Song listed at the top: You Broke Me First by Tate (slowed and reverb) Put it on for better experience;)
Trust. One word. Put some of it in me. 👍🏼😃
Pain can be bearable when you want to deal with it for something that matters.
And then, it can be unbearable when it threatens your life beyond control.
Waking up to dim darkness where all I can see is just the outline of what looks like a hospital room makes me think of how long I bared the pain till I couldn't anymore.
With an aching headache rising, I blink trying to adjust to a soft door clicking open before shutting, the outside bright white light hitting me right in the eyes.
I watch as the silhouette of the person moves from the door to the sofa in the right corner of the room. It's a man looking at his height and hair, he slumps in the sofa with a tired sigh before he drops his head in his hands, running a hand down the side of his face, he looks up at the ceiling before glancing at me.
My eyes flutter closed not wanting him, whoever he is, to know I am awake.
I just want this peace, this silence slightly longer.
"I cannot repeat this enough and I don't even know if I will ever stop. I am so sorry Elvira," my heart races hearing his deep voice again filled with pain. Guilt spilling out from each word he is speaking.
His words hit me right in the heart. One that is cracked.
I hear the beeping of the heart monitor go faster but I don't care. I don't want to open my eyes. I take deep breaths calming myself down. Tears threaten to spill out from my eyes as I try my best to stop them from spilling.
"I can't see you like this. I don't know why I did what I did. But know whatever I did, was for you. For your safety. To keep you from being tied to a nightmare that haunted you every day. But God was it wrong." His voice breaks at the end.
"Ask me about being in love. Ask me about being so mad in love that I couldn't stay away from you despite what I did. Because if I don't have you with me, what is there left of life for me? What am I without you?" His voice drops to a whisper as if saying too loudly would make it a reality.
Don't you know you mean just as much to me?
I want to tell him this but I don't.
He broke my trust, played with me and then left me to get myself together.
"You wouldn't even forgive me, but believe me when I say I won't let you go so easily," I feel a cold hand touch my warm one making my fingers jerk but I don't think he even notices.
I can feel his presence here, right next to me and it hurts to know that I can't hug him and tell him I forgive him. That we can leave all this behind and continue with our lives. Be happy together.
Yet the logical side of me is restraining me knowing if I do, it will shatter myself completely.
Zane takes a ragged breath in and I take that chance to open my eyes ever so slightly just to see him.
His head is hunched over, dropped low as he has one of his hand wrapped in my own. The touch so gentle like I would break, like a piece of glass that could hurt him yet strong enough grip to keep hold of it, the piercing of glass hurting him but still holding on tight.
How could I live without you, Zane?
You created the butterflies in my garden, watered the grass, brought the sun, and shooed away the dark clouds. You created heaven on earth for me.
I finally speak with much difficulty so a sob doesn't break out of me.
"Zane," my voice comes out raspy and dry.
Instantly his head snaps up, his eyes wide as he looks at me in surprised but with relief too.
"Elvira?" He whispers before getting off the stool he is sitting on and starting to walk towards the door to get a doctor but I stop him by tugging his hand with the minimal energy I have left.
"No. Just stay for a minute," I tell him, he looks at conflict before he nods and sits back down.
"Are you okay? Do you need something?" He asks still somewhat frantic.
I shake my head, my heart feeling so heavy with what I am about to say.
"Why? Tell me why? I need answers Zane," I bite my lip but my vision turns blurry with tears. He sighs before looking away.
"For you but it turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life. Biggest regret. A mistake that weights heavy on my shoulders." I shake my head not wanting that answer.
"Why won't you leave? Don't you think I had suffered enough that you decided to do this? That you could just not tell me anything and do it yourself while putting my heart on the line?" The tears are now flowing down my eyes sideways, my breathing heavy and the heart monitor starting to pick up its pace.
"No. I never-"
"You broke my trust, Zane. I trusted you so much, God was it wrong for me, yet I still did," I tell him honestly.
"No please. Listen to me-"
"Zane, please. I'm tired. I can't hate you. I don't hate you but seeing you here after everything that has happened, I don't think I can keep looking at you the same. I need time, away from you." I tell him my final decision knowing that is what is best for me.
I need a break from everything.
"Elvira don't do this. I came here ready to fight a battle and I'm not leaving without even doing anything." His eyes narrow with determination but I can't find it in myself to tell him that I love him.
I do.
I love Zane, even with everything, my heart still wants him. And only him.
But I need this. For myself, for him, for everyone.
We need this.
"Ok." He doesn't leave, he doesn't move but then he does. He gets up, my hand still in his.
He is standing holding on to my hand like his life is in his grasp and letting go would snatch the ground from under his feet. And he will fall into nothing but darkness.
I loosen my hand so he is forced to let go. His eyes search mine, the curtains from the hospital room move with the wind outside making the moonlight shines on his face making him clearer.
That is when I notice him properly.
His own eyes are glistening wet, dark eyebags under his eyes, dishevelled hair. Zane Roman, a millionaire of multinational tech companies falling apart in front of me. For me. That cold, rude boss that has you rushing out the room with his empty eyes is in front of me with his heart on his sleeve.
Breaking for Elvira. His Violet.
"Zane, don't make this hard. Please," I look away from him not able to keep the eye contact that speaks volumes. I don't want to change my mind.
And then my hand feels cold.
He lets go finally.
With his back to me, he walks away slowly towards the door and that is when my quiet sob breaks out. My heart hurts, just like it has been doing yet this time, seeing him leave made it so much worse.
He is leaving and I asked him to do this time. He came for me and I let him go.
"Zane, wait!" I shout before I can even think. He stops as if knowing. Looking over his shoulder, his hazel eyes that stole my heart from day one, shinning under the soft light peaking from the small window in the door form outside.
"Just once. Just once hold me," I pathetically tell him knowing he is that one person I feel at peace with.
His eyes soften and it breaks me even more.
He doesn't complain as he walks over to me silently, leaning down he hugs me as I break down. Tears streaming down my cheeks. God, this is harder than I thought.
His arms encage me, protecting me like they should have done originally. His head drops in the crook of my neck as I let mine rest against his shoulder probably staining his shirt with my tears. He feels warm. I may be making a mistake letting go but it's not even an option anymore.
"I won't give up so easily." His voice is muffled by my hair but those words put my beating heart at rest. When I back away to look at him, I know no one will ever take the place of this man in my heart.
"Let me, please," he whispers searching my eyes for permission before his lips descend on mine, engulfing mine in warm kiss. More and more tears drop out of my eyes as I kiss him back.
It's killing me. This kiss turned out to be my last straw as I pull him closer, wanting him to hold me like it is only me and him in this entire world.
He is the reason for my happiness but also the culprit of the heartbreak.
One of his hand cradles my face delicately, deepening the kiss taking my breath away just like his kisses always did. Heart stopping kiss.
This is a goodbye kiss.
I detach myself from him slowly, keeping my eyes closed as he lets me go.
"Goodbye Zane."
"No. This isn't a goodbye." He retorts back making me laugh through the tears.
"Still stubborn. Still wanting your way." I tell him as I open my eyes but he is gone already.
The door didn't even make a noise when he left, like he didn't want me to know he even did.
I break down seeing him gone.
I drop my head on the pillow of the bed trying to keep myself together. No tears but just a heart that lost its way.
"I miss you already."
***
"No. You aren't leaving until you eat something."
I whine before quickly trying to eat the pancake Hazel made for me as she stands there glaring at me like a child that doesn't want to eat.
It's been a week. A full week of me staying at home on bed rest. I was close to having a severe case of hypothermia and if I wasn't taken out of that weather, I could have been battling with my life on a thin line that would have been breaking fast.
My foot has healed properly but I can't wear heels yet which is why I am wearing trainers with a small cast that can be worn in the shoe. It feels weird walking in it because it slightly rolls on the ground and I have never had a cast like this on my feet.
I can walk but with a slightly limp, the doctor says that it will be healed soon so it won't be permanent. The doctor often comes to check up on me every few days, so far four times in the week to see if any damage is getting bigger to avoid and overall perform regular checks.
I didn't work this whole week, Arya took over as she always does when I'm not there but if I could or get bored, I would complete any paper work I may have.
Hazel, Kade and Arya had been keeping me busy with their company, coming over for sleepovers not letting me feel alone at all. The many pillow fights, food being thrown at each other for ridiculous reasons and many film nights, it was all something that reminded of my childhood but this time, my friends are genuine ones.
"Alright. That is enough. Now let me go, I will be late on my first day back," I wipe my face of any traces of food crumbs or honey before getting off the chair and walking over to grab my purse from the side table near the wall.
"You don't have to you know. You can still stay here. You are the CEO anyway," she tries again but I shake my head.
"I'm getting bored and feel too lonely when you all are out. I want to go out," she looks at me for a minute before nodding.
"Let's go now," she grabs my keys as I hand them to her and we walk out of my apartment. I can't drive so I need her to go with me.
As soon as we arrive, I walk out but my gaze lands somewhere where I know it shouldn't have.
Zane's building standing tall just close to mine.
Something clogs up my throat before Hazel grabs my arm and drags me inside not letting me think too much.
"You don't need that today." She whispers before smiling at someone walking past us. I nod at her in return.
"To my office." I tell her.
Not one day has gone past by that I didn't think about him. I didn't tell him I love him even if I knew I did. I couldn't tell him because it would have broken what I told him. Which was to leave.
I hid my tears from everyone but Arya like always seemed to have seen them, she came in my bed one day, laid next to me and told me that crying over this was fine. It was natural and that my decision was the best one that I could make. I told her everything I felt and wanted to say to someone.
She listened and then told me if I felt lighter. I laughed and told her I did.
Then she sat there, despite not knowing how to comfort me, her presence did.
Then the day came when it was time for them to tell me what happened.
And it hurt even more knowing everything included Zane. I tried not to break down in front of them as they told me he came and saved me, that he was in near tears seeing me like that, bloodied and almost passed out. They told me how he got Veronica and Kaden behind bars but when they told me that he was the one that stayed in the hospital, all of those three to four days I was unconscious, I let a tear escape.
How could I not want him?
Being away from him was hard. So hard.
But I also needed to realise that I cannot depend on him for happiness. That he needed to learn that he couldn't hide things from me.
So, when Hazel leaves and I open my blinds of my office, my heart seeks out to find him. Clear day, no clouds and blue sky yet hint of the autumn nearing. It's mid September already so you can feel the coolness of the wind picking up. Left in disappointment when I don't see anything except an empty office, I move away before sitting on the chair and beginning the day.
And the next day.
And the day after.
Then crosses the two-weeks' mark when I don't see him. One week in the office and I am slowly feeling better than before. But deep down, my heart told me my answer.
He really did leave.
But just as that thought comes to my mind, it leaves. I don't want to think about it.
"You're kidding right?" I huff, annoyed that I might have to walk to my office now.
"Sorry. Would you want uber or you want to catch a taxi?" I look around before glancing at my watch and seeing the uber will take time to come and getting a taxi will be better.
"No. I'll take a taxi." I tell Ella before hanging up and starting my way towards somewhere busy so I can find a taxi.
After walking for a few minutes, I arrive near a petrol station near a Starbucks place. I might find a taxi here; I look around trying to spot the yellow car and a smile lights up on my face when I do just outside the entrance of Starbucks.
I quickly rush over to the taxi and see a driver in there already. I knock on his window startling him a little before he rolls the window down.
"Hey, I really need a ride. I just need to go around here, are you booked?" I ask him with pleading eyes. I really need this.
"Actually, I don't know if this man is even coming out so yes, get in," I beam at him before opening the door and sitting in the backseat.
I am putting my bag down on the floor of the car when I feel a figure sit next to me. Frowning, I turn to ask him to get out when my eyes widen.
Hazel eyes.
A gasp leaves past my lips as I mutter the name of the man who has practically disappeared from my life for two weeks.
"Zane."
Before anything!!! Just look at the chapter from Elvira's side and why she made the decision. Don't say you love him so why not take him back or you love him when you should be hating him. Just think about how she feels.
She isn't perfect but knows what she wants and needs. This is her story. So no bashing her, alright? Ok.
So? Did you like it? This chapter was a roller coaster of emotions. Even for me to write.
What do you think Zane will do or what will happen next? I'm so excited honestly!
Don't forget to vote!