Vanessa POV
Once Amira was soundly asleep, I headed towards my bedroom, hesitant before quietly walking inside. My heart bled at the sight of my princess who hasn't moved an inch since I left her this morning. She was entirely covered by a duvet, stuck in a fetal position.
"Rohi, sweetheart?" I spoke calmly, using the sweetest and most caring voice I could muster.
As I've received no response, I had to repress my own tears. Deciding to get ready for bed I took a hasty shower, and walked out of my bathroom, not ready to have her rush into me like a koala. She grabbed the sides of my oversized sleeping shirt and cried into my chest.
She was overwhelmed and broken. Honestly, I lost two of my best friends, and while such things should have never been compared - Fuck... Her loss was on a whole another level.
I didn't know what to do, it's been three months since the graduation, and while she somewhat held herself together, it all shattered after the funeral. That day I took her home with me... she hasn't left since hardly ever leaving the bed.
"Have you eaten...?" I asked while fixing her hair into a less messy ponytail. However, she didn't respond, continuing to cry. Her pale, trembling features feeding my concern. "What am I even saying, of course, you haven't," I muttered out loud and guided her into the kitchen. At first, she froze not wanting to leave the bedroom, but the second I crossed into the hallway she followed, squeezing onto my hand.
I knew that my Alexis wasn't present, pain shielded by emptiness was the only thing I saw in her green eyes. For the first time since I knew her without the beautiful brightness in them.
Situating her on the sofa, Felix quickly walked up to her, but unfortunately got ignored. It was scary, I didn't know what to do.
Knowing well I wasn't going to get any reaction I spoke up for my own sanity. "I will make you your oatmeal, okay?"
Food was another issue, she often threw up whenever I fed her anything too substantial, so we've been going with oatmeal's, soups, and sometimes plain rice with some steamed veggies. Nonetheless, most of the time she didn't even finish the small portions I've prepared for her.
My concern was growing. I needed to seek out advice from someone who knew what to do, because I was afraid of causing more damage than good, by not knowing how to respond to her certain behaviors.
On top of the things, Amira was my priority, and explaining to her that Alexis was needing some time alone for this long was begging to get difficult because she saw and heard her cry.
Ann offered to take Alexis in, she had a spare room in her apartment, and while it could have been a good solution, I just didn't have the heart to do that.
She needed me, she clung onto me on every occasion she had, sending her off to Ann's could only make things worse. So, I decided to hold on to her offer until this situation begins to negatively affect Amira.
Not my proudest moment as a mother, but choosing between those two was something I never wanted to do.
After kneeling in front of my princess I scooped out some oatmeal before carefully trying to feed her. "Will you eat for me?" I asked beggingly, she wasn't even looking at me, her eyes were so absent it was terrifying. "Please honey, just a little bit," I asked again when her lips haven't parted.
Not giving up I placed the mug on the table and took a seat on the sofa, motioning for her to come over. Within seconds she was on my lap cuddled into me, afraid of letting go.
"I need you to eat Rohi, otherwise your queen is going to worry," I attempted for a second time.
Without receiving any answer, I held the spoon closely to her lips, feeling my heart erupt with happiness when she finally took it. "Good girl," I praised and with focus continued on my task.
Once we finished, I took her back into the bathroom and helped her take a quick shower. She wasn't even flustered when she stood naked in front of me, it was almost as if someone took my Alexis away, and I didn't know how much longer I could remain sane.
I haven't heard her angelic voice in so long, I wanted to bawl my eyes out, but I couldn't - I had to be strong.
After helping her dress into fresh clothes, I calmed down. Having her both eat and shower was like the biggest achievement I could have during a day.
"Goodnight baby," I whispered as I planted a prolonged kiss onto her forehead.
She flinched and scrunched her nose in the cutest way, before shuffling under the duvet and snuggling into my side.
The next morning, I didn't have to go to work. Now that school was over, I only went into the office about twice or three times a week to deal with some paperwork and additional classes for students during the summer break.
Today I planned to seek out professional help, from someone who knew her better than me.
In the morning as usual she refused to even get up. I didn't aggravate her and left her alone as she wished to be, but not before leaving a plate of oatmeal and chopped apples on the nightstand, just in case she wanted to eat.
I was still sending Amira to the kindergarten, wanting to give Alexis some time alone. I knew that she screamed and threw tantrums whenever no one was around, even in the state of pain she remained considerate and never done so with Amira or me being present.
Though, being honest if that would have been the case I wouldn't be able to keep her at my place. I couldn't let Amira listen to such disturbing things.
I only found out about it by accident when I heard her scream before entering the apartment. Those screams were pure anguish, and I never wanted to hear them again.
"Hey," I greeted Mark when he approached my table at the local café where we agreed to meet up. "Thank you for coming."
He looked a tiny bit better since the last time I saw him, which was at the funeral.
"Of course, I should be thanking you for taking care of Alexis... To be completely honest I still don't understand why," his comment caught me off guard.
"She became a good friend to me during her studies, and well... I also lost someone very close, three people actually, so I just couldn't stand by and watch her suffer." I said truthfully, and he only nodded in understanding.
"I'm glad," he chuckled to himself. "I don't think I would be able to take care of her and Sam at the same time..." he finished with sorrow in his voice.
Sam, such a cheerful guy... all of them really. Daisy, Alexis and him, were going through something that would always remain in their hearts – A loss.
"How is he...?" I asked genuinely wanting to know. Alexis wasn't keeping in touch with any of them, and regardless of Daisy's past behavior - I cared about them.
With a shaky smile, Mark rubbed his eyes before answering my question. "He's getting there, I know how to care for him in those moments, but this is nothing like it was before. His death-" his voice cracked. "Mason's passing isn't something they have to get over with as they did with their past. They can't forget it, only accept it, but... Well, it's not that simple," his last words incoherent.
"Trust me I understand... it's going to be four years for me and sometimes it still doesn't feel real, even after such a long time. But in my case, of course, I took it awfully bad, but I also had a child to take care of right after that happened. I suppose I didn't have an opportunity to fully break down."
Mark observed me and listened carefully to everything I had to say, he was a good listener.
"Enough about me," I wanted to avoid speaking about my past. "How's Daisy? Do you know anything?"
He scrunched his nose, before blurting out, "She broke her arm."
"She what?!" I hissed shocked.
"Don't worry," Mark waved his hand and dismissed my concern. "She will be the one to reach out to them first, she always did, because Daisy doesn't overthink, she makes it simple and faces it head-on. From what I heard she smashed her hand in anger and ended up with a broken bone. Nothing that hasn't happened in the past."
I was shocked but somehow that did sound like Daisy. "They really are a special bunch, aren't they..." I thought out loud, Mark brightened up at my words.
"Yeah... I love them so much," I saw pain and longing, losing Mason must have been extremely hard for him. Not only it probably felt like he failed at his job, but also, he lost someone with who he spent most of his time and considered his own. "Please tell me about Alexis, also thank you for always keeping in touch with me," he quickly followed, but it wasn't something he had to be grateful for.
My Alexis considered this man the closest she ever had to a parenting figure. I wanted to keep him a part of her life.
"She's... At first, I thought she needs time, but it's been three months. She hardly eats, doesn't leave the bed, not even mentioning the house. It's like she's not there, you know? It scares me, I'm worried I might be doing something wrong."
Mark frowned and sighed. "Don't ever think it's you, if you allow her to influence your way of thinking it's going to start affecting you," he said sternly. "You aren't the problem, you aren't why she's like this, and you definitely aren't making it worse, okay?"
I felt relief washing over me, almost as if someone finally stopped squeezing my heart.
"Good, take a deep breath."
I did as he said.
"Alexis was always the worse when it came to these types of situations, right after Mason. They both tended to overthink and lose themselves in a never-ending circle of 'what-ifs'. The first question, is she underweight?" he asked beginning to take notes.
Wanting to ensure I answered properly, I thought about his question. It was clear as a day that she has lost some weight, but it didn't seem to be a lot, at least not yet.
After explaining it to him he asked a few more questions till we got to the last one. "So she doesn't interact with anyone, am I correct?"
"Well," I thought about it. "She interacts with me, somewhat. Maybe not conversations, but I think she feel safe around me, doesn't like to leave my side."
He paused his writing and looked into my eyes. "She lets you touch her?" he sounded surprised.
I was slightly afraid to answer, but her well-being was at stake. "Yes," I answered shortly.
"That's... new," he said more to himself than to me.
"Meaning?" I asked wanting to hear more.
He hummed and went over some old notebook of his. "Well, Alexis does three things when she's in distress. Firstly, she loses her ability to speak. Secondly, she escapes reality thus her being absent-minded. And thirdly, she doesn't like to make any physical contact. So, I'm just a bit surprised," he admitted. "She must feel very safe around you."
I felt my insides warm-up, feeling special, even if the situation was shit.
"So, what do I do? I mean she's supposed to move out in four months, I don't think it's even possible at this point," I said worriedly.
"They will, don't even worry about that one," he told me with confidence.
Pursing my lips together, I was slightly infuriated. How could he be this certain?
"Hey," he continued. "They won't miss this opportunity, because there's something beyond their grief and pain."
Beyond? "What's that...?"
He folded his arms against his chest and leaned back looking at the ceiling. "Fear of disappointing Mason. Don't underestimate their connection. They know that not going would mean failure. They won't allow it," he paused. "I promise. For now, you can start by having her take part in some small house activities, like watching a movie together. Even if she seems not to watch, it's good to have her out of the bed a few times a day. And most importantly, relax, this won't break them."
Listening to him was very reassuring, it was exactly what I needed, but somehow it was still hard to believe. "Are you sure...?" I asked seeking confirmation.
He frowned and closed his eyes before answering. "They lived in hell, this is just a harsh reality... and Alexis? She tried cut her throat before and went through drug addiction and withdrawal. Honestly, there was nothing more painful than to watch her go through that... So yes, they are going to be fine. Don't worry Vanessa, I know it seems scary, but to them, it's just something they must accept and live with. To me as well..." he finished bittersweetly.
After my meeting with Mark, I felt recharged and motivated.
Quietly entering my apartment, I was shocked to be met with a sight of Alexis and Felix playing on the floor. It was the first time that I saw her interact with someone else than me. She looked up, and my heart skipped a beat – We made eye contact.
"Alexis...?" I asked unsure if she was back.
She hasn't responded, instead, she pulled herself up from the floor and ran to me, nuzzling her head into my neck.
"I'm here for you Rohi, everything will get better," I whispered sweet promises, hugging her tightly.
It had to get better.
"I love you," she suddenly said in a raspy voice, and it took me a second to register, before feeling my heart swell and stomach fill with butterflies.
For months I've been praying to hear her again.
"I love you too," I cried out not letting her move away. "I love you so much."