Draco...Pansy...Blaise...Theo...
...it had all been a lie.
Memories previously deemed unimportant were flashing through Jessica's mind as she stormed through the castle, heavy rain now pattering onto every window that she passed. With every laugh, every smirk, every small conversation over breakfast, she was looking for a sign that she might have missed. A sign that would've given their game away earlier, that they were never her friends, that they never genuinely cared, but it was useless. She had to accept that her Slytherin friendships, just like every other relationship she had made this year, were built on secrets and lies.
They had set her up for the ambush, they had purposely tried to make her over into one of them, they had even gone to the lengths of setting dementors on her without any concern for anyone else. It had all been going on under her nose whilst she trusted them with her friendship.
A grumble of thunder could be heard in the distance and though it echoed the corridors, she couldn't hear it. Her heartbeat was pounding so loud and fast that her ears heard nothing else as she approached the Great Hall.
"Jess please just listen to me," said Theo as he and Pansy stood up from the top step of the Slytherin staircase. They had obviously been waiting there ever since she had left them. "We've been waiting for you to come back, we need to tell you something-"
Jessica did not look at them or even acknowledge their presence. She simply felt the pure rage roaring inside her and her necklace getting extremely hot. The next thing she knew, both Theo and Pansy were collapsed on top of each other - each having been viciously thrown down the flight stairs.
"Sorry, I'm busy," Jessica muttered ruthlessly, ripping out her earrings and chucking them down to their unconscious bodies.
She ran out into the courtyard, rain pellets bouncing off of her face as her determined eyes blazed through the winds that whirled around her robes. In the distance, the trees of the forbidden forest swayed from side to side and the black lake rippled with the roaring force of nature that was threatening it from the sky. It was as if Voldemort himself was already there, causing an environment that reflected her thoughts.
Oh, she wished he was here, just so she could rip the bandit straight off. If only she knew where to start looking, but no one could help her with that. Asking Draco was certainly out of the question, and she wanted to do at least one thing herself.
She wanted to end it, end what Voldemort thought was his chances of winning the war. Dying truthfully in a world that had only forced her to lie didn't seem like the worst concept right now. She would even take death over this life where she could never truly feel peace.
"Jessica...Jessica..."
She looked around to see the origin of the voice and on her right side, she could see the faint outline of Dumbledore, his face emerging out of thin air like structured steam. He was whispering faintly in the wind, causing Jessica to roll her eyes.
"Jessica it's Albus, I need to talk with you."
"Oh, do you now?" Jessica replied grumpily, passing the overflowing water well in the courtyard, "where the hell have you been, they all need you here!"
Dumbledore's face melted and turned with the direction of the gail force, his beard swinging right next to his ears.
"You must understand why I couldn't tell you where I went," he said calmly. "It was too dangerous. Umbridge and Fudge have wanted me out all year, so I had to go to avoid the consequences, and if I wrote to you saying where I was, then I couldn't trust that it wouldn't be read by other eyes."
"Yeah, I get it. It's just another one of your secrets," Jessica spat. "Why don't you just say why you're here so I can get on with things?"
"I just received a letter from Severus-"
"Ah yes," Jessica interrupted smartly, "the letter explaining what I'd seen in my vision? The vision that told me Draco and his family were in charge of every attack I've had in the past year? Was that the one?"
Given her quite sarcastic tone, Dumbledore maintained his emotional barrenness. "I know how this might have shocked you-"
"Shocked me?" Jessica retorted sarcastically, "No, surprisingly, it didn't shock me that much. What did shock me, though, was that the others were in on it, every single one. You know, the people you forced me to befriend!"
"Jess, please-"
"No, I don't need to hear it," Jessica snapped as she walked into a heavy stride, her hair wailing frantically behind her, "I've made up my mind. I'm leaving this damn place and I'm finding Voldemort. If he wants to kill me then let him try, I'm done with all these games. I'm done with you, I'm done with this school, I'm done living like I feel responsible for everyone I come across. I don't want to sit around waiting to be kidnapped. I want the blissful ignorance of being a muggle back, and if I have to die trying to get it, then I will."
The whimsical white mist above Dumbledore's eyes lowered, his eyebrows frowning in sorrow. "I'm sorry," he said, "I've made many bad judgement calls this year, with both you and Harry alike. I thought I knew where the future was heading, but I guess I was wrong."
He paused in his speech, and Jessica flickered a glance his way. He was looking down at the floor, silent. It didn't change her feelings towards him one bit, but Dumbledore looked the most remorseful she had ever seen him.
"However," he sighed, "no matter how frustrated you feel, you can't go and find Voldemort. He's too dangerous and unpredictable. You don't know what tricks he'll pull."
"Oh, it's okay," Jessica replied casually, "haven't you heard? I'm fucking psychic."
Dumbledore's solemn tone quickly dried up and became his usual commanding self.
"I wish I were too after reading the letter Severus wrote to me this evening, and even more so after receiving a letter from Kingsley straight after! What were you thinking, assaulting Umbridge like that? She's submitted the papers for your trial already! She's pushing for expulsion and a life sentence in Azkaban. How could you have been so reckless!"
Jessica was too angry to process this new information properly. Instead, it flew over her head like a paper aeroplane.
"Reckless? She's had it coming! And as far as Azkaban goes maybe that's a good thing, I get a first-class ticket to Death Eater central and it'll all be over for you won't it!"
"But there's more. She's also trying to get all of Harry's DA a trial also! Every member she knows about will be at risk. With some of your friend's track records, this could result in much longer sentences!"
Jessica stopped walking abruptly, her toes hanging off the last step of the stairs leading to the lake.
He had finally gotten her to listen.
"If Harry goes to Azkaban, it will only be seconds before Voldemort finds him, meaning the wizarding world's chances of freedom will cease to exist," Dumbledore continued, "It also means countless families will be torn apart for no reason other than our neglect. If you are hell-bent on finding Voldemort, then I cannot stop you, but if you care for them all like I think you do, then I'm afraid I must ask too much of you once again."
There was a loud grumble from the sky, and a second later, a giant lightning bolt electrified the landscape. It lit up the skyline just as an idea did the same to Jessica's mind.
"Are you asking me to tell Umbridge that the DA was all my idea?"Jessica asked accusingly, "Because if it's just me alone, then I won't just get a sentence, I'll have my wand broken, and then I won't be able to do anything if Voldemort comes to get me!"
"Our world needs him and the children of the Order free!" Dumbledore declared as a raindrop made an invisible line down his face. "You're not ignorant that the day for you and Voldemort's meeting is a matter of time, so let's not delay it and ensure we keep the majority safe in the process."
She couldn't believe he was asking her to do that. He was meant to protect her, not push her to face more danger.
"And how else am I meant to keep myself safe, exactly?" Jessica asked, "Who's to say this necklace will even work against him this time? He has the darkest magic there is!"
"The Order will think of something."
"The Order?" Jessica scoffed with a fake laugh, "Oh, what do you think? Remus and Sirius will happily climb up the side of Azkaban prison to get me out. They think I'm a Death Eater in training, for god's sake!"
"Though that may be the case, you forget you have other members like Bill and Tonks in your corner. Also, Fred and George turn 18 in two days. They can become part of the Order then."
Jessica couldn't stop smiling out of disbelief. He was trying every emotional blackmail trick in the book and had just hit a new low.
"Oh yeah, send the young ones in to risk their lives. That really is you all over, isn't it?" she said to his face. "Well, I'm not letting Fred and George risk their lives for me. No way. They're going to get out of here and open their shop and be happy. I'm not doing it if they're involved."
"Well, if you don't do it, they won't be able to do anything you just mentioned," Dumbledore argued back stiffly. "They'll have their wands snapped instead! It's yours or theirs. Which one would you rather choose?"
Context was everything, and Dumbledore had pulled up the two wizards Jessica would've given up her wand without any question. Anyone else, and she would've continued fighting him, but not them. Not Fred and George.
If war came, the Wizarding World would need them more than she did now; they would need a laugh and their smarts. She couldn't be selfish. She couldn't send three of Molly and Arthur's children to Azkaban because she was too afraid to face reality. Since her first day at Grimmauld Place, she had been looking for a way to repay them for their kindness, a gesture big enough to suit their big hearts...and now she had found one.
"Okay," Jessica agreed, "under one condition."
She breathed and tried not to stutter as she gave her orders.
"If I go and Voldemort gets me or kills me, whatever...you need to erase me from all of their memories. I heard you're quite good at that. I don't want their time spent looking for me, as I know at least Fred will. He won't understand why I'm gone, which might endanger him. He should go forward without knowing he met me."
Though he had been adamantly trying to persuade her, Dumbledore appeared shocked that she had already given in. His eyes stared without blinking, and he cleared his throat as something distracted him.
"It's a deal, a wise and brave decision," he said sincerely. "Your friends would be proud of you. Now, I apologise sincerely, but I must go. I have just received another letter."
His face was dispersed in the direction of the wind, and just like that, Jessica was alone once again.
She stood on the edge of the stairs, with the Black Lake in front of her. Raindrops danced down on her head and trickled down her body, clinging tightly to her clothes.
In this breath of silence, her mind fogged over with overloading clarity, realising that this had been her mission in the Wizarding World all along.
Protect the children of the Order, even if it meant her harm.
She was pulled away from her friends because Voldemort was after her. She was advised not to form close relationships as she would soon be taken by Voldemort, and now she was having to sacrifice her chance of freedom to protect the many.
It was about protecting them rather than her all along. It was always about them.
This was to be her life...to either be hunted or a sacrificial lamb.
All because her aunt gave her a stupid necklace.
There was no way out. She couldn't see the end picture. She tried to close her eyes and focus to encourage a vision but was too flustered to bring one on.
Then it hit her. She opened her eyes with an idea. It's a terrible but freeing grave idea.
Maybe she should take herself out of the equation so Voldemort had nothing to help him, and she wasn't liable to the Order. If she did it to herself, the necklace wouldn't know to protect her because it wouldn't detect that she was harming herself. At this point, her choice between life and death was the only thing she could control, and life in prison or as Voldemort's servant was not either of the lives she wanted to choose.
Then she saw it...right there...the Black Lake.
She couldn't swim.
The necklace was heavy enough to bring her body down to the surface.
Voldemort would never find her, and Umbridge would get fired for having a missing student...
...and Dumbledore had promised to erase Fred's mind if she suffered. He wouldn't hurt. He'd never know.
Swallowing hard as she tried to stop herself from blubbering, Jessica headed for the wide horizon of the black lake and felt solace as her wet shoes traced along the stone cobbles, sinking in deeper with every step. The water was calling her; she wanted to be consumed, and the fear of being unable to swim was no longer a prominent thought in her mind.
Splash, splash, the water went, the top half of her body already drenched with rain before even hitting the lake's surface. Only five months before now had she been in this same place, but she didn't have a Luna to save her this time. It was cold, paralysingly cold, but she continued to go in further as nothing could change her mind now. Her breathing quickened as her body reacted to the sudden change in temperature, and just as her chest was about to be submerged, a force stronger than the wind surrounding her yanked her back to turn her away.
"What the bloody hell are you doing?!" Fred shouted angrily as he shook her in his arms, covered waist-down in water, "You could drown in here, you can't even swim, there are creatures in there who'd kill you!"
She should've known he would've followed her here. Someone was always following her.
The weather turned dark, and a clap of thunder in the sky caused the lake waves to crash harder against their bodies.
"Let them try!" Jessica shouted back to him with a maniacal smile. "That would be arguably better than the alternatives!"
Fred looked at her just as insanely as she felt. "Look I know you just attacked Umbridge but this is no time to have a psychotic death wish, just get out of the water!"
He tried to pull her with him, and he did a little, but his strength didn't match her stubbornness. It never had.
"No, I want to stay here," she shouted as she snapped her hand away from his grip, getting free, "I'm so sick of people telling me what to do!"
"I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just trying to save you from getting dragged under, for Merlin's sake," Fred argued as he reached for her arm again and instead caught her elbow.
"Oh, who cares? It's not like I'm going to die anyway," Jessica complained as she wrestled free yet again, "the world wouldn't dare let me have it that easy!"
"What's going on with you?" Fred asked, not giving up and grabbing her shoulders to keep her still, "Ever since you saw Draco, your moods changed entirely; what the hell did he say?"
"It doesn't matter," Jessica muttered, "just like everything I care about."
She tried to move away, but Fred forced her back into her position. "Hey, it matters to me," he told her, "I heard about the tracking, but no one heard anything else. I want to know what he said to make you this upset, especially if it was going to make you drown yourself!"
Jessica huffed and stared up at him. She needed to unload space in her brain to process the fact she was either going to be dead soon or in prison for most of her days.
"You know at Christmas when you said that a guy only puts it on thick when trying to get something?" Jessica asked, and Fred nodded, "Well, congrats. You were right. He had ulterior motives this whole time. You can be happy knowing you saw the obvious when I was too ignorant to acknowledge it."
Fred's hands relaxed as he saw the hurt on Jessica's face, and they slid down to her wrists so he could hold her loosely. Both of them were turning pale and blue from the cold rain.
"I'm not happy," he said, his eyes softening as his red hair became almost brown with dampness, "I didn't want to be right about this."
Jessica raised her eyebrows. She couldn't tell if he was being honest or trying to change tactics to soothe her and get her out of the water.
"What were the motives?" Fred continued, trying to keep the dialogue going while carefully looking her up and down. "Do I need to go back in there and hit some sense into him?"
Jessica shook her wrists, releasing his grip. He had trapped her in a conversation she didn't have time to have. Umbridge had sent her trial within minutes, so it wouldn't be a surprise if she was ready to send the rest of the DA's papers by now.
Her dark thoughts had now all cleared up, and her mission of getting to Umbridge was the only thing left in her mind.
"No, you don't," she said over her shoulder as she walked around him and headed for the shallow beginnings of the lake. "Look, just don't get in trouble for the next hour, okay? I've just remembered I have to be somewhere."
"Was it to get you to sleep with him?" Fred shouted, not letting it go and following her.
"No," she said, picking up pace as her feet splashed around on the floor.
"Was it to piss us off?"
"No."
"Was it a bet?"
"No!" Jessica shouted, turning around to look at him, "It wasn't a bet, it wasn't to be petty, and it wasn't to get me to sleep with him. It's over now. That's all you need to know. I need to get to Umbridge's office."
"Umbridge?" Fred repeated disbelievingly.
He sprinted as fast as his long legs could take him and stood right in front of Jessica to stop her from moving further. "Now I know you're going into shock," he said, touching her forehead with his palm, "because why the fuck would you want to go there?"
She had always appreciated Fred as the caring yet forceful type, but right now, it was the most inconvenient and annoying thing he could do. Any more from him, and she was ready to let it just spill out.
"I'm telling her the DA was my idea," Jessica said sternly, confidently looking into his concerned eyes, "she's already going to put me on trial for assaulting her, so I have nothing to lose, but you all do."
Once again, Jessica tried to make a getaway, but as soon as she stepped around him, Fred grabbed her shoulders and turned her back around.
"Whoa, whoa, what?" Fred asked, getting confused, "What trial? I haven't heard about any trials!"
Realising she would have to give a little to satisfy him, she took a breath and gave him an explanation that was part truth, part lie: "That's because it's only mine she's done so far. I just got a howler saying it before I entered the water. She's pushing for an Azkaban sentence like she's always threatened. It'll only be a matter of time before you're called in, so I might as well divert her attention."
"Jess, that's crazy," said Fred with a slight smirk, almost thinking this was her idea of a bad joke. "You can't do that."
"What, you'd prefer to go to Azkaban?" Jessica retorted, "Because that's where you'll end up if I don't - kiss that shop dream with George goodbye. If one of us is going to be sent there, then it will be me."
"Who says it's going to be one or the other?" he insisted, shaking her a little. "There are loads of people on the Ministry board. There's got to be someone who hates Umbridge just as much as us. They'll see sense and vote against her."
Why couldn't he just agree with her, let her go? It was already going to be hard enough without him trying to give her hope.
"Fred," Jessica sighed, tilting her head to the side exhaustedly. "The only person I'll know on the panel is your brother, and he only likes me so far because he thinks I'm a rule follower like him. The rest are Lucius's buddies, and after what I just did to his son, you can be rest assured they're going to sentence me before the trial even starts!"
"Wait..." said Fred as Jessica stroked her hair back anxiously. "You met Percy?"
"Yeah, at the Malfoys at Christmas," Jessica shrugged, "danced with him a few times. He wanted to know how you all were."
"He was at Malfoys?" Fred asked, his pitch getting higher as his eyes almost doubled in size.
Having realised she had let the cat out of the bag, Jessica quickly tried to change the subject.
"Fred he wanted to know how you all we-"
"And you danced with him?"
"Talk to Bill about it, okay? He had the same reaction as you," Jessica dismissed. He was just focusing on one thing, and she didn't have time to explain another lie. "I don't have time. I must get to Umbridge before she sends your details to the Ministry."
She stormed off with total determination and wasn't planning on stopping. Fred would still be around to talk to later; she could explain everything to him then, but the most important thing she could do for now was to make him a free man when she saw him next.
Tough love wasn't a concept she had ever really understood, but right now, she thought she had finally started to grasp the idea behind it.
"Bill knows? Bill knew you saw Percy and never even mentioned it to us?" Fred called after her, "How did that happen? You barely speak to him!"
Jessica sped up as she was about to be caught out again, almost reaching the courtyard steps and gaining a safe distance.
"Just because you've never seen us speak doesn't mean we're not okay," Jessica loudly replied. "He's in the Order, isn't he? I need to go, Fred."
She could hear the noise of steps on pebbles behind her, and she closed her eyes. She knew Fred was aiming to chase her yet again. He was too loyal for his good.
"No, it does matter Jess, because that's another thing you've kept from me!" he shouted to her, and they were both almost running now. Hence, the gap between them was unmoving. "You know how I feel about you not being honest with me. I thought we were done with all that? But now I find out you've got a secret relationship with two of my older brothers? One of which I despise because he abandoned our family?! If you meant what you said earlier about wanting to be my girlfriend, you need to stop feeding me all these lies!"
"I'm not telling you any lies!" Jessica retaliated, storming through the courtyard and almost slipping into a newly formed puddle. "I only met Percy once. That's hardly a relationship. It wasn't worth mentioning!"
"Well, it might not be a lie, but you're hiding the truth, and that's just the same!" Fred accused, dodging the puddle she had just stepped into a second before. "We can't be in a relationship if we keep going around in circles!"
"Oh, for Merlin's sake, WE CAN'T BE IN A RELATIONSHIP ANYWAY!" Jessica shouted back to him. She could feel the emotion building up inside her, a deep sadness she hadn't experienced in a long time. In a way, it was probably because what she was thinking was what she had known all along, but she had suppressed it by blaming it on other factors.
"Oh, you've changed your tune!" scoffed Fred, "why not?"
"Because we've run out of time!" Jessica yelled as she stopped on the spot. Her hands clung to her head as she struggled to keep up straight. "There is no time for us to pretend we can be normal, Fred - I'll be surprised if I'm even alive by the end of this week!"
Fred had stopped behind her, so she turned around to face him. They were dripping wet, the unrelenting raindrops trickling down their faces. She took one look at him with his school shirt wet and his sharp jaw clenched and melted entirely. This is what she did to him. She made him confused, miserable and hurt.
"We're doomed together," she admitted powerfully, "we're like fire and this rain - you're meant to shine and put a light in the dark, but being around me will only put that flame out. I bring nothing but ruin and destruction, and that's why it hasn't worked out for us so far. I've already seen you die once, Fred, in a building that could be Azkaban. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will stop me from making sure that vision doesn't come true, even if it means I'm the one who ends up getting crushed by that explosion instead. I don't belong here, I never have, so just let me do one good thing to make this whole year redeemable, and then you can go and live your life, get that shop with George, and forget that I ever existed!"
Fred didn't have a witty comeback for the first time since they met. He didn't have an answer. He didn't even have words. He might as well have been a mannequin out in that rain.
He had finally heard a snippet of her truth, and only the next few minutes would determine whether he was really ready to hear what he had wanted to hear this whole time.
There was no going back now. She had nothing to lose.
She had to tell him everything.
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Hey Guys,
Hope you liked this chapter - part 2 will be up soon!
Please vote if you enjoyed it, and I always love reading/replying to your comments every time I upload - so please feel free to do so with reactions/comments :)
K x