"Can you at least try and be a mother?" Shane's voice hisses quietly.
"Rich coming from you," Jennifer scoffs.
"I get it, I screwed up. But, goddammit, Jen, at least I'm here now!" Shane snaps, getting louder.
"Shane, the kids will hear. Calm down, brother," Rick jumps in, voice calm and collected- but still on edge.
Shane hardly hears him, brushing off his friend as he continues at his ex.
"Where are you when she needs you? I'm busting my ass off at work day in and day out to provide for her and you can't give me or her a single weekend?" Shane raves.
"You said you were going to the bathroom," Carl's voice whispers, though I still jump.
I look to him and frown before turning my head back to look down the staircase. My knees were to my chest, arms resting on them as I lay my head down as well, my chin on my arm.
"Can't you see I have a life now, Shane! I'm finally learning there is a meaning outside of being your housewife!" Jennifer shouts and I flinch.
Carl sighs, sitting beside me on the steps with a frown on his face, too. He doesn't face the way I do, instead looking at me.
"Going out every night with your bitchy friends and getting shitfaced isn't my problem! I just need you to be a mother to our daughter every other week! I don't need anything from you! She does!"
Shane's voice echoes, getting louder and louder with each word he throws at her.
It's the feeling of Carl's hands on my head that make me jump despite the war of words happening below us. Without a word, Carl places his palms over my ears with a serious look on his face.
"And I need you to understand that I can't just drop everything I'm doing!" Jennifer screams, her voice muffled through Carl's hands.
"The kids-" Lori's voice breaks through, priority the same as Rick's.
"You should for our daughter!" Shane yells.
I keep my eyes on Carl's, the shouting sounding more and more distant as he fights for my attention to stay solely on him.
"Lori," Rick sighs between more words from my parents.
Lori doesn't respond to him which I should've taken as a sign as to what was coming.
Carl and I finally tear our eyes from each other as we hear hasty footsteps coming near us. Only one of Carl's hands drop and the yelling is suddenly louder.
"Kids," Lori gasps as she catches sight of us once she rounds the rail of the stairs.
When neither of us say anything, she sighs and climbs up the steps further.
"How about the three of us go to the park? Maybe get some lunch?" she offers with a forced smile.
"Yeah," Carl nods, grabbing my hand and standing as he drags me up with him.
"Good," Lori grins, "Come on."
Carl tugs me down the stairs and once we're down, Lori rests a hand on either of our backs, ushering us out the front door just as the sound of glass shattering sounds from the kitchen.
--
"Jade!" Maggie calls, bursting in the room, "You all right?"
"I am," I nod, still accepting her hug.
She relaxes, breathing out a sigh of relief as she caresses my head gently to avoid my injury.
"I wanted you to at least have the call. I didn't want to take that from you," Rick explains.
"Thank you," I smile to him, feeling my emotions calm down slowly.
"I need to talk to Jesus. I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Maggie says.
"I'm good. And thanks for the.. all this," I say, motioning around to my bandages.
"Daddy always said doctors make the worst patients. You're taking after him now, too," she grins.
At the thought of being closer to Hershel, I smile too. Maggie kisses my cheek, giving a look before nodding to Rick and Carl as she walks back out the door.
"Let me come with. I got some stuff we should talk about," Rick says, picking up his pace to chase after her.
"You should go, too. She'll need her assistant," I tell Kate.
She squints her eyes, looking between Carl and I before letting out a suspicious, "Mhm.."
"Leave," I point to the door.
"Leaving," she says, holding her hands up in surrender as she walks out the doors, closing them behind her.
Finally in peace, I sigh and bring my hand to my head. My headache was coming back in full speed.
"Hey," Carl breathes, wrapping his arms around me from behind.
"Hi," I finally greet.
He'd been in the sewer after we left- this was our first time being able to talk since then.
Relaxing in his hold, I lean back into his chest, grabbing his forearms. He leans his head against mine, mouth near my ear. He doesn't ask if I'm okay. He doesn't ask if I need anything.
"I love you," is what Carl says.
Turning my head a bit to nuzzle against him, I find it in me to actually smile.
"I love you."
--
"And here I thought that Alexandria was crowded," Carl sighs.
"To be fair, this is Alexandria.. and Kingdom.. and Hilltop," I remind as we look around at everyone.
Kingdom had been through a similar trial as Alexandria. Just like us, they were her as well.
"You got a point there," he nods.
"It's not too bad. I kind of like seeing everyone here. It's like a party," I admit, resting my head on his shoulder as we continue walking.
"A reunion more like," he snickers.
"And no one is fighting. Others or each other."
"A lot different than the family reunions I used to go to," Carl comments.
"Hey, your Uncle Jeff was cool," I point out.
"I haven't thought about him in years.. Wonder if he's still around," he recalls.
"I try not to think about those we don't have answers for. I wouldn't stress on it," I say, rubbing his back.
"Mm.. I think you're right," he decides.
"You should really take my side more," I playfully glare.
"I'm always on your side," he scoffs.
"I'll remember that," I nod.
"You remember too much sometimes. Your memory scares me," he teases.
"You know what else I remember?" I ask, leaning my head further on his shoulder to look at him.
"What's that?" he asks, smiling down to me.
"A promise to 'make up for lost time'. Not letting that one slip away."
"Well.. for starters we'll finish this romantic walk together. Then, we'll fight to first of the line to figure out what the hell is for dinner," Carl plans.
"And here I thought I was getting a ten course meal," I sigh.
"I haven't had a three course meal since eighth grade," he laughs.
"Fair enough," I agree.
I couldn't help but notice just how many times we've referenced life before all this. His uncle, our school.. why were we suddenly brining up so much of the past?
Is it because she's here? Is her being her making us sentimental for some reason?
"You're thinking about something," Carl notices.
"I'm always thinking," I deflect.
"What is it this time?" he asks.
"I don't.." I sigh, "I don't want things to be weird. I don't want things to be different just because she's here."
Nodding as though he expected my answer, "It doesn't have to be. If you want to pretend like she really is a nobody, you can."
"Why don't you talk about it? She was in your life, too. It must be a shock to you and Rick," I wonder.
"Because, she was in my life. I saw just as much as you did. You and I went through all of that together. Her and Shane.. My parents.. you and I got the brunt of it all," he explains.
Of course we did. And even if one of us wasn't present to see it, we'd still tell each other what happened. Neither relationship was perfect, all four had their flaws. At times, I used to wonder if not for the world going the way it did, would Rick and Lori end up like Shane and Jennifer. They started fighting just as much, treating each other just like the other two did before things got out of hand. Then, of course the Shane and Lori things happened..
My walking stops as I recall the memories.
Shane and Jennifer divorced. Rick and Lori were a handful of fights away from one before everything happened.
That's Carl and I's past. That's what we were raised by- born from.
"What?" he asks, also stopping as he notices my actions, his arm sliding down from around my shoulders.
We were both kids of failing relationships. Cursed from the very start.
Though Glenn and Maggie were the ones that raised me now and the two I considered my true parents, I still knew that my DNA was somewhere other than my heart was. I'm a kid of separation and Carl was almost the same if not worse with how things turned out between Lori and Shane.
And even if we were taking Glenn and Maggie into consideration and though I loved both of them more than they'd ever know- I couldn't have that, either. Just as I knew the other day from hearing she, Kate, and Aaron talk about their pasts and their loved ones. I couldn't do it. I could never go through what they are or were.
What if Carl and I are destined to be the same as our parents?
We've already had fights. Before and after being together. Back at the prison when we didn't speak for months, just weeks ago when he shot at that Savior.. What if we were already becoming like them and we hadn't noticed it yet? What if we only notice when it's too late to save it like they did?
"Jade?" he questions, pulling me out of my thoughts a little.
Things are good between us now.. But, in ten years, what if we have our fights like they did? What if we end up saying the things they used to, to each other?
"I.. I love you," I stammer out, the only words I could find.
Worry etches over his face, "What are you thinking about? What's going on?"
"I don't wanna lose you," I shake my head.
"You're not. I already told you, I'm not leaving you and nothing is taking me from you. We're surviving this together," he reminds.
"No, no. Not like that," I deny.
"Then, what?" he asks, "Talk to me."
"What if we're just like our parents?" I ask with a shaky breath.
"What?" he asks, still confused.
"I don't want us to hate each other. Or- or question if we even care about each other. Worry about going to bed angry and not speaking when the other goes out.."
The realization hits him and I could see him recalling the fights between the two couples in his head.
"We're not them," he shakes his head.
"What if we are?" I ask.
"We're not," he urges more, "We won't be."
"How do you know?" I ask, insecurity and anxiety filling my tone.
"You were my best friend first. My first friend and, really, my only friend," he answers, "We're not where we are now because we were set up or suddenly thought it might work- or we were out of options. We're here because we were friends who loved each other for us first."
"You were my first friend, too," I admit, feeling myself begin to relax.
"And you were my first love," he adds, smiling softly.
"You were my first love," I nod.
"I was?" he asks, a hint of surprise taking over.
He's talking about Brian.. I didn't know he was still worried about my feelings for him..
"I loved you long before then. And even when.. that was a thing- it wasn't the same. I've only ever known love for you, Carl Grimes," I smile.
He laughs, looking to the ground sheepishly.
"My first friend, my first love, my first boyfriend.. You're my first everything," I tell him.
"Me too," he nods, still looking at his boots with a blush on his cheeks.
And just like after our first kiss, I knew again that he'll be the last of every one of those things, too. My only one of them all, as well.
My only friend, my only love, the only boyfriend I will ever have, my only everything in between.
Nearing the feeling of being overwhelmed by it all, I take a step into his arms, wrapping mine around his waist. Without hesitation, his are around my shoulders.
"You're right. I'm sorry for thinking that way," I breathe out.
"It's okay. I understand her being here is a lot," he comforts.
I pull back a bit to look at him better, inspecting everything about his face, even though I've had it memorized for years. I'd seen him grow up as I did. I'd seen his face more than anyone else. Yet, I never grew tired. I still stared even though I knew every detail and have since we were kids. If something new happened, I noticed it immediately.
His stare was just as intense and I couldn't help but wonder if he was the same as me.
"I love you," he suddenly whispers.
"I love you," I whisper back on instinct.
My first, my only, my last.. Our own bit of forever.
--
It was the next day when Maggie informed that the prisoners in the pen would have scheduled time outside as long as they were cooperative. Meaning, some would be out more than others as long as they were well behaved and trustworthy. Most of their time spent outside the pen would be working to earn their keep. Making weapons, rationing food, and for some- maybe even guarding.
But, it was also the next day when three crates and a letter showed up outside of the walls. The letter asked that the crates be filled with food and music records in exchange for 'the key to your future'.
Running low on.. everything, Maggie and Michonne agreed to at least go to the coordinates they gave.
"You go, I go," I shrug to Maggie, already getting in the car.
"She goes, I go," Carl adds, climbing in behind me.
"I'm the third wheel and still a member of this family," Kate says, getting in as well.
"How do you consider yourself a Rhee? I never got that memo," Rosita mentions.
"She's a Greene," Maggie says, sending Kate a smile.
"I thought you were another Glenn and Maggie take in," Michonne chuckles.
"To a point," Maggie nods, "But, she's mostly here because of Bethy."
"Does that make me like your sister in law?" Kate asks Maggie.
"Might as well," Maggie shrugs.
"What does that make Carl?" Kate asks.
"Don't discuss me," I defend.
"I was discussing Carl, not you," Kate snarky reminds.
"You discuss me, you gotta count her," Carl says, pointing his thumb at me.
"Carl is Carl," Maggie decides.
"I'll take it," Carl nods.
--
It felt like a trap of some kind when we arrived to the coordinates on the map only to find a van with two women standing on either side of the door. But, we'd been through enough to know better by now.
When the others emerged from our vehicle to stand across from them, they opened the sliding door to show an older woman who climbed out promptly after.
Taking in her appearance, I figured she didn't know the conditions we lived in now as she had a tidy suit on. She almost reminded me of Deanna with her fashion choice and the way she carried herself.
"My name is Georgie," she introduces before motioning to either woman, "And these are my friends, Hilda and Midge. And you are?"
As none of us answer, she nods and answers her own question, "Suspicious."
"But, curious enough to see what I have to offer for food and music. I do hope the records are music. I don't accept spoken word. If you're out here, you know how to take care of yourselves and I like that. I don't care to share this with the weak," Georgie runs down.
"Good," is all Maggie replies with.
Taking that as our cue, Rosita, Carl, and I emerge from our spots on either side of the van with weapons drawn. Three to three was even, but I liked our odds a bit more. With the security, Maggie and Kate raise their guns as Michonne stands still with her sword.
With a nod to Carl and I from Maggie, the two of us move closer to the two women and slowly retrieve their guns from their sides.
Though Georgie swears she has none, I still give her a pat down, surprised to see she wasn't lying.
"Give us what you have," Maggie demands.
"I'm afraid I can't do that. I come bearing knowledge to trade. Essential knowledge for the future- primarily in my head. And uh0 I prefer to keep that where it is," Georgie says.
"You're trading knowledge," Michonne repeats, her voice unbelieving.
"That's what I have," she confirms, "I made the same offer before. Fill the crates, get the knowledge. Simple as that. It's not a trick, just a fair trade. I promise you."
"It's an act of benevolence," Hilda adds.
"Why would you do that?" Maggie asks.
"What else should I do?" Georgie deflects.
"Rosita, Jade," Maggie calls.
Rosita and I trade a nod to each other and I make a mental note to admire our teamwork for a later time. The two of us circle to the back of the van together. With another nod of reading each other, I hold my gun up to guard as she opens the door. Seeing it's clear, we step closer together.
"What's in there isn't part of the deal," Georgie's voice faintly explains.
"There is no deal," Maggie says coldly.
Rosita taps my shoulder, nodding her head to the supplies, and taking a step back to hold her gun to Georgie.
I rummage through the supplies as the delve into further conversation.
Blankets, a couple boxes of water, many crates of food.. nothing more than something people would normally pack for a camping trip.
Stepping back as well, I shrug to Maggie and shake my head. She nods and looks back to Georgie.
"These people and their van are coming back with us to Hilltop," Maggie leads.
--
"The Saviors are on their way. We need to make a decision on those people," Michonne tells Maggie.
"We can't just let them go. They have crates of food in that van and people here could be starving soon," Maggie says.
"We should just take what we need. Leave them enough to get around and send them off," I say from my seat.
"No.. That'll make them mad and then they turn and attack. Go ahead and take them out," Kate shrugs.
"That would just be classic Governor. Rick was right with the Oceanside plan. I didn't like it at first, but I see now. We don't harm them, we let them keep going, maybe even make a deal," I defend.
"And then what? They go out on the road and get killed? By the Saviors or someone else?" Enid wonders.
"They've made it this long not getting themselves killed. We shouldn't intervene and let them keep doing what they have been," I shake my head.
"Jade, you know better than most. Things don't just work out. Why should we give a shit about people like that? They're being stupid by living the way they are. No one does things like that," Enid argues.
"Aaron left us water on the road when we were at our lowest point and he turned out fine. Deanna let us in when it was risky. Carl just put himself on the line to rescue Siddiq and now we have a doctor. Glenn brought you back when you tried leaving during that herd. Hilltop, Alexandria, and Kingdom were doing just fine trading before. Daryl saved Dwight's life before and now Dwight is helping us. Jesus brought back those Saviors in the pen and some of them are already making themselves useful," I name.
Enid shakes her head in denial but I speak before she could.
"Things never 'just work out right'. But, when you find the right people, you work to make it right."
"Aren't you the one that wants every Savior gone?" Enid asks, her voice quieter.
"I want Negan gone. Those that call themselves Negan are him, too. Carl and Jesus were right about what they said. There has to be something after this. After the fight, we've gotta live after it," I answer.
"Can you live alongside those people in the pen right now?" Kate wearily asks.
I knew she was referring to Jennifer. She had to be.
I think back to Maggie and I's talk by Glenn's grave.. Glenn's video on the camera I saved that was still in my bag.. The things Carl said.. The things Jesus said..
"I need to have a future. A good one. I want to be able to live with myself after and I can only handle so much more guilt from the things already done and said. I need to be able to move on in order to have that. My fight is only about Negan. Negan is the only one. There's the Saviors that say they are Negan- so they count. Once Negan and his impersonators are gone- my fight is done. If there is someone out there that surrendered because they aren't one of those.. Yeah.. I can live with them."
"How?" Maggie asks.
"Because Tara is one of my closest friends. Because Kate is still by my side after all these years. Because Noah risked his life for Glenn's- so did Paul. Because Merle trained me for three years and gave his life to help us. Because after the Governor killed all those people, Rick let the rest of Woodbury in and they became part of us." I remember.
Michonne gives me a proud smile that she tries to mask as she bites her lip.
"Each of them were on the other side at one point but became family. Once those above them- Governor, Dawn were gone, things were better. So, I believe that once Negan is gone, the only one that matters, the same will happen again."
"We lost so much during that," Maggie reminds.
"I know," I nod, "Grandpa, Beth, dad, Noah, Brian, Merle.. But, think about how much we gained, too."
Maggie sighs, looking out the window to where Georgie, Hilda, and Midge stood with others guarding them.
"If I hadn't snuck into that room and helped dad.. If I Kate didn't tell me who she thought was in Woodbury.. If Michonne didn't drive me crazy until I demanded answers," I begin.
At the memory, Michonne breathes out a soft laugh.
"If we didn't know who was standing on the other side of that battlefield until we were face to face- would you have let me back in?" I ask, standing up to move closer to Maggie.
"Of course," she says with no hesitation.
"Why? Because you knew me? That didn't stop Daryl from killing Morales who we knew at the start. And we'd been separated for three years- you didn't know who I could've been in that time. Who I might've become when away."
"I had faith you were still you. I had faith that you were still as good as before," she answers.
"So, why can't we have faith in others?" I ask.
She doesn't answer, reaching to play with her wedding ring as she continues to stare outside.
"It's like Rick said back then. It's what grandpa taught him- taught us. We can't let ourselves become too far gone. We always have a chance to come back. We can make it work," I whisper.
She thinks to herself for a few seconds before inhaling deeply and squaring her shoulders. Without looking at me, she grows the faintest smile on her lips.
"Daddy taught Glenn. They both taught you. You really are becoming more and more like them," she says.
"Is that bad?" I ask with a knowing smile.
She chuckles and turns to look at me with a brighter, nostalgic smile.
"Not at all," she says, laying her hand on my shoulder, "I'm hearing them through you. It's like they're still here."
"They are," I nod.
"Because you are here," she directs and I shyly look to my hands.
Hand not leaving my shoulder, she turns to where the the other three women are.
"Search around for those records. No spoken word."
--
"No spoken word?" Georgie asks as I set the crate in front of her.
"I'm agreeing to your deal. We'll fill your four crates and then you can go," Maggie says, "You're gonna want that to be sooner than later."
"I accept. But, I'm changing the terms," Georgie says.
"Changing?" I ask.
"Just this one- no more," she promises with a smile, "In addition, you can have a sizeable portion of my food stores."
She motions to Hilda who jumps to her feet and into the van.
"From the looks of things around here, you need it far more than we do," Georgie explains.
"You're giving us food?" Maggie asks incredulously, "In exchange for what?"
"Records," she points, "And good faith."
At the word, I look to Maggie who I find was already looking to me.
"To be clear, this isn't a gift, it's a barter. I'll be back. Maybe not for awhile, but I will. And by then, I expect great things," Georgie says.
She moves to the van to grab something and returns soon after.
"Here is the aforementioned key to a future," she says, handing Maggie a book that I look over her shoulder to view as well.
"Inside there are handwritten plans for windmills, watermills, silos, hand-drawn schematics, guides to refining grain, creating lumber, aqueduct- a book of medieval human achievement.. So we may have a future from our past," Georgie explains the contents further, "And yes, I know- the originals are in my head but I made photocopies. Still, it's an evolving document that's been in the works since the copy shop."
"Thank you," Maggie says and I could tell it's all she could find to say.
"Build this place up. I want those other crates filled when I get back," she says before pointing to her girls, "Cheeses for Hilda, pickles for Midge."
With a growing smile, Maggie nods, "We'll see what we can do."
Georgie takes a step forward, placing a soft hand on Maggie's arm, "You will."
As she begins to walk away, I step forward.
"Why records?" I ask.
Georgie turns, clasping her hands in front of her, "Why the question?"
Deflecting, I ask again, "Why only music?"
"Do you like music?" she wonders and I see she'll only give questions to my own questions.
"My dad used to sing to me," I nod.
"Mine too," she smiles, sending me a wink before turning back to the van.
Without another word, the three women drive away.
--
nobody move i just realized that taylor swift mine is literally jade and carl
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