Sades pov.
I pulled the gun from Jaxs hand it was a choice that I had to make . I left Jax stunned as I shot the teenage boy and his father along with his helper .
I went in the van and shot the remaining three men . Guilt is what I felt but I refused to let that control me not yet .
I put all if the men in the van before starting it pressing go and letting it blow up . Everyone stood in shock wondering what I would do next . I got in Rossevelts police car and then rung the station . "Yeah there has been a car wreck on 322 Vanna road" .
I got out before going to Rossevelt "you destroyed my family but you still came to save me and for that I am in your depth but right now I just want to take a shower" . I walked to my brother I felt numb all if the events where hitting me like I just got shot .
I couldn't look at him I couldn't look at Jax I couldn't look at the boys I was a disappointment and I wished he would of just killed me . I starred at my bare feet . They had mud and dirt all over them . My brother went to hug me but I moved .
"Don't ok you almost sacrificed your life for me and Jaxon he almost did the same things those boys almost died because of me I want to take a shower but it won't cleanse what has happened I killed and was rapped I....am...broken" .
I sat in the car looking out of the window . I saw as it began to get dark it was night time and I was so wore out I should of been hungry I haven't eaten in about two days but I wasn't I didn't deserve food or life I didn't deserve none of it .
Jax drove on his motorcycle and the kids drove with us . Thomas wanted me to hold him and Abel wanted to hug me but I couldn't not after what happened they almost died and it was my fault .
"Sades will you be coming to my house" . I turned to Abel and I couldn't help but smile he seen me smile and smiled back . As soon as I became happy my mind came rushing in with thoughts of how much of a terrible person I was .
I had to keep up the brave face though . "I guess if your dad is ok with it" . Able smiled we pulled up and I got Thomas out of the car as he laid sleeping in my arms .
I brought him in gently laying him in his baby crib as Jax instructed me to do . "Here" I looked up as Jax handed me a shirt and his sweat pants . I smiled "I know its not much but I figured it could work for now" .
I thanked him as he led me to the shower . I got in stripping after Jax left I looked in the mirror seeing all if the bruises I touched one but winced .
"Damn it" I mumbled to myself getting in the shower . I let the hot water pour over my cuts and bruises occasionally I would feel a sting in my area but it quickly went away . I hoped everything was alright .
I thought about going to see a doctor twommoro but told myself I would live through it . I thought about all of it everything that happened since I've been here in Charming .
I closed my eyes as the water splashed softly on my face . I remembered the feeling of pain when I saw that stranger get ran over . I remember learning about him and getting attached I remember getting arrested and him blaming me for touching his kids I remember being rapped I remember killing the person who had rapped me I remember being scared when Jax and Remington where gone I remember wanting to die and turning myself in I remember it going backwards and my actions almost killing everyone .
I remembered pain as I scrubbed my body . I scrubbed so hard I felt my skin might fall off . I washed my hair and tried to tell myself I was going to be ok but then the flashes of my life came into mind .
I then remembered when my parents got a divorce before my mother died my father blamed my brother but I stood up for my brother and he blamed both if us I remember drinking every night as my brother did drugs I remember falling in love wanting to start over but my father killed my fiance I remember it all of it .
I began crying i don't know how long I had been there but it was long enough that the water was cold it had been cold for awhile . I cried though and I didn't stop . Everything around me was silent as I sat in the bath crying .
I was with all boys so I wasn't worried about anyone coming in until I felt the water drain and a towel wrap around me . I didn't stop crying though I couldn't . I was an emotional mess I looked up and seen Jax giving me a sorrowful look .
I wanted to say something but I couldn't it hurt so much . Jax dressed me as I sat there crying helplessly I didn't mind the fact that I was naked to be honest I didn't think of it .
When I was dressed i heard Jax say "she's good you can come in" . Remington came in and immediately felt worry . I wanted to stop I wanted it to go away but it didn't I couldn't stop and I didn't know how to .
"Look at me" Remington said cupping my cheeks . I looked at him still whimpering . "You can't give in please you lost mom dad your fiance you lost everything don't let this destroy you because you have me please" . I hugged him taking deep breathes .
"I will always hold on" those words where a promise to not only those men whom I would die for but to myself I would not give up not yet I would fight to the death and I would make that known .
Hey guys I didn't read through this one either im really trying to post alot though so bare with me please VOTE I love you xoxo kenzie 😘❤