I'd never recovered from Rick's death. I didn't think I ever would, but I couldn't let myself be weak. I had to be strong for my family, they needed me and we had to fight for our home, for what we had left. I wipe my tears away, as I look in the mirror, I take a deep breath, grabbing my knife and walking down the stairs, I open the door and I look around, Daryl was working on his bike, Negan was helping out with the crops, he was actually a really good worker. Everything was so normal, like Rick never even existed, it was just so okay. I walk across to Daryl, as he looked up, "Hey." I smile a bit, "Hi, Dixon." I lean against the wall, as he went back to working on his bike, I look at the sky, when I notice Negan was staring across at us both, I wasn't sure why, but I always had a crush on him, so it made me nervous. Really nervous. I look away, as I play with my hands, I didn't even know what to say to Daryl, it was like my best friend was suddenly a stranger. "Did you want somethin'?" He glanced my way, as my heart dropped. "No, no I just-" he cuts me off, "I'm kind of busy, can we do this later?" I just nodded, as I walk away from him, I went to the back of the house, sitting alone as I just sobbed, curled up, my heart was so heavy and I felt alone. I felt like this family had been torn apart, there was no way back. "Oh, oh darlin'- hey. Hey." Negan's voice caught me off guard, as he sat down beside me, as I completely broke down.
I didn't know what to say, I just felt empty. I didn't have any words, it was just nothing. He sat with me, just in silence, but that was okay. I wasn't so alone anymore, I had someone with me. He gently took my hand, curling his fingers around my hand, as he stayed silent, I felt so calm, as he rubbed my hand with his thumb, he just made me relax, this was what I needed. He made me feel normal, just for a little while. I stare out at the field, as I felt his eyes on me, he was staring at me, as my heart beat sped up, I'd never been this close to Negan before, but I was starting to think that maybe it wasn't just a crush, maybe it was more. "Negan.. why does Daryl hate me?" I look over at him, as he gently wiped my tears away. "He doesn't hate you, darlin'. Trust me. I'm a man. I know how men think." He told me softly, as I watch his eyes, he caught me off guard. He always did. "Then, why doesn't he want me around?" I frown, as he sighed. "Rick was his best friend, y/n. He's grievin''. Like everyone else. It ain't on you." He kissed my hand, as I smile a bit. "It just feels like now Rick is gone.. I'm losing everyone that I love. People I've called family for years.. they're gone." I look back at the field, as I sighed deeply. I lean against his shoulder, as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, I cuddle up to him, I didn't want to be alone and although he was twice my age, I needed someone. I didn't want to be alone anymore, not like this anyway.
Later on that evening, I was sat on the porch, watching the stars, when Daryl came up to me. He looked kind of awkward. "Can we talk?" He looked away, as I nodded. "Talk about what?" I look at my hands, as he sits beside me. "I'm sorry I've been shitty. I just- I feel like you don't want to be around me or somethin'." He shrugged, I look at him. "I need you, Daryl. You're my best friend and god- now Rick Isn't here.. I need you to be here." I sighed, as he nodded. "You're my best friend, y/n. Always. I'll do better." He hugged me, as I lean against his chest, I kiss his cheek. "Thank you." I pulled away, before I headed inside the house, I shut the door, when someone pulled me back, against the wall. "Jesus- what the fuck, Negan?" I glared, kind of shocked. "Did I scare ya?" He chuckled, as I shove him playfully. "Maybe." I watch him, a bit confused. "What are you doing in my house?" He leaned me against the door, his eyes on mine. "You left somethin' behind earlier." I frowned, "What did I leave?" He suddenly kissed me, as I push back, still surprised. "Woah- Negan, wait-" he looked away, embarrassed. "Do you have a thing for me?" I asked, as he looked back. "I mean- well, yeah." He bit his lip, as I grab his face and I kiss him, he pulled me into his arms as we started to make out, I grab his back, as we move onto the couch. He gripped my hair, as he looked at my eyes, his hands moving around my body as I take a breath. "This is so wrong, but god.. this feels so good."
"I'll take ya to heaven, honey."
(😉😜)