"I wanted to ask you if you could help me with an outfit for my date with Luke?" I ask Lilly when I'm at her door.
"Are you kidding me? I would love too!" Lilly says bouncing off her bed to me.
I roll my eye at her excitement about looking forward to a simple task as in finding an outfit for a date. Then again if this was a simple task I wouldn't have to ask her for some help. When Lilly and I go into my room it's still full of 'welcome home' balloons. She goes straight into my closet searching through racks of clothes.
"So whats going on with Alex?" I ask trying to make casual conversation.
Her arm halts in mid clothing browsing and her body stiffens. "I don't know what you are talking about."
She has a fake smile on her face and she holds up a dress in-front of me contemplating if it looks good on me and I shake my head no. "I'm talking about you leave his bedroom in the middle of the night."
She puts the dress back on the rack, "What's going on with you and Luke?" She counters obviously uncomfortable with the topic of conversation.
"He is my fiancé. If you don't want to talk about it I'll stop." She turns back to me with sad eyes, "I know I'm sorry about that." I turn my head to avoid looking at her sympathy.
"I don't want to wear a dress. I prefer jeans and a t-shirt." I tell her changing the subject. I only ask because that's what I thought girls do when they are together.
"On your first date! Your only joking, right." She exclaim and I shake my head no.
I'm really not in the mood to bear all my skin out for the whole world to see. Lilly sighs and continues to look for something for me to wear.
"It happens ever time things between us get really heated in a fight. You have seen how we are." She explains in a low voice and I see the confusion in her.
"Briefly," I mutter scornfully. Lilly turns her head ready to comfort me but I stop her.
"I'm running low on time. Luke said he will pick me up at 8"
"After what happen outside I'm surprised Luke is even coming back after the Alpha going crazy." Lilly gossips about her Alpha.
'It was so hot.' Alice fans herself on her mate reactions.
When Luke walked me home Alpha Jacob went off on him for no reason. Well he has a reason, just not a good one. I mean he rejected me not the other way around. He is not allowed to have a childish tantrum because of what happening between his Beta and I.
I still can't believe I have a fiancé already. "What happen anyway. When Tyler and I came out to break up the fight they both didn't say a word."
When Jacob said Luke isn't allowed to touch me, he started punching him and Luke defended himself. I yelled at them to stop and Tyler heard me and broke them up. Jacob said nothing and just glared at Luke then walked off into the woods after looking at me with so much hurt in his eyes. It killed me to see him like that.
"Your guess is as good as mine." I lie and I hate lying to her, but I don't want anyone to know that Jacob is my mate.
"Okay I found an outfit for you. Go and take a shower to get ready." I swiftly turn on my heel into my bathroom turning on the water.
The hot water relaxes my body and it brings me at ease ,but it doesn't last. I feel like the water is melting off this armor I have on. The armor that's protecting me, and it gone so I feel weak. I start to cry hysterically and I can't hold back the tears.
All the sadness I'm feeling comes out in a rain storms of sobs. I can't do anything but cry. I feel like I have been crying all day, but now the tears aren't hiding anymore. The tears are not stoping. I feel like I'm screaming in a crowd of people but they can't hear me.
I am mute.
My words don't matter.
My thoughts don't matter.
I am pointless.
I am a waste of space.
My body sinks in my stand up shower and cry alone with my thoughts. I am so tired. It feels like my body just wants to shut down. I want to skip the date and just crawl into my bed and sleep forever.
When I feel the water has suddenly change from it's once hot temperature to a glacier cold, I get up and leave the bathroom. I can't have this over me all day. I have put a smile on my face for everyone. This heavy cloud can't stay over me maybe, if I pretend there is sun there will be one day.
'We will be strong.' Alice motives me.
I look down on my bed to see the outfit Lilly has lay out for me. It's a simple white oversized shirt with a tan cardigan over it with some ripped blue jeans pairing it with dark browns booties. I mentally thank Lilly for respecting my wishes about my preferences and start getting ready.
******
"Bowling?" I ponder the word in my mouth when Luke, and I pull up in his car at a bowling alley.
"Yeah. Do you not like it?" He ask with some nerves in his voice, he's worried that he already messed up this date before it even starts.
"No I do it's just. It kinda a cliché thing to do on a first date." I say with honest.
I mean when you watch a romantic movie a lot them involved the couple doing cheesy stuff like bowling. Luke laughs at me when he walks out the car to my door to open it and I blush, he did this when he picked me up.
'I think it cute and so is our date.' Alice puts her two cents in
"Your funny. I wanted to do something fun. I can't let you think I'm boring." He jokes when we walk in together as he holds the door for me. We walk up to the counter to see a pretty blonde working the desk, and when she sees Luke the flirting begins.
"Hello, How may I help you?" The blonde ask in a soft baby like voice trying to appear cute while batting her eye lashes.
"Hello, a lane for two please and a pair of size 10 shoes with...." Luke trails off and sets his gaze on me. I look down at my hands and mutter, "six." in a quite tone.
There is silence for a uncomfortable amount of time so I look up to Luke eyes and he seems confused, but goes back to the blond when I give him a small nod.
The blonde looks like she want to drill holes in my head, and I have half a mind to give her a piece of my mind but decide not to and look back at my hands. I feel like I haven't change either like my father.
"Lane 4 is open and here are your shoes." The blonde says trying to keep her touch on his skin longer then necessary while Luke pays.
When he is done Luke puts his hand on the small of my back, and I involuntary shutter then back away. He looks hurt at my movement, "I'm sorry." I say in a quite voice.
I wish we were back in the car that was private. I feel like there are eyes watching me and it makes me want to run and hide.
"Is it because of the desk girl. You have to believe me when I say I'm only interested in you." he says trying to get in my good graces when it not his fault. He hasn't done anything it me, "No, I just rather not be touched right now, okay." I silent plead with him not to ask anymore question.
"Okay whatever you want." I see he is little hurt and that not really a good mood to be in on a date, so I try to lighten the mood.
"Are you ready to lose?" I playfully tease him.
"Oh, it's so on" He raise an eyebrow loving this silent playful competition.
We get to our lane and plug in our names for our score on the computer. Its a back and forth of victory dances whenever either one of us gets a good roll, or a grumpy tantrum if we get only two pins or a gutter ball. A game between two wolves so there some trash talk of who is better. The blonde looks over her shoulder every chance she gets to get a glimpse at Luke, and I don't feel anything about it.
When I'm on my last turn of the game I hear Luke trash talk because I'm concentrating, "Will you go before I die of old age already."
I hear the smile in his voice so I swing the ball down the lane eating me a strike. I jump in the air at my sake because it all I need to win the game from our tie and rub it in Luke face. I do my happy dance around Luke who has his arm folded being a sore loser.
"Whatever, I don't care all I care about is food right now. How about a pizza?" He ask and I nod a yes, "Pepperoni please." I say.
Luke walks off to the pizzeria part of the bowling ally and I sit in a booth. Luke comes back with a large pepperoni pizza with utensils and 2 cups of coke and set it on the table.
"What make you think I wanted a coke?" I tease him about the drink.
"Oh my bad, What drink would you like?" He ask and I feel his mood switch from happy to nervous.
"I was kidding Luke." I say reassuring him.
"Oh Not funny." He says having his pointing finger in-front of my face while he sit down opposite to me.
"It was funny for me." I joke enjoying myself Luke is good company.
"Well I'm glad your having fun" he says grabbing a slice of pizza and I do the same.
"Soo," Luke inquires like a school boy.
"Sooo, What?" I ask him.
"On a scale 1 to 10 how am I doing? 1 being amazing and 10 being amazing." He ask like he is the greatest guy to go out with.
"Are those my only options?" I ask him playfully.
"Yes I can't have my future wife think any less of me." He jokes back trying to lighten the situation we are in.
My whole body runs cold at the mention of us getting married. I mean I'm enjoying hanging out with him, but I'm still not comfortable with the idea of being married to each other. It like when he walk me to that pack house that there is something wrong with this picture.
Luke notices this and tries to put me at ease, "It was only a joke."
"I know it just hard for me to be okay with this arrangement." I tell him voicing my thoughts.
"I can understand that but I'm not going to say I agree with you if you want me to be honest."
"How can you be okay with someone being forced to be with you? You can't and shouldn't have to force someone to like you." I say wanting to know what he thinks about this.
"I'm okay with it because the person I'm arranged with I happen to like very much." Luke says and I see him blush a little.
I want to ask him how could he possibly like me when he barely knows me. I just look down at my hands not really in the mood to finish my food.
"Are you not happy with me being the person they choose?" Luke ask and I hear his pain that he not enough for me.
"That's not it. I just never picture getting married like this. I didn't picture it being political arrangement." I explain hoping this puts his mind at ease.
"How did you picture it?" he ask curiously.
I think about it for a while before I answer him. "I picture all the stuff leading up to getting married. I picture the countless amount of time I would spend getting to know the person I would even consider marrying." I always thought it would be a while before I jump the broom; I guess my father had other plans.
"Maria I'm not lying when I tell you I do like you, and if the only thing stoping you from being comfortable with marrying me, is how you don't know me well. I'll fix that we can go on more dates and keep talking. I don't want to lose you." I smile at Luke effort at making me more comfortable with what is happening between us.
"You don't think we should at least know the person before I marry them." I ask him.
"I think when you have a connection with a person you should enjoy it, but if that what you want that what will happen." Luke say and I see he is in his Beta mode.
"I appreciate that Luke. Thank you." I say.
"Anything for you, Maria. Now let's start getting to know each other. What's your favorite color?"
********
He picks up what looks like a bullwhip and admires the leather while walking circles around my naked body.
He stands behind me and I brace myself for the inevitable pain. I hear him pull the whip back and swing it forward in full force. The sting from the leather hits my back and I scream in pain, but it doesn't matter if I yell he will still continue.
The next lash hits my bare behind and the sensitive skin hurts more then the first and I bite my tongue to contain my screams this time. He does this over and over and over again only taking breaks to touch and twist the open bloody wounds he inflects on my body.
A deep chuckle erupts from his body when he hears me scream enjoying this torture like the psychopath he is and continue all day long.
**********
"AAAAHHHHH!" I jolt awake form my nightmare. I knew I should have went into Tyler's room when I got home, but I was just so tired. I am so tired of acting like I'm okay with this, but I have no choice. I have no way out of this. It will be death that parts me.
I don't want to go back to sleep I don't want to see him again even if its just in my dreams. I want to be rid of him, forever. I get up from my bed and head out the door ignoring the countless balloons and flowers in my room. I should really get rid of them.
I go into the kitchen for a glass of water so it will calm me. I sit at the bar stool on the island in the kitchen. I still love this kitchen maybe if I cook something I will feel like myself again.
I should have just went into Tyler's room whether I was tired or not. I can't handle anymore of my nightmares. I might go there when I calm down I just hope Tyler won't mind me sleeping in his room. I just can't seem to sleep though the night. I lean my head on my hand sitting on the counter.
At least I had a good date with Luke. When I told him that I don't like how I don't even know the person I'm marrying we spent the rest of the date getting to know each other.
He told me his favorite color is green and his favorite food is pizza. I learn that Lilly and him use to fight all the time about who would be beta, and how he loves being beta with his best friend. I saw how his whole attitude change at the mere mention of Jacob. He told me they have been friends since they both played basketball in school for years.
He still doesn't know that Jacob is my mate and I don't think I want him to know. Why should I tell him Jacob doesn't want me. I'm really glad he is respecting my wishes and we are taking our time, but this whole marriage still grins my gears.
I don't like to be arranged for. I wanted to make the decision on who I marry, but of course my father handle that for me. I jump out of my thoughts when I lift my head from the counter to see nobody else but Alpha Jacob.
"I heard you scream. I was worried about you." He say full of concern and compassion. I snort at his comment.
"I don't believe it. You were worried about me? That's new, Alpha." I say bitterly, he has no right to be concern for my well being. He gave that up when he rejected me without even giving me a chance. No, I shouldn't even need a chance to prove myself to my own mate.
"I was Maria. I am still worried about you." He says while taking steps towards me, but I am out my seat to back up.
'I can feel him.' Alice says like she having her own conversation.
"No you are not allowed to worry about me. You just need to stay away from me, Alpha." I say hold out my hand keeping a good distance between us. I have to fight this urge that wants to be close to him.
'I'm glad you can cause I can't.' Alice says and I roll my eyes at her.
"I can't stay away from you it's impossible. I never stopped caring about you. When you were gone I almost lost my mind." He says still taking steps towards me. He looks so good in the night time. The moon is lighting up his body and the words he is saying are not helping me stay mad at him.
'I can feel how upset he is with himself.' Alice enlightens me.
"You should have thought about that before you rejected me, Alpha Jacob." I say bitterly, I have to hold onto my anger before I do something stupid.
"And I hate myself for doing that. It was a stupid thing to do and I regret it. My wolf hasn't stop giving me shit for letting you go Maria." He says my name like it poetry and I have to hear it over and over again, but I can't.
"I like your wolf better then you." I mutter lowly and I see a small smile on his face.
'Oh I can feel his wolf love that.' Alice says and now I know what this other conversation she is having.
"He likes you to. Will you please give me a chance? I won't let you down." He holds his hand together like a prayer but he's not praying. He is pleading for me to give him a chance and I want to so bad.
'Can we please give him a chance! He is our mate,' Alice begs.
'No, he rejected us. If he wants us back he better do a hell of a lot better then stalking me in the middle of the night.' I respond to her.
"Again. You won't let me down again, Alpha." I say to correct him. He looks so wounded like he lost a part of himself.
"When you were gone I searched day and night for you. I had to bring you back. I had to save you." I can't stand here and listen to him it's to hard. I can't give him a chance I need to honor my father wishes and marry Beta Luke.
'Awwww, He searched for us.' Alice coos like it was a touching gesture.
'My father probably told his friend who is the Alpha and he made the whole pack search for us. He is apart of the pack.' I shot back at her and I know she upset, but I know what she meant and I know she is right.
"But you didn't. I brought myself back here. I saved myself, Alpha." I say angrily and I need to stop this before it gets out of hand.
"You rejected me. You had your chance but you blew it by rejecting me without letting me get a word out. Now that I'm back I have someone to care about and it's not you, Alpha." I say to him not letting any sympathy out in my voice, but he walks towards me and when I walk back I'm trapped against the wall and he traps me in with his hands.
He looks at me leaving behind his warm chocolate eyes replacing it with golden hypnotizing me. "Now that your back I'm not letting you go. I won't let you go. You can't ignore your feelings for me. The bond we have will only get stronger the more you fight it and I know you feel it. I have this pull towards you that let me know everything your feeling. Nobody is going to give you the care I can give you." He say confidently and it irrupts on how right he is, but I won't let him win.
'You know he is right. God, his wolf feel so good.' Alice says way to confident.
"It's too bad you will never get the chance, Alpha." I say crouching under his arms freeing myself to go to Tyler's room.
"You'll see, love."
~Author's Note~
{I don't know if I like this chapter. I am not an expert in cute things couple say to each other. I just hope I did good. I hope you all are enjoying the story and please leave your thoughts in the comments also if you like if vote. I like it when you guys tell me to update. It might not be anything to you but it makes my day.
I hope you all are having a great day because you deserve it Bye.}
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