa 'yo ako humuhugot ng lakas. When I'm with you, I felt like I'm resting and I'm at peace. You made me forget my problems."
"Expect that your shadow will leave you when you're at the dark, but not me. I'll stay with you no matter what." I told him.
"You are my sunshine." He kissed my forehead.
"And, my brightest star."
----
♡