"Cam? Are you in there?" Morgan tapped on the 4th apartment door he had hoped Cameron was in of the third apartment complex he had been checking all day, Garcia having only managed to get the block name from her records of her new apartment that she had hid well under a fake name and he and the team had been trying to find the apartment she had moved to.
They hadn't seen her since the last case.
Rossi had convinced Hotch to give her the weekend to see if she would come back on Monday, he said that Hotch was just overreacting about the stuff she left behind but after she didn't show up on Monday, Hotch knew his initial feeling that something was wrong was true.
Unfortunately they had to go on an emergency kidnapping case before he could follow through on that feeling.
Erin Strauss had forced Hotch to continue it despite his arguing that they needed to find Cameron which surprised the rest of the team, Hotch would never put anything in front of work.
He had been the one to solve the case almost single handily so that they could try to finish the case early and get back and he could try to find to Cameron.
Now that they were finally back, Hotch was the one who asked the team to help him knock on each apartment on the large block to find her after trying to narrow it down alone to no avail.
"Do you think she's okay?" Morgan asked Rossi as they walked away from yet another wrong apartment complex.
"I don't know, Reid translated as much of that phone call as he could; it didn't sound good."
"She's definitely been hiding something from us" Hotch said as he walked up behind them. He had told them what Javier had said but no one could make any sense of it- or if they did, they didn't say anything.
Hotch watched Morgan as they walked and couldn't take it anymore, turning to him sharply.
"You know something that we don't, don't you?"
"What?" Morgan quizzed, Rossi raised an eyebrow at him too.
"You have been spending a lot of time with her."
"Tell me what it is Morgan- is she in danger?" Hotch asked sternly.
"W-what? No, I don't know, I don't know what that was all about" Morgan stammered, trying to keep the part of the secret she had told him about on the quiet still.
"Don't you lie to me Derek, if she gets hurt and I find out that you knew something that could have helped us save her I swear to god-" Hotch couldn't help his angry threat as he stepped up to Morgan but paused when he saw something over his shoulder.
"Radomir?"
Morgan turned around and saw the tail of a huge dog walk down an alleyway.
"Radomir?! Come here boy!" Morgan yelled as the group ran over to the ally and saw the dog pause momentarily before hearing a different command yelled in a Russian from behind the group that sent him running out the other side of the alleyway.
They turned and paused in shock at who had said the command.
"C-Cameron?" Morgan stammered at how different she looked.
Her now longer hair was dyed yet again, the majority of it dyed a dark brown with the underneath part a blonde/white that peaked out under the brown and at the side of her face with the framing pieces also dyed a bright, ash white in a peak a boo style.
Dark green contacts covered her dark brown eyes, her outfit resembling something that she would never normally wear; a black thin turtleneck tucked into a pair of high waisted dark black high waisted wide legged jeans that sat over sleek heeled pleather booties.
She had an oversized leather blazer over the entire outfit that seemed like the complete opposite of the Cameron they knew who was prone to wearing bright vintage light colours and pretty floaty dresses.
"Follow Radomir and keep your voices down" she barked at them in a hushed stern voice, her usually sweet expression cold and distant as her eyes scanned all around her.
"Cam what is-" Morgan tried to walk towards her but was interrupted by Cameron pulling out a gun and pointing it at him with her usual shaking hands.
"I said follow the dog!" She yelled before lowering her voice to her usual demeanour, "please."
Morgan paused in a mixture of emotions as did Rossi and Hotch who slowly walked forward following the dog with Cameron following behind pointing the gun at them, Radomir waiting around the corner in a somehow darker alley way.
"проверьте их на предмет оружия и телефонов" she commanded the dog who immediately ran at the men and sniffed them, biting their phones and guns from their pockets before they could stop him- even grabbing Hotch's 2nd gun around his ankle and growling at him when he tried to stop him.
"Good boy" Cameron stroked him as he sat by her.
"Теперь иди вверх по лестнице, чтобы убедиться, что это безопасно" she ordered him, immediately he got up and ran into the building next to them as Cameron collected up the group's weapons and phones that were buzzing from the rest of the team who were still searching the block for her.
"What is your password Agent Hotchner?" She asked Hotch with a cold tone, not looking up from the phone.
"Johnson, what is going on-"
"Give me your password now or I will have to shoot you in the kneecap and make you forget you ever saw me tonight" she snapped, finally looking up at him.
Although her words were threatening and her appearance made her look tougher, he could still see the scared woman who wasn't able to hurt anyone let alone shoot him in the kneecap without vomiting everywhere.
"2,0,0,5" he responded simply, looking into her watery eyes before she broke his gaze and nodded, typing in his passcode and messaging the group telling them all to go home and they would try again another day.
She sent the message, threw the phone on the floor and smashed it along with Rossis and Morgan's under her heel.
"What the hell?" Rossi said in shock.
"Cam?! Those were our phones!" Morgan was equally as confused and angry, Hotch just looking concerned at her, not caring about his phone at all- relieved to see her alive but concerned with how she was acting now.
"We wait for the dog- if he doesn't return, shoot me and run for your lives" she kicked their guns over to them.
"W-what?"
"Shhh" she silenced, wincing at the headache that lived in her brain constantly now from the amount of coffee she drank and lack of food and sleep she got.
"Johnson please just tell us-"
The door opened before Hotch could finish his sentence, Cameron braced herself but let out a breath of relief when Radomir was the one knocking it open with his head.
"Follow him" she gestured at the men.
"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on" Morgan crossed his arms.
"That's not an option- move or I shoot you" she spoke coldly, her usual friendly demeanour with him gone.
He looked confused at what seemed to be a sense of hatred in her eyes for him that had never been there before, a deep anger at something he had done that he couldn't figure out until he remembered that he was the one who answered the call that sent her into a full blown panic attack on the plane.
"Cam, listen I'm really sorry-"
"Shut up" she barked quietly, her head being alerted to a noise nearby and panic flooding her.
"Move- now!" She yelled at them, running up the stairs in front of them after Radomir who was already by her side from the moment he saw her panic in her body.
Hotch was the first one to run after her blindly which was unlike him, Rossi and Morgan following behind into the dark dimly lit building where they walked along the hallway in shock.
The place looked like the type where drug addicts and criminals frequented- definitely not somewhere someone like Cameron would live which was proven more of a fact when they walked past an open apartment door as they followed her up a 2nd flight of stairs and saw people climbing on each other, needles in their arms and high as kites as their naked bodies lay on each other.
"What the hell is this place?" Morgan said as they walked by another open apartment door on the 4th flight of stairs and saw people snorting coke.
"This way" Cameron beckoned them through a door onto the roof where she struggled to grab a board and place it over the gap between the roof top and the next building.
"Иди домой, мальчик, оставайся в безопасности" she nodded at Radomir who ran across the board and nudged the other rooftop door open with his head.
"This is where we say goodbye" Cameron turned back to the group.
"What?"
"You cannot know where I live, you cannot keep tracks of me, you need to let me go and forget about me" she spoke simply, avoiding eye contact with all of them- Hotch most of all.
"Kid, what are you on about? What's going on?" Rossi asked.
"T-thank you for all of your welcoming support on the team, I cherish my time with you all greatly" she didn't answer his question but spoke in a familiar soft tone of hers before turning and going to walk across the board, feeling a hand on her wrist before she could.
She turned back and saw Hotch staring down at her with concern.
"Cameron... are you okay?" He simply asked.
She paused, captivated by his gaze and for a split moment wanted nothing more than to blurt it all out to him and sob in his arms again- but she couldn't do that.
"I am fine- I have to go" she pulled her wrist from him and went to leave again but he grabbed her again- this time by sliding his hand into hers and turning her to face him.
"You haven't been eating so that you can lie without throwing up" he stared down at her knowingly.
"H-how did you-"
"You've changed your usual floral perfume to a darker one which is such a small detail in changing ones identity but important to you and whoever you're running from. You've drastically changed the way you look but what's most apparent is how you've changed your walk to someone who has to fake their confidence. You've avoided us because you know that we're your ties back to who you were and you're trying to burn all of those bridges except keeping Radomir when we both know that getting rid of a pet is the first step people take when trying to disappear, but not for you because your heart is bigger than anyone else's and Radomir connects you to your home which is strange given how much you seem to be running from it. If I can profile that from you within 5 minutes of seeing you just now then whoever you're running from will be able to do it in 10- now tell me what is going on so I can help you Cameron" he spoke quickly and sternly but the contents of his words revealed something that he had been trying to hide- how much he had noticed about her before;
How much he enjoyed the sweet smell of her perfume, how much he liked watching her jolly, bouncy, seemingly natural confident walk because it made her hair swish, how much he enjoyed trying to hear the Russian accent occasionally slip out that she hid and he had figured out she was from the first week she was with the team before anyone else had.
Cameron stared up at him in shock, both from his words and from his hands still holding hers gently enough that she could pull away if she wanted to so he didn't make her feel trapped or caged.
But if she was honest, she didn't want to let go, she didn't ever want to.
"I would rather die than get rid of Radomir" she spoke quietly before turning and walking over the makeshift bridge, pausing and looking back over her shoulder.
"You may follow me" she felt the words fall out of her mouth before she could stop them.
Hotch fought the smile on his face and followed her over the plank of wood that threatening to break under the 3 men's weight, Cameron tossing the plank down into the alleyway once they had all made it across.
"How will we get back over?" Rossi asked.
"You won't" she answered simply and walked with a hint of a limp through the roof door, down the stairs past even more sketchy apartments.
"Why are you living in a place like this?" Morgan asked as they followed her down the darkest hallway on the 4th floor.
"Because the people who live here know how to defend themselves and keep out of each other's business" there was a hint of pain in her voice as she opened one of the doors that Radomir was sat outside of waiting for her.
"Please take off your shoes if you don't mind."
"What?" Morgan couldn't help but laugh at her house rule given the state of the grimy carpet and disgusting old dirt and mould of a mostly empty apartment she seemed to be living in.
"I may live in a rat invested mess but I have some remaining class" she answered, locking the door with 5 bolts and chains she had added herself as well as locking it with the key and pushing the falling apart bookshelf in front of it, wincing from a pain in her stomach as she attempted to push it.
"Let me help you" Hotch was suddenly stood beside her, stepping in front of her and pushing the bookshelf in front of the door. He wasn't sure why she was so adamant to keep the door locked but he could sense her fear that dipped slightly when the door was covered.
"T-thank you" she spoke quietly, her hand on her ribs as she walked over to the kitchen and took out some pills from the bottom draw.
"Did you hurt yourself kid?" Rossi asked with concern.
She didn't answer, she only took the tablets and closed her eyes to avoid the spinning that came every time she did given she hadn't eaten.
"Let me see your side" Hotch walked over to her, she pulled back from him as he tried to reach out to her.
"I'm not going to hurt you, I promise" he spoke in such a soft and honest tone that it made her pause as she looked up at him.
"I-I-" She stammered as she let him take off her jacket for her, Hotch pausing when he looked down and saw liquid covering the bottom of her black top in a thick layer of dark blood just above her midpoint of her waist where her high waisted jeans sat.
"Jesus Christ Cam- is that all blood?" Morgan looked over at the blood dripping out of the soaked piece of dark fabric she had wrapped around her waist on top of her shirt.
"May I?" Hotch spoke calmly down at her as if they were the only two in the room, the only two in the world.
She nodded slowly as he gently untied the bandage and peeled it from her upper waist as she winced.
"I'm sorry" he apologised quietly with a hurt expression from the pain he had caused by taking off the fabric.
"I-It's okay" she wasn't sure why she said it but the silence between the two was getting too much for her burning cheeks to handle.
"Is it okay if I lift up your top to look at it?" Hotch asked, Cameron paused before nodding.
He gently untucked her top from her jeans and peeled it up to her ribcage, exposing a huge slash across her upper stomach that seemed to be there for days given all the dried blood clogged around it and kept reopening given the placement of the shaky, intensely deep gash she hadn't the chance to sew up yet.
"Oh my god-" Rossi covered his mouth at the sight.
"We need to call an ambulance; you need to go to hospital right now" Hotch was hit with a tone of seriousness and urgency as he turned to leave the apartment to find a phone.
"No!" Cameron grabbed his arm which stopped him immediately, turning back to look down at her desperate face.
"P-please, no hospital, no ambulance. I can take care of it, I-I just haven't been able to get back here in a few days and clean it- please don't make me run away again. I can't keep running right now, I don't want to run again Hotch" she begged.
He paused looking down at her watery eyes as Morgan and Rossi talked in the background about how they were going to find a phone, Morgan pulling the bookshelf away from the door and trying to unlock the door as Rossi paced back and forth and asked Cameron a million questions but her eyes were locked onto Hotch's.
"Please Aaron" she begged quietly, taking his hand in hers to stop him walking off and helping Morgan kick down the door but he couldn't move anyway, he stared down at her with a familiar feeling burning in his stomach.
He knew the right thing was to get her to a hospital, to make her tell him what happened, to force her to tell him everything but he knew that wasn't what she needed. The feeling in his stomach took over his rational thinking once again and he nodded.
"Okay."
"Hotch? What?!" Morgan turned to them, Rossi too.
"No hospital, but you're far too hurt to clean yourself up- let me do it" he spoke only to Cameron whose expression turned to great gratitude before fear of him cleaning her wound.
"I promise I won't hurt you, I just want to make sure that you're okay."
She paused at the words she had never heard from a man before and let herself nod.
"Hotch- this is crazy! She's been sliced open! I'm going to get a real doctor-" Morgan shook his head and went to kick down the door.
"Радомир! Останови его!" Cameron yelled to Radomir and almost immediately the dog was in front of Morgan bearing its huge teeth and growling in a terrifying way that made Morgan fall backwards and shuffle away.
"W-what the hell Cam?! Call off Radomir! Let us help you!"
"If you wanted to help me you wouldn't have answered that call" she mumbled before clicking at Radomir to stop him launching himself at Morgan but she clicked again for him to guard the door.
"If any of you go near the door he will attack you without command this time, that is your only warning you get" she lent on the count slightly as the world span around her, failing to hide how intense the pain was.
"Lean on me" Hotch stood next to her, taking her hand and helping her stand.
"T-thank you" she let him hold her up before he carefully lifted her up to sit on the kitchen counter so that she didn't have to stand as he cleaned the wound.
"Do you have any medical supplies?"
"No but there are clean cloths and a bottle of water under the sink. The tap water doesn't work here but I saved that in case something happened" she winced as she breathed.
"Have you had any water today?" Hotch asked, she shook her head.
"Drink some" he handed her the bottle but she handed it back.
"You can't not drink something to avoid throwing it up when I ask you what happened to you" he tilted his head at her knowingly which made her chuckle slightly before closing her eyes at the pain from her stomach.
"Drink something whilst I prepare the cloth, please?" He handed her the bottle again and started ripping the clean cloth up.
Morgan watched in disbelief at how Cameron was letting Hotch clean her cut and was listening to his command to drink water- even more shocked that Hotch wasn't asking her a million questions or yelling at her for not being at work.
"What the hell is happening? Cameron where have you been? What happened to your side? Why have you gone all 'gone girl' all the sudden? Why are-" Morgan began to rattle out questions.
"Be quiet Morgan" Hotch interrupted him to everyones surprise.
"Excuse me?"
"I said be quiet; she's hurt and doesn't need you quizzing her or getting angry at her."
"Are you kidding me Hotch? You're always quizzing her and getting angry at her! And now that it's the time where you should be doing exactly that but instead, you're what? Suddenly Mr caring guy and Nurse Hotch?" Morgan couldn't help his anger that cause Hotch to sharply turn to him.
"My quizzing and interjecting was the reason you answered that phone and the reason she ran, the reason she's hurt now so excuse me if I don't want to hurt her again!" He barked, unable to stop the words spilling out of his mouth, "so sit down, shut up and wait until she is able to breathe without blood pouring out of her stomach to question her!"
Hotch turned back to a shocked Cameron who, although was dizzy and faint, heard everything- tilting her head at Hotch as he came back over, dampening the cloth and gently patting her wound.
"I-It wasn't your fault that I ran, it's not your fault I'm hurt" she spoke quietly as he did, he paused before carrying on.
"I was going to run anyway" she added, Hotch's eyes met hers before going back down to the cut.
"Why?" He asked softly.
She paused wondering if she should tell the truth, but what did she really have to lose at this point? Her job wasn't an option any more, her new life gone along with it, any hope she had of friendship with her co-workers never even there in the first place given the bed of lies she had to live on.
She had decided long before the jet, long before the barn- back in the formal lounge of the estate as they played cards that she was giving up on this life, giving up on Cameron Johnson, giving up on it all.
"Because I can't risk going back" she eventually answered to his surprise.
He paused as he dampened another cloth since the others were covered in blood.
"To Russia?" He asked as he made his way back over to her.
"Something like that" she answered, the room spinning as she swayed, Hotch placing a hand on her shoulder to steady her as he dabbed the blood once more.
"How long have you not been eating for?" Hotch changed the subject when he sensed that she wouldn't reveal anything more about the phone call, what Javier said or her past for the time being.
"It's been a few days, I've been too stressed to find time to eat-"
"You need to eat Cameron" Hotch interrupted with a sense of care to his stern voice.
"Well I didn't really have a choice with you all searching for me at every grocery store" she mumbled which made him chuckle as he looked up from her slice across her upper waist at her.
"A wise woman once told me that there's always a choice."
Cameron couldn't help her own chuckle at his use of her words, nor could she help the blush on her cheeks from his hand still on her shoulder long after she stopped swaying.
"Why did you move apartments to this place?" Hotch asked as he finished cleaning the copious amounts of fresh and dried blood off her and started wrapping a large, long piece of fresh cloth bandage around her.
"My neighbour, Jillian, went missing after I found a note on my apartment door when I went back to pick up a few things from my move" she told the truth, he paused mid wrap around and looked at her.
"Your neighbour is missing? Why didn't you go to the police or us?"
"She left a note and email for me saying that she 'knew my secret' and considering they got her, I assume she really did know my secret" Cameron said with tears in her eyes.
"What do you mean 'they got her?'"
"Her apartment was empty one day, her stuff missing, she was missing. I called her family but none of them knew where she was since they aren't close. I went to report her missing but then I found a note on her fridge."
"What did it say?" Hotch asked as he heard her voice shake.
"Еще одна птица для моей коллекции, эта не попадет в клетку"
'Another bird taken, this one won't make it to the cage.'
"What does that mean?" Hotch asked, seeing her tears threatening to drip down her expressionless pained face as he finished wrapping the bandage around and secured it.
"Nothing good" she mumbled and wiped her face quickly.
"Cameron, I know that you don't want to but I think that you should tell us what's going on" Rossi walked over after listening in to the conversation.
"I can't" she whispered, looking down at her feet dangling off the counter.
"Why not?" Hotch asked.
"Because he'll kill you" she looked up at him with an intense fear in her eyes.
"Who?"
She didn't answer his question, instead she closed her eyes and pushing herself down off the counter- stumbling slightly as she landed but Hotch caught her.
"T-thank you" she smiled softly before walking past him.
"How did you get the cut? It wasn't from the case, I looked at your injuries in the hospital and this is fresh- what happened?" Hotch asked, knowing that she wouldn't tell them who 'he' was or what she was so scared of.
"I was attacked" she answered simply, filling Radomir's bowl of food before clicking for him to release from his tense position by the door.
He ran over and ate his dinner as she sat on the floor next to him, leaning her head on his side as the panic came back to her chest.
"Try to breathe" Hotch walked over, somehow immediately sensing her panic attack from her breathing pattern changing.
"I-it's harder than it looks to do sometimes" she forced herself to chuckle and run her fingers through Radomir's fur which always calmed her down- except it didn't this time, nothing could.
The fear over the last however long she had been alone was strong and always there now, the panic was a permanent part of her and took over always- nothing could calm it, nothing could not make her skin crawl, nothing could stop the fear.
"Look at me" Hotch crouched down by her, "it's going to be okay."
Cameron couldn't hold it back anymore, she couldn't pretend to be brave, she couldn't be strong.
She burst into tears and dropped her head into her hands as she sobbed.
Radomir turned from his food bowl to comfort her but Hotch had already wrapped his arms around Cameron in a comforting hug that surprised Morgan and Rossi.
"I promise you that it's going to be okay" he whispered again.
Morgan and Rossi exchanged looks as they watched the interaction and how unusual it was for Hotch to be this understanding of anyone let alone Cameron who he usually had no patience for.
"Take a deep breath and count with me" he sat on the floor next to her as she leant forward and tried to steady her rapid breathing.
"W-what?"
"Just trust me, it'll help" he gave a soft smile before starting to count.
"1, 2, 3, 4-"
Cameron tried to speak but nothing came out over her fear of not being able to breathe, instead she focused on his counting and dug her hands into her forearms to ground herself.
"Let's not do that, you could hurt yourself" Hotch took her hands in his and continued counting.
"I-it's not working" she panicked more.
"That's because you're not counting with me" he spoke softly, "just give it a go, what's the worst that will happen?"
Despite the fact her anxiety could make her think of a hundred 'worst things that could happen' she closed her eyes and started to count with him.
"-30, 31, 32, 33-"
They continued all the way past 300 until her breathing slowed down and she was able to open her eyes and see clearly.
Cameron went to say something but was interrupted by Radomir licking her face, having been sat next to her the whole time waiting for her to open her eyes so he could comfort her.
She chuckled as he licked her and nestled his head into her side for her to tickle him.
"T-thank you Rads, good boy" she laughed and gave him a soft kiss on the top of his head as he planted himself down across her lap and on the floor considering how big of a dog he was.
She winced in pain from his weight on her but didn't command him to get off, going to stroke him but realising her hand was still in Hotch's who was still sat next to her smiling at the interaction between her and her dog.
"T-thank you" she said to Hotch with embarrassment in her voice, "I'm sorry you all had to see that and deal with me-"
"Don't apologise" Hotch interrupted and patted her hand before his eyes fell to it, pausing for a moment at her hand in his before he let go and stood up as he cleared his throat awkwardly.
"So... are you going to tell us what's going on?"
She looked up at his sudden demeanour change back to the usual inquisitive Hotch who looked at her like she was a puzzle that he was annoyed he couldn't solve. She shook her head at the fact she thought he could be the kind, caring, comforting man she had just seen moments before and back at the barn who seemed so different to the man staring down at her now.
"No" she clicked for Radomir to get off of her and she forced herself to her feet with a groan in pain from her side, Hotch's caring side came back out as he went to help her up but she brushed off his arm which seemed to confuse and frustrate him.
"Johnson you need to tell us-"
"That's not my name" she mumbled and walked over to the kitchen, grabbing the pills from the counter and taking two more.
"You just took two pills, you can't take anymore" Hotch walked over and took them out of her hand.
"I'm not a child, I know how to look after myself" she snatched them back from his hand.
"Clearly you don't" he snapped down at her, taking the pills from her hand and dropping them down the drain of the sink.
"I don't need you to look after me" she pushed past him and walked over to the boarded-up windows as Hotch shook his head at her and followed.
"Johnson tell me-"
"I said that's not my name!" She suddenly yelled at him which silenced the room.
"Then what is your name? Who are you? What kind of secret life have you been hiding from us all?!" Hotch matched her yelling tone.
"I didn't hide it from all of you" she spat, Hotch pausing with confusion before turning to Morgan angrily as what she said sunk in.
"You... I knew that you knew something" Hotch marched over to him.
"Hotch listen man I-" Morgan went to explain but Hotch's anger took over, grabbing Morgan by the collar of his shirt and throwing him against the wall.
"Tell me everything!" Hotch yelled.
"Jesus Christ Hotch!" Morgan exclaimed in fear.
"Aaron! Put him down!" Rossi tried to pull him away from Morgan but his grip and rage was too strong.
"Derek Morgan tell me everything right now! Is that why you two were sleeping together? Because she told you who she really was? Are you hiding something too?!"
"W-what? Sleeping together? We weren't sleeping together- what the hell are you on about?" Morgan stammered.
"Agent Hotchner put him down right now" a surprisingly stern voice called out from behind him as he felt a gun press against his back.
"Cameron! What the hell are you doing?!" Rossi stepped back in shock.
"Let go of him or I will shoot you" Cameron's voice was missing the usual shaking, it was stern, it was cold; it wasn't her.
"I would have thought given all your 'training' with Morgan you would know not to hold a gun directly to someone's back" Hotch let his petty worlds spill out before he could stop them as he looked over his shoulder at her briefly.
"But I guess you can't blame the student" he mocked Morgan in his usual cold tone before letting go, twisting around quickly, smacking the gun out of her hands and twisting her so she was against the wall.
"Now answer me" he stared down at her shocked face.
"P-please, please let me go-" she started to panic at the position she was in, his arm across her chest pinning her to the wall, his body close to hers, his eyes digging into her that sent her back to that castle bedroom- but this time was different.
Hotch didn't seem to enjoy her fear, he didn't seem to want her to be scared like he did.
His expression softened to concern as he saw her panic and he quickly let her go and stepped back, worried that he had scared or hurt her.
"Cameron I'm sorry if I-" he tried to apologised and placed a hand on her shoulder as she keeled over and caught her breath but interrupted him by pushing him away from her.
"Do not touch me!" She yelled and stumbled back into the wall.
"O-okay, I'm sorry- I won't, I promise" he crouched down and spoke softly, "I'm sorry, I should have checked if you were okay- I'm sorry."
She paused and looked up at him with a tilted head, unsure why she needed that apology so much and even more unsure at why it immediately calmed her down.
"Are you-" Hotch sighed and pushed past his frustrations, needing to be calm for her, needing to be there for her in the way she needed, "-are you able to tell us what happened? Anything that you're comfortable with whether it's about your past, who was on the phone, who has your neighbour, what Javier talked about, how you got hurt, where you've been- anything or none of it. Is there anything you're okay with telling us?" Hotch spoke softly which made her stare deeply into his eyes.
Why can't you be like this all of the time?
She let out a breath and stood up with a small nod, knowing they wouldn't leave without her telling them something.
"I was out trying to get rid of the traces of me; my car lease, my apartment was taken care of but the landlord was reluctant to let me out of my contract without 'a man' signing it too- he's quite an old man with some 'old fashioned' rules. When I tried to contact the person who had signed it with me they said they couldn't help me anymore, that it was all up to me, that... that I was alone" she swallowed her pain and continued.
"He said that the people who had helped me get away from Russia couldn't help me anymore, that he couldn't help me, that they didn't want to given how the situation had changed and they felt they were in too much danger by helping me. I don't know what happened but he said he would try to change their mind and get in contact with me to help me."
"Who is 'he?' Who are the people who helped you?" Hotch asked softly.
"I-I can't say" Cameron looked down, "if you find out then you'll be able to trace back to what happened and who I'm running away from and I can't let that happen. If they're scared of helping me then you should be too, I understand why- I wouldn't help me either if I knew who was chasing me."
"And who is chasing you?" Morgan asked.
"The person that you answered the phone call" she spat, unable to hide her misplaced anger at him. Morgan went quiet and looked down in guilt that she wanted to apologise for giving him.
She knew that it wasn't his fault. She knew from Javier that the estate family had found out who she was and called her there to kill her in some sort of 'offering' to the 'evil spirit' and she knew that Javier had a different plan, a plan that involved contacting the real 'evil' like he had done and letting him know that Cameron was alive and he would deliver her to him. She knew that the phone call wasn't Morgan's fault, that he had only been trying to help her like he always did but she couldn't let go of her rage- it was the only thing she still had.
"And how did that lead to you getting hurt?" Hotch brought her back to the original point.
"I-I stupidly said that I would tell... I said that I would tell you, that I would ask you to help me" she whispered.
"What? Me?"
"I panicked and thought if I threatened to tell the head of the BAU everything then they would help me to stop me revealing their involvement, but it just made them mad."
"Wait- you say it like they're some kind of agency" Rossi picked up on her words but she ignored him and looked to Hotch who prompted her to continue her story.
"T-they had someone make sure that I wouldn't talk, to make me promise not to tell anyone or they would... or they would send me back before he had the chance to find me himself" she wiped her tears, "you never expect the people 'helping' you to be almost as bad as the people they're helping you flee."
"They cut you?" Hotch asked with a quiet rage building for whoever had hurt her, she shook her head in response.
"Not exactly... they forced me to-" she took a deep breath, "they forced me to swallow a tracking listening device thingy, the kind of little one Garcia gives out on the missions but without the wire- I can't quite remember the English name for it."
"What the hell?!" Morgan exclaimed.
"A what?!" Rossi shared his confused shock.
"What do you mean forced you?" Hotch spoke calmly but with great concern as he started down at her.
"They said that they would kill... that they would kill you if I didn't" she spoke quietly avoiding his eyes.
"What?"
She nodded, "they said that I either had to swallow it so they could make sure I didn't say anything to you about me not being an agent or them helping me or they would kill you so I couldn't tell you."
Hotch watched the tears slowly leave her eyes and her hand cover her mouth to stop herself from sobbing- not even realising that she had just revealed to him that she wasn't a real agent.
He only now realised that this wasn't her life, that she wasn't even an agent, that she shouldn't have been subjected to the things she had seen on cases, that the things he made her do on cases- that she was terrified of it all.
It only hit him now as he watched her hold back her tears; of course she wasn't an agent, she was just a person- a person who because of him had to kill people, a person with such a beautiful heart and light that because of him had to see such horrors on the cases.
"I'm... I'm so sorry Cameron" Hotch stammered at the realisation and pulled her into a hug as she sobbed.
"D-don't apologise, you didn't know- I should be the one apologising for ruining your team and cases, I messed up a lot and could have gotten people killed" she shook her head as he stepped back and looked down at her.
"Cameron you did an incredible job for someone who wasn't even an agent" he comforted, confusing her with his lack of yelling at her, his lack of anger at the fact someone who wasn't an agent had been on his team this whole time.
"It was a part of your cover of witness rescue protection, you had no control over it- you didn't chose to do this, don't blame yourself Cam" Morgan pointed out, Hotch tilted his head at him.
"You knew?"
"Yeah but that's all I knew, please don't beat me up" Morgan sighed, "I was just helping her train as an agent so that she felt more comfortable on the team and helping her train for her profiler exam she was trying to pass on her own."
Hotch looked back down at Cameron in shock "you were doing all of that on top of work and doing the team's paperwork for them?"
"I thought it would help make up for all the damage I cause on cases but it didn't- I still messed up... I could never seem to do it right no matter how hard I tried."
"Wait, wait, wait- so you have a listening device in you right now?" Rossi lowered his voice in case someone was listening in, Cameron shook her head with tears in her eyes.
"No, not anymore. I-I... I couldn't let them listen and potentially hurt Hotch, I couldn't let them know my every move after I realised that they were the ones who must have told the person I'm running from that I'm alive in some way, that Javier must have found out about me in some way since I didn't ever let you put me on press conferences or anything- I couldn't let them tell him where I am and lead him straight to my exact location with a tracker. I couldn't let them have leverage on me and use me as a bargaining chip if he threatened them."
"So what did you do?" Rossi asked.
Cameron choked back her tears and lifted her top to show the fresh bandage Hotch had just applied that was already soaked with blood- the group's faces droppingwhen they realised what she meant.
"O-oh my god" Morgan covered his mouth.
"You sliced your stomach open?! You pulled it out of yourself?±" Rossi said in shock, she just nodded.
"H-how? How did you even know where the tracker was?"
"I could feel it in me" she spoke quietly, remembering how awful it was to feel the device under her skin, how horrific it was to slice open her own skin deeply and pull it out, how she passed out halfway through from the sight of the blood and the pain, woke back up and had to continue it again all alone.
Hotch stared in disbelief as she recounted the story of what she had to do to get it out.
"We... we need to get you to a hospital right" he said with a serious concern on his face, especially now that he could see how pale she looked by the small lamp which was the only light source in the room.
"N-no, they'll find me there, he'll find me there."
"Cameron you've lost a lot of blood, your body and mind are going to go into shock and you will die if we don't" Hotch explained.
"Then that's what I will do" she suddenly snapped at him, he paused looking down at her realising how terrifying the person she was running from must be for her to be willing to die than risk them possibly finding out that she was in a hospital and being able to find her that way.
"Well I'm sorry but I won't let that happen" he shook his head, "Morgan, open the door."
"No!" Cameron yelled and went to click at Radomir but Hotch grabbed her hands.
"Rossi cover her mouth!" Hotch yelled before she could command Radomir to attack, Rossi quickly ran over and did just that.
She mumbled screams at them through Rossi's hands and tried to wiggle out of their grasp.
"Morgan- get the door!" Hotch yelled at Morgan who was staring in shock.
"Jesus Christ it's like we're kidnapping her" he shook his head, running over to the door and taking off all of the locks before opening it.
"L-let me go! Radomir help me!" Cameron tried to yell through Rossi's hands but it was barely audible.
"I'm sorry Cameron but I'm not letting you die, especially not in a drug den building" Hotch dragged her to the door, Cameron thinking for a second before stamping her feet in a specific pattern that seemed to get Radomir's attention and at least make him follow them to the front door.
"Stop it" Hotch hooked his arms under her, lifting her up and carrying her whilst holding her hands by her side so she couldn't click for him before Morgan shut him in the apartment.
"Wait! Don't leave him alone! Please!" Hotch heard Cameron cry through Rossi's hands, "I-I'll go with you! I'll do anything! Just don't leave him alone! Please don't leave him!"
Hotch paused and heard whimpering through the door, realising then that the protection that Radomir brought Cameron must go two ways- the dog needed her too.
"Let him out" Hotch nodded to Morgan whose eyes widened at Hotch telling him to let the giant dog out.
"Do it" he ordered.
Morgan sighed and opened the door as a crying Radomir ran out, whimpering over to Cameron; his terrifying demeanour gone and instead a shaking puppy with abandonment issues searching for his owner, his friend, his family.
"I-I'm so sorry Radomir sweety, I'm won't let them leave you alone again- I'm so sorry" she managed to push Rossi's hands off her and slip her hands away from Hotch who was still holding her, looking down at the tears in her eyes that made him put her down so she could hug her dog tightly.
"I-I've got to go sort something out Rad, I need you to go with Morgan and wait for me, I'll be right back okay?" She spoke softly through tears, looking up at Morgan with begging in her eyes.
"P-please, please can you look after him for a bit?"
Morgan went to protest to having to look after a terrifying giant Russian dog who had tried to kill him multiple times but he saw the plea on her face and automatically nodded.
"Of course Cam- where are you going?"
"If I have to go to the hospital then I'm not letting you all come with me and risk them seeing you too. If they find out that I talked to Hotch then they'll come over here and..."
"Come over here from Russia? Are the agency Russian" Morgan asked, she shook her head.
"From England" she said- Hotch paused and realised something with a tilting of his head.
"Cameron- did Interpole put you on the BAU team for 'safety'?"
She paused and sighed at how he figured it out, there was no use lying not- not that she felt her body could take a lie- so she nodded.
"Jesus Christ- how bad must this person you're running from for you to turn to them?" Morgan shook his head.
"And how bad must 'he' be to get them to turn their backs on you?" Rossi added, "Interpole are powerful and aren't afraid of anyone."
"He's more powerful than anyone" Cameron spoke quietly with pain in her voice.
"So you're really not an agent? You're just a girl brought onto the team in some kind of messed up witness protection? Your name isn't even Cameron?" Rossi asked in disbelief.
"My name is Cameron" she answered simply, trying not to black out from the stinging pain of her re-opening cut when she was picked up, "and I think they put me on the team because they needed it to be too much of a risk for him to try to get to me, they needed people around me who could protect me if he found me but no one can- I realise that now."
"Who is 'he?'" Hotch asked, she looked up at him.
"You don't want to know."
"Cameron I think that you're being a little bit dramatic-"
"Stop saying my name like I'm a child!" She suddenly yelled which shocked everyone.
"Stop looking at me like I'm stupid and don't know what I'm talking about! Stop questioning me on my own past like I don't know the dangers I'm running from or being 'dramatic' about it. I did not risk my life, drag myself bleeding out across the ocean, learn a new language and destroy everything about myself just for you to look down on me like I'm some kind of idiot who's simply running from a man- he is a monster! He is worse than evil itself! You do not get to question me on that or theorise how bad he really is- if I say it is bad then it is bad. If I say he is evil then he is evil. You may be an agent, you may be a profiler who has seen the worst of humanity but I have been forced to stare it in the eyes and live with it. Do not speak of things you do not understand, do not mansplain your version of my pain, do not rank my danger that you know nothing about. You know nothing of me, you know nothing of my life- you know nothing of what I have been through and what I am being threatened of being dragged back to. You do not know me, Agent Hotchner, do not pretend that this is nothing more than another puzzle you are only interested in because you cannot solve it!"
The room fell silent, Cameron right in front of Hotch now, staring up into his eyes with such intense emotion- so close to each other but in that moment it felt like they were miles away from each other.
Hotch felt again like he was on the other side of the hills of the estate trying to run to her but this time she wasn't waiting or looking for him- she was running from him.
"I assure you, Miss Johnson-" Hotch cleared his throat and took a professional step back which tore his heart apart.
"-that I am not doing this because I think you're puzzle, I apologise if you think that I have made you feel like I have-"
"That's not an apology" she interrupted.
"Pardon?"
"Saying you're sorry if you 'made me feel like you have' is not an apology and I will not accept it- now if you'll excuse me-" she went to walk around him but he caught her hand, she went to pull away but made the mistake of looking up into his eyes and getting caught in the soft, intense gaze.
"I am sorry Cameron, for everything; I am sorry" he spoke simply with such sincerity to his voice that it felt as if she was wrapped in his arms in that barn again, him holding her, his body pressed into hers with her gripping his shirt so he wouldn't leave, so that she wouldn't be alone.
She let herself be captivated in his gaze again for a second- but only a second.
Then she slipped her hand out of his, turned and limped down the corridor.
"Take Radomir to my apartment, I'm going with her" Hotch commanded to Rossi and Morgan before leaving after her before Morgan and Rossi could ask any questions.
"Well... how do you plan on getting a giant Russian attack dog to come with us to a stranger's apartment then?" Rossi looked over at Morgan who sighed.
"Do you have google translate? Or super human strength?"
Cameron led in the hospital room with her leg shaking as she kept her head down to avoid the cameras.
"You have to keep still for me mam" the doctor said as he applied the temporary glued stitches after checking to see the internal damage she had caused by cutting it herself.
He had tried to ask many concerned questions, especially about the strange tall man who refused to leave her alone and now stood by her as the stitches were almost finished, but Hotch had simply shown his FBI badge and told him that they had a bad case.
"And why did she have to cut herself open?" The doctor asked Hotch suspiciously, Cameron wasn't saying a word in case the wrong person somehow heard her voice- she knew it was a long shot but she wasn't taking any chances.
"Because the unsub made her" Hotch lied, trying to re-assure the doctor that he wasn't some kind of trafficker kidnapping her.
"I see... I'm honestly shocked she's still conscious- have you eaten anything? You look very pale and your blood sugar is low; I think we should get you an IV" the doctor tried to talk to Cameron who only shook her head to answer his question and then once again to tell him no to the IV.
He finished the finale stitch and was cleaning it when she suddenly sat up after hearing a noise, just a simple hospital noise from another patient's room but it was the final straw for her anxiety- she couldn't be here anymore.
"I can't let you leave mam-" the doctor tried to grab her as she pushed herself out of the bed but Hotch stood in his way.
"I will sign her check out sheet now" Hotch took the man's clipboard, signed it and walked Cameron out of the room before the doctor could even think of calling security.
"Lean on me" Hotch saw Cameron trying not to limp in pain from the fresh stitches.
"No" she tried to stand strong, to create as much physical distance from him as possible but her body was too weak- her mind weaker.
She found herself leaning against him as the two made their way to the taxi Hotch called, actually the 2nd taxi he called since Cameron had made the first one leave without them in case someone was tracking it- he had never seen someone so paranoid before.
Cameron watched through slowly blinking eyes as Hotch gave an address to the taxi driver.
"T-that's not my address" she tried to say but her mouth wouldn't move, she was too tired.
"Lean on me" Hotch saw her trying to sit up on her own which made her wound hurt.
"Where are we going? We're going the wrong way-" She didn't lean on him and tried to remain as strong as possible on her own.
"I told Morgan and Rossi to take Radomir to my apartment; I'm taking you there too."
"What?! No! Y-you can't do that!" Cameron stammered with a sudden wave of fear as the taxi pulled up outside Hotch's apartment complex.
"Is everything okay mam?" The taxi driver, who was glancing back the whole journey given how drowsy the woman with the stern man looked, said.
"She's fine- just had an accident at work and was given some drugs at the hospital" Hotch lied.
"Are you fine mam?" The taxi driver prompted.
"I said she's fine" Hotch handed a surprising amount of money to the driver who's concern all seemed to go away when the money was in his hand.
Cameron shook her head, no wonder so many people ended up in the BAU files when people would just turn a blind eye to something that looked a lot like a kidnapping or trafficking ring from the outside.
"I can't go in there- they'll find out where you live, you'll be killed; Hotch you have a son who lives here! I can't let you-" she stammered as he took her hand and brought her out of the car, she tried to fight back but he was too strong even when he was being as gentle as possible.
"I can handle Interpole, they won't try to kill a unit chief leader" he tried to assure her but she still struggled as he tried to lead her up the steps.
"I'm not on about them" she pulled her hand from him but the momentum sent her flying backwards- luckily Hotch was stood so close to her and quickly wrapped his arms around her to catch her.
She yelped in pain as his forearm made contact with her stomach wound.
"I'm so sorry!" Hotch quickly moved his arm but kept the other around her back to hold her up as he led her through the doors and up the stairs.
"P-please don't make me put you in danger, please I don't want to do that, I can't let you or your son be in danger- Aaron please just let me go" she begged.
"You're not putting us in danger Cameron- I want to help you, please let me help you" he spoke calmly.
"P-please" she held back her tears, "I can't be the reason someone is hurt again- you have no idea how much danger you're in just by having me in this hallway, I can't watch him kill you too!"
Hotch paused outside his front door and looked down at her, the pure desperation in her voice, the fear; the pain.
"What do you mean 'too'?" He asked.
"I told you, he destroyed everything in my life to hurt me- that included my family, my world, my life" she spoke quietly.
Hotch felt a jab in his chest, an overwhelming emotion for the woman stood in front of him who he realised now held secrets bigger than he could imagine- and an overwhelming fear of what she was saying was true.
He believed now that he would be in real danger if he brought her into his apartment, that whoever she was running from must be bad- but he also knew that he couldn't leave her to face that danger alone, so he took her hand and opened the door, leading her in before she had the chance to object.
"Radomir- stop, that's not a toy!" Morgan grabbed the cushion from the surprisingly playful large dog as a dishevelled Rossi tried to yell commands in poorly translated Russian from his phone.
Hotch looked down and saw a hint of a smile break on Cameron's pale face that comforted him as she looked at Radomir.
"Радомир, оставь в покое бедных дураков" she spoke softly and quietly but the dog heard her voice and immediately dropped the pillow, running at full speed to her with joy.
"остановка" she clicked and he stopped in his tracks.
"Apologise to agent Hotchner for his pillow, now please" she commanded, Hotch raised an amused eyebrow at how her politeness was still there, always there.
The dog tilted his head which made her shake hers at him.
"I know you're not that dumb Radomir; apologise please."
The dog reluctantly got up and nudged into Hotch's side, licking his hand.
"Thank you?" He looked down at the dog who huffed and walked away from him.
"I'm sorry about your pillow- he forgets how big he is sometimes when he gets playful. My father didn't allow him to act like a puppy when he was younger so he sometimes falls back into it now" Cameron apologised before she started swaying as a dizzy spell hit.
"Cam!" Morgan ran over to her but Hotch had already steadied her.
"You need to lie down Johnson."
"N-no, I need to get Radomir and go, I'm putting you all in danger by-" she couldn't finish her sentence before she suddenly blacked out.
It was like someone suddenly switched off a TV, one minute she was there, the next; nothing.
Everything went black and her body fell limp to the floor, finally succumbing to the pain and exhaustion that had taken a permanent place in her body over the last few weeks- finally letting it take over and letting the darkness come along with it.