Warning, a little bit of sexual content ahead.
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«L'amour, c'est renoncer à l'intelligence pour vivre de ses sens.»
«Love is giving up intelligence to live by your senses.»
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The white curtains reflecting outside's brightness forced me to open my eyes. It took me a minute to adjust to my surroundings. I yawned and stretched my arms. Last night was wild, and I started feeling post-body aches this morning. I turned around to Julian but encountered emptiness. I was alone in bed. I quickly got up, provoking some painful sensation through my back. I groaned and grimaced; everywhere was hurting.
I snatched the towel from the floor and enveloped my body. I checked the bathrooms, the other bedrooms, the kitchen, and the living room. No one was there. It was still snowing heavily outside. What if he left me here? My heart started racing and a knock tied in my stomach. I couldn't go up the stairs; my legs were too sore. I screamed his name, and not surprisingly, it hurt my throat. I lost my voice.
Yep, great. I sounded raspy and low, like a grandma. Not cool at all.
I spotted my phone on the couch. It was Saturday, 11:27 Am. I had 14 missing calls, 43 messages from Xavier, Agea, Chris, and Emails from Mark. They were all worried they haven't heard of me.
I sighed and rubbed my forehead. I ran my hand through my hair, unable to believe what was happening. I decided to phone Julian, one ring, two rings, three and four rings, it went to voicemail.
"What the fuck." I whistled to myself, panicking. I ran my fingers through my hair and exhaled. "Okay, come on, Xemina, you put yourself in this situation; you will get out of it."
I felt tears forming, my heart twisting, and my breathing slowing. This was fucked up. I massaged my temple, trying to think straight.
The front door opened, startling me, and Julian appeared with many bags in his arms.
"Good morning, ma." He closed the door with his feet. He Dropped them on the marble counter and shook his hair, and took off his double-layered back coat. He looked so good, wearing a dark purple sweater, half white and half black cargo pants along with black Balenciagas.
I sighed with relief. "Where were you?" I walked up to him.
"I thought I would run to the supermarket and cook for you today. The storm hasn't calmed down. Sorry, I didn't tell you that I was going out. I didn't want to wake you up."
My heart melted. And here, I thought he left me. Surprise after surprise, I never thought that about him. I was expecting the worse.
"That's fine." I smiled.
"You're okay?" He asked as he leaned against the counter.
"Mmh yeah." I adjusted the towel around me. I didn't know what to say or act.
"Are you feeling some type of way or...?"
"I am fine."
"Perfect then."
He pulled me closer to him and kissed me. My hand took the rightful place on his hair. I bit and gently pulled his bottom lip. He moaned and squeezed my butt.
"You lost your voice." He whispered between kisses.
"I wonder how." I sarcastically joked.
He chuckled. "Are you cold?" He touched my shoulder.
"No, why?"
"I don't know, there's a storm, and the way you were screaming last night, I suppose hell froze over."
"Oh, shut up." I hit him on his chest while he laughed.
"I'm going to take a shower. Do you want me to help?" I played with his necklace.
"Go take your shower. I'll do fine."
"Okay." One last kiss as he smacked my ass. I flipped him, and he chortled.
I noticed the leftover food I left yesterday on the coffee table was gone. My clothes were folded on the desk. I didn't particularly appreciate wearing the same clothes before, so I borrowed a gray shirt from him. I dropped the towel in front of the mirror, and I am so bruised. And I wasn't talking about the hickeys. His finger was printed on me. I could see his hand placement on my neck, thigh where he was holding my leg up—a pair of the handprint in my hips. My ass was red from the smacking. I looked and felt like a train recked me. My skin felt super sensitive. I turned on the shower and stood under hot water. He had so many products. I can't even remember which one he used last night to watch ourselves.
I had no idea where this was heading. I knew him, and I would need to have this conversation. What I have been avoiding for a long time happened. One whistle, I slept with Julian. I was done. I made a mistake to trust Shawn, and the worse occurred, but last night didn't feel like a mistake. I can't describe what it was really, but I felt wanted. I felt absolute pleasure, genuine excitement, real fire. An experience I enjoyed willingly, and I would classify it as my first. And no matter what happens, I won't regret it.
I dressed up and dried my hair with a towel. His t-shirt looked like a medium dress on me. Of course he was a giant.
A pleasant smell invaded the hallway. He was putting down our plates on the dining table.
"It smells delicious. What is it?" I stood behind him.
"Papas con Chorizo. Mexican breakfast made with Potatoes, homemade chorizo, onion, and cilantro." He explained.
Oh yeah, I was so hungry.
He turned around and arched an eyebrow with a smirked on his face.
"Oh, I thought it would be best if I leave my clothes for when we are going back to campus if that doesn't bother you."
"Wear whatever you want. I like my clothes on you." He pulled out my chair.
"Thank you." I sat down and waited for him before starting to eat.
"That tastes so flavorful and awesome." I wiped my mouth.
"Thanks, but that's not the real matter. You know we are going to talk, right?"
He just cut my appetite. I could have waited until we were done eating. My heart dropped, i crossed my legs and cleared my throat.
"Okay...what are we going to talk about?" I played with the fork, making little circles around a piece of potato.
"First off, I have something in mind since last night, but I didn't want to fuck up the mood, so I didn't ask" He cleared his throat. "Xemina, why do you have IUD at this age?"
I shrugged. "After what happened with Shawn, they felt it was my fault, so they placed one in me."
"But you weren't pregnant." He implied.
"I know, and I will never be until I am thirty."
I took another bite.
"Thirty?" He fumed. "Doesn't that make you upset these people are making choices on your body for you?"
"I have to hold my nose to drink the dirty water if I want to accomplish my goal." I shrugged again.
"But babe, they are punishing you for something you are a victim of. They are controlling you, and that's not okay."
"And don't you think I know that?"I slammed the table, feeling anger rise. "I am waiting and waiting when I turn eighteen, and maybe I will have a chance to get out of this bullshit because they control everything, and I'm not even sure I can pull it off, but right now, I can't do anything. I just have to sit down and suffer like I've been doing for four years." My voice cracked, the tears were forming, but I brushed them off.
"Xemina, sorry-." He tried to apologize in a sweet tone.
"No, you're fine." I cut him off and got up from the table walked to the master bedroom, slamming the door behind me. I sat on the bed and wiped my tears. My head was resting on my palm. That was the last thing I wanted to hear this morning, how my life was being controlled by the people that want to erase me. I grimly sighted, the door opened, and I heard Julian's step approached.
"Xemina, come finish eating." He put his hand on my back.
"I am not hungry anymore." I ran my fingers through my hair and looked at the wall.
"I-."
"Julian, please!" I pushed his hand away from me. "Can you please leave me alone? I don't want to hear anything. I don't want to see you. Just fucking leave me alone!"
"Alright." He exhaled and left the room. I resigned myself to go through so much that didn't I deserve, and it ate me on the inside. I hid and bottled up all this suffering inside me that produced only anger. And days after days, it kept building and building, suffocating me. I paced to the bathroom to wash my face. I sensed my emotions rising, my breath fastening, and I broke down. I splashed the water on my face and sniffed. I wiped my face with a little towel. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, knowing I would have another broke down. Culpableness hit me; I shouldn't have talked to him like that. He didn't mean any harm, but this subject was very emotional, so I get defensive and flail around.
I went to the living room for my phone. Julian was in the kitchen, cleaning up. I felt his eyes on me when I paced by him and sat down on the couch. When he finished, he went upstairs. I scrolled through my social media pages and texted with Xavier and Frenchie. I received a warning my battery is low at ten percent. I didn't have a charger. I sighed and got up to find him. The pain of lifting each leg muscle to go up was sour and mumbling. He was sitting on the second living room couch, on his phone, not even paying attention to the TV.
"Can I borrow your charger?"
He raised his head and nodded. "Yeah." He handed me the charger. I plugged my phone, set it on the desk, and sat close next to him.
"I am sorry about how I lashed out on you." I apologized.
"It's fine." He smiled. " I shouldn't have brought it up, not knowing if you were okay to talk about that. It's my fault. I am sorry."
I didn't respond but rest my head on his shoulder.
"The road is still blocked near the school. When the storm calms down later, we can try to sneak back inside."
"Okay," I responded unenthusiastically.
The t-shirt lifted a little bit, showing an enormous bruise on my inner thigh. He gently touched the red and purplish spot.
"You should have told me I was too rough." His thumb was caressing it. It felt super sensitive, and I wasn't wearing any underwear, so I didn't have to describe the blood-rushing sensation I was feeling.
My nipples were ready to erect, and I began to get aroused.
At that point, what was going on with me?
"Well, I wasn't hurting."
A silence followed my words before he took a deep breath.
"So what now?" He asked.
"What do you mean?" I furrowed my eyebrows.
"You know exactly what I mean, and we are going to talk about it."
"The way you said what now as if I was the one that fucked myself last night."
"It's mainly your decision, Xemina."
"My decision? Our decision. Didn't we both wanted this?"
"Xemina, I am not going to argue with you. You misunderstand what I said." He massaged his forehead.
"Oh, what's worth arguing about? Isn't that you wanted? Fuck me, and that's it. You don't care. You won. It's over." I got up to leave. He grabbed my hand to stop me.
"Let go of me." I hissed at him.
"No, sit down. We're not done talking." He ordered me with a firm tone. He got up at his turn and indicated to the sofa with his chin.
"You fucked me once, and you think you're the boss of me?" I laughed bitterly.
"Is that how you act with the other seventeen girls?" I pushed him. "Let go of my fucking hand."
I began to punch his chest, trying to yank my arm out of his reach and took out my anger on him while shouting insults. It wasn't doing anything to him. He was standing there, waiting for me to empty my rage tank.
"Enough!" He clutched both of my hands and pushed me on the longer piece of the sofa, which resembled a bed. I was still fighting. He got on top of me, between my legs, and pinned my hands above my head. "Stop trying to fight me and listen to me now!"
"What could you tell me that will make me change my mind?" I muttered, panting like a dog.
"You're misinterpreted what I meant. I said it is your decision because between the both of us, if by misfortune someone knows that we had something, you will be the one to get hurt, and I don't want that. I want it to be your decision about what we're going to do in the future because you're holding the sacrifice. Yes, we both wanted each other, and I don't understand why you're bringing those past girls because what did last night wasn't just a nightstand, a fling, or meaningless. We made love, we both desired each other, we took care of each other, we showered, and we slept together. Now stop distancing yourself from me by undervaluing what we had last night."
"And what exactly do you want me to tell you? I don't know. I don't know what I am doing. That's the truth. This morning when I woke up, I expected you to be gone. I expected cameras. I expected the news. I expected my phone to ring Because all expected in my life is the worse. All I know right now, there will be consequences I can't avoid, and I will be lying to say I regret anything."
"I would never do something like that to you, and you'll not go through anything alone. I promised you I will help you, and I am keeping it because last night we made one. I still desire you, God you don't know how much I want you more than ever. So please, baby."
He wanted me. That was all I heard. His pupils were still dilated. His eyes were so blue and pierced, so captivating and sexy.
"And where exactly is this going? Us meeting in secret while pretending to hate each other's guts when eyes were around? I don't do well with that kind of relationship, may I remind you. I don't want to take a blow, Julian. I don't care about the consequences. Hell, I am waiting for them. What I am scared of is you. That passion and desire to drip away to a phase where we can't stand each other again. Back to year one but with the capability of throwing those moments at each other's face like a regret. I don't want to last summer to repeat itself."
"I, Julian Muriño De Elvero, swear to you, Xemina Shan Royale, on everyone that I love, no matter what happens, this will stay between us. I will take it to my grave if that is your wish. My words, my honor."
"You had to be extra, don't you?" I exhaled and rolled my eyes.
"I am serious, Xemina. Not a word. And a matter of fact, it isn't "I" anymore; it's "we." I am Julian De Elvero, Not Shawn Perron, the rapist, and you know what I do to this kind of animal." He interjected.
"Right now, all I am asking you is let me take you on that adventure you've been dreaming of, make you feel things you never before, show you another world Bébé. Just that." He whispered under his breath.
"I consider you as my first, Julian. I don't care about what happened in the past. You're the one that took my virginity. Don't make me regret saying those words."
"You're the first woman that made me feel a real fire. I can't get enough of you. You got me wanting to go deeper than ever. Let me show you how you should be treated. Give me a chance to wash away the pain I caused you with pleasure. Make you feel good, sensual, happy, intensely desirable feelings. Spoil you, cook for you, and take you to seventh heaven. That's all I am asking. I am begging you." He murmured against my lips, sensuously brushing against them.
My heart was pounding at each word. Was I ready to let him do that? All I was feeling was the butterflies in my stomach and how wet I was. I wanted to feel those things but was he the right person? My pussy could respond to that.
He finally sealed our lips, and I immediately responded. My legs tightened around his waist and the throbbing sensation in my vagina intensified.
"Julian..." I moaned while his lips moved lower to my neck.
I was already damaged; what more could he broke? What about my dad's company? Well, Dad, I was sorry. It was time for me to rebel a little bit to feel pleasure, feel life, move on and make mistakes. I did not know what a warning sign or a green light was, but I was doing it. You should have been more specific because I made the deal. Because as soon I would leave Trinity, I would be a prisoner of my Mother and Mark, so let it be. Let me threw my life out of the window. May the future hold whatever shit he would throw at me.
I didn't know what we were, but I just wanted him to continue making me feel this pleasure, these fireworks feelings, and fuck the shit out of me. I wanted him. Did I forgive him? Hell yes. But did I forget? I could never forget my pain, but he needed to make up for them, keep making me feel those excitements.
❥❥❥
He let go of my hands and leaned on one of his elbows while the other hand traced to my thigh and slithered lower to my ass. My arms immediately twirled around his neck and caressed his hair. He realized I wasn't wearing any underwear and stopped kissing my neck to look at me with a smirk.
"I, um, I didn't have anything to wear." I was red like a tomato.
He bit his lips; his hand slid on my shoulder to my neck, where his fingers wrapped around my neck. It started to feel like it was their rightful place. He kissed me vigorously, our tongue finding for dominance. He started grinding, my thighs' grip accentuated around his hips more, his erection rubbing against my vulva as I fell the heat ascending.
His hand slid to my hips and my breast; he grabbed one and squeezed it. He got up, straight on his knee, still between my leg, to take off his sweater. I propped up on my elbows to see him and his fucking body, oh God. His chest, muscles, the tattoos, the one pierced nipples, his V line was sitting over his underwear's black elastic band, displaying the mark Calvin Klein in a darker gray color. That man was so hot in daylight. He took off his shoes, socks, pants, and his boxer. He was naked in front of me, giving a full view of his erected penis. So long, veiny, thick, hard, and perfect.
And that tattoo on his dick... oh Lord. I was not ashamed to say it was my favorite.
He leaned forward to kiss me while pulling me along by my waist. As I thought he was going to get on top. He changed the position to him sitting down and me on him astride. Cowgirl it was! He passed my shirt over my head, and quick like that, I was butt naked. His hand caressed my back while he stared at my upper body.
"You're so gorgeous." He exhaled.
My confidence has gone to two hundred percent since last night.
He left a trail of kisses on my collar to my right breast. His soft and wet tongue started licking, playing with my hard nipple while his other hand fondled my left boob. I was moaning, grinding on him, and bunched his hair. He was pacing back and forth between them, sucking, pulling, toying with my breast, I could cum just by him doing this, but I wanted him inside me.
I grasped his hair to force him to raise his head to kiss me and stroked his penis under me as he moaned against my lips. I went lower, sucking his neck skin, giving him more hickeys than last night. I pushed him to lay down and directed his penis at my entry. I was so wet, it wasn't a problem for it to slide in so easily. The feeling of him filling me while I was slowly gliding on his dick made us whimpered. He put a pillow under his head and placed his hands on my hips to guide me. I gasped with pleasure when I slowly began to go up and down, then faster. My hands were resting on his chest for support, keeping intense eye contact as I rode him. My breast was jumping wildly, sweat running down my back and forehead. My hair was sticking to my neck and shoulder.
"Oh fuck, bébé, voy a venirme. (I am going to cum)." He moaned profoundly loud. He closed his eyes, tilted his head back, cursing and groaning uncontrollably.
He was squeezing, smacking my ass cheeks while telling me how much I was doing a great job. I was getting tired, and my pace was slowing down. He noticed that and held my hips in one place while moving his up and down faster and harder. I screamed with excitement, experiencing the ecstasy building.
"Julian! Oh shit... oh fuck!" I closed my eyes and wailed, foretelling my orgasm. He didn't stop. His eyebrows lowered and knitted, holding his necklace between his teeth, one hand squeezing my breast while the other kept me in place. After one last hard stoked and us groaning together, we both cum. His dick was throbbing before ejaculating inside me as my pussy tighten around him. He got out inside of me, and our cum dripping down his dick and my thigh.
❥❥❥
My body collapsed on top of him, sweaty, my head buried on his neck, our chest arising and descending, our breathing synchronizing, and our heartbeat racing. He was caressing my hair and my back, making little circles on my skin as I fell asleep.
I loved every moment we spent in that condo, even the arguments. I felt something real, adrenaline, things I never think of. I was introduced to a new side of me, him, life, and pleasure, and I didn't regret it. I knew it sound fucking unbelievable, irresponsible, and troublesome. But that was the truth. That was what happened.
I just had to remind myself that I was human, not weak.
I needed to profit from every second I had with him to satisfy this envy before shit got real. I didn't know what that relationship was. Was it just pure sex or feelings? A madness? A mediocrity? Foolishness? Submission to lust? A lost or a win? A new start, a new path? Whatever it was, I liked it, and I would pay the price for it because that was the first time in my life I was happy.
I hated it was him. I hated the fact I felt fulfilled. I couldn't resist this man. No matter how much he hurt me, I couldn't reject him. I couldn't stay mad at him. I couldn't say no but wanted to feel him inside me. I hated I willingly gave myself to him. I hated how he could make me feel confident, beautiful, and wanted. I hated it was Julian that made me feel all these positive and sensual impressions, showed me real pleasure, But I loved this hate.
I hated Julian De Elvero so well; I was starting to get addicted.
Later that day, the storm stopped, and we finally could leave. We even did it in the Rolls Royce before we could sneak back into campus. It was crazy and dangerous, and why not? After all, wasn't I looking for a risk? The hardest part was to keep living in a lie, and being aware of it was worse than living in obliviousness, but I would repeat it: Fuck the future.
Congratulations Xemina Shan Royale! Welcome to a new fucking adventure! Your fall or your rise might have begun that day.
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Whew! What would you have done if you were Xemina?
What do you think about this chapter?
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