"You left your computer on. That me?"
That me?
I wanted to punch him. I wanted to punch myself.
What does he even fucking mean with 'That me'? OF OURSE IT'S YOU JEON, DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE YOUR OWN FUCKING TATTOOS??!
As soon as the message had reached me I hadn't been able to concentrate on whatever lame bullshit my prof had been saying in the moment.
My anxiousness shot through the roof but all I could do in order to not make the situation worse was to just clench my fists and stay calm (as calm as I could possibly be in the moment) - and maybe send Jungkook a little death threat.
"Hey, are you okay?" Taehyung, who was sat besides me, eyed me concerned.
How did he even find that picture? Did I- oh god, I left my fucking computer on, didn't I? Even so, he had no fucking deal to be in my room.
It wasn't just that I was embarrassed. Hell, not even his asshole move of invading my privacy was the worst (tho it did have it's role) - the thought that was currently reigning over my entire mind, was how Jungkook would probably never look at me the same again.
I... no matter how often we argued he was special, he was someone to me none other was to me, and I'm not even talking about the little middle-school type crush I totally had on him, of all people.
The stuff I draw is, to put it simple, disgusting. We could go deeper into how my trauma most likely desensitized me to how far I'm willing to push my imagination in that sense, but this isn't the fucking point, because holy shit, I had been imagining a real person while drawing. A real person that ended up meaning so much to me, and now they're grossed out by who they found out I am.
"Y/N!" Taehyung shook my shoulder more urgently, snapping me out of my frantic thoughts, "What happened? You're shaking."
I forced my eyes to focus on him, shrugging as nonchalant as possible, "Nothing, don't worry. My roommate just did something stupid."
"Jeon Jungkook, right?" Taehyung pressed.
I smiled, "M-hm, don't worry, I can take care of it."
I missed the fucking keyhole twice before I was able to unlock the front door, heart pounding in my ears as if I was expecting to get shot the moment I entered the house.
It was ridiculous how carefully I placed my bag and keys down in the corridor, like I could actually hide from confronting Jungkook. But I couldn't and didn't want to hide from him forever.
He was sat in the living room, one leg thrown over the other lazily while the TV was running in the background.
"Oh, hey Bambi." He grinned at me with that stupid fucking grin and it felt like ten thousand volts just ran through my body.
Hey Bambi?!
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I marched forward to stand in front of him, seeing his eyes slowly widen.
Arguing. I could do that. Let's pretend as if I wasn't scared about that he thought about me. Let's pretend that I was just really angry at him. That was easy.
"You sent me that stupid picture without any explanation and then you act as if nothing happened?"
"Look, I didn't think I'd need to explain-"
"Shut up, what the fuck do you think I understand from 'You left your computer on. That me?'?"
"Well, exactly what it said-"
"I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT." I banged my hands onto the low table in front of the sofa, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? YOU CAN'T JUST ENTER MY FUCKING ROOM LIKE THAT!" The panic that had bundled up throughout the day was all unloading at once, having me scream at him - something I didn't really wan to do. It was unnecessarily hysteric, no?
"Bambi, I'm really sorry, I didn't want to invade your space, you just left your Computer on and your door open and-"
"You KNOW how much I hate that. You KNOW it yet you did it!"
He sighed, "Please calm down Bambi, it was just one time-"
"Yeah, one time enough to proof me I can't trust you."
"Oi, Bambi-" He stood up as well, expression shocked all of a sudden, as if he only now realized the impact of his action.
"Good thing you're out of here soon anyways." I hadn't meant to say that. I didn't mean it. It just slipped out like that. Heck, I hadn't even planned on making him leave.
Jungkook's face looked genuinely hurt, but what can I say? I was, too. His expression quickly changed into anger, like a defense mode both of us had installed by default, "Wouldn't wanna stay too long with an overly sensitive bitch like you."
What-
His angry expression dropped immediately, replaced by regret.
"DON'T ACT LIKE IT'S MY FAULT NOW!"
"I NEVER SAID IT'S YOUR FAULT, JUST HEAR ME OUT!" A mixture of anger and... desperation? On his face.
"GO FUCK YOURSELF, DUMBFUCK!"
"NOT IF YOU FUCK ME FIRST!"
...
"What?"
"-What?"
Well, if this didn't shut me up effectively, "What the fuck are you even talking about?"
Jungkook lifted his arms in an appeasing gesture, eyebrows drawn together like he was in physical pain, "...sorry."
"What do you mean 'sorry'?"
"Bambi, I really need you to calm down." He forced a smile, sitting down onto the sofa again. I remained standing, "You're shaking, Bambi."
"Well, guess why, bitchass."
"Because you're angry."
"-No!"
"Then what got you so riled up?" His voice was weirdly diplomatic, the kind of tone my favorite teacher from High School had always taken in when we weren't happy with something he did. He had always listened and been open for our criticism, without ever talking down to us. It was weird how Jungkook of all made me think of him.
"Your stupid ass message and how little you explained."
"What did I need to explain?" He was serious.
"Are you kidding..." I sighed, suddenly regretting not having opted for just hiding away from this. I hate confrontation as an adult because you have to solve everything by talking and being mature and shit, "....What you think." I answered vaguely.
"What I think?" Jungkook looked kind of alarmed, "What am I supposed to think??"
"See, that's what I mean." My stupid ass felt like crying, "That shit's so fucking embarrassing you asshole, look how uncomfortable you are."
"Uncomfortable?" He echoed again and I began to think that I was trying to converse with a parrot.
"It's gross, I know." I looked away.
"Gross?" He echoed again, like an idiot and I was really close to hitting him for the umpteenth time today.
"You're really annoying, you know that?" I crossed my arms, uncomfortable in my own skin.
"So that's why you were really angry?" Why was he smiling so fucking idiotically?, "-because you think I'd hate it?"
"Of course, fuckhead, I used you as inspiration to draw gay fetish porn-" Maybe it was time for me to shut up or it would only get worse.
"But I-" He mumbled something I didn't understand, making me lean forward.
"What?"
"I didn't hate it, Bambi."
"No?"
"I'm sorry." He closed his eyes, leaning back, "God, I'm such a fucking idiot. You probably thought I'd be, like, disgusted by you."
"Cuz that would be a normal reaction, yes."
He hummed head still thrown back, "M-hm, maybe."
"So, why don't you hate it?" He sounded genuine, making me calm down slowly as I was leaning forward onto the table curiously.
"It's uh-" He squeezed his eyes shut.
"Yeah?" I leaned even further forward, now sitting on top of the low table, our legs almost touching, while waiting for Jungkook's answer. The fact that he really didn't seem to hate me after this gave me confidence, at least a little. But after he found out the probably worst thing about me there is, he really shouldn't be a dick and keep stuff from me now.
"It's hot."
...
...
...
"WHAT?" I laughed incredulous.
"Oi, don't make fun of me now!"
"I'm sorry," I snorted, "It's just... were my gay comics your sexual awakening or-"
He kicked me, "Not like that."
"Then what?" I cocked my head to the side with a shit-eating grin, this new revelation having effectively rid me of all the anxiousness left.
He bit his lip thoughtfully, eyeing me with a careful look, "Okay, but please don't make fun of me."
"Can't promise anything."
"I still have this picture on my phone."
"I would never even think of making fun of you, Jeon Jungkook."
"That's better." He cleared his throat, "It's- uh, you even got my tattoo sleeve right."
"Well, I had enough chances to study them Mr. Everyday-Is-No-Shirt-Day."
He snorted, "That's fair."
"Why would that be hot tho? That's actually just creepy of me."
"Yeah, you must've looked at me a lot." He grinned
"Shut up."
"Well, I uh, like that. That you looked at me like that. And uhm... that you im-" He cleared his throat again, "Imagined me like that?"
Interesting, "And?"
"And I like that your mind can, uh, come up with this kinda stuff."
"You said like."
"Huh."
"You said "like", not that you're into it."
"W-Well, Bambi, I like it. That's fucking hot, okay? That's- you're kinda sexy-"
"I am?" I couldn't believe that.
So Jeon Jungkook thinks I'm, and I quote, "sexy".
That's... new
___
^-^
xx