« 30—FEELINGS »
~~~•~~~
~~~•~~~
Talia's knees buckled as she fell to the ground.
Jocelyn's dead eyes stared back at her, blank and unstaring. Talia felt numb. She watched the person she cared for most rip the life out of the person she had known the longest. Of course, Talia knew it wasn't truly Alec, it was a demon who wore his face as though it were a doll.
She shuffled forward to the woman, in desperation she tried to press her hands against the wound, trying to stop the blood flow, even though a part of her recognised she was dead, Talia couldn't quite believe it.
"No, no, no," She shook her blonde hair away from her face, tears rising to her eyes in frustration as she couldn't stop the blood, "Why didn't you call for me? Why didn't you say something? I could've done something I-"
"Talia?"
She jumped slightly as she turned to the doorway, feeling her hair stick to her cheeks which were lathered in sweat, her wild eyes bouncing between the two figures at the doorway. She recognised them as Clary and Alec.
Alec's hand was still bloody. He looked between Talia and Jocelyn is pure confusion and concern, almost moving to step forward before Clary did.
"Clary no! Don't look Clary, don't..." Talia moved her body so it would block Clary's vision of her dead mother.
But Clary had already seen it. And Talia could see it in her face, and there was no point of trying to hold the blood into the body anymore.
"Talia, she's gone," She looked up into Alec's big blue eyes, reassured that it was him and no remnants of the demon resided in him. She couldn't hold his gaze for long, the sick feeling in her stomach remaining as she remembered the sick grin the demon wore on across his lovely features.
"Clary I'm sorry, I did everything I could," Talia rocked back on her heels and sat back, trying to stay away from the blood, but it would've made no difference. The slick ichor ran along her arms and across her chest, leaking into the surface of the thin black jeans.
Her shock had replaced the feeling of blood on her. But now it was all she could feel and she felt suffocated.
Suddenly she felt a pair of small arms wrap around her side and saw Clary's fiery hair buried into her neck as the younger girl held her tightly, her body shaking as she turned her head into Talia's shoulder, away from the body.
"Did I do this?"
Alec's voice sounded pained and confused and Talia looked to him with worried eyes. He may have despised Jocelyn for how she made Talia feel, but just like her, he never wanted to kill her.
"Alec it was the demon, I just couldn't get it out of you in time," Talia shook her head, wiping her hands on the tiles beneath her before patting Clary's small head soothingly, "I'm sorry."
"Its not your fault Talia," Clary looked up at her, standing up bravely before reaching her hand down to the older girl, "None of us knew what we were facing and you were still healing, it's okay, I don't blame you."
Alec stayed silent as he watched Talia raise herself with Clary's help, wobbling on her feet slightly as they both walked towards where he was stood in the doorway, "I can bring the footage up?"
Clary nodded whilst Talia shook her head at both of them, "You don't want to see it."
But Clary stormed ahead to the main room, leaving Alec and Talia to stare after her. Talia had worried seeing her mother's corpse would have destroyed her, it's why she had tried to keep the blood inside Jocelyn's body as she didn't yet understand how to use her magic to heal, or even if she could. Talia felt utterly useless.
She looked over to Alec, seeing pure distraught emotion riddle his features as his eyes focused on his bloodied hand, not quite processing that it was real. And neither was Talia, she couldn't shake the image from her head of the black eyes with no centre that replaced his, the look of demonic glee that was painted across his face and mostly, the way that that Alec had no idea who she was.
"Here," Talia said, reaching for the tissue box left in the room and handing it to him as she pulled out a couple of the tissues and carefully wiped away the blood from his hand, holding his wrist to turn his palm when she had uncovered his pale skin from the red stains.
She could feel his eyes on her as she worked but she didn't look up and only continued to move her fingers over the surface of his palm.
Suddenly she felt his other hand move across her face and his fingers rest on her forehead, "Did I do this to you?"
Talia frowned before reaching her spare hand up and feeling a cut and bruise towards her hairline on the right side of her forehead.
"I'd say the bed pole did this to me, I can barely feel it though so it's alright, I'll heal it after all of this is done."
Alec blew out a breath, obviously not taking it as her being alright. He gently traced the injury, wishing he had Magnus' power to heal it with his touch, before moving his hand away so she had an easier visual of his hand.
"Are you afraid of me?"
His voice sounded small as she finally moved her eyes to him, surprised by his question, "Why would I be afraid of you?"
Alec soft gaze wandered over her as she quickly turned to bin the tissues before looking back up at him, already knowing why he would think she was afraid of him, "It wasn't you, I know that. It's just that...I don't want to feel the way I did when your eyes looked so blankly at me, ever again."
He tilted his head, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, waiting for the smaller woman to continue.
"You looked at me as if I was nothing to you and, as cheesy as it may sound, I want to be something to you."
Talia's head darted down as her face flushed from embarrassment, expecting him to laugh or say it was stupid. No, she thought, that's not Alec. Her time reuniting with Jocelyn had thrown her off of who she remembered she could trust and believe in. But she knows Alec.
She felt Alec tilt her head up to look at him, his eyes seemed to pierce into her own as he held his stare.
He held her chin so she wouldn't look away from him as he spoke, "You could never mean nothing to me, Talia, and I promise to never give you a reason to doubt that again. Hell, I probably should have figured out how important you would be to me after you made me smile in Pandemonium when we officially met. What a pain in the ass you were to get out of my head."
Their eyes widened in sync as they both processed what he had said. It was the first time either of them had been more open speaking their feelings for one another and it had startled them both that they had come out at a time like this.
"Are you saying you couldn't stop thinking about me after we met?" Talia found that Alec hadn't let go of her chin, his grip remained steady as she moved towards him. His eyes never left hers as she saw his pupils dilate and felt her own pulse quicken at the sight of him pursing his lips.
"Talia I-"
"You guys?" Clary stared at them both, unsure whether to be mad or surprised they were being so bold with one another, but then again, they had pretty much confessed their attraction to one another by kissing at Alec's wedding to another woman, "Are you really about to make out in the corridor right now?"
Talia jumped and turned to Clary as Alec's hand fell unwillingly back to his side as he stumbled back from Talia, his flustered expression matching hers.
"No! What? We were just talking-" Talia fumbled for words as she walked towards the red haired girl before her.
Clary shook her head, "No, no, no, your eyes were doing that thing together where it looks like you're basically eye fuc-"
"Okay! I'm walking away now," Talia grumbled as Alec silently followed her in tow, overwhelmed with his own emotions and with what had just happened with the demon.
Her eyes drifted back to Alec as Clary walked ahead, silent words were written across them, we'll talk about this later. He nodded slightly before turning his attention ahead and walking past her to activate the screen.
~~~•~~~
Izzy launched herself at Alec, reaching forwards with invisible claws and narrowly missing his surprised face. 'She' turned around and growled at the trio, her eyes as dark as Alec's were. Talia swallowed harshly as she reached for her blade.
"It's inside her."
"It's still Izzy," Alec reminded Clary, slinging his bow to his front and notching an arrow, having picked up his weapons on the way through the Institute, "Be careful where you aim."
"Remember, the blade will remove the demon from her, we just have to finish it off when she's stable," Talia said, lowering into a defensive stance, taking it as the best option to avoid offensive when she possibly suffered a mild concussion to accompany her other injuries from Valentine's escapade.
The demon launched itself at Clary with impeccable speed, catching the girl off guard as she was thrown across the room, landing with a thump. Next she moved to Alec who had positioned himself to cover Talia and draw the attention to him so she could work on extracting the demon. 'Izzy' swiped Alec's bow from his grip, tossing it across the floor until it clattered to Talia's feet.
She readied herself to throw it back to Alec but saw the pair tussling in a match for hand to hand dominance. Alec's height held an advantage, but the demon saw his unwillingness to fight and used it to lash out at him, causing him to lose balance as the demon moved over him.
"Screw it," Talia muttered as she moved to attack the demon. Its focus on Alec left the demon unaware of her advance as she hurled her dagger into the air at an incredible speed. With its target marked and Talia's adept ability for precision, the dagger sunk into the demons back.
Talia winced as she saw the demon whirl back and was distracted momentarily by Izzy's face. Until those eyes looked up at her in utter hatred. Talia watched from afar as the demon moved to remove the dagger, but Clary jumped forward and held it in, keeping control as demon Izzy thrashed against her grip.
Once the restraint on the demon had slowed, Clary ripped Talia's dagger from Izzy's back, watching as the demon possessing her seemed to be choking on the air. Talia dashed forward to catch Izzy, holding the younger girl tightly against her as the formless demon swirled around the room.
Without a host, the demon was defenceless to the angelic power. Clary used the blade and struck the demon in the centre of its core, causing it to fall and transform into fire and ash, returning to the hell it had come from.
Once it the demon had disappeared, Talia turned to where Izzy lay in her arms, her eyes wide as the girl continued to stay still. Alec and Clary moved around her to try and shake Izzy, speaking to her and trying to work a response from her.
Talia knew the demon possession wouldn't kill her, she just hoped it didn't leave her in a coma, she couldn't imagine Izzys' presence not filling the Institute. Her energy was so full of life and happiness and Talia didn't want to watch her friend's life get torn away.
Izzy gasped suddenly, her eyes flying awake as she jumped from where Talia was holding her head up, "What happened?"
The dark haired girl looked dazedly around the room as she stirred, the demon possession leaving her unaware of what she had tried to do. Talia looked up to Alec, whose eyes flickered between the two girls, wanting to aid both of them.
Talia smiled gently at Alec before reaching for his hand and pulling it around Izzy's back as she sat up, moving her support from her to him. He nodded appreciatively at her before pulling Izzy's full weight onto him with Talia's assistance. She moved to his side and pulled her own stele from her pocket, passing it to him.
His eyebrows furrowed at the action as he looked to her forehead and then back to meet her eyes. In silent communication, she knew what Alec meant, she shook her head and passed him the stele for Izzy to be healed first.
Talia stroked Izzy's dark hair back from her face as she moved to stand up, moving away from the two siblings and turning to where Clary sat, her vision unfocused and her face wearing a blank stare.
"Talia?"
She spun at the sound of her name, his voice sounded worn and broken, almost as if it scratched him to speak. But she recognised it.
"Jace, you're-" Her words were silenced as he wrapped his arms around her, his head dropping onto her shoulder as his tight hold held her in place. Talia was caught off guard by his action but instantly returned the hold.
The difference between what she felt for Jace and what she felt for Alec was evident in the way she touched either of them. With Jace it was something completely platonic, something that felt like they were old friends, she the wiser and guiding light, and he the caring and yet impulsive sides to the coin. She felt responsible for him as he did for her. Whilst with Alec, it was something she felt set her heart on fire, it burned for him and their connection felt like it was the last two pieces of the jigsaw that fit together.
Is this what love feels like?
Jace released his grip and stood in front of her, putting a bit of distance between each other so they could see one another clearly, his face seemed to brighten slightly when he looked up at her, "You're okay! You were a wolf! What's going on-?"
His voice caught slightly when he took notice of Clary, still in the same position as Talia spotted her in before. He moved to walk towards her but just as he did, Simon came barrelling through to her, trying to speak to her but it was obvious she had lost her connection to reality as she processed her mothers death.
"There was a demon, it killed a lot of people, Shadowhunter and mundane an- wait, why are you covered in blood?" Talia narrowed her eyes as she studied his appearance and pointed to his shirt which he waved off.
"I'll talk to you about it later, for now all you need to know is that I can be here, the trial was a success," Jace said glumly, his face losing the brightness it had with her, as if he had more to add but didn't feel it was the right time.
Talia nodded and saw Alec move Izzy to her feet as they both moved to embrace Jace briefly before Izzy's legs buckled slightly and all three of them helped her stand again before Alec raised her into his arms, carrying her to the infirmary.
The blonde stood watching after them as she caught Jace looking behind at Clary as Simon hugged her. She nudged him with her shoulder, "You gonna be okay?"
Jace turned back to her, his heterochromic eyes flashing with a hint of sadness wrapped in them, "I guess I will be."
She nodded at his answer, but she knew he'd be battling feelings for a long time. Talia herself found something a bit off with how Jace was said to be Clary's brother, it didn't seem to add up. She took it as a gut feeling but didn't speak it aloud, not wanting to confuse anyone further.
He flicked the side of her uninjured forehead to catch her attention back. Talia winced mockingly and narrowed her eyes at him, "Why did you do that blondie?"
Jace raised his eyebrows at the name before walking out of the room with Talia following, after checking that Clary was safe with Simon, "I need an escort to take me to the infirmary, obviously."
Talia scoffed at the statement, "You've reduced me to an escort now? I'd prefer 'glorified babysitter big T'."
Jace let out a low laugh, not straining his throat luckily, "How did you come up with that monstrosity? What is going on in your brain?"
Talia leaned her side onto him, "Are you sure you want to know the answer to that?"
"On second thought, no I do not."
Talia shook her head as a smile played on her lips. She and Jace held a connection she never found with Clary. This was playful, fresh whilst everything with Clary felt like she had to be a care giver rather than an equal. The line for that was blurring now as she saw Clary come into her own more, but she feared that Jocelyn's death may set her back.
Jace entered the infirmary and one of the unoccupied medics immediately brought him to a bed to inspect his injuries. He turned to Talia, giving her a small smile before resting his head back and closing his eyes.
She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding as she moved out of the room, leaning herself against the wall. Talia looked around the open plan room, Shadowhunters strolled and worked as if a demon hadn't walked among them a few hours ago. Is this how people deal with death?
She felt her face shift in confusion, it was strange how quickly they could shift back into their regular lives. Is this how she would've had to deal with her parents death if she had known them? But she remembered how she had once been told emotion clouded judgement and you should stop yourself from feeling, but grief? It was unavoidable from what she could see from the people closest to her.
How could everyone forget so easily? Her answer to that came in the form of Alec Lightwood.
He stormed past her, his blank expression carved into his face once more as he stormed to the weapons rack. His face resembled that of thunder and if Talia remembered anything about what Jocelyn had taught her, never fight thunder when the threat of being struck by lightning comes from the interference.
She had a strange way with words.
Talia watched him from her position, moving forward slightly to move herself over the bannister of the walkway. He picked up his bow and quiver, replenishing it with arrows, shoving them harshly onto his back which caused Talia's eyebrows to raise.
She moved to go speak to him but found he had already stalked his way out of the room and out of the building. Leaving the tall girl stood there wondering.
What the hell just happened?
~~~•~~~
This is the longest chapter I have ever written holy shitttt, I hope you all enjoyed it! New chapter every week :)
(Or earlier like this one because I get excited from your support of the book)
Xx