Lin's POV
I was really kind of scared to see if Groff would be mad at me. I mean I know that I'd be right, but it's still scary knowing something could go wrong between us.
Zandy and Lea said they'd be back later tonight so we could go to some gay bar. Once we walked them out and they drove off, Groff quickly turned and went inside without a word. Fuck, he's mad. I called after him and he slammed the door after he went inside. I got choked up knowing that I didn't even do anything.
I cautiously opened the door and heard his footsteps loudly go up the stairs. I closed the door and quickly thought of how to approach this. Obviously, I needed to stay calm and keep my voice level down. If everything goes to plan, we should be fine.
I slowly walked up the stairs and stood in front of the door of our room. I mentally prepared myself for what was about to happen and knocked. I walked in to see Groff sitting on the side of the bed. He looked up at me and quickly looked away. "Are you ok" I asked closing the door.
"Do you like him" he said folding his hands aggressively. He was shaking from his hands to his feet. Even his eyes were red. Oh god.
"Of course not" I said sitting next to him. "Maybe as a friend, sure. He is a good guy and all, but I'm with you." He side glanced me as I rubbed his back. "I'm in love with you Groffsauce."
"A-are you sure" he asked on the verge of tears.
"As sure as I'll ever be" I said, kissing his head. He laid down and covered himself with a blanket. "Do you want me to leave?"
He shook his head and lifted the blanket next to him, signaling me to get in bed with him. Once I got in bed he attached himself to me. I rubbed his back and he said "I'm still a little skeptical."
I laughed and said "About Zandy and I? Groff I literally just confessed my love for you for the second time." He snuggled closer to me. "Give me a reason why you're skeptical of us. I'll prove you wrong."
He backed up and said "He was touching your shoulder and you didn't tell him to stop."
"Groffsauce, he's literally straight" I said grabbing his waist.
"Yeah..." he said looking down. "Lin, if you like him just tell me."
"Actually Jonathan, I've been thinking and trying to figure myself out. I've been questioning" I said nervously.
"Is that so" he said with a confused face.
"Yeah for the longest time I've been thinking I'm G-... I can't even say it."
"You think you're gay" he asked, grabbing my shoulders. "Lin this is big."
"No not that. I've been thinking I'm- oh god. I just have to spit it out." I looked at him directly in the eyes. "I'm, most definitely, Groffsexual."
He rolled his eyes and started laughing. "You actually kind of scared me." I laughed along with him and he cuddled back into me. "Sorry for getting jealous. I overthought about it. You know how I am."
I kissed the side of his head and said "It's ok. You don't need apologize Groffy."
He smiled and slightly chuckled. "You used the nickname" he said while looking at me.
"I guess I did" I said kissing him.
"Can I be on your side" he said leaning his forehead on mine. I agreed and we switched places. He leaned back into me and I started playing with his hair. "Can you give me the hoodie that you gave me last time?"
"Needy today aren't we" I asked jokingly. "I'll get it for you. Where is it" I said getting up and heading towards the closet.
"It's on your side" he said almost hesitantly.
I looked at him confused and gave it to him. Once I was in bed I asked "Why'd you put it back on my side? I said you could keep it."
"That's a secret" he said hiding his face once again. God, he was adorable. I started playing with his hair again and I saw him smile.
"To think you were mad at me a few minutes ago" I said, trying to start a conversation.
He laughed and looked back up at me. "You're lucky you got out alive."
"I guess I am" I said, kissing him afterwards.
"Hey, Lin?" I hummed in response. "When's our next date?"
I laughed a little and said "Monday is pretty much our last day off, so tomorrow."
"Where're we going" he said getting excited.
"That's a secret" I said making him roll his eyes. "Are you planning on getting wasted?"
He thought for a second. "I don't really feel like getting drunk to be honest. Just keep me away from the bar and I'll be fine."
"I'll be your sworn protector" I said, making him laugh.
"I might need one, actually" he said backing up a bit. "I met the worst people I know at a bar."
"Like who" I asked curiously.
"The exes that made my life a living hell" he said with an angry tone. "I always get scared that they'll somehow track me down. Worst years of my life were in that apartment complex, so thank god I moved out."
I rubbed his back and pulled him closer. "Groff, do you feel safe here" I asked, wondering if he felt safe anywhere.
"Way safer than anywhere else, I'll tell you that much" he said sort of smiling. He then kind of just stopped and looked up at me then around him. I looked at him confused. "Where's Honey?"
I then remembered that I had left her outside before we left. "I left her outside while we were out. I forgot. I'm sorry."
"What is it with you and torturing her" he said laughing and getting up and looking out the window.
"I don't mean to" I said getting up as well.
"Oh, don't worry about it. She's living the life right now, look" he said opening the curtains.
I looked outside to see her sitting on the table outside. "How does that even work" I said laughing.
"She just needs sunglasses, some wine, and a nice beach to lay on with her blonde hair flowing in the wind" he said still admiring her. "How the hell did she get on the table though?"
"Exactly what I was thinking. She's practically missing a leg and that table is a good three feet off of the ground."
"I like how we're just talking about her and she's freezing outside" he said laughing for some reason. He looked at me and said "Aren't you going to go get her?"
"No I think I'll let her freeze" I said sarcastically.
"You better get her inside or I will kick your ass" he said pushing me away from him.
"I was kidding, Jesus" I said, making my way downstairs. He followed behind me and we took her inside and back upstairs. "Are you happy now?"
"Me or Honey" he asked laying down with her in his lap. "Because I think she's incredibly happy right now."
"Exactly, how do you know she's happy" I said trying to tease him a bit.
"Because she's with me, obviously. Although, she is way happier with Seb. Sorry to break it to you, but I don't think she'll ever forgive you" he said laughing.
"That's ok. I don't expect her to" I said petting her head. "At least she lets me touch her."
Honey got off of Groff's lap and got off the bed. "Or maybe not" he said making us both laugh. She started scratching at the door. "You've literally been outside all day" he said sort of laughing. He got up to open the door and she walked out to admire the hallway. "What is she doing?"
I got up to get a better view of what was happening. She walked, or should I say limped, to Seb's door. I heard Groff let out a whimper. "Baby, he's not here" I said opening his door. She went inside and sniffed everywhere for him. She climbed onto his bed and messed up his sheets.
"This is officially the saddest thing I've witnessed" Groff said from the doorway. She laid down in his bed and put her head down. Groff came up and started petting her extremely sad to see her sad. "Can we cuddle her? Well never mind. She wouldn't let you" he said crawling into Seb's bed with her.
"Yeah you're right" I said sitting in the desk chair next to Seb's bed.
I looked around the room and just saw how much of Seb's personality reflected on his room. He always kept it clean without me telling him to. His bookshelf was usually untouched and filled with books on a higher reading level for his age. His closet was closed shut and he made sure of it since he hated the closet. He had it shut with rubber bands holding both door handles. He had a very organized desk too. The shelves there were full of construction paper, lego sets, and journals which he liked drawing and writing in. On his desk was a completely full pencil cup and an unfinished lego building with the instructions still out. I so badly wanted to finish-
"You've gone quiet" Groff said turning to look at me. "And you're never quiet."
I lightly laughed and looked at him. "I was just looking at his room."
He started looking around too. "He keeps it extremely clean" he said, impressed. I hummed in response. "I don't mean to possibly offend you, but do you think he could be gay?"
I thought about it for a second. He's a pretty colorful kid. Even at that I let him choose everything in his room including the color. Purple. He wanted this one specifically. Even at that his favorite pajamas were pink. I know colors aren't assigned to gender, but he does act pretty feminine. "I don't really want to assume anything, but he could be." Then it hit me. Groff talks to him every night. "What makes you think that?"
"He only talks about guys from school. I asked if he had any friends that were girls, and says that's most of his friend group. He never talks about them though. Even at that, look at what he's building" he said as polite as possible.
I picked up the instructions and studied them. "Frozen huh" I asked sort of laughing. "Did you put him up to this?"
He laughed and said "Surprisingly, no." He then sort of looked at me nervously. "The day I was at home with him, I might've taken him to the store. I let him get whatever he wanted" he said hesitantly.
"So you weren't at home" I asked confused.
"I..." He then shut his mouth and looked at me with... guilt?
"If you just told me you were out with Seb, it would've made me feel way better then" I said not really looking at him.
"Sorry, I just wasn't thinking. I didn't want you to get mad at me. I just wanted to make Seb happy."
I then remembered how bad his anxiety was then. I'm sure that was the reason. "It's ok Groff. I get it, I do" I said getting into Seb's bed. He lightly smiled and cuddled into me. Honey looked at me and nuzzled her nose under my arm. "Your dog is adorable."
"She's ours" he said, his voice muffled in my shirt.
I smiled and thought about what I don't know about Groff. I wondered who his favorite cousin was. I have no idea if family was a sensitive subject. "Hey, let's go back to our room" I said patting his back. He looked back up at me and smiled like a dork making me laugh. "What?"
"Our room" he said making me smile.
"Yes sir. We're going to lay down in our bed, in our room, in our house." He started smiling even more. "And I don't think our son would like us in his bed together" I said, laughing at the end.
"Yeah he'd probably be pulling us apart" he said sitting up a little. "We also need to get ready, so let's do that."
We got up and got dressed again then went back downstairs into the living room. Honey didn't want to leave Seb's room so we let her be knowing she wouldn't leave her spot or tear up the place.
"I'm kind of nervous to go back to that place" Jon said, probably trying to mentally prepare himself. "I mean it's drag night. Nothing can go wrong on drag night, right" he said trying to cheer himself up.
"Stop worrying about it so much. You'll be fine" I said putting my arm around him. "And if someone steals your lunch money, let me know" I said jokingly, making him smile.
"It's just that my anxiety has been getting so much better, and I really don't want it to go downhill" he said leaning into me.
"You'll be fine, trust me" I said kissing his head. "If something does happen, in the slightest chance, I'll take care of you, ok?"
"What if I do end up having a panic attack-"
"And what if you don't?" He just stared down at his lap. "Groff I told you that you're going to be fine. Just believe me. I don't mean to be harsh, but I think you're overthinking it a little too much."
"You're right. I'm so sorry" he said shaking his head.
"I'm not offended. You don't need to apologize" I said sort of smiling to get him in an uplifted mood. "If you're worried about having a panic attack, just pop a pill."
"That's another thing. We're going to a bar, not a playground" he muttered. "What if I start drinking and just automatically die."
"Well then take them with you just in case you don't" I said patting his shoulder.
He nodded and got up to get them. I hate seeing him struggle so much. Seeing how it affects everything he does makes me feel really bad. He can't help but overthink everything. If I could magically take his anxiety away I would.
He came down the stairs and I got up and walked towards him. I gave him a hug and put my mouth where his shoulder was. He looked at me confused and said "Are you ok?"
"Yeah I'm ok" I replied, making it as obvious as possible that I was. I turned to kiss his neck and stayed there. "I love you."
"I love you too" he said rubbing my back. "Puerto Rican koala was definitely the move."
I laughed a bit and looked at him while smiling. "Well, you get what you wish for" I said before kissing him.
"But seriously though. Why are you hugging me" he asked confused as to why I'm being clingy.
"Can I not just hug you for no reason" I asked jokingly offended.
"I wasn't saying that. It's just that you don't normally hug me for no reason" he said beaming at me like I was the most important thing in the world.
I put my head in the crook of his neck and sort of smiled. "I love you, Groffy."
I felt him breathe out and smile. "Are you blushing" he asked while giggling. I snuggled more into his neck and he started laughing. "C'mon I've never seen you blush before" he said trying to look at my face but I wouldn't let him. He pulled me off of him and grabbed my shoulders. "Aw, your all red" he teased pulling me back into his embrace. "That was adorable."
"Sure" I said, still a little giddy. I never really blushed, not even with Vanessa. Jon's just different.
Groff looked towards the door and said "Let's get going, ok?" He rubbed my back and kissed me as best as he could. I deepened the kiss only to get a reaction from him. "Dammit Lin, we have to go" he said giggling but also pulling away from the hug and opening the door. I followed him.
"Would you guys stop loving each other with the blinds open" Lea joked making Groff nervously laugh.
"Should've seen us when we were getting ready this morning-"
"Shut up" Groff interrupted, hitting my shoulder and turning a deep shade of red.
"So what did you guys-"
"Ok let's go everyone" Groff exclaimed, cutting off Zandy and making us all laugh. He started walking out in the street.
"Hey Groffsauce! 'We have time'" I quoted just to mess with him even more.
He stopped in his tracks and said "I'm just going to leave without you guys! So long, assholes" he said flipping us off, making it hard to try and hide our uncontrollable laughter.
We followed him to the subway and got to our destination. We stood outside the bar and waited a bit before we got in. I could already see Jon starting to get antsy. "Hey, are you ok" I asked holding his hand.
"Yeah no I'm completely fine" he said as quick as he could. "Can you give me just a really tight hug?"
"Yeah" I responded, hugging him tightly. "You have that empty pit in your stomach, right?" He nodded pulling away. "You'll be ok, trust me." I squeezed his shoulder and grabbed his hand leading him inside. "Deep breaths."
Groff's POV
The loud thumping of the music immediately made itself present. I could feel it not only in my ears, but in my chest as well. We found Zandy and Lea, and so far, I felt ok. I didn't stop holding Lin's hand even though his hands were getting sweaty. I didn't mind it because I wanted to protect him from anyone who tries to flirt with him. I have no idea if he minds it or not.
"Jon, are you ok" Lea asked over the music.
"Yeah I'm just a little tense but hopefully I'll calm down" I said being self aware that I had a stone face on. I was even clenching my jaw. I felt Lin's hand slip away. I looked in his direction and saw him talking with Zandy. I threw a fit over nothing earlier, so now would not be a good time to throw another one.
"Are you drinking tonight" Lea asked holding my hand.
"Uh... I don't know if I should. What if I have a panic attack while I'm here. I can't mix Xanax and alcohol."
"You're medicated? Why didn't you tell me" she asked seriously.
"I didn't want to worry you and it's not something that I want the world to know. I'm not proud of it" I said starting to choke up. Why do I have to be such an emotional person.
I felt Lin's arm around my shoulder. "You ok, Buddy?" I nodded. "Let's go."
"Where?"
"We're dancing whether you like it or not" Lin said making me smile a bit. "Cmon." He lead us to the crowd of people, which I didn't mind crowds. If he's trying to make me feel better, then it's working.
We were having the time of our lives. As the songs started changing we ended up closer and closer. A slow song came up, and even though my feet hurt like hell, I still wanted it to happen. We've never danced together before. I pulled him in by the belt buckle making him laugh. We held each other's waist and he put his head on my shoulder. It was like high school all over again except without the awkward kissing.
He looked up at me and smiled making me smile. I put my forehead on his and I felt him lean in so naturally I kissed him.
Then I remembered, he's not even out yet. He started kissing the crook of my neck, probably leaving hickeys, but I really didn't care if he left them. He gave me another, deeper, kiss. I knew exactly how he was feeling.
He pulled away and looked at me. "Are you ok?"
"Lin, you aren't out yet" I said, voice getting shaky.
"That's ok. I'll explain it to them later. We'll be ok" he said kissing me quickly and putting his head back into the crook of my neck. "You still love me though right?"
"Of course I do" I said kissing his head. We finished that last song and went to find Lea and Zandy. They were sitting at a table far from the dance floor and next to the bar. They weren't really the couple who like to dance in front of people. We sat with them and talked. "Hey I got next round" I said seeing that the three of them had finished their drinks. I went up to the bar tender. "Another round for that table please." He nodded and prepared everything. I felt a pair of eyes on me. The guy next to me was checking me out hardcore. I didn't pay any attention to him.
"Long time, no see. How've you been Jon."
Eight words is all it took. I knew exactly who it was. "Jacob, please leave me alone."
Yep I left you on a cliffhanger. Sorry I've been out! I've been through a lot of stuff during these past months. Also school started early August (tf). Well wishes to you all and thank you for reading. Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long.
Questions comments concerns or suggestions?
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