"𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝙸 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚎𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞"
~~~
𝐙𝐚𝐜𝐡'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕
"Watch your back, Stone!"
I wish I heard those words five seconds ago or I wouldn't have had my head ambushed by a freaking spiraling football.
"Yo watch it Dwight," I grunt as I watch my hand tremor. Was this a fucking symptom too. Lately I haven't been feeling like myself. I hardly ever do. My heart would race even if I wasn't doing anything physical and constant headaches would overwhelm me, making my days even worse.
I was like a ticking time bomb ready to explode. The timer counting down even faster when someone annoyed me or if I was feeling lost in my own world.
Another football nearly missed my head as I was jogging to the sidelines. It's like these fuckers couldn't throw correctly. There was only five minutes left of practice but the guys were still fooling around for fun.
"You're so uptight man. It's every practice with you."
"I don't want to hear it today," I mutter before walking off the field. No one understood. They never will I thought to myself as my chest tightened. Fuck, not again.
"I went to therapy twice a week this summer. What more do you want from me," I said raising my voice at Coach.
We were currently in his office after practice discussing the terms of our agreement again. I sat with my elbows on my knees and my hands over my face. My mind was racing with every bad thought that was remotely possible for my situation.
I thought therapy would be better than a counseling group. I guess coach didn't agree or he felt like I twisted his words in someway.
That's exactly what I did.
"I'm glad you did. But my exact words were 'counseling group," Coach replied too calmly for my liking.
Knowing I was on my last strike, I got up to leave. This shit was ridiculous. How the hell was a counseling group going to help me? Those people knew nothing about my life.
"Stone, it's only once a week for a couple of months. Your anger issues has cost us too many games last season and while you are an asset to this team you are at fault for some of our losses. It's not a good look for scouts if you don't get it together." He scolded.
Scouts were looking at me?
"And if you don't go, you can kiss that captain spot goodbye," he adds sternly before going back to his paperwork.
I walked out the room while purposely slamming the door shut. The vibrations echo through the locker room and I'm pretty sure the whole team heard me yell at coach just a minute ago. They probably thought I was crazy.
Turning the corner, I'm met with my teammates looking at random things around the room to cover up their eavesdropping.
"Keep whatever you heard to yourselves or there will be a problem," I say before leaving the locker room with my stuff.
When I finally made it back to the dorm, I rummaged through my room looking for a particular piece of paper.
I hated when these things just fucking got up and walked away by itself.
Not under my bed, not in my drawer, not in my bookbag, not on my nightstand and not in the current hole in my wall.
Finally, twenty minutes later I'm dialing the number on the flyer with a sour look on my face as I examine the mess I had just made.
"Hello, this is Rose from the Intellectual Community Center. How may I help you?" A women spoke on the other end of the phone.
Was I really going to do this I thought. "Fuck it" I murmured.
"Excuse me?" questioned Rose.
"Fuck, not you um—I'm calling to sign up for the Mental Health Counseling Group."
"Sure, can I get a name?"
"Zach Stone...Zachariah Stone."
"Okay Zachariah, the meeting is will be for next Friday. We will send you an email with the schedule and time. Is that okay?"
"Call me Zach, goodbye." I hang up and every fiber in my body is telling me to relax, sit down or go to the gym.
But I couldn't escape it.
The next thing I knew I couldn't control the episode I was having. Textbooks and clothing flyed across my room. Several cracks covered my bathroom mirror and soon I was passed out on my half made bed.
Classes haven't even started yet and I was already losing my shit.
Fighting a battle between what I wanted to think and what I knew was harder than I thought. Because losing wasn't an option.
The next day Miles and I were occupied sparring together at the gym. I was giving him hell today but he didn't question it, knowing I was in one of my moods.
Smart move
Before I could apologize for the dirty hit I just took, I noticed Miles' eyes trained on the door. An asian girl stood there wearing workout gear that barely fit her. She seemed to be talking to someone on the phone as I watched her mouth move frantically.
We rarely saw girls in the gym so all eyes instantly went to her. The confidence radiating off of her tiny frame caught the attention of everyone here, including myself.
Looking back at Miles I instantly smirk. "Dude stop gawking."
"Wha-What, shut up" Miles replied, breaking his gaze.
"Come on, one more round," I say after taking a sip of my gatorade. He escapes his trance, shaking his head and throwing a few jabs in the air. I've never seen the fucker so starstruck.
I catch him by surprise and throw a mean punch to his abdomen and he returns the favor harder than expected. I grunt lowly at the impact while two stepping back to the corner of the ring.
So we were playing dirty today. Got it.
Twenty minutes later, Miles and I are a panting mess and I'm on the ground groaning in pain. As a boxer Miles was extremely fast paced and well versed in the ring. My football skills helped but I couldn't keep up. I just know he was trying to show off for the pretty girl in the corner lifting weights. She was in her own worlds like she had done this a thousand times before.
I grab my stuff and head for the door when Miles gives me a handshake. "Don't wait up, later man."
"Whipped already, Miles." I teased.
He definitely liked her.
"Go home, Zach," he replies while shaking his head with a small smile.
Leaving the gym, I walk down the hall to exit the building and head for the dorms. As I checked my back pocket, I noticed my phone missing. Running back into the building, I don't watch where I'm going and run into another student.
"Watch where the fu-" realizing who it was I pause.
She ignores me, quickly grabs her belongings that fell and turned the other way. I almost didn't notice the ginger hair flowing out her sports hat or the face I've been longing to see up close. Fucking hell. She went to school here. I haven't thought about her in a while but I never completely let the memory of her in that dress fade.
She was heading to the gym, but she was going the wrong way. Looking down, I spot an unopened envelope labeled Ms. Winters. I can only guess the girl I just bumped into.
"Wait," I shout trying to stop her, but she's already gone.
Putting the small envelope in my pocket, I run into the gym and grab my phone. To my surprise Miles is talking to the girl he was gawking at with a genuine smile on his face. I was happy for the fucker. He deserved a little bit of happiness after the stunt Alexis pulled to him and her daughter.
___
It was fucking Friday. The day I was dreading to say the least. I have to go to some meeting and spill all my deepest darkest secrets to complete strangers.
"Who the fuck came up with this shit." Therapy, counseling whatever you wanted to call it was a waste of time and money. It was absurd to me that people would pay to have someone else listen to your problems. How low could you possibly be?
After leaving practice, I got dressed in some what decent clothing. I looked in the mirror and saw her all over again. Her icy blue eyes, straight black hair and pale skin consumed my mind. I just wanted to know what I did wrong. Why she left like I wasn't a reason to stay.
"She's gone Zach. Get the fuck over it already." I muttered to myself. Great now I was talking to myself and not in that calming way people do.
Seconds go by and my phone buzzes in my pocket for the twentieth time today. My father was calling me again. Why? I didn't want to know. We haven't had a proper conversation in weeks. I could tell he gave up on me a while ago. His own son. I didn't want to believe the little relationship we once had was completely gone.
But in reality it was never there and that was all I ever wanted.
What comes next doesn't surprise me. All the pent up anger from this week alone has made a room for itself inside me.
But the room was locked and I couldn't find the key.
My fist collided with the mirror as glass shards fell everywhere. The sound of the pieces breaking echoing in my head over and over again. I couldn't keep damaging campus property but the pain distracted me.
I loved the way it felt because it only meant I could still feel.
"Fuck, I can't do this anymore," I cry out in pain. My knuckles were turning red and my hand hurt like a bitch.
I could only blame myself.
Even thousands of miles away that man was getting to me. Glancing down at my watch, I notice I'm already running late to the meeting. I hated being late no matter how small the event was.
Time was valuable, precious even and I wish I had more of it with the both of them.
Debating if I should still attend, I look at my reflection in the cracked mirror in front of me.
I didn't want to admit it. But I knew. I was broken exactly like it.
Quickly cleaning and wrapping up my hand, I grab the keys to my motorcycle and head out the door.
"Thirty minutes late, great first impression Zach." I sighed to myself. Entering the very nice building, I'm met with a young lady at the front desk.
"Hello, anything I can do to help you?" she states while batting her false eyelashes. I know that sentence had a double meaning but I chose to ignore it.
"You've got to be kidding me." I murmured.
"My name's Rose, what's yours handsome." The girl on the phone. She was trying too hard for my liking. Excessive makeup caked her face and I could tell she didn't need it. Her button down collar had too many undone buttons, which revealed an excessive amount of cleavage. Don't me wrong, I was a tits kind of dude but not when it was left out for the whole world to see.
"Where is the room for Mental Well-being?" I ask much ruder than I intended.
Catching on she rolls her eyes and states, "Second floor first door to your right." I make my way upstairs when my heart begins racing. Almost as if it was beating out of my chest. Shaking it off and blaming my nerves, I silence my phone once my foot makes it to the last step. Thirty missed calls from Father. Sucking my teeth, I open the heavy metal door and all eyes turn to me.
"Well, look who has decided to grace us with their presence. Hello Zach." The hispanic looking lady states.
Hello to you to and the other twenty fucking pair of eyes staring me down like I was some sort of prey.
"I'm Maria, please take a seat wherever you feel comfortable."
Nodding my head, I take a seat in the back corner as everyone looks back to the front. The room was filled with mostly guys and a few girl sat in the front. One blonde boy appearing to have vitiligo is still staring at me so instead of ignoring him the death glare I give him does the trick. His eyes go wide and he quickly turns around.
Too easy
Today's meeting was brief, seeing as all the current members didn't bother showing up. The fifteen other people in the room and I just listen as Maria speaks about herself and where her inspiration to start this organization originated from.
"I was once in your shoes. I used to sit in my room all day and just wallow in self despair. Traumatic events can do that to you. But it is important that you realize those events don't define who you are and what you can do. I grew up in a predominantly black and hispanic neighborhood. To them, mental health wasn't important. It wasn't even considered a thing. You had to be grateful that your parents worked hard to provide for you, while destroying you mentally at the same time. I promised myself that one day I was going to help get rid of this stigma. Taking care of yourself mentally is just as important as physically. Don't let anyone tell you differently. Because you matter."
This part of Maria's speech hit home whether I liked it or not. Before anyone could see, I quickly wiped the lone tear sliding down my cheek in frustration.
"You matter."
Did I ?
End of chapters ( :
Zach is really going through it. Sorry if there are any grammar mistakes. As always please leave a vote if you liked it. <3
QOTD: What is your favorite wattpad story right now ?
Anything by TheFeveredBookaholic
word count: 2376